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Tori
When I heard the door slamming open my first thought had been that I had been found. But when no shots were fired I breathed a little easier. I shouldn’t have. Because when I walked out of the bathroom his ginormous body and furious presence filled my room. His eyes burned with rage as they slid over me and I almost ran back into the bathroom. But then I thought, no, hell no. I wasn’t running, not again, not ever again.
I should have run. I should have locked myself in the freaking bathroom.
But ever stupid me, I confronted him. Confronted the Beast. Not a good idea.
Now here I was, on his freaking lap, being told that he wanted me to stay here. Because not only wasn’t it safe for me in Cape Town, he wanted his club to fix my problem and he wanted us to get to know each other again.
I could live with staying here until it was safe to go back home. But getting to know him again? No, I don’t think so. He had children.
Children with some club slut after he had refused to give me children.
No, just no.
I could not stay here and see them together. I could not be rational about that shit, not at all.
Sweet virgin queen this situation was so messed up.
This man had always been and it seems would always be my Achilles heel. He had been my first everything. First kiss. First love. First sex. First shattered heart.
I just couldn’t do it again. Twice in my life I had loved and lost. I wasn’t ever going there again, it freaking hurt too much.
I drew in a deep breath. “I’ll stay until it’s safe for me to go home and we can use the time to get to know each other. But Beast, all I have to give is friendship I can’t give you anything more than that.”
Beast stiffened and his arms tightened around me and I held my breath for his reaction. I didn’t have long to wait.
“I’ll take that for now, Ladybug.” He softly kissed me on top of my head. “But be warned, I’m not giving up. I’ll fight dirty if I have to. I want you in my life, in my arms, in my bed. I want my girls to get to know you. They need a good woman in their lives after the bad shit their whore of a mother subjected them to.”
That last sentence of his had me frowning.
“What do you mean? What did your wife do to your children?”
Beast dropped his head against mine and sighed. The sigh was heavy and filled with regret.
“After I drove you away I didn’t care what happened to me. I did some fucked up shit. I drank, even did drugs, and partied all the time. I wasn’t very particular about the bitches I fucked.”
He lifted his head, swallowed hard before he continued and I knew some bad stuff was coming. So I braced.
“She was, and still is, a club whore. I got caught with the oldest trick in the book, pregnancy. My brothers tried to talk me out of it but I wanted my kid and I knew she would get rid of it if I didn’t marry her. So I did. It was a marriage of convenience only, she went her way and I went mine. Joslyn was two when I’d had enough. I started divorce proceedings and the bitch nearly lost her mind. She didn’t want a divorce. She waited until I was drunk and high then took what she wanted.” He groaned. “Two weeks later she told me she was fucking pregnant. I divorced her anyway. We had joint custody of the kids but she moved to Vereeniging and whored herself out to a fucked up club. It was difficult to keep my eye on my babies with them so fucking far away.”
My eyes must have been wide as saucers. That was how they felt anyway.
“She kept demanding more and more money supposedly for the kids. Then she arrived at my house one night and after I refused to give her more money she shoved my crying babies in my arms and walked away. I don’t think the bitch expected my reaction. She thought I would give her money to take my kids back. I didn’t. I contacted our club lawyers and took her to court. I now have sole custody of my girls.”
Beast shook his head and continued quietly. “My club family has been helping me with my girls. My youngest baby hardly says a word and they both have fucking nightmares almost every night. I had them checked out by their paediatrician and thank fuck they haven’t been sexually abused. But they have been abused in some way. And it’s my fault. I should never have allowed her to take them.”
I patted his chest. Not that it would soothe the rage and self-loathing roaring through him.
“If you did what the courts decreed it’s not your fault. At least you now have them safe with you and by the sound of it you have a lot of support from your club family. They’re lucky to have you as their dad.”
He nodded and then, shit, he took my face in his hands and freaking made it impossible for me to keep my distance from him and his little family.
“That’s why they need you, Ladybug. They need you to teach them how to dance and to laugh out loud again. You always made me laugh so fucking hard. I want to share my babies with you and make more babies with you. I want to fill my home with love and laughter and for that to happen I need your help.”
Lordy, he really did play dirty.
“I can’t. Not right now, Beast, and maybe not ever. There’s too much standing between us. I thought I had worked through the hurt and rage after the things you said when you broke up with me but unfortunately I haven’t. I had just shoved it down deep and shut the door on my feelings. Now it’s all back and raging in my head.”
I growled angrily. “And all those women. I just don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t know if I could get past the vision of you with club girls. I’ve seen the club girls at the Road Warriors compound, so I know exactly what your life has been like. The total debauchery and public sex always made me cringe and when I put you in that scenario in my head it makes me shudder with disgust.”
He totally ignored what I had said and focused on one little thing.
“What the fuck were you doing at the Road Warriors compound?”
Freaking Neanderthal asshole.
“Rooster and his brothers are very good friends of mine. We hang out at the clubhouse with him all the time.”
“Who hangs out there with you?”
For freaks sake!
“Pixie, Zanele, Joney and I. We’re safe because Rooster, Crash and Boxer watch over us, and in any case, no one would dare touch Pixie or her friends. Wild Man would cut off their dicks and have their sorry asses fed to the sharks.”
He nodded as if he had been placated by my explanation and continued the conversation. Asshole.
“I don’t fuck in public, baby. Not ever. And there’s nothing I can do about what I did except to say it’s all in the past.”
I snorted and shook my head in disbelief.
“Are you trying to tell me you haven’t recently been with the women here at the club? I call bullshit.” What did he think I was? Stupid? Nope, not me, I know what these biker types got up to.
“I haven’t been with anyone in weeks, Tori. Hell, I haven’t had sex since before you came to the club.” He growled angrily.
Who the hell did he think he was to get angry with me? He threw me out and went on a spree fucking anything that moved if I understood his explanation correctly. It just consolidated it for me. I could not get involved with this man.
If I did and he threw me out when he became bored again I wouldn’t survive. It would shatter me completely. So it was safer not to go there at all. I was sorry for his girls but they weren’t my responsibility. They were his.
I wriggled out of his arms and at last he let me go. I slid off his lap and grimaced when my leg ached. I needed a freaking massage. Stretching my back I slowly paced in front of him. I felt his eyes on me, his expression hidden behind that freaking wild beard and his dark eyes. Taking a deep breath I faced him and tried to explain.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to have a relationship with anyone. I have so much I still haven’t worked through about the crash and losing Ilya and my career. It wouldn’t be fair to you or me to give you false hope. To be totally honest, I’m scared, scared of caring about anyone ever again. I’m broken and I need to fix myself before I even attempt to try being in a relationship with anyone. And you have your children to think about. They don’t need some woman appearing in their lives only to have her disappear again when we don’t work out. I can’t do that to them.”
I drew in a deep breath and met his searing black gaze. But before I could say it, end us before we even began he stood and came and stood right in my personal space bubble.
“I refuse to accept it. We belong together, Ladybug. You’ve always been mine, even with all the years that have passed, I never forgot about you or took another woman as my old lady. I never gave that bitch my name or my patch. It has always belonged to you. And I won’t give up until I have my name and my patch on you. Fair warning, sweetheart, you were mine once, you will be again.”
Then he left. He closed the door softly behind him and I heard the rumble of male voices in the passage but not what they were saying.
He freaking left without giving me a chance to say another damned word. I wanted to stamp my feet in temper and would have if my leg hadn’t been aching so badly. I needed to sit down and elevate my leg.
Limping to my bed I flopped down on the cushions stacked against the headboard. Carefully lifting my leg I rested it on the large pillow left in the middle of the bed for that exact reason.
I sat on my bed fuming silently because there was no one to rant at. For some reason Sam hadn’t come back into my room and neither had Kid. I didn’t know why but if I had to guess I think it had something to do with Beast. He had always been a possessive bastard. I wouldn’t put it past him to threaten Sam with death if he set foot in my room. So freaking annoying.
I was still fuming when Aunt Beryl came bustling in with a heavy tray while Sam held the door open for her. He shrugged at my raised eyebrows closed the door and stayed out in the passage. Yip, Beast had put his big fat foot in my business.
Aunt Beryl didn’t say a word as she set the tray on the bed then drew the small table and a chair to the side of the bed. She only looked at me once she had the tea things set out on the table how she liked it and was sitting in the chair. A smile lit her face as she looked back down and poured our tea and handed me my cup. I took it with a sigh. I so knew what was coming next.
Beast was truly playing dirty.
And then she surprised me, not a single word about Beast or his kids. Not one. She talked about her garden, about Gail, her niece, who was due any day now and complained about the guys dirtying up her kitchen when she wasn’t here. While I sat there and sipped my tea and munched on a scone smothered in real butter and strawberry jam waiting for her to say something about Beast.
Nothing.
I was dying of curiosity and so badly wanted to ask her opinion but I couldn’t. I was too shy to broach the subject of the giant asshole and myself.
We were still sipping our tea and chatting about absolutely nothing at all when DC came storming into my room. Her face like a thundercloud. She was pissed. Really, really pissed.
“How long have we been friends?”
“Uhm, since I was about fourteen or fifteen I think. Maybe before that even.”
“And why, in all this time that we’ve been friends haven’t you ever told me it was freaking Beast who broke your freaking heart before you left for London? We all knew you were seeing someone, but we thought it was one of the dancers. God, if I had known it was him I would have cut off his balls and he wouldn’t have had that bitch on his back all this time.”
I cleared my throat softly. “Uhm...if you did that he wouldn’t have his little girls either.”
DC shrugged as she dragged a chair over to the small table and fell into it.
“Jesus, Tori, you should have told us. We would have taken your back and you wouldn’t have disappeared from our freaking lives. Now I know why you never came home. You were too scared of running into the bastard.” She growled angrily. “Just thinking about it makes my blood boil and I want to rush out of this room and cut his nuts off. But I can’t because he’s Hawk’s brother and however much you try to deny it, he’s your man.”
I shook my head vigorously from side to side. “No. He’s not. I can’t get all those sluts he has been with out of my head. It’s like the worst I have seen at the RW clubhouse is marching through my head with him in the starring role.”
DC snorted a laugh. “Oh stop it. His track record isn’t so bad. Let me tell you about Hawk. It will make your hair stand on end.” I threw a look at Aunt Beryl and she nodded in agreement.
“I hate to say it about my nephew but he was a total player.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust and DC nodded in agreement.
“When I walked into the clubhouse the first time it was to pull my baby sister’s mouth off Dollar’s cock.” At my gasp she nodded. “But that’s a story for another day. At the time Hawk had three regular women plus he fucked plenty of other women on the side whenever he felt the urge. He even had women at the other chapters. The second time I walked in here was during a party and he was getting a blowjob right out there in the common room from one of his bitches while he had the other two on either side of him, virtually topless. He was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.”
“Eeeeuw!” I pulled a face as I imagined that scene. I gave a shudder and DC nodded.
“We became us after some shit went down but the freaking sluts wouldn’t back off. Everywhere we went there they were. It took me beating some of them bloody before the sluts got with the program.”
My mouth hung open in shock.
“That must have been so difficult because I know you never share your men. If they couldn’t commit to only you they were gone.”
“Exactly. But I dealt with it and so will you. Beast was nowhere near as bad as Hawk. I know he fucked some of the sluts and had a thing with Chris for a little while but it’s been over for weeks now.”
She might have said more but the only thing that stuck in my head was the name Chris and the fact that he’d had a regular thing with her. Shit.
“Who is Chris?”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned her right now, sweetheart.” Aunt Beryl said softly. “You were ahead and then you shot yourself in the foot. No woman wants to have the woman her man was having a thing with in her face every day, and you know that through bitter experience. Instead of scaring her off why don’t you take care of that aching leg of hers? Our girl needs a massage.”
DC didn’t say a word, just nodded, picked up the massage lotion, moved onto the bed and started soothing the aches from my leg. Bliss and not bliss, it hurt, but in a good way.
Aunt Beryl took my shaking hand in hers when I hissed in pain. Then she proceeded to take my mind from my leg. “Now you listen to me. Chris is a nice girl but she was never going to hold onto Beast. He was blowing off steam while she was hoping for something more. I warned her but she didn’t listen.” She squeezed my hand. “Don’t make the same mistake she did, listen to what I have to say.”
I nodded when she paused and waited for my decision with raised eyebrows. No way would I ignore her advice, she’s been around the club for years and knew these guys. I would not disregard any advice she gave me.
“I’ve known Beast since he became a prospect at the club and he’s always been the quiet type. He changed radically during his time with the Cape Town chapter. The only way I can describe it is he became dark. He has done things for his club that has stained his soul even darker and he just didn’t care. Until Joslyn was born. He fell in love with that little girl the minute he held her in his arms. He was the best dad he could be under the horrible circumstance he was living in. That awful woman never gave up trying to get him to claim her as his old lady. He refused to bring her to the club, she always came on her own, and he never claimed her as his wife. Didn’t give a damn that she fucked the hangers on that came around the club. His brothers never touched her because they all knew what she was. When he decided he’d had enough and wanted a divorce she got him drunk then raped him and got pregnant again. He was shattered but he stuck to his guns and went through with the divorce.”
I couldn’t have stopped the gasp even if I had wanted to. He had never said she had raped him. He had said she took what she wanted.
Dearest virgin queen. He had been raped. That big strong man must have been gutted. Still was in some way.
Oh sweet Jesus.
“If I ever see that slut I’m going to klap (smack, hit) her so hard her teeth are going to freaking fly out of her mouth. And then I’m going to kick her in her over used parra (pussy, twat) and once I’m done kicking the shit out of it she won’t be using it for months.” I bit out angrily and then had to grin when DC and Aunt Beryl burst out laughing, DC threw out her hand and we high fived.
“So on board with you on that one, sister. We’re going to kick her ass in technicolour.” She promised.
“I want a piece of that action.” Aunt Beryl gave both of us a high five. “I was there after she threw those poor little babies at Beast and stormed off.” She shook her head. “It was at the start of spring and still chilly at night and those babies were dressed in barely anything. Jossy was dressed in a tattered t-shirt and threadbare shorts with no socks or shoes and Ellie wore panties and a t-shirt, no socks or shoes either. And it was obvious they hadn’t been bathed in several days. If not for the state those babies were in Beast would have followed and killed them both. I know that for a fact.”
“Them?”
“She’s a club slut with a club in Vereeniging. A bad club. Nothing like our boys. As far as I’ve been able to find out they manufacture, deal and transport drugs, not weed, the really bad shit.” DC clarified.
“And she had his babies living with those horrible people? How could he allow that to happen?” I was confused. I couldn’t see Beast letting his kids live in a clubhouse with drug dealers.
“He didn’t know.” Aunt Beryl explained. “He made sure they had a nice house with everything they needed. But soon after she moved away she started dropping the girls off, never letting him pick them up. She always had some excuse, saying she wanted to see friends or something. He didn’t know she had illegally sold the house until he started suing for full custody and by then he had his girls living with him here on club property.”
Again I was confused. “He has his kids living here in the clubhouse with him? Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?”
DC grinned and smacked me on the shoulder. Why?
“No, silly. He lives in the house where Hawk used to keep his women. I called it his pussy house and it drove Hawk crazy every time I called it that. It became a family home for Rider, his girlfriend Penny and their brand new baby. And when he got his girls back Beast moved in with them because the house is huge.”
Suddenly DC burst out laughing throwing her head back and falling back on the bed. She was laughing so hard while Aunt Beryl and I looked at each other in confusion. We didn’t get what was so funny. Until she explained.
“This is so funny. I’m going to tease Beast so much about this.” She gasped. “That house is still a pussy house because it’s filled with more pussy than dicks. Four against two.”
And she burst out laughing again and this time we joined her.
She was so right. Beast was living in a pussy house, but the best kind of pussy house you could hope for.
A house he shared with another brother, his woman and daughter and his two little girls.
Shit, I was beginning to feel sorry for the ginormous Neanderthal asshole.
I was sitting thinking about what Beast wanted from me when I felt DC’s eyes burning into me and I turned my head and gave her a questioning look. What now?
“Okay, I know this can be seen as intruding on your privacy but I just can’t stand it anymore. I have to know.”
“What?”
She threw a smirky look at Aunt Beryl before she had my mouth dropping open in shock.
“Beast is a huge guy, like truly huge and you’re freaking tiny. How in the world did you guys manage? He would squish you not to mention rip you apart with what I have heard is a very, very big cock. I always thought that’s why he chose women like the club girls.” She waved a hand around. “You know, they’ve been ridden a lot and are stretched out.” She snorted with laughter when she saw my face.
I was shaking my head in shock, my mouth still hanging open. Unable to get a word out. All I could do was shake my head. I was stunned silent.
“Leave her alone, DC. It’s not for us to know how they manage in bed, that’s their business.”
DC shrugged. “If she wants to know about Hawk I’ll tell her so a little bit of quid pro quo wouldn’t go amiss.”
“You are unbelievable, DC.” I growled. “Do you ask Pixie and Joney these kinds of questions? And if you do, do they answer you? I can’t imagine them telling you about their sex lives.”
DC gave me a knowing little smile. “Pixie and I have no secrets whatsoever, we tell each other everything. And when I say everything I mean everything. So you might as well join the club.”
I shook my head wildly from side to side.
“No. Not joining your club. And just saying, if I had been ripped apart by a monstrous cock I wouldn’t be here. And that’s all I’m going to say about his cock, now or ever.”
I clapped my hands over my eyes as the two of them started laughing.
“Ooh, so he does have a big cock but you don’t think it’s monster sized. Must be because he was your first so you measured all the cocks after by the size of his.”
“Oh God! Will you stop? That’s so gross, and no, I haven’t been measuring cocks at all.”
DC gave a wicked grin. “I wonder if that was why Ilya had such a big dance cup thingy over his dick. I always thought it was that big to keep his cock and balls comfy.”
“Jesus, DC, you have to stop. I don’t want to talk about cocks or sex anymore.” I called out in exasperation and that’s when Beast walked back into the room and stood looking at us with raised eyebrows.
“I’m not going to ask because I sure as fuck don’t want to know.” He shook his head as if he wanted to shake something nasty out of his head before he focused on me.
“Baby, I’ll be by later to take you down to dinner. We’re eating with the club tonight.”
And after dropping that bomb he left me sitting on the bed staring at a smiling Aunt Beryl and DC who had slid off the bed while Beast dropped his bomb.
“That man’s not taking No for an answer, that’s for sure.” DC smirked.
They left shortly after but not before DC threw a challenge over her shoulder.
“Dress sexy, there will be a few of his ex fuck toys at dinner.”
Damn, damn, damn. I had nothing to wear. What was I thinking! Who the hell cared what I wore. Not me. Nope, not me.
