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Saturday, March 3—London
The day after proposal-gate, I leave Richard’s house as soon as I can without appearing too ungrateful, saying I want to share the good news with my friends and family and feeling like an impostor all along. I ask Amelia to meet me at a Starbucks near our house, hoping that coffee and my best friend will help me find a solution. A way out, my treacherous brain thinks. So here I am sharing the ‘good’ news over lattes.
“So what is the big announcement you had to drag me out of bed on a Saturday for?” Amelia isn’t a morning person; Dylan’s trying to change that.
“Richard proposed,” I say flatly.
“Aw,” she squeaks. “That’s wonderful, amazing. I can already picture him looking dashing in a tux, and you glowing in your white gown. Let me see the ring.”
She grabs my left hand, but the ring isn’t there. I took it off the moment I left Richard’s house.
“Why aren’t you wearing it? Was it too big? You need to re-size it?”
“No, it fits me just fine. Here it is.” I take it out from an inside pocket in my bag.
“This is beautiful.” Amelia looks at the ring, then at my face. “Wait, if it fits, why aren’t you wearing it?”
“I was afraid of losing it,” I lie.
“It’s not any safer in your bag. Put it on.”
I do and stare at my hand questioningly.
“Why aren’t you giddy with happiness?” Amelia asks. “You said yes, didn’t you?”
“Mmm-mmm.”
“So, what’s wrong?”
“It was an ambush. I was forced to say yes.”
A girl sitting next to us scoffs. We turn toward her, but she’s steadily looking at her iPad and not at us, so we go back to our conversation.
“What do you mean you were forced to say yes?” Amelia is giving me a no-crap look. “Nobody held a gun to your head, I’m sure.”
“Amelia, he asked me in a room full of people after the most romantic night ever. How could I have said no? I was cornered, I panicked!”
“So you said yes out of politeness?”
“At first I couldn’t speak, I was too shocked. I wanted to say no. I wanted to ask him, ‘What the hell? We never even discussed moving in together, what made you think I was ready for marriage?’ But Richard was looking at me as if I were the most beautiful thing in the world, with his eyes full of love, and I just couldn’t say no. I couldn’t break his heart.”
“Because you love him. You’re just freaked out by the marriage thing.”
“I care about Richard, he’s wonderful. But I never thought about him as The One, the love of my life, Mr. Right. Call it what you like. I mean, who proposes after six months?”
The girl next to us lets out an even louder snort. I can’t ignore it this time.
“Excuse me, you have a problem?”
“Actually, yes, I do.” She stops pretending to be watching her iPad and turns toward us. “Do you have any idea how rare it is to have a bloke ask you to marry him these days?”
“Err, no.”
“No, exactly, you don’t. All guys want to do nowadays is to Tinder you one night and never see you again. And honestly, having to sit here and listen to you complain about your—according to her,” she points at Amelia, “dashing boyfriend proposing after the—according to you,” she points back at me, “most perfect romantic night, is boggling my mind.”
“Nobody asked you to listen in to our conversation,” I point out.
“Hard not to when you’re babbling aloud two feet away from me. You’ve ruined my breakfast. Are you happy?” She gets up and storms out of the coffee shop.
I stare at Amelia at a loss for words.
“What was that about?” she asks.
“No idea. You should introduce her to Flotsam and Jetsam, they’d make a beautiful trio.”
“She did have a point, though.”
“What point?”
“Any girl would be happy, ecstatic, her boyfriend proposed.”
“Even after only six months?”
“Yes. What’s holding you back?”
I bite my lower lip.
Amelia throws me a warning stare. “If you’re about to bring Jake into this, I’m going to scream and get out of here.”
“Says the one who was getting married out of inertia instead of love.”
Hurt appears on Amelia’s face. That was a low blow.
“I’m sorry.” I backtrack immediately. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She nods her understanding.
“But I have a serious problem here,” I add. “I thought you would’ve understood, seeing as how you almost married the wrong guy.”
“William was the wrong man for me because we weren’t in love with each other anymore, not because I was chasing after a ghost of my past. I thought you had closed that door.”
“I have.”
“Have you? Honey, Jake’s gone. He’s married to someone else.”
“Do you have to keep rubbing it in my face?”
“Apparently, yes, as you seem inclined to overlook the fact.”
“What fact?”
“That Jake is married. You think marrying Richard would put an end to any remote possibility you might have of getting back with Jake one day. But let me tell you, that train has departed.”
“That’s not… it’s not like that. I have many other reasons to question this decision.”
“What reasons?”
“That it’s too soon. That Richard and I don’t know each other enough. That my relationship with Richard works so well because it’s on a day-to-day basis. I could go on if you like…”
“Are things going well on a day-to-day basis?”
“Yes.”
“So what are you afraid would change?”
“Nothing… everything. It doesn’t sit well with me that the thought of marrying Richard never crossed my mind until he was down on one knee, proposing.”
“If that’s what you think, why did you say yes?”
“I told you. He caught me off-guard, I didn’t know what to do. I care about Richard and he was there on one knee, offering me all his heart. I said yes, it’s what you do when your boyfriend proposes. But now it’s giving me anxiety.”
“Why don’t you talk to Richard about it?”
“And say what? ‘Sorry, remember the other night when I said I wanted to marry you? Well… I didn’t exactly mean it one hundred percent.’ I can’t talk to him about it.”
“Then you have to decide on your own. But promise me Jake won’t feature in it.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you have to decide if you want to marry Richard. I’m saying you should marry him if you love him and want to spend your life with him. And I’m saying the one thing you shouldn’t do is not marry Richard because of Jake.”
I scowl. “It’s not that simple.”
“Actually, honey, it is.”