Mill Valley, California
September 2022
I CALL KYLE AS SOON AS I’m back in the rental car, FaceTiming him with shaking hands. He picks up on the first ring, his face contorted with worry.
“June, what the hell? Phoebe called me and told me you’re in Napa. What’s going on?”
I feel the sting of the betrayal, even though I know it wasn’t fair to put Phoebe in that position.
“She said you’re seeing Josh again. June, he died. He’s dead. You need to accept that. What are you doing there? What’s going on with you?”
Kyle’s voice brims with panic. Kyle, who manages stress better than anyone I’ve ever met. Hearing him unsettled and knowing it’s my doing floods me with shame.
“I’ll explain everything,” I say. “I should have just been honest, but I didn’t want you to think that me coming here had anything to do with me not wanting to marry you, because it doesn’t.”
“Why would I think that?” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, his glasses riding up. “I’ve always been—I’ve always understood what you were dealing with after what happened with Josh. But I thought you trusted me enough to let me know what you’re going through.”
I trusted him before, and I need to trust him now. I suck in a breath before launching in, telling him the entire story, starting on the day Phoebe took our engagement photos. When I get to the part about Josh’s twin, he cuts in, his eyes narrowing in confusion.
“Wait, a twin brother?”
“I know it’s crazy. But that’s what his mother told me. After Josh died, I thought I was seeing him everywhere, as you know. It turns out, I was right. Kind of.” I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel like I’m viewing the world from underneath a heavy blanket. “He kept so much from me.”
Kyle’s shoulders rise. “How is it possible he had a twin brother you didn’t know about? I don’t get it.”
“He never wanted me to know Andrew—that’s his brother’s name. Josh’s mom told me they were estranged. And she mentioned an accident but wouldn’t say anything else. It sounds like Andrew was at boarding school, but Josh wasn’t … I think Andrew must have done something terrible for Josh to keep him from me.”
“Well, have you seen Andrew? Has he seen you?”
“No, he isn’t here, but I went to the winery and met his wife. I asked her where he was, and she told me he was away on business. But I think Andrew was following me in Brooklyn. I found a printout in his home office about my bar.”
Kyle rubs his chin with his hand. There’s stubble on his face, and he looks exhausted. “You went inside their house, June? With who?”
“I just … went in.”
“You were snooping around in someone else’s house?”
He looks at me like he doesn’t know me. He’s right: I’ve gone too far. Again. And all because I still just can’t accept the truth—that my husband simply drowned in the ocean. And on top of everything else, I know there’s a chance that acting like this could make Kyle call off the wedding, scared that he doesn’t know me at all, scared that I’m not ready to get married again.
“I just want to find out why Josh kept his brother from me, if it has anything to do with what happened to him.”
“But Josh drowned,” he says. “It was an accident.”
Logically, I know this is true, and yet, I can’t back down. I won’t.
“What if Andrew …” My voice trails off, because I don’t know how to finish the sentence, but Kyle must know how it ends.
Kyle sighs, his lips flattening into a thin line. “I’m worried about you, June.”
I blink back tears. I’ve lied and omitted so much from Kyle over the past week, and I know if I’m not honest from this point on, I’ll lose him.
“I just need a bit of time,” I say.
“Time for what? What are you going to do?” Kyle asks. “Is our wedding putting too much pressure on you? Are you having some kind of a breakdown?”
“I’m not, I swear—marrying you is all I want,” I stammer. And it’s true. Kyle took my twisted feelings and unraveled them, dismantling my theory that everyone only gets to have one great love in their lifetime and mine had come and gone. He doesn’t believe in soulmates—the idea that there is only one person in the world perfectly suited for someone else. He’s more pragmatic than Josh. And I love him for it.
“Okay,” Kyle says, but it doesn’t sound like he means it. “Look, I’ll give you some space, but I think you need to let this go, June. Not for me, but for your own sake.”
A tear slips down my cheek. “I just need to find out more about Andrew. About Josh’s mom, and what really happened. Then everything will go back to normal. I promise.”
“I’ll cancel the caterer meeting,” he says, looking down.
“No, go.” My voice is shrill; I’m terrified that if he cancels the meeting he’ll start canceling other things too. “We need to finalize the menu by next week.”
His smile is tight, but he nods. “I love you, Junebug.”
Relief floods my chest, even though it’s short-lived and I know he might hang up and rethink everything. “I love you too.” But now that Kyle knows where I am and what I’m doing, I have renewed courage, a fresh motivation to find the answers I desperately need.
After we say goodbye, I drive down Bev’s street and park in front of a random house, then pull out my phone and open Google. I search Golden Grape Winery, and predictably, nothing usable comes up.
For my next search, I’m more specific. I type in Golden Grape Winery Napa + accident. Again, nothing pertinent comes up, and I blow out a breath, feeling discouraged, weighing my options. I could drive back to Bev’s house and demand more answers, but I know better than anyone that a person won’t divulge more than they’re willing to part with.
Bev had said, It was an accident. A tragedy. Maybe she was talking about Josh’s death, but I don’t think she was—she was remembering something that had happened between her sons.
Golden Grape Winery Napa death, I enter into the search bar, and this time, a different result populates: a link to a news article from the Napa Valley Register dated November 30, 1999: St. Helena High student dead after tragic vineyard drowning.
I click on the link, my heart thudding heavily, my brain stuck on the word drowning.
The article is short, and I read it in one breathless gulp.
The body of Michelle Young, 17, of Oak Knoll, was found in a pond on the property of the Golden Grape Winery in St. Helena following a search party on Saturday. Young was last seen with friends at a gathering on the property Friday night. No foul play is suspected. A funeral and visitation will be held next week for Young, a talented student athlete who attended St. Helena High.
There’s a yearbook photo of the girl accompanying the article. She’s blonde and blue-eyed, with arched eyebrows.
I don’t know how Josh or Andrew knew Michelle Young, but she went to St. Helena High, the same school Josh attended. And she’s the same age. They might have been friends—or more than that.
Two accidental drownings.
And one common denominator: Andrew Smith.