My hopes are in vain. Diego is cold and detached with me for the rest of the day. He does nothing overtly hostile, but by now I can pick up on his moods as well as if I’d known him a lot longer than two weeks. And I can tell he’s pissed.
It’s written all over his curt, monosyllabic answers. In the way he does his best to avoid meeting my eyes after we’ve been eye-flirting for days. And in the way he avoids even the slightest contact with me.
I just know it has to do with Paul and his gift. Diego is no fool, and if I got to know him so well in such a short time, the same must be true for him. But even if I’m pretty sure why he’s upset, I say nothing. I’m too much of a chicken. So I let this new distance between us fester until we’re both in bed that night and there’s nowhere left to hide. Not even in the oppressive silence weighing down on us both.
When I can’t stand it any longer, I burst out with, “Are you mad at me?”
Diego doesn’t turn his head toward me. He just keeps staring at the wall, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t know; should I be mad at you?”
“No, why would you?”
“I feel like I don’t have all the info here.”
“What info?” I ask innocently.
He finally meets my eyes. “Mmm, for example… Let’s see…” He scrunches his face in a mock-interrogative expression. “How long have you been in love with your soon-to-be brother-in-law?”
I’m so busted. “Paul and I have been friends since college. That’s all.”
Diego throws me such a seething, don’t-bullshit-me stare, that I’m compelled to admit, “I thought I had feelings for him for the longest time, but I’m past that now.”
“Is that why you went to such trouble to get him the perfect Christmas present? I checked the author’s website. It’s almost impossible to get a signed copy of a Liam Grady book. The only way is to attend one of his book events and queue in line for hours, and his New York gigs are always the busiest.”
True. True. And True.
With no intelligent reply to offer, I get petty. “So what?”
“You bought everybody else’s presents with barely a week to go before Christmas, not giving two cents about what you were getting, but for Paul, you just happened to stumble across the release event and… what? You decided waiting in line for hours to get a signed book for your sister’s fiancé was a good way to spend the afternoon? Do you go through all that trouble for all your ex-crushes?”
“No, but—”
“Is that why I’m really here?” Diego interrupts me. “To make Paul jealous?”
“No, of course not.”
Diego keeps staring at me, clearly unsatisfied with my answer. Taking a deep breath, I try to explain the big mess I’ve gotten myself into. “Okay, fine, I used to have a crush on him. That’s why I worked so hard on his gift.” I cringe at how easily I’m now downgrading my previous obsession with Paul to a silly crush, but that’s really all it feels like now. “And yes, he was a big part of the reason why it was so difficult for me to come home alone this year. Julia had just announced the engagement, and that she was bringing Paul home for the holidays, and I thought I still liked him, and that Julia had sort of stolen him from me, and it was too much to handle on my own as the spinster sister.”
I watch Diego as he tries to digest all this new information.
“But now you’re over him?” he asks.
“Yes. One hundred percent.”
“Is there anything else you haven’t told me?”
“No,” I say.
Diego keeps quiet next to me for the longest time, and I have no idea what’s passing through his mind as he stares down at the comforter. When he finally lifts his gaze again, his eyes are burning. “When did you stop liking him?”
There’s only one honest answer I can give him. “The first time you kissed me, in the garden. It’s like you erased everything I ever felt for—”
He doesn’t let me finish. His face contorts into an almost animal snarl, a primordial expression of male possessiveness, and he kisses me, imprisoning my face between his hands and pressing his lips to mine with such passion I might faint. Thank goodness I’m already in bed.
We kiss for a long time, just like last night. But when he looks me in the eyes and tenderly brushes the hair away from my forehead, I know tonight is not going to be kissing-only. I haven’t been with a man in forever, and I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Diego right now. My body wants him, my mind wants him… I want to give myself to him, and I want all of him in return.
Diego has been in my life only a short time, and we haven’t spoken about the future or where we stand with each other. But looking into the green of his eyes, I can’t help but trust him with all my heart, with all of my body, with everything that I am…
Making love to Diego is a soul-wrenching experience. It shatters me to pieces, before bringing me back together in his embrace. We make love all night until we’re both too exhausted to keep going, and we fall asleep clinging to each other.
When I wake up still wrapped in his arms, I experience a brief moment of pure ecstasy. Then a sheer terror engulfs me, making my chest clench under the pressure of its tendrils. I’m terrified that I’m flying so high I wouldn’t survive a fall. Terrified, because I realize I’ve fallen hard for a man I barely know. A man whose ideas on the future I ignore. Is he looking for a relationship? Does he want to get married? To have kids?
Okay, maybe I’m jumping the gun a little here. But I can’t get rid of the cloud of doubts circling my head even if nothing about last night feels like a mistake.
That’s why I sneak out of bed before he wakes up. I’m not sure he would’ve wanted to talk right away, but I’m too scared of learning the answers to all my questions. All I need now is to shower and clear my head first; we’ll have plenty of time to talk later. Now, I just want to be happy and cherish what happened.