Session Three Worksheet:
Cutting Strings

Objective:
Unlearn performance indoctrination that
breeds unhealthy behaviors.

Pivot toward meta-awareness.

Rethink It:
Loosen Your Strings

The buzz we get from attention is temporary. When we constantly perform, it seems to be never enough. Over time, the more we put up a front, the greater risk we run of becoming fragmented and disingenuous. Our underlying insecurities and resulting cognitive distortions can ramp up our need for validation. We need to be sure that our behaviors aren’t dictated by performance anxiety, to avoid being stifled by the too-tight strings that choke us. We can use metacognition to help us drive our brain to setting needed boundaries.

Behind-the-Scenes Check

• What “parts” have I been cast in within my family, at work, or in my personal life?
• In what ways do the expectations surrounding these roles impact me?
• What is my level of enthusiasm around these expectations?
• If I could change something about my current roles, what would it be?
• If I could be cast in an entirely new role, one that kept impact and collective efficacy front and center, what would it consist of?
• Who’s controlling my strings? Does this need to change?

Action Steps:
Use Metacognition to Refine Behavior

1. Measure your plate. Grab a paper plate and write down a list of all the roles you play at work, home, and school, and in your friend groups and networks. If possible, grab a friend or colleague and show them how full your plate is. Is it overloaded? If so, what can you take off it, or at least tackle in more reasonable ways?

2. Explore the pros and cons of your roles. Reflect upon your favorite and the most burdensome aspects of these roles. What do you stand to gain or lose from maintaining them?

3. Prioritize and refine. Rate those roles according to the level of priority in your life. Is there anything you’ve taken on that doesn’t jive with your values and desires? Is overcommitment impeding your ability to bring impact? If so, is there a way to delegate responsibilities or relinquish your role, even for a short time? What’s negotiable on your list?

4. Target a behavior to tweak. Pick at least one key role that you want to work on changing. How will you go about communicating this, and setting new boundaries with yourself or for others involved? Can you enlist someone to help you be strategic? What specifically needs to change? What types of thoughts or emotions might interfere—guilt, for example—and what will you do about it? How will you know when you’ve reached success with your goal?

5. Work toward transfer. We can often take prior learning experiences and transfer them to help us problem solve. Think back to a time you were stuck in a downward spiral and needed to make a behavioral change. Write out at least three actions you took to help you get back on track. In what ways do they apply or transfer to any similar situations that drain your energy today?

6. Assess your thinking style. Using the downward-spiraling thinking types on page 36, notice any trends you may have and whether they contribute to behaviors you want to change. In the next session, you will apply your insights to consciously change your thinking and resulting behaviors.

As people committed to conscious living, we won’t hand our strings over and act as puppets while making our way through life. Even though we hate disappointing people, we are careful not to constantly let ourselves down, either. We know that life isn’t one nonstop audition for our next part. Judges aren’t the ones who count. We refuse to let all the pressures of performing send us into perpetual mental gymnastics. We feel most present with uncut strings. We are done hustling for approval. We dance to our own beat, even if that sometimes means stepping on toes or falling down.