Session Four Worksheet:
Popping Bubbles

Objective:
Unlearn hiding indoctrination that breeds avoidance.

Pivot toward healing.

Rethink It:
Pop Your Bubbles

Life can deliver its share of bumps and bruises. The tendency to want to wrap up and self-protect, or to insulate those we care about, is strong. After a few hard falls, we want to retreat to a place of safety and comfort. So much of life happens outside the range of our control. Instead of focusing on padding ourselves to the point we can no longer feel or move around freely without fear, it’s important to try and work on skills that help us to adapt and remain nimble, even in the face of challenges. We need to look at how we think about pain, working to reframe it as a catalyst for growth.

Underneath the Bubbles Check

• What “falls” have I taken that have been particularly challenging?
• What types of situations, people, or events tend to trigger downward-spiral thinking in me?
• In my upbringing, what kinds of messages have I received about being strong and tough?
• Are there people in my life who have wrapped me too tightly, not allowing me to problem solve and develop my own ways of coping?
• What are my coping skills and thresholds for pain like? Do I readily see obstacles as paths to building mental muscle and agility?

Action Steps:
Use Words to Heal and Progress

1. Create a shadow resume or CV. Pull out your resume or CV, and within the comments section, make notes on all the “failures” or obstacles you experienced along the way to your “successes.” Consider the blood, sweat, and tears invested in your education and within each of your work and volunteer experiences. Think of how many jobs you had to interview for, and how many rejections you faced before scoring. Note how those difficulties were common human experience, and reflect on how they shaped your development. Think about how the no’s translated into resolve to find eventual yeses.

2. Feel and heal. Pick three words or phrases to describe two or three bothersome experiences. Give them each a descriptive name. For example, if you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you might call it “the all-about-them childhood that frustrates me hard-core,” or if you have a toxic boss you might say, “It’s a highly anxiety-provoking situation that brings me to my knees,” or she “aggravates me to the marrow of my bones.” Don’t be afraid to pinpoint the behavior and the strong surrounding emotions. The more descriptive, colorful, and creative, the better.

3. Identify your trends. Revisit your identified trends from the list of downward-spiral thinking styles on page 36. Can you find any direct links to life events and circumstances that are fueling your spiral? What are they?

4. Aim to reduce negative thinking behaviors. Pick one that you want to target for a designated time frame (one week is a good starting point).

5. Develop rebuttal mantras. Pick three mantras or key phrases you want to use as a rebuttal to your experiences. For example, on childhood, “It had to happen that way for me to be who I am today,” or on your aggravating boss: “I’m not gonna let her rent space in my head.” Pick a simple word, phrase, or short slogan that’s memorable and easy to remember. “Live and let live,” “This too shall pass,” and “No fear” are some of my favorite rebuttal mantras.

6. Take off your thick padding. Embrace experiences that make you want to hide. John Dewey said, “We can learn more from reflecting on our experiences than the actual experiences themselves.” What kind of experiences usually make you cringe? Try to rethink your experience as learning, and pinpoint what steps you can take to begin healing.

When we bury our pain, it only manifests in new and potentially more destructive ways than if we confronted it in the first place. Giving voice to struggle can be counterintuitive but is the birthplace of healing and resilience.