♥♥♥
Thursday, June 29—London
In my apartment, I cup Jake’s face and kiss him. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” It took him three weeks to settle all his things in California, pack his stuff, and join me in the U.K. Meanwhile, I went to visit my sister in San Diego and I got back to London in time to clean the mess Naomi—my former roommate from hell—had left hanging around.
“I can’t wait to show you London. You’re going to love it.”
“Not as much as I love you.” He kisses the tip of my nose.
“Were you able to bring everything?”
“I’ve brought the essentials, my mom’s selling whatever I’ve left in Cali, and the rest’s arriving by cargo ship next month.”
“You have much? Because my place isn’t that big.”
“Don’t worry; I won’t steal your closet space.”
“So, err… Sharon didn’t burn anything?”
“No. She didn’t.”
“Did you see her?”
“I did.”
“And?”
“She was tanned. She went on our honeymoon with her bridesmaids.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
“She was fine, really. Hurt, but on the mend. I apologized; I owed it to her. She’s very rational; she understands what happened. She said it probably saved us from divorcing in a few years.”
“I wish I could apologize too.”
“She’s rational, not a saint. You’d better steer clear for at least twenty years.”
“I feel horrible for what I did to her.”
“Come here.” Jake grabs me and I melt into his arms. “She’ll be fine. She’s going to meet the right guy for her, and when that happens, she’ll be grateful to you too.”
I let him soothe me. “Was your family upset you’re moving here?”
“No. It’s a bit farther away than San Francisco, but it’s not like I was exactly living at home even before. So it’s not much of a change for them. A couple more hours on a plane when they visit. That’s all.”
“So they don’t hate me for ruining your wedding and hauling you to another continent?”
“No, definitely not. My mom was happy. She’d given me a speech about ‘unresolved things’ before the wedding. And I see now she was probably talking about you.”
“You think?”
“I’m pretty sure. She said she knew I wasn’t going to marry Sharon the moment you burst into the room, followed by security.”
“Aw, gosh. Don’t make me think about bouncer guy. So your family’s happy about us?”
“If I’m happy, they’re happy.” Jake leans in and kisses me again.
After the kiss, I decide to change the subject and shake off the moping mood. “Are you jetlagged?”
“No, not too much. Why?”
“Amelia invited us to dinner at her place tomorrow night. I know you just got here and that you begin work on Monday, but I haven’t seen Amelia in forever and I ditched her wedding to… well… crash yours. So it’d be great if we could go. But if you don’t want to, I can tell her to rain check for next week.”
“No, tomorrow’s fine. I want to see Amelia; it’s been ages for me too. And her husband could become a good friend.”
“Are you missing California already?” I ask, worried.
“No, but I’ve lived there for a decade. Most of my friends are there. It’s weird living in a city where I don’t know anyone except you and Amelia.”
“London will swipe you in like a tornado. You’ll see. There are so many people here, it’s impossible not to make friends.”
***
The next evening we’re standing in front of Amelia’s door with a bottle of wine and a handful of good expectations for the night. But as William opens the door to let us in, all my optimism is crushed. William’s being perfectly nice and polite. He smiles, shakes Jake’s hand with an attitude of male comradeship, hugs me, offers us wine… but something’s off. I can feel an emphatic wave of awkwardness coming from him. As perfect as all his gestures are, they don’t feel sincere. It’s as if he wishes he were anywhere but here. I’m probably over-analyzing as always and he’s just tired after a week at work. Maybe tonight he wanted to stretch on the couch watching a movie instead of having to entertain guests.
“Gemma.” Amelia launches herself at me and crushes me in a hug. Now, this is a heartfelt greeting. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“Me too. Ames, I’m so sorry I missed your wedding.”
“Don’t. You don’t need to apologize; you had a very good reason.” She lets me go and shifts her attention to Jake. “Come here, you very good reason,” she tells him. “I’ve missed you too.” They hug. “It was about time you two came to your senses and stopped wasting your lives.”
“Still bossy, are we?” Jake teases.
“As always. Please sit down; I’ll bring the appetizers in a second.”
As the night proceeds, I can’t shake the sensation that something’s off between Will and Amelia. It’s nothing they do, more what they don’t do. They never touch, they never kiss—and I’m not saying they should make out at the dinner table, but I expected a newly wedded couple to be at least a little overbearing in the PDA department. They never look at each other, like at all. I try all evening to convince myself it’s just my imagination, and that I’m reading signals where there’s nothing to read—at least until William drops a conversational bomb on the table.
“So Jake,” he says, “would you say calling off your wedding was the best decision you could have made?”
I stare at him dumbfounded. Did he really just ask that? I look at Jake; he’s taken aback by the question, but he’s recovering fast.
“It was the best decision I could have made given the circumstances. I should probably have realized I was making a mistake way sooner than the day I walked down the aisle.”
“Mmm,” William presses him. “But even after you realised it was a mistake, didn’t you feel the pressure of your family, her family, your friends?”
Why’s Will insisting so much on this topic? What’s he playing at? Why does he keep asking Jake about his once-was-wife-to-be? As if she wasn’t enough of a skeleton in our closet already. I know Jake doesn’t have any regrets, but the less he thinks about Sharon and what we did to her, the better.
“Will, maybe Jake doesn’t want to discuss this particular topic over dinner,” Amelia chides her husband.
“No, it’s okay,” Jake says. “I guess it was the elephant in the room.” I love him so much for how he owns the situation. “And to answer your question, I didn’t have much time to feel the pressure. It was a split second decision. I knew what I should do, what I wanted to do, and I did it.”
“T-that’s admirable,” William says. Then he grabs his glass of wine and downs it.
The awkwardness at the table has spiked to new heights.
“Well,” Amelia says, looking mortified. “It’s time to serve the main course.” She gets up and starts collecting our empty salad plates.
“I’ll help you,” I say. I take my and Jake’s plates and follow her into the kitchen. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Is everything all right?” I ask.
She stares at the sink for a while before answering. “Yes, and no. Everything seems perfect on the surface. But deep down, something’s wrong.”
“Is it William?”
“He’s a big part, but it’s not just him. It’s… not right. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I’ve spent the last year on a wedding planning high. And now that my perfect wedding’s over, my marriage is… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know, as in?”
“Like yesterday, for example, I tried to think about the last real conversation I had with Will. And I can’t remember one that didn’t involve flowers, venues, hors d’oeuvres, or some other wedding-related thing.”
“But what about the honeymoon? Did you guys have a good time?”
“It was… lovely,” Amelia says in a tone between sad and spiteful. “But it wasn’t passionate, or intense, or exciting. It was just mature.”
“Was it you, or was it him?”
“It was the both of us. He didn’t make an effort. And I couldn’t be bothered to make an effort either. I’d rather read beach novels in peace by the pool than make an effort to talk to my husband. And he seemed content looking at his phone all day instead of talking to me. He seems to be attached to the thing these days. He takes it everywhere he goes, even to the bathroom. I might’ve become jealous of his phone.”
“But was this just the honeymoon, or was it also before, after? Maybe you need to relax after all the stress of the wedding.”
Amelia bites her lower lip. I read indecision in her features.
“What, honey? You can tell me.”
“I’ve no idea how it was before. It’s awful. I’ve spent the last year obsessing about the wedding, and with work and everything else… I didn’t notice Will at all. I’m a horrible person.”
“No, you’re not. You guys just need some time to adjust.”
“I don’t know, Gem, I’m having thoughts someone who just got married shouldn’t have.”
“Like?”
“Like it was a huge mistake. Last night I was having drinks with my colleagues after work, and even though I can’t stand half of them when the night was over, I found myself dreading coming home. I didn’t want to. What does that say about me? I’m the worst wife ever.”
“Come here.” I hug her. “It doesn’t say anything; it’s not as bad as you think, I promise. You love Will. Talk to him. I’m sure you guys can fix whatever’s going on with you two.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re right; I’m being silly and getting too much into my own head. Okay, let’s bring the main course out or the boys will start wondering where we went.”
***
“That was…” Jake pauses to find the right word. “Interesting.” We’re outside, walking toward the Tube to get back home. “But to be honest, I don’t think William will become my new BFF.”
“You didn’t like him, did you?”
“The guy didn’t do anything wrong per se. It was just weird.”
“Definitely weird.”
“What was with all those questions about canceling my wedding?”
“You mean he asked more?”
“While you girls were in the kitchen, he kept grilling me with all these personal questions. It was crazy.”
“I’m so sorry. This probably wasn’t the evening you had in mind, uh?”
“What did Amelia say? Is she okay?”
“No, she’s not. She senses something’s off too. She said she’s been neglecting Will for a year to organize the wedding and she feels bad about it. She said he seems more attached to his phone than to her lately.”
“Meaning?”
“She said he takes his phone everywhere he goes, even to the bathroom.”
Jake lets out a low whistle.
“Why are you whistling?”
“I hate to be the one to break it to you, but when a guy is that attached to his phone, it’s because he’s got something to hide.”
“To hide? Like what?”
Jake throws me a side stare.
“You think there’s another woman?”
“I won’t lie to you. From the way he kept asking me how I felt for following my heart and, I quote, ‘freeing myself from the chains of family’s expectations’—yeah—he was talking like a guy who wished he’d done the same thing.”
“And left Amelia at the altar?”
“Or before. Or he’s thinking about doing it now.”
“Did he say something else?”
“Yeah, he asked if it was good to be with the girl I really loved…”
“And you don’t think he was talking about Amelia?”
“Somehow, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t.”
“Oh gosh. And I told her everything would be fine.”
“It will be. If they’re not right for each other, the sooner they realize it, the better. Believe me, I talk from experience.”
“I hope you’re right.” I stop in front of a set of steps leading underground. “This is our station. Let’s go home.”