GLORY PUTS DOWN THE CHRYSANTHEMUMS, wipes her eyes. How can she be crying over a boy? A boy like Matt. Is she like Elisa? So desperately lonely she thinks the Tinker is so much more than he is? Matt only wants one thing from girls. Kennedy walks around school like she is everything because she and Matt are doing it. Maybe that is why Lyne hates Matt so much. Because he uses girls.
She sits on the warm concrete step, her back against the hot metal screen door. Becca took off with Matt and Ben about half an hour ago. If she knew her place in Matt’s life, if she wasn’t hoping for more, she would have tagged along, too. The brothers were going to mow one of their yards. Matt has lined up five yards to do on a weekly basis. That Matt works so hard, loves Ben so much, she cannot reconcile with the boy who spends noon hours with Kennedy. How can he be all of these things?
Lyne is off with Rick, and Dad and Mom have gone to a party. When Dad came home unexpectedly, Mom was beyond pleased in a way that she cannot remember seeing before.
If it were cooler in the house, she would take advantage of having the place to herself. But Dad still hasn’t talked to the landlord about putting in air conditioning. There is a long list of things he hasn’t done. So it is better outside. A faint breeze stirs the air, not enough to raise dust. She opens her book and tries to read. But all she can think about is Matt. His stricken face when Lyne lit into him, not denying anything. And not saying anything to her although only moments before he had been touching her, looking at her.
God! How can she be so stupid, so needy? There was a time when the words on the pages filled her with wonder and excitement, when she experienced life through the books she read. But now everything about her is wrapped up in a boy who doesn’t even want her. How did she turn into this girl whose life has exploded beyond the pages she reads?
Matt spots Glory the moment he and Ben and Becca turn down their street. She is the main character in a tableau, frozen against the sun, lost in the book that rests in her lap. This girl makes him reveal his secrets. She terrifies him. And he can’t stop thinking about her.
As they near her, he draws in a deep breath. Mrs. Boychuk asked if he had a girlfriend. There must have been something in his face because she patted him on the arm and said no more.
“Hey,” Becca calls out.
Glory looks up, waves the book, her fingers firmly pinched between the pages.
“Why are you outside? The bugs are getting bad,” Ben yells.
“Too hot inside,” Glory says.
“Hey.” Matt sits down next to her. She slides away and his fingers twitch to pull her back. He has missed her, felt her absence keenly. It has forced his decision. He shares an openness with her he has only experienced with Ben and, on very, very good days, with Dad. He cannot imagine staying in Delwood and not being with her.
“Mama and Daddy still out?” Becca asks.
“Yeah, and Lyne took off with Rick just after you left,” Glory says.
“Hey, why don’t you guys come over for ice cream?” Ben says. “We still have ice cream, right, Matt?”
“Unless you left it on the counter again, dumbass, and it’s now vanilla soup.” He needs to get the lightness back, the easy feeling the four of them once shared. Before Lyne screwed it up. He turns to Glory. “Going to join us?”
“Come on,” Becca says.
Glory sighs. She picks up her book and leads the way to the Humphreys’ townhouse.
Matt catches up, snags her book.
“Hey!”
“I kept your page. More Steinbeck?”
“He’s a good writer.”
“You know there were books written after the sixties, right?”
“Of course I know that!” Glory snaps. “But I have been reading a lot of Steinbeck lately,” she says, voice conciliatory. “He talks so much about life. It’s hard not to read your life into his words.”
He unlocks the door, holds it open for the girls and Ben to go ahead. He stands in the doorway, pretends to read the back cover. He needs to gather his thoughts, buck himself up. He is going to do this. He strides down the hallway. He has hidden the bookmark carefully on a wooden slat under his mattress next to the Dempster’s bag of money. He retrieves the slender piece of paper, holds it gingerly between his thumb and forefinger. His stomach heaves, but he strolls easier by the time he reaches the living room. He smiles widely and presses the paper into Glory’s hand.
“What’s this?”
“Arts and crafts from Humphreys Hobby Shop,” he says, surprised he can maintain the lightness in his voice. “You never have a bookmark. You always walk around with your finger on your page. So, I thought, you know, it would be good if one day you can actually use both hands.”
Glory says nothing.
His calms slips. Terrified. He is so terrified. He has read this wrong. He has read her wrong.
Becca and Ben press up against her. Becca lifts the paper from her fingers, shows it to Ben.
“Huh. That’s cool, Matt,” Ben says. Matt has taped school photos of them on a piece of construction paper, printed neatly on top, Glory’s Book. “Those pictures are from a couple of schools back.”
Glory remains motionless, mute. Becca presses the slender paper into her hand. She slips the bookmark into the pages of The Chyrsanthemums.
“Where’s your bathroom?” she asks.
“Our townhouse is exactly like yours,” Ben says, eyebrows shooting up.
She slaps her book into Ben’s stomach. She walks to the bathroom, head high, closes the door softly.
Matt blanks his face, blanks his mind. This is what he does when things get too much with Dad. Ben and Becca trail him into the kitchen. He takes down three bowls and a coffee cup. He grabs the vanilla ice cream from the freezer. He runs the metal spoon under hot water, scoops ice cream into each dish. Ben stands so close to him that their arms brush. He is grateful for the kid’s presence, the calm of his touch.
“She really likes the bookmark, Matt,” Becca says.
Yeah, what-the-fuck-ever.
“Needed to do something with those extra pictures. Only way I can get rid of Ben’s ugly mug.”
“It’s not my mug that’s ugly,” Ben says.
How stupid could he be to think she actually liked him? The guy who fucks Kennedy. That’s all he is. “Grab a chair, Becca. There’s chocolate syrup in the top cupboard.”
Ben and Becca take their bowls into the living room. He follows with the coffee cup, Glory’s bowl and the chocolate syrup. He sits in the old armchair.
Ben and Becca settle on the sticky vinyl sofa, Becca’s feet tucked under his legs. Ben turns on the small TV.
Matt cuts his ice cream with vicious digs of his spoon. Stupid. Stupid. How could he be so fucking stupid? She doesn’t want anything from him. She is strong by herself, has always known who she is and she is not someone who needs him. He is a royal fuck-up. She won’t want anything to do with him anymore. Not even to be his friend. Fuck!
Then her hand rests on his shoulder. He didn’t hear the bathroom door open, didn’t see her coming down the hall.
“Thanks for the bookmark,” she says. She is smiling.