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June 20, 1815
Mayburn House
Manchester Square
Mayfair, England
Today was a better day, and Penny smiled as her maid styled her hair. Tonight, she and Charles were attending a society event at which she hoped Adam would be as well.
The viscount had called briefly earlier in the afternoon to ask after her health, and after his lovely words from yesterday in the cellar, she was more confused than ever regarding him. During his call today, he’d mentioned he would make an appearance at the musicale and perhaps they could talk again there.
“You will surely draw eyes on you tonight, miss,” her maid said as she threaded an ostrich feather into Penny’s upswept coif. “That color is stunning against your skin.”
“Thank you, Bess.” She peered into the vanity’s looking glass and had to agree the maid was correct. The robin’s egg blue silk was vibrant and flattering, and the color brightened her face, made her seem brighter somehow. “The neckline is a bit lower than I would have liked.” But this was another of Sarah’s made over gowns, and since her sister had a different body shape, when Penny had put on the gown, her décolletage was more on display.
“It is the style at the moment, and it’s not scandalous.” The maid finished with the feather and then pronounced it finished. “Shall I go down and see if the carriage is ready?”
“Yes, please.” Once Bess left, Penny frowned at her reflection in the looking glass. A blush stained her cheeks, and they were heated, but that was because she’d been thinking about Adam and that unexpected kiss from yesterday. It had been a proper kiss and one that had made her crave even more.
Why had he done that? Surely her flirting at the ball hadn’t been that effective, but he’d been so sweet to her in the cellar, and didn’t seem put off when she’d talked about her affliction. But then, he’d already known that about her from years before. What was more, when she was in his company, that hysteria or anxiety didn’t seem as acute. Something about him brought out a thread of calm, and she appreciated that even if she didn’t fully understand it.
Somewhat more concerning was that the revenge she’d wished to enact upon him didn’t feel as pressing as it had for the past three years. Did she still want to destroy him? Still wish to make him pay for what he’d done? She didn’t know. Yet the fact remained that Adam had ruined her sister’s reputation and had fathered a child he refused to acknowledge let alone take care of. If he had any honor at all, shouldn’t he ask Sarah to marry him so they could be a family? And if that were so, she—Penny—had no business feeling anything for the man except loathing.
Oh, why is life so confusing? Just when she thought she had everything figured out and her that her thoughts wouldn’t change, this happened.
When Bess returned, Penny startled, for she’d been lost in her thoughts. “The carriage is here, miss. Your brother said he would wait for you outside.”
“Thank you.” Suddenly, she didn’t want to attend the musicale evening, didn’t want to run the risk of seeing Adam again, for each time that she did, her mindset regarding him grew more and more muddled. Hating him had been so easy in the years apart, but he hadn’t acted like a man guilty of everything she’d accused him of doing.
Had she somehow been wrong? More to the point, what had truly happened that night? If he hadn’t perpetrated the crimes, why hadn’t he explained himself, and why hadn’t her family said anything contrary to their stories?
As Bess handed her a white satin wrap, Penny’s hand shook when she took it. “Ring for me when you return home so I can help you undress.”
“I will.” With nothing to delay her, she made her way downstairs and then out the front door. Immediately, the shadows of the night closed around her, and the heated air put a hint of dew on her skin. She nodded to her brother as she joined him at the curb, and as he handed her into the closed carriage he’d rented, she bit back a sigh. “Thank you.”
Shortly after Charles joined her, the carriage lurched into motion. “You are quiet tonight. I thought you would be excited for another chance to move through society.”
“I am. Of course I am.” She twisted the ties of her reticule around her fingers. “But I’m feeling a bit... out of sorts I suppose.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “As of yet, my goals for coming to London haven’t been realized, and quite frankly, I’m not certain what I want... now.”
“Meaning?” He frowned. “Have you changed your mind about finding a match?”
“I, well I...”
His eyebrows rose. “Going to Town was never about that, was it?” Accusation set up in his voice. “You’ve only always wished for revenge on Lord Maplecrest, and you used me to put you that much closer to it.”
“Yes, all right?” She blew out a breath and turned her head to stare out the window of the moving carriage. “I wanted him to pay, to suffer like he made our family suffer.”
“I agree with you on that point, but I won’t change my mind. You need to stay away from him. As of yet, there is no new gossip and I want to keep it that way.” He brushed a piece of lint from his dark sleeve. “And I especially don’t want you talking to him, for he will only spread more lies.”
Lies. What a funny word. How did one know what was the truth and what wasn’t? “So then, he definitely perpetrated all those horrid things on that night?”
Charles hesitated a fraction of a second too long before he answered. “Of course he did.” Silence brewed between them. “What difference does it make now? We have all laid those scandals to rest and have decided that you need to move into your own future so you won’t continue to stew about this.”
“I suppose.” If Charles had his way, she’d be married to someone she barely knew, shuttled off to that man’s home wherever that might be, and depending on location, she might not see her family very often. “But I have to wonder why you wish me out of the way.”
“I don’t.” He glowered at her. “I honestly thought you wanted marriage.”
“I do, but...” How to explain when she couldn’t untangle the confusing thoughts for herself?
“Oh, dear God.” Her brother chuckled. “You fancy yourself in love with the viscount now, don’t you?” When she didn’t immediately answer, he shook his head. “What a goose you’ve become, Penny! The damn man paid a kindness to you and suddenly you have convinced yourself to forget about everything he’s done to us.”
“I...” Was she in love with Adam? Surely that couldn’t be true. “I don’t love him, of course, but perhaps I am coming to regard him... differently.” Granted, she still didn’t know him thoroughly and he could have been lying to her still, but even if she discounted his words, why did she feel so secure and comfortable in his presence? And why was everything not connecting any longer? In her mind, things had jagged edges and no longer laid together seamlessly as she’d thought for years.
Feelings and instinct never lied.
“If you continue down this path of folly, I will cut this Season short, and we will return to Derbyshire.” A warning threaded through Charles’ words. He narrowed his gaze on her. “I have half a mind not to let you out of my sight for the remainder of our invitations.”
That would be vastly uncomfortable and make for long evenings. With a sigh, Penny returned her attention to the window. There was no future in the country. Though she didn’t know what would happen in Town, it had to be better than what she had before. “I will behave. After all, isn’t that the lot of wallflowers everywhere?”
But she needed definitive direction regarding Adam. If she could talk to him alone tonight, even for a few minutes, perhaps she could gain more insight, and try to evict the idea that they could possibly have a romance if she could let go of the anger that resided deep inside.
The crush of people attending the musicale event was impressive, and since her brother was an eligible man, it wasn’t long before he was beset with a circle of admirers. Penny took that opportunity to slip away, murmuring that she was going for a glass of lemonade and then to find seats, but in reality, she intended to track Adam to earth, at least to set her mind at ease.
Eventually, she found him as she came down from the second floor after searching the drawing room where the recitals would be held. When he saw her, he grinned and flutters went through her lower belly. Surely, that isn’t a reaction to have when one wished crushing revenge on someone, was it?
“Miss Watterson,” he said as he approached the staircase as she made her way downward. “Have you been here long?”
“No.” Though the sound of laughter and conversations floated through the air and people lingered everywhere, she still knew an overwhelming need to speak with him privately. “Could we have a few words before the evening begins?”
Concern reflected in his eyes. “Of course.” With a glance at the area, he guided her along the corridor and at the door of a parlor, he went inside. Seconds later, she followed him, making certain to close the door behind her. As far as she knew, no one had seen her enter. “What is troubling you? I can tell you’re conflicted.” His low chuckle sent tickles into her chest. “Has your thirst for revenge experienced a revival?”
Since there weren’t candles lit in this room—clearly a sign it wasn’t planned on being used this evening—she couldn’t properly read his expression. “To be honest, I don’t know. I have been quite confused over the past few days.” Just seeing him, hearing his voice, encouraged a sense of calm in her being.
Why, though? He was her sworn enemy, wasn’t he?
“And that leads to an attack.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.” Again, his understanding of her left her humbled and speechless.
Adam nodded and took a few steps toward her. “What can I do to help you through it?”
What indeed? With him so close, she couldn’t think, could hardly breathe, and it was such a different and most welcome reaction than the typical hysteria, that she almost cried. “Kiss me.” When her knees were unable to support her weight any longer, she hurried to a low sofa and collapsed onto one of the cushions.
“What?” Though he sat next to her, at her request, Adam moved to the edge of that piece of furniture, but the arm rest blocked further retreat.
“There is something about you that makes me feel calm... at peace. I’ve not had that most of my life, and I want to know why.” Among other things.
“This is hardly the place, Penelope. Anyone could come upon us.”
A bit of hot panic rose in her chest. “With every word he’d spoken since that ball a handful of days ago, her interest in him grew. “I... I want to know if that attraction we had between us when you kissed me in the cellar was real or if I imagined it.”
“Ah.” A hint of ruddy color rose above the edge of his cravat. “I don’t believe you imagined it.”
“You felt it too?” When he remained silent, she said, “Show me.” Penny made certain there was just enough of a purr in her voice to secure his attention.
“Well, damn.” He had nowhere left to retreat, so she scooted over the empty cushion between them until her right leg touched his. “We shouldn’t. That other kiss was a one-off experience.”
“Are you absolutely certain of that?” If the heat in her cheeks continued, she’d melt into a puddle at his feet.
“I...”
“What of what we almost had years ago?” Was that too bold to mention or even assume? Perhaps she’d only made that up in her mind.
“This... you...” He waved a hand, presumably to encompass the situation. “I don’t know what to say.” But there was something in his tone that said she was close to the mark.
“Adam, please. I feel as if my life is unraveling at the seams, and I don’t know why. I need the familiar... I need you.” Giving in to the daring before her courage deserted her altogether, Penny surged toward him and kissed him on the lips.
The viscount didn’t move. He didn’t close his eyes, but instead watched her as she proceeded to make a spectacle of herself. Neither did he embrace her. When she had no recourse except to pull away, he chuckled. “Are you quite finished?”
“Hardly, but if you refuse to participate, it’s foolish for me to continue.” She eased back into her spot as heat blazed in her cheeks. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.
“Well, I don’t know about that.” His chuckle set off another avalanche of awareness over her skin. “That was quite interesting.
“Do shut up. I don’t need you undermining my confidence.” Rapid blinking staved off the tears that wanted to spring into her eyes. “I should go find my brother.” She struggled to her feet, hoping to hide what a widgeon she’d been. “Enjoy the evening, Lord Maplecrest.”
“Wait.” He caught her hand and stayed her flight. “I never said I didn’t wish for this to continue.” In one smooth movement, Adam stood, wrapped his arms loosely about her, and kissed her.
Penny sighed from the romance of it. Why did this man make her feel as if anything were possible? Those sensual lips, both firm and pliable pressed to hers, were exactly what she’d waited for since that kiss in the cellar. She looped her arms about the breadth of his wide shoulders and pushed herself more securely against the hard wall of his chest. Oh, he felt so good, so solid, and there was a level of safety found in his embrace that she craved. In his arms, she was... protected... cared for.
“Your brother will kill me if word of this reaches him,” he whispered, and with each word, his lips brushed hers, stoking the tiny fires raging through her blood.
“I don’t plan to tell him if you don’t.” She worked the buttons on his tailcoat and burrowed her hands beneath that article of clothing to explore the lines of his back. Even through the layers of fabric that separated her gloved fingers from his skin, the play of his muscles sent butterflies tickling through her insides. “And I certainly don’t wish to talk of him right now.”
“Neither do I.” He crushed her closer, moving his mouth over hers, seeking, exploring, asking... telling her everything she’d asked of him. When he traced her lower lip with the tip of his tongue, she gasped at the marvelous sensations that imparted. Seconds later, she kissed him back. He found her tongue and soon they dueled in a sensuous battle where he teased and parried. Then it was she who went after him in a glide of silk along satin until they drank from each other, took what they wanted.
Penny reveled in the web he created around her. She snagged her fingers in the waistcoat laces at his back, and then needing more of him, she slid her hands downward to cup his taut arse. His groan reverberated in her chest, echoed in her ears, and the insistent hardness of his arousal grew against her belly. “Adam...” When he caressed his hands up and down the sides of her body, a shiver of need twisted down her spine.
“There is something about you, Penelope, that is quite addicting,” he whispered against the side of her neck.
“Oh!” She trembled from his words, and when he cupped her breasts, teased her nipples into tight, hard peaks through the fabric of her gown, a whimper escaped her. In him, there was the possibility of finding herself. “How can there be anything between us, when there are still questions, when you’ve done such horrible things to my family?” It felt like the highest betrayal, but with each kiss, each touch, she lost herself to the past and flew toward the future. Could she throw caution to the wind for the mere chance to explore a nighttime liaison?
“The woman you’ve become after what you’ve been put through... I’m so damned proud, even if you are dangerous to my peace of mind.” His whisper skated over her cheek. He trailed his lips beneath the underside of her jaw and along the side of her neck, while his fingers manipulated her breasts. When he dipped a questing finger beneath the fabric to find a hardened, straining bud, she nearly fainted from the rush of pleasure that washed over her.
Before the overture could go any further, the sound of voices and laughter just outside the parlor seeped into her consciousness. The risk of discovery was far too great, and when she did manage to coax him into her bed, she didn’t want there to be anything that kept them apart.
Slowly, and with cold regret swirling in her chest, Penny broke contact. She backed away while her chest heaved. “We should go upstairs. The recital will begin momentarily, and if Charles catches me here with you...”
He nodded. “Go. I’ll follow a few minutes later.”
When she cracked open the door and glanced backward at him, an expression of bemusement lined his face. Did that mean he’d felt the connection too? As for her, how could she reconcile what he’d done to how he made her feel?
Perhaps it was impossible, and she shouldn’t even try. Revenge was the plan, and nothing had changed in that regard.
Had it?
