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Tori
Dinner with the club wasn’t a formal affair at all. Everyone was chatting and joking and laughter rang out almost all the time. I was sitting between Beast and Kid diagonally across the table from Hawk and DC. Aunt Beryl was at the head of the table with Hawk and Ice on either side of her, queen of all she surveyed. The rest of us sat where ever we wanted. And the food as always was amazing.
I was uncomfortable because Chris was sitting on the opposite side of the table between Jagger and Ziggy and she kept on sneaking looks between Beast and I. He was oblivious to it all, but knowing him, I knew he was aware of everything around him, he just refused to acknowledge it. He carried on as if it wasn’t awkward having his ex fuck buddy and, according to him, his new woman sitting virtually across from each other. All through dinner he had been touching me, making sure I ate enough, had water should I want it and just taking care of me. It killed the woman across the table to watch it happing. It was right there in her eyes when I caught them on me.
I glanced at DC and saw her watching me with narrowed eyes. She knew and was silently warning me to let it go. How was I supposed to do that? The desert I was eating suddenly tasted like nothing and sat like a dry lump in my mouth I had to get rid of. I swallowed hard and Kid’s hand closed over my thigh. I looked up at him and saw the question in his eyes. I answered by tilting my head ever so slightly to the opposite side of the table. He squeezed my thigh and sighed.
Shit. I looked back down at my desert and pushed it away from me. I no longer wanted it.
Of course the mountain on my right noticed right away. “What’s wrong, baby? You feel okay?”
Jesus, could he really be that dense? Did he not see the shit going on across the table from us?
“I’m fine, just had too much to eat.”
And of course the stupid ass didn’t let it go.
“Bullshit, you only fucking nibbled at your food. You don’t eat enough, baby.”
And now everyone was listening because the asshole didn’t lower his voice at all. So I didn’t either.
“Don’t try to tell me how much to eat. I know my body. I know exactly how much fuel it needs to stay healthy. And right now it’s had more than enough fuel.”
“Jesus, Tori, its food not fuel. And for fuck’s sake, are you saying you’re fat?” There was a dangerous light in his dark eyes but I ignored it. My body, my decision.
I shrugged. “I’m over my ideal weight right now so I need to up my workouts for a while and watch what I eat.”
Beast loomed over me and growled right in my face. Maybe others would have been intimidated, but not me, I didn’t budge, I stayed where I was, right in his face as well.
“You lose any weight and I’m going to turn your ass red, Ladybug. You’re no longer performing like you used to, the tiny bit of weight you’ve picked up looks good on you. You used to get so fucking thin when you were preparing for a new performance it made me want to force feed you.”
I snorted out a laugh. “Dancers are never heavy, we can’t be because we would break the backs of the male dancers who have to lift us.”
Our conversation was interrupted by Ziggy. “You saying you used to be thinner than what you are now, little red?” He looked a little bit shocked.
DC answered before I could. “She used to go on what she called her power diet when she was rehearsing a new show. Slimmed down until she was all bone and muscle and looked like a slight breeze would blow her away. You go online and check out videos of her and you’ll see, she looks fragile but so freaking strong at the same time. There’s a reason she is rated as one of the top prima ballerinas in the world. That tiny woman over there is stubborn, determined and hard as nails when it comes to her art.”
That’s when Chris spoke. “You’re a ballet dancer?” She asked with a small frown.
I shrugged. “I was, I’m not anymore.”
She nodded as she looked between Beast and I. It was as if she had suddenly settled something in her mind that had been bothering her. And it wasn’t anything good.
“So she’s the reason you refused to allow Jossy and Ellie to go to ballet lessons with Gail’s girls. They kept pleading with you but you wouldn’t budge.” She spoke directly to Beast for the first time and she was pissed at him. Airing their personal shit in front of everyone. And she made it crystal clear they had been more than just casual.
Beast, of course, didn’t answer her. He just gave her dead eyes.
“She has always been there between us, hasn’t she? I never stood a fucking chance against your perfect little ballet dancer. I hope she fucking breaks your heart, like she’s done once before, when she goes back to her world. And she will go back to her world. Women like her always do once they’re done playing on the dark side. And don’t think I’ll be waiting when she’s gone, I won’t.” With that she shoved her chair back and stood. “I’m sorry, Aunt Beryl, sorry I spoilt your dinner.”
And then she stalked out with her head held high and silence reigning in the large dining room.
When I shoved my chair back Beast tried to stop me and I slapped at his hands. I was so freaking furious it felt as if steam was coming out my ears.
“I broke your heart? You let them think I broke your heart? What absolute fucking bullshit! You need to tell your side piece who broke who you fucking bastard. And women like me? What the fuck does that even mean?” He reached out to me apologetically. “Don’t touch me, just don’t, I can’t even look at you much less have you touch me right now. Making me have dinner with your fucking fuck toy is fucking sick.” I was so enraged the swear words were tripping off my tongue. I turned to the top of the table avoiding all the eyes. “Thanks for dinner, Aunt Beryl, it was delicious as always. Sorry about the swearing.”
I walked out ignoring the raised voices I left behind and went straight to the stairs and up to my room. I was relieved to find Sam sitting on a chair outside my room, he obviously wouldn’t be inside with me any longer. It was a relief actually. I didn’t need anyone watching me right now. I was too angry, torn up and confused as I locked the door behind me.
It was only as I sat down on the chair next to my bed that I realised I had climbed the stairs with barely a twinge in my knee. That was one good thing after an evening of very shitty experiences.
I blew out a heavy breath. Chris’s actions and her anger meant they had been together for far longer than what I had been led to believe. Actually, no, no one tried to hide that Beast and Chris had had a thing, they just never told me how long it had been going on. And she had met his children for heaven’s sake! That’s huge.
Bloody hell. I didn’t need this drama in my life. I had enough of my own going on. And as if the fates heard me my phone started ringing. I glanced at it and sighed. My mother. The universe really hated me. I tiredly scrubbed my hands over my face before I answered.
“Hello mother.” She always insisted on us calling her mother, no other name allowed.
“Where are you, Victoria? I’ve been calling your home for days and it went straight to messages every single time.” No hello, no how are you, nothing. Typical.
“Why didn’t you call my cell phone? You know I always have it with me.” I avoided her question. “How are you and father? And how is Daniel, Sophie and the new baby doing?”
There was an annoyed sniff before she answered.
“We are doing well. Daniel said they are settling into their new house. The baby is well. Victoria, enough with these questions, it’s you we are worried about. We’ve been hearing some disturbing rumours.”
I frowned. “Rumours? What rumours? And from whom?”
And why are Daniel and Sophie settling into a new house? They bought their dream home in DC after they were married. When did they move? God, has it been that long since I last called them for a chat?
“I ran into one of our friends from Cape Town and she said Winifred Maingarde has been asking about you. Winifred told her they were all worried because you disappeared and have been missing for weeks.”
Oh Jesus. Since when had my parents been friendly with the step-ogre? I quickly pushed record because I had to let Hawk listen to this conversation.
“That’s utter nonsense. I don’t know where she heard that stupid rumour. And since when have you been friendly with Winifred Maingarde?”
My mother snorted angrily. I knew that snort, she wasn’t going to let this go. And there was no way I was going to tell her where I was. But what if she did that finding app thingy? I jumped up unlocked and opened the door, Sam jerked upright when he saw my face. I turned my phone to speaker and showed him I was recording the conversation. My mother’s upper class voice came through loud and clear.
“Stop acting like you don’t know how our social circle operates, Victoria. Winifred and I served on a few of the same charity committees in Cape Town. And stop avoiding answering my question. Where are you?”
It pissed me off. “I’m almost thirty years old and long past the time where I had to report my movements to you. That shit ended when I moved out when I was seventeen and I refuse to return to that state of affairs. So if that was the only reason you called then we are done.”
It hurt, like it always did, that my mother loved her social standing more than she loved her children. She did her duty by us and that was all. My father was a distant cool figure I hardly knew. He had always been too busy working to attend any of my dance recitals or Daniel’s rugby games.
“I see you are as foul mouthed as ever.” Hah, this was nothing, she should have heard me earlier. “But now’s not the time to address your swearing. I want to know where you are, Victoria. You need to be taken care of as you have not been yourself since you were crippled. I should have insisted on you seeing the therapist I found for you. I wasn’t happy with your decision to return to Cape Town but I allowed it because my friends assured me they would keep an eye on you. You have to come to DC because the son of one of my friends has expressed an interest in you despite your handicap. He’s handsome, affluent and a good catch with political aspirations. Stop sulking and tell me where you are so I can book your ticket on the next flight to DC.”
And there she went and did it again. She had been in my hospital room when I woke after surgery and immediately informed me that I was now a cripple and would have to use my other attributes to find a suitable man. Jesus. How could this woman be my mother? Aren’t mothers supposed to love and support you when you are at your lowest? And pimping me out to the son of one of her friends? Eeeuw.
I didn’t say another word, I couldn’t because Sam had snatched my phone, ended the call, removed the battery and ran off down the passage. I went back into my room and sank down on a chair.
My mother had always been cold. Everything revolved around how she was perceived in their social circle. My brother and I were expected to excel academically and at any extracurricular endeavour we participated in. My brother excelled in the classroom and on the sports field. I wasn’t an A student or interested in sport. All I wanted to be was a dancer and when they realised I had talent the pressure to excel at school relented only to be refocused on my dancing.
The only reason she enrolled me at the Ballet Academy was because one of the ladies in her circle had enrolled her daughter after we had been to see The Nutcracker. The daughter didn’t last but by then my mother had been informed that I was very talented. I was allowed to continue. My mother liked the fact that her daughter was more talented than the other women’s daughter. She attended recitals and in a very upperclass way boasted about my accomplishments. She had loved being able to tell her so-called friends her daughter was a prima ballerina and danced with the best in the world. Heaven knows what she told people after I was injured in the accident.
Dearest virgin queen, Pixie and I certainly won the lottery when it came to horrible family members. She had the step-ogre and I had my cold as ice social climbing mother and coolly distant father.
I was still sitting in the chair when Beast, Hawk, Ice and Kid walked into my room. Beast ignored his brothers, dropped to his knees in front of me, shoved my legs open, got in between them and cupped my face in those enormous hands of his.
“You’re safe, baby. Ziggy took care of your phone before he gave it back to you, there’s no way she would have been able to trace the call.” His thumbs stroked over my cheeks and I sighed heavily. His touch felt too good.
“She doesn’t like me, why would she care where I was? And trying to pawn me off on some man? What the hell is that? And where are Daniel and Sophie? They bought their dream home after they were married. Why have they moved and better yet where have they moved to?” I shook my head. “I’m such a bad sister, I didn’t even know they had moved.”
“I can answer those questions for you, little red.” Hawk said quietly and I locked my eyes on his.
“We’ve had eyes on your parents and your brother and his family since you arrived here. Your mother has been seen with Winifred Maingarde’s family members. We think the man your mother is talking about is the son of a Maingarde family member. And he’s deep in their criminal family business.” My mouth hung open and I slowly shook my head. My mother was unbelievable.
“Your brother and his wife sold their house in DC and moved to his wife’s home town to separate themselves from your parents. And we have that directly from Daniel. Your brother is very observant. He saw the men we have watching over them and confronted them. He sent you a message.” Hawk withdrew his phone then played a voice message.
Hey little pest, do not, under any circumstances, come to the States. The parental units are not to be trusted. She has an agenda and it’s not good. Sophie, Bethany and I are safe. The men your friends asked to watch over us and Sophie’s family have this covered. Stay hidden. Do not, under any circumstances, come out of hiding. You are not safe. That’s an order from your big brother. We love you, little pest. Hugs and kisses from Soph and Bethy.
Hearing his voice almost had me in tears and I blinked furiously. “Thank you, Hawk. You promise they’re safe? I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to them because of me.”
“We’ve got them covered, I promise they’re safe. Your brother and his wife are well protected not only by the men we asked to watch over them but by her family as well. Didn’t know she came from a law enforcement background.” His one eyebrow shot up in an unvoiced question.
I had forgotten all about Sophie’s dad and brother. Her dad was their local sheriff and her brother was with the FBI. Now I remembered Sophie telling me that her family had been in law enforcement for generations. Somehow I now felt able to relax, knowing that her family would help to keep them safe. And if I had remembered about the law enforcement stuff then maybe Hawk wouldn’t have had to ask for help in the US.
“Sorry, Hawk. I completely forgot about Sophie’s family all being cops and stuff. I wonder if that was the reason they moved to her home town. At least now I know they are safe and protected.”
“No problem, Tori. Let’s talk about your parents. Why are they in the States and not in Cape Town where your father still has several businesses?” Ice asked.
I laughed mirthlessly. “Daniel and I were no longer in the country and she could no longer use us to get the attention she wanted. My father bought a house in DC ostensibly for them to be near their children but that’s bullshit. I was in New York and travelling all the time and Daniel was working his ass off at the firm he had joined in DC. We never saw either of them. My father appointed a CEO to run the businesses in SA and he’s personally overseeing the US side of things. I have no idea what he does actually, something to do with exports and shipping I think but I’m not sure.”
That’s when I saw something happening in the eyes of all the men. They knew something I did not.
“What? Is it the fact that he’s in exports and shipping that has all of you looking like you’re sucking on lemons?”
Beast rubbed his hands up and down my thighs drawing my attention back to him.
“Baby, I swear your brother and his family are safe and we’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anything happen to you, not fucking ever again. I promise.”
I snorted inelegantly.
“Stop being so sweet and caring, I am so freaking pissed at you. I refuse to take abuse from the bitches you fucked and chucked, it’s humiliating.” I hissed at him through clenched teeth as if I was a freaking snake.
And what did those bastards do? They laughed. They freaking laughed.
“I’m not trying to be funny you freaking assholes. Don’t think because I’m so short I won’t be able to kick you bastards in the nuts.” That got me more chuckles and I just clenched my teeth before I said something I would regret.
Beast hid his smile by dropping his head and shaking it from side to side. Drawing in a deep breath he looked up. The laughter was gone and his eyes were filled with sincerity. “I promise you will never go through shit like that ever again. I fucked up not telling you about her. I admit I fucked up with Chris and hurt her in the process but her turning all that shit on you isn’t right. She has been told to meet with Ice in the morning and he will set her straight. I’ve tried to do it but she obviously didn’t take it in. So let’s see if Ice can make her see the fucking light.”
I just shook my head. I really didn’t want to know anything more about his relationship with the bitch. And to me she was now firmly in the bitch category. I didn’t give a shit if everyone thought she was a nice woman, after what had happened in the dining room I wasn’t so sure about that.
“I’m tired and my leg is aching. Are we done here? If we are then all of you please leave because I’ve had enough of men for one night and I want to get into bed and rest my leg.” So many lies in one sentence.
No, I wasn’t tired and my leg wasn’t aching and I wasn’t angry at all of them, just with freaking Beast. Kid immediately came over and gave me a hug and a kiss on my head, totally ignoring Beast still crouching in front of me.
“I’ll see you in the morning, baby girl. Keep that leg raised and call if you need anything. Okay?” He was so damned sweet.
“Thanks, Kid. I’m going to do that as soon as everyone leaves. I’m okay, I don’t need anything.”
Hawk and Ice followed Kid out the door after chin lifts and muttered good nights.
Beast didn’t leave. He got off his knees and lifted me onto the bed and sat down next to me.
“I’ve tried to apologise to you, Ladybug, but you’re not listening to me. You want to keep this distance between us because you’re scared of how you feel. I’ll leave but know I’m not giving up. Not now, not ever. Ten years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life in letting you go, not fucking happening again. The fates brought you here, to me and I will be thanking them for the rest of my life. I’ll be back tomorrow morning, and my girls will be with me. I want them to get to know you.”
That made me so damned angry. “How can you do that to them? You’re confusing them by introducing them to different women. The way Chris spoke about Joslyn she knows them and now you’re bringing me into the mix as well. It’s not right.”
Beast lost his cool, like really lost his cool. “For fuck’s sake, Tori. What the fuck do you think I am? I’ve never introduced my girls to Chris or discussed them with her for that matter. All I did was fuck her and walk away once we were done. I have no idea where she came up with the shit she sprouted tonight. She was trying to hurt you and now I know she fucking succeeded. Jossy and Ellie aren’t taking ballet lessons because it isn’t safe for them to be away from the compound at the moment. Their fucking mother might just try and snatch them to get back at me. I’m not fucking taking that chance with their lives, ever.” He slammed a fist against the wall with a loud yell then dropped his head as I sat frozen on the bed. He stood like that for a few seconds then shook his head as if he had made a decision.
“You know what, I’m done apologising and explaining shit you don’t fucking believe. I’m going and I won’t be back in the morning. I need some fucking space to sort this shit out for myself.”
And then he was gone, the door slamming on his way out.
His words locked me in place on the bed. He was right. He has been apologising and explaining. And I have been having a hard time believing him. And why was that? Why did I not believe his apologies or explanations? It’s not as if our past was filled with lies. He had been honest with me right throughout our time together. He encouraged my dancing career, supported me unstintingly and constantly showed me how much he cared. Hell, he even waited more than a year before we had sex. He gently set me away from him every time things became too hot and heavy. Would someone who was only interested in using me for sex have done that? I think not.
Why the hell had I believed him when he broke up with me? Why hadn’t I fought for us?
Was it because of the way I was raised that I immediately believed him when he so brutally shattered my heart?
And if that was the case why was I allowing my shitty background to once again screw up my life?
Without another thought I jumped up and stormed out the door. Sam followed on my heels trying to make me stop but I waved him away.
Until I got to the top of the main stairs where DC stood watching something taking place down in the common room. She didn’t take her eyes from whatever it was, just held a hand in my face, forcing me to stop.
It was then I heard his voice. Hard, cold, relentless and scathing.
He was still here, hadn’t left yet and I knew he was talking to Chris because her sobs came through loud and clear.
“If I lose my woman because of you I will fucking kill you, bitch. Where the fuck did you get the idea that I was into you? That I would take you as my old lady? I made it very fucking clear all I wanted from you was an easy fuck. I never kissed you. Never stayed longer than was necessary to get off. Never hung out with you at a club party. Never put you on the back of my bike. And I certainly never fucking introduced you to my fucking kids.” His voice was raised and the tone had fearful goosebumps erupting over my arms.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I have feelings for you, and...and you always came to me. I thought it meant something. I was hoping you would see how good we were together and...”
He didn’t give her a chance to finish.
“For fuck sake bitch, we were fucking, that’s it. Where in the fucking short time that I fucked you did I ever give you the impression that you meant more to me than an easy fuck?”
I slapped both hands over my mouth to smother my gasp of shock. DC gave me a quick side glance then focused back on the scene playing out below.
“Beast, brother, don’t do this now. Let it go for tonight and we’ll sort it out tomorrow.” Ice tried to reason with him.
“Fuck that. After the shit this bitch spewed at dinner my woman is set to pack her fucking bags and put me in the rear view. All because of the fucked up half-truths this bitch threw around.”
“I’m so sorry, Beast. I was jealous and crazy. I’ll explain everything to Tori and make sure she knows we weren’t in a relationship. That it was all wishful thinking on my part.”
Heavy silence descended on the common room and then there was the sound of a heavy door slamming shut. Ice’s voice was the next I heard.
“Go to your room, Chris. I’ll see you in the office at nine tomorrow. And please, don’t say another fucking word. I very much agree with my brother about the shit you pulled tonight. Know that there will be consequences for your actions.”
That was when Sam pulled me away and quick marched me to my room. We stood just inside the room with the door cracked a little and listened as heavy footsteps sounded on the steel stairs then continued down the passage. Then we heard a door slammed shut.
“That was Hawk and DC, Ice and River most probably left right after he told her to go to her room. Fuck, this is bad, this is really bad, Tori. Chris is popular with the brothers and her pulling this shit might end her time with the club. No one wants the club girls to get ideas of becoming an old lady because a brother likes to fuck one specific girl. They already have enough of those ideas anyway.”
He gave me a quick glance before he looked away.
“Beast hardly every used the club girls, I just thought I needed to tell you that. Thank fuck the common room was virtually empty tonight but there’s still going to be talk. I have no idea why Hawk decided it was okay for you to be seen. I don’t think it was a good idea, not with how the night ended.”
I frowned. “Do you think someone will talk outside the club?”
Sam shrugged. “That’s always a possibility. Some people like to run their mouths to seem like they know shit.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I can’t take another revelation tonight. I’m going to sleep and hope when I open my eyes in the morning it was all a very bad dream.”
So that’s what I did. I went to bed, tossing and turning until I eventually fell asleep. Hoping like hell that in the morning all the bad shit would disappear like mist before the sun.
Wishful thinking, I know. So much wishful thinking.
