CHAPTER ONE

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My hips were swaying from the left to the right, poppin’ to the beat. My breasts perked up as the spotlight shined down on me. I started making love to the audience as I sang my first few notes. The crowd went wild. I was on stage. I was in my element. My dance moves were on point, and my melody was stellar.

“Slade! Slade! Slade! Slade! Slade!” I was hype until my eldest sister, Shelby, punched me, waking me from my dream.

“Slade, what’s wrong with you? We’re about to sing happy birthday to Ansli, and you’re in your room dreaming again? Come on, girl! It’s not always just about you,” Shelby shouted.

It was never about me in the Sharp household. Yes, I had my own room and my own space, but I had to share a bathroom with my two sisters who were a grade younger than me. I was salty because my two sisters who were only a grade older than me shared a bathroom between their rooms, and it was much larger than the one the other three of us had to share.

“You didn’t have to punch me,” I said to her.

Giving me a huff, she said, “Well, we’ve been calling you forever.”

“Forever? Really, Shelby?” I said, frustrated with my big sis.

Shelby loved to exaggerate. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that my family was finally gelling again. Over the last month, our world was turned upside down when Ansli found out that her father shot her mother and then took his own life. She originally thought her biological parents were killed in a car crash. There are five sisters. Three of us were biologically connected—me; Shelby, my older sister; and Sloan, my younger sister. Ansli, who was the same age as Shelby, and Yuri, who was the same age as Sloan, were biological sisters that my parents adopted.

For years our parents didn’t tell Ansli and Yuri that crucial fact. When Ansli found out, she was livid. I think she now understood that Mom and Dad were doing the best they could. They were already young parents with three children, and then they had five. Ansli thought she wanted to live with her maternal grandparents who lived England, which is a place she’d never been to. But once they finally came to visit—and who knows how much those tickets cost—she now knew this was home. I could have told her that. I could have saved them all that money, and they could’ve helped me cut a demo for my record, so excuse me if I wasn’t all excited with the family bonding.

“There you are,” my mom said as soon as I came into the family room.

It wasn’t like I was missed. Everybody in the house was paired up with someone. Shelby and Ansli were best friends. Sloan and Yuri were too, and then that left me. My mom and dad had each other, and Ansli and Yuri’s grand–parents had each other. My older sisters’ boyfriends were at the house earlier, but they were both gone now.

I didn’t understand why they always wanted me to be a part of the family. I always felt left out. Nobody could get that. However, when it was time for entertainment, they called on good ole’ Slade.

“Lead us off in happy birthday!” Sloan demanded, bossing me around like she was older than me. But because I loved to sing anywhere, any place, any time, I began, and everyone joined in.

“You sing so beautifully,” Ansli and Yuri’s grandmother came up to me and said after we finished.

“Thank you. It’s the only thing in this world that I want to do.”

“But she needs to get a real dream,” my mom piped in.

“Well, I sang in the opera,” their grandmother, Mrs. Sanford, stated proudly.

I guess that shocked my mom. She stopped ragging on me then. Ansli’s grandmother basically was saying, “Go for yours, young lady,” and that’s exactly what I intended to do.

My parents were attorneys—smart people with a very lucrative bodily injury practice. “If you get in an accident, insurance companies want to cut your money? Call on Sharp and Sharp, and make sure you’re not cut out of a thing” was their commercial. I could hear it playing over and over again in my mind. I so wanted to sing a jingle for them, but they weren’t hearing it. I knew I would have to create something, play it for them, and then they might let me perform it. However, I didn’t have the personal funds to do that. Every dime I got came from my parents.

We lived in a gorgeous, three-story, brick house. With seven thousand square feet we had plenty of space. The five bedrooms that we girls slept in were upstairs. My parents had their master bedroom on the main floor with a guest bedroom across the hall and off the kitchen. The guest bedroom was where Ansli and Yuri’s grandparents were staying. Knowing that all the activity was upstairs, I went down to the basement.

I couldn’t hang out with my sisters. Shelby and Ansli were all excited to talk about their boyfriends. Who knew what Sloan and Yuri were talking about, and I didn’t really care. I just needed to chill. When I went downstairs to turn on BET, MTV, or VH1, I wanted to be inspired. The TV was on a premium movie channel, and my eyes locked in on a naked guy and girl doing some things that I had never seen before in a bed. I couldn’t seem to change the channel. I was appalled, but intrigued. Something inside of me that had never been stirred before got all wet and gooey. The lady was on top, then on the bottom. What was going on with me? I’d never been interested in this kind of stuff before, but I was frozen in front of the TV.

“Oh my gosh! Slade, what are you watching?” Yuri yelled out.

I turned, and my eyes widened at the sight of my two younger siblings. I felt dirty.

“You’re a nasty heifer,” my sister Sloan called out.

“It was on here. It’s not like I turned it to this,” I tried explaining.

“But it’s not like you turned it off either,” Sloan quickly challenged. “You need to get somewhere and pray.”

Quickly, I got up and turned off the TV. I tried to go upstairs, but Sloan blocked my view. Yuri touched my shoulder. They were ticking me off.

Yuri said, “Are you going through some sort of crisis? Ansli just went through one. Maybe you need to talk to Mom.”

Huffing, I grunted, “I don’t need to talk to anybody, and you don’t need to say anything either, okay? Is life ending? Am I going to hell?”

“Maybe!” Sloan yelled out.

“Ughh! You first, chick,” I retorted.

I was so frustrated at them, at myself, and, if I was being honest, at the fact that I didn’t get to see the end. What was going on with Slade Sharp? Usually I could tell anyone anything about me, but at that moment, I was far from having it all together. My world was not crystal clear. I wanted to be a singer, but it didn’t seem like that would ever happen. Also, I wanted to feel good, and I had no idea where that came from. So many crazy emotions. I just ran all the way upstairs to the bathroom and took a hot shower. It probably needed to be cold, but whatever.

“So you guys going to my pageant or what?” I said the next morning to all of my sisters, who were sprawled out in the basement living area like they had a party and didn’t invite me.

Granted, the pageant wasn’t supposed to start for another four hours, but I had to be there early. Usually when someone in our family had something big going on all of us got excited, all of us supported, and all of us made a big deal out of it. This wasn’t just some random talent show I was entering. This was the big Miss Teen Charlotte Pageant.

“What time does the thing start?” Sloan said in a voice that was hardly interested in going.

I answered, “One.”

Sloan vented, “Well, it’s morning. Bye!”

All of them were growling like they were bears ready to hibernate for the winter, so I just said forget it and went upstairs to pack up to leave. I had a sour face, but as soon as I opened the door to my bedroom, there was my mom holding up a garment bag.

“My baby girl’s gonna be so cute today! I had to get you this number.” She unzipped the garment bag, and the sparkly, strapless, silver gown was stunning.

“I didn’t think you were going to get me a new one,” I said as my eyes teared up. “I honestly didn’t think anyone cared.”

“I know we’ve got a lot going on around here. I know we’ve had one crazy thing after another, particularly with this election, but Slade, I hear you. You told me a few weeks ago that you needed a new evening gown, and you didn’t want to recycle what your sister wore to the prom last year. Let’s be clear, though. You’re a junior. You’re wearing this new number to the prom this year.”

“Okay, Mom! No problem!” I said in a truly happy tone.

“I’ll be ready to take you in about fifteen minutes. When it’s over, you can ride home with us. Knowing your dad, there’s probably going to be some event that we’re going to have to attend. I can’t believe we’re a month away from the election!”

“He’s going to win, Mom,” I said, reassuring her.

She wrapped an arm around me and squeezed as if I was cold. “I’ve got a feeling he’s going to win too. And Slade, if you think we’re under the microscope now, well it’s going to be magnified if he is mayor. Until he actually wins, I’m just taking it day by day. With elections, things get nasty, and who knows what somebody will do to derail his bid.”

“Yeah, but who’s going to win if he doesn’t? Mr. Brown, the Republican? Everyone’s talking about how he’s a womanizer and doesn’t have a chance.”

My mom looked at me like I shouldn’t say such things, but it was the truth. My birthday was at the end of the month on Halloween, and I’d be seventeen years old. She needed to stop trying to shield me from stuff.

“And then the other guy who’s the independent, does he even have a following?” I asked, showing my mom I wasn’t just a cute face.

“He’s gaining momentum. A lot of the Republicans are putting their support behind him, but don’t worry about any of this political stuff. You just get pretty, princess. You’re going to win tonight!”

I loved how she supported me. She made me feel like I could do anything. She was always pumping me up—well, except she didn’t think singing was a real dream.

Thirty minutes later, my confidence waned. When I arrived at the historic Renaissance Theater, there were twenty-three other girls competing for the crown already there. Twenty-four of us total—the largest number of contestants that this pageant has had in a while. We’d been practicing over the past few months, but this was the big day. I kept to myself. That was just my M.O. With everything going on in my family, I felt more comfortable making sure that people liked me for me and not for whose daughter I was.

It wasn’t just a pageant. We’d actually been going through different classes to refine us. We had a modeling workshop, an etiquette session, a public speaking workshop, and a fashion do’s and don’ts time. In addition, we’d been doing public service projects. We spent time at the old folk’s home and with little kids at nursery schools.

I thought I had the pageant on lock. The problem was that we weren’t able to see each other’s talent, but when we were at the old folk’s home last week, another contestant, Miss-Prim-and-Prissy Charlotte Ray, struck a chord. I was blown away when I heard her sing so great for them and had been trying ever since to step up my game. Now that it was the day of the show, it was time to compete, to show what I was made of, and to be ready to give it my all, but my vocal cords were acting up.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t compete,” I said, pacing back and forth.

I didn’t even realize Charlotte was listening. “I got a tea bag, and in this lunch pail is an emergency kit,” she said. “Honey, a dab of apple cider vinegar, and some cinnamon. Go put all of this in some hot water, and you’ll be fine. If that doesn’t work, we can always pray.”

“You’d pray for me?” I asked her, feeling bad that I’d been so jealous of her.

“Yeah. You’re the stiffest competition in this thing. If you don’t compete, I won’t get any props if I win. And if I don’t win, I’d certainly want the winner to be you. I’ve heard you sing. You’re phenomenal.”

“I’m phenomenal?” I said to her, still in dis-belief. “You’re amazing.”

“Yeah, but I can’t answer the questions like you can. It’s like I know what I want to say. My dad’s been interviewing me around the house, I should be good at it by now. He’s the superintendent of the schools, for goodness sake, and that’s all he’s been doing is grilling me, but I still can’t seem to nail the questions. I think that’s going to get me today.”

“Your dad’s the superintendent of schools for Charlotte city schools?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know because I was in private school, but now I’m at Marks.”

“That’s where I go. Everybody who is anybody is a Maverick,” Charlotte said.

“I haven’t seen you around,” I said.

“We’ve only been at school for two months. I think I’ve seen you or a girl who looks like you. I don’t know.”

“That was probably one of my sisters.”

“Oh, I wish I had sisters. I have two brothers. One older and one younger. Having sisters would be heaven.”

“Stick with the brothers. A ton of sisters is drama.”

“You’re funny,” she said to me. “Isn’t it crazy? We’ve been in the same place for some months now, and we’ve never talked. Most of the girls here paired up. I’ve seen you alone sometimes, and I wanted to come over and say something to you, but I know how pageants and stuff can be, so I tried once and you looked away. I guess I just felt like you didn’t want to be bothered, but is it bad that I’m glad your throat was trippin’?” Charlotte asked.

“Yes. That’s the opposite of you saying you wish I was okay. That’s what you said a few minutes ago, but I didn’t think it was real because this is a competition,” I said, truly skeptical and needing her to explain.

“No, I meant that, but I’m saying if your throat wasn’t hurting, then we never would’ve got a chance to talk. I think you’re cool, and hopefully you think I’m cool. We go to the same school, so who knows? Maybe this could be the start of a friendship.”

Then Ms. Easley, the pageant director, came in.

“Girls, we don’t have time for chitter-chatter. You all need to get dressed in opening outfits. We’re going to do a run-through.”

This was the first time that I got to see Charlotte do her thing on the stage. That girl was posing really cute on the runway. I started out cheering for her until she started her talent. When she sung, she had choreography, and it was like a Broadway stage play. It wasn’t some hip-hop number like mine. Hers was more meaningful. I just knew I was going to lose.

Three hours later the two of us were standing backstage, getting ready to go out as the two finalists of Miss Teen Charlotte. It was coming down to the questions, and Charlotte was so nervous that she was shaking, and her face was turning pale. The competitor in me vanished. I grabbed her and made her cold body warm as I rubbed her bare shoulders.

“You can do this,” I shared. “Whatever they ask you, take in the question. Think of why you want this so bad and nail it.”

We were both standing on stage. She did nail the question, and after hearing her answer the question really well, when I was asked the same one, I stuttered. She was crowned Miss Teen Charlotte, and I rushed off stage, feeling like I’d just been played.

“Slade! You can’t run off the stage, sweetie. You’ve got to go congratulate the other girls,” my mother said, finding me backstage and telling me what I needed to hear, but not what I wanted her to say.

“But Mom—Dad running for mayor—his daughter winner of Miss Teen Charlotte; what a story that was supposed to be. I let him down. I let him down,” I repeated, upset.

My mom stroked my cheek and said, “Slade, are you serious, sweetheart? We’re proud of you that you got up there. Don’t put more on yourself than what needs to be there.”

Pulling away from her touch, I huffed, “You don’t understand. You’ve always got everything you’ve tried for.”

“Sweetheart, what are you talking about?” she uttered with compassion.

“When we were at Grandma’s house this summer, she showed us the pictures. You were Miss Duke University, and then you went on to be Miss North Carolina in the Miss America pageant.”

Placing her arm around me, she would not quit trying to encourage me. “Yes, but I didn’t win Miss America. You’re not even out of high school. You want to go to college and get in another pageant? That’s fine, and it’s absolutely nothing wrong with coming in first runner-up.”

“I’m not going back out there, Mom.”

Then the pagent director started yelling. “Where’s the first runner-up? I’ve never had that happen. Every girl knows there’s a possibility that she won’t win. She doesn’t win, and she runs off my stage.”

“Here she is, Ms. Easley, ready to go back out there,” my mom said as she spun me around, pulled my gown so that it was perfect again, quickly wiped my face, and hugged me tight. He whispered, “Get your tail out there.”

Reluctantly I walked back on stage. Though the pageant was over, all the girls were surrounding Charlotte. I hadn’t given her a hug. I hadn’t congratulated her, and I never thought I had a bad attitude. I wasn’t a good sport, but I guess until you don’t get something that you really want, you’ll never know how you’ll act. I wasn’t the only one pouting. Girls couldn’t even tell me congratulations for being first runner-up. I could hear them saying, “It should’ve been me as first runner-up. She only got that far because of her father,” but I wanted to go all of the way. Now, I had to smile at the queen coming up to me.

“You helped me, and now I’ve got the crown,” Charlotte hugged me and said. “I’m sure it’s bittersweet. So thank you.”

“Congratulations.” I yanked the word out of my mouth. I said all the right things to Charlotte, but then I dashed to the corner off stage under some stairs and just balled my eyes out. I tried to keep my emotions in check, but my dream wasn’t going to be realized, and that hurt—like I’d been stabbed over and over and over again. It just felt like I was losing blood and didn’t know how to save myself. And then, I heard this husky, male, tenor voice singing the old tune “You Are So Beautiful” to me.

I wiped my tears and looked up. The gorgeous voice equally matched the handsome face with milky way chocolate skin and curly hair.

“Don’t worry that you didn’t win. You’re still beautiful to me.”

“Who are you?” I asked.

“Just this guy who’s watched a lot of the practices and seen that you’re breathtaking.”

“What are you talking about?” I said as I started wiping my face and my chest started rising. His every word made me feel good again. “You’re just saying that to take pity on me.”

“You got a little nervous in the last question. Who would have expected them to ask you the same thing? You heard what she said, and she nailed it, so that would’ve made anyone nervous. What could you have said differently to make you stand out? But you’re a great singer. Who wants to sing Broadway style? You’ve got soul. You should do something with that. You got on that stage and nailed it. You got everyone on their feet. You’re a star.”

“And what would you like to be? My agent?”

He leaned down with his lips no more than three inches away from mine and said, “I might want to be more than that.”

I felt extremely uncomfortable, so I stood and didn’t even realize that my breasts were practically hanging out of the dress. I was giving him all kinds of free views, and I wasn’t even trying to do that. When he coughed and motioned for me to look down, I pulled up the dress, but when I looked down at his pants, I could tell there was a connection.

“Thanks for cheering me up,” I said. “I did do the best I could.”

“And you’ve got lots of good stuff in you, so shake this off. It’s only the beginning. Can I get your number?” he asked.

Before I could say yes or no, we heard this loud bang and then another clang followed by a boom. He dashed away, and I followed him. I came to a halt when he entered a door. In the office of the theater was an older lady being forced into a chair by two big, black guys who looked like they were bodybuilders or bar bouncers or something, and another tough guy was standing in front of her. I was careful not to let them see me, but I could not bring myself to walk away.

“I want my money. Payday is today. Where is my money?” the leader raged.

“I don’t know anything about that,” the lady uttered.

Then the leader guy slapped her.

“Boots, get your hands off my mom!” the stranger who was just comforting me yelled out. “My boy K.J. told me you’d be flexible.”

The Boots dude looked him up and down. “Yeah, flexible on which limb to break if I ain’t got my loot. And K.J. trying to make me a record. He crazy anyway. You came to me ’cause you know I’m the only one around here who can give you dough quick. You know what I do if I don’t get it.”

When I saw how serious this all was, I didn’t go in the office, but I didn’t want to move away because I didn’t want them to hear me. Boots came over and punched him in the gut. The stranger keeled over.

Boots leaned down to him and said, “Today’s payday, A.V.”

Was A.V. his name? I wondered what it stood for. Then I shook my head, realizing I needed to not care what it stood for. A.V. seemed to be in a mess.

“What are they talking about, son? Payday for what? You told me you got the money from your dad,” A.V.’s mom said.

A.V. huffed, “When has he ever given me a thing? I just said that so you wouldn’t worry.” A.V. turned to Boots. “Y’all didn’t have to come up here and demand it. I just need more time.”

Boots told him, “Please. I’m not granting it. Just as quick as I gave you the money to keep this theater open, y’all better pay me. And don’t say you ain’t got it. Y’all on the news with the teen pageants, plays, and concerts going on … one event here after the other. Well, I want my money now, because it’s due.”

“You’ll get your money. Just let go of my son,” A.V.’s mom begged.

“You won’t have a son if I don’t get my three Gs.” Boots punched A.V. again.

I wanted to help, but at the same time, I didn’t need to get involved. Minutes earlier I didn’t even know this guy, but now I was sucked into his world, his drama, his pain, and I couldn’t pull myself away. I only wished he’d left me on the stairs, bawlin’ my eyes out alone and secluded.