I woke earlier than usual for a Saturday morning. Enthusiasm and excitement had me up before the sun.
Rolling to my side, Mark was sleeping peacefully beside me. I reached out my hand to push the hair back from his forehead. Then I stopped, returning my hand back under my cheek, wondering where things had started going wrong. I thought back to the start of our relationship, letting myself get lost in my memories of how we’d gotten to where we were now…
When I met Mark in Cozumel my senior year in college, I thought he was funny and smart. For some reason, I also thought he still had a thing for Suzanne, so I steered clear. Mark and three of his college friends had rented the condo next to ours, which, as I found out later, Suzanne had recommended. Her father was a developer, and this was one of his properties.
Mark was polite and I enjoyed his company. It wasn’t until the last night of our trip that he asked me out.
We’d all gone to the bar on the beach, just in front of the hotel. A ceramic fire pit surrounded by Adirondack chairs was set up a safe distance from the deck stairs. I’d been sitting serenely, enjoying the fire, watching the glass beads flickering and sparkling in the night, when he walked up behind me and handed me a beer over my shoulder.
“Mind if I join you?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I reached for the beer. I smiled up at him and tipped the neck of the bottle towards the chair next to me. “Please.”
We’d never talked just the two of us. His presence felt soothing and comfortable, like someone who would protect me. I smiled at him as I took a drink.
The golden fire illuminated his tanned skin, his blue eyes almost glowing in contrast. “Did you enjoy your vacation?”
“I did, thank you. And you?”
He leaned back in the chair. “Yeah. It was a nice break. I didn’t see much of you, though.”
“Yeah, I’m not really big on zip-lining and hiking. I stayed here and did the spa thing. Spent some time on the beach.”
He shifted a bit in his seat and crossed one ankle over his other knee. “I was kind of hoping we could have talked more.”
I stilled.
He rushed on. “I mean, you’re Suzanne’s best friend and it would have been nice to get to know you better.”
“Oh. Of course. You and Suzanne.”
“No.” He repeated, “No. That’s not what I meant.” He dropped his head, shook it side to side, and laughed. “I’m getting this all messed up.”
“I’m not really following you.”
“I would like to take you out when we get back to Arizona.”
“Out?”
“On a date. Dinner. Coffee, whatever.”
“Uhm, aren’t you and Suzanne a thing or something?” Lord, now I was mucking this up.
He laughed. “No, Suzanne and I are just really good friends. We went to prom together in high school, and our dads are friends. We dated for a bit, but just never clicked like we should have.”
“Oh, well, sure, I’d like that.” Butterflies danced in my stomach, as the smile grew on his face.
We continued to talk until the others drunkenly joined us on the beach. Suzanne sat on my lap, her black hair swirling around in the wind. I was worried it would catch on fire. We all sang and joked and celebrated our last night of vacation before heading back to Arizona.
The next morning, Suzanne was still passed out, a satin cover on her eyes and a bottle of aspirin on the nightstand. Quietly and methodically, I packed our things while she slept.
The sheets ruffled and a groan came from under a pillow. I sat down next to her on the mattress and held a bottle of water out to her. “You’re alive.”
She pushed the pillow off her face and lifted the eye cover up on her forehead, bunching her hair. Mascara-smudged eyes looked at me in shame. “Did I do anything last night I need to make amends for today?”
“No. You were perfectly gorgeous and delightful.”
“Ugh.” She took the water and sipped on it slowly.
When she handed it back to me, she laid back on the bed and asked, “What time is it?”
“Time for you to get up and shower. I called for a taxi. It’ll be here in an hour.”
She threw her forearm over her eyes. “My God! I think I might be dead.”
I wanted to tell her about Mark before she saw him this morning. This wasn’t the ideal time, but it would have to do.
“Mark told me he’s on the same plane as us.”
“That’s nice.” She sat up again slowly. Swinging her feet out from under the covers and placing them on the floor, she rested her head in her hands, elbows on her knees.
“He asked me out.”
She dropped one hand and turned sideways to glance at me, her head resting in the other. “He did?”
“Yes.”
When I failed to elaborate, she raised her brows questioningly at me.
“I thought you two, well, I thought you still had a thing. But when I asked him, he said you didn’t. So… I said yes.”
“Huh.”
“Do you still have a thing?”
“Oh, God, no!”
“You’re okay if I go out with him?”
“Sure. We weren’t that serious. He’s a good guy.” She slowly stood and made her way to the bathroom.
“Why don’t you sound convincing?”
She raised her hand, and said, “Shhhh. My head.”
I followed her. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
She stopped in front of the sink and I met her eyes in the mirror. “I’m positive. You guys are actually kind of cute together.”
I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, watching as she put toothpaste on her toothbrush. “How so?”
Before putting the toothbrush in her mouth, she said, “You know. Perfect.”
And perfect we had been…until now.
Light snores were coming from his mouth as I slowly rolled out of bed. I slipped my feet into my slippers and reached for my robe at the foot of the bed.
Padding down the steps into the kitchen, I put on a pot of coffee. As I waited for it to brew, I opened my iPad and pulled up my to-do list for the day.
My event was at four-thirty. Dani had suggested I get there a few hours early to watch the early competitors and get myself ready. She’d also told me I could stay after for free and watch the championship levels and the exotics.
I needed to pack a change of clothes for dinner after the show with Solara, my outfit for the event, a bathrobe and the makeup kit I’d purchased from a theatre company earlier this week.
The coffee pot beeped and I poured myself a cup, taking it to the white fabric-covered couches in my family room just off the kitchen.
Setting my cup on the coffee table, I fluffed the pillows on the couch and lay down, staring up at the ceiling. I had so much time today before the event and nothing to fill it with.
The next thing I knew, a noise came from the kitchen. Opening my eyes, I squinted and blinked at the brightness coming through the windows. Mark came around the corner and took a seat in the oversized chair at the end of the table.
I stretched and looked around. “What time is it?”
“Good morning.”
I smiled. “Good morning.”
“It’s ten-thirty.”
“Oh goodness, I must have fallen back asleep.”
He tentatively sipped his coffee. “What time did you get up?”
“I don’t know. It was still dark.”
I sat up, took my mug to the sink, emptied the now cold coffee, and poured myself another cup.
He said loudly from the other room. “What time is your thing today?”
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. His tone was casual, but it was his use of the word thing that had me gritting my teeth.
Sitting back down on the couch, I tucked my feet under me and sipped my coffee. “It’s at four-thirty but I think I might go early to watch the other competitors.”
He nodded solemnly, sipping on his coffee. The air was thick with tension. “I think I might play golf today.”
His tone was so dismissive, it was all I could do not to throw a pillow at him. I smiled instead, determined not to let him ruin my day. “That sounds like a great way to spend the day.”
The silence stretched between us, turning awkward. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through it.
The birds chirped outside, sitting on the edge of the birdbath.
Not able to take the silence any longer, I stood to leave. “I’m going to get ready and head out.”
I had taken a few steps back toward the kitchen when he called my name. “Charlie.”
Stopping, I turned back towards him and waited.
“Good luck today.”
My shoulders relaxed; my hands lowered. “Thank you.”
He nodded and went back to his phone.
After showering, I gathered up my travel bag, my dress, and all the things I would need for the day. When I went downstairs, Mark was already gone. The house: silent.
It didn’t take me long to get to the small theatre that was hosting the event. When I pulled into the parking lot, I was surprised by the number of cars that had already filled the lot.
It looked like a warehouse from the outside, but when I entered the front doors, I was met with palatial, gilded-age décor.
The carpet was a deep turquoise, the walls: the color of melted butter. Dark gold brocade curtains, pulled back by thick, gold rope, hung over each of the entry points to the theatre.
A small concession stand offered sodas and candy. Throughout the lobby, vendors were strategically placed to catch your attention as you passed by on your way to the restrooms or concessions.
Glancing around looking for someone I knew, I saw Dani and a number of other girls working behind a long folding table. A black tablecloth was draped over it, with the L.O.V.E. logo emblazoned on the front.
A line was forming at the table. Girls loaded down with dress bags and makeup kits chatted enthusiastically with each other. Oddly, many of them were dressed in sweatpants and slippers.
“Hey, Charlotte.”
I jumped at the sound of my name and turned to see Paxton coming out of one of the side offices. He was wearing a similar outfit to the one he’d had on the first time we met. Only this time, he also had a headset draped around his neck, and a wireless radio box that was attached to a clip on his belt.
“Hey… Paxton.”
He grinned wide. I wasn’t surprised to see sharp canines. I was surprised to see such a beautiful smile.
“Do you need to check in?”
“Do I?”
He laughed. “C’mon.” He took my bag and placed his hand at the small of my back, lightly touching me and guiding me towards the table.
Over the heads of the other girls in line, he called for Dani. “Charlotte’s here.”
A large hanging rack stood at the side of the table and he hung my bag on it. He whispered to me. “Good luck today.”
I was going to thank him, when Dani squealed and ran around the table to hug me. “You’re here! Oh my God! Are you excited?”
I was squished in her embrace and smiled broadly, laughing at her enthusiasm. “I am. I’m really nervous though.” On the other side of the room, Paxton headed off in the direction of a set of stairs.
She stepped back from me, and went around the table. “You’ll be fine. Let me get you checked in, and then I’ll show you where to go.”
Reaching under the table, she handed me a gift bag and a lanyard with the word COMPETITOR printed on the badge.
All the girls behind the desk were dressed in black leggings, soft shoes, and black T-shirts emblazoned with the L.O.V.E logo.
“Come with me, Charlie,” she said with a wink.
I laughed nervously. “You sound like you’re leading me into a den of sin.”
With a nod of her head, and a quick laugh, she gestured for me to follow. “Hardly.” She paused. “But then, I guess if that helps you dance better.”
I grabbed my dress bag from the rack and followed her as she headed towards a side door, opened it, and gestured me through. “This is where you can get ready. There are dressing rooms down this hall, bathrooms to the right, and the entrance to the stage is at the end of this hall.”
Now that I was back-stage, the butterflies in my stomach were getting worse.
I tugged on Dani’s arm and whispered, “Dani, I’m feeling really nervous.”
Her eyes met mine and she took both my hands in hers. “You are going to be amazing. You can totally do this. Just forget about everyone else and do your thing. Erin and Solara and I are all here for you.”
I exhaled dramatically. “I can do this.”
She nodded. “You can do this. Now, let me show you where to put your things.”
Leading me to the dressing room, she walked me to one of the empty vanity tables.
“Put your makeup here, and hang your dress on the hook on the back of the mirror.”
Girls were fluttering about all around me. Sexy, sparkling costumes hung from racks and doorways. Everywhere I looked was color and shine. Everyone was laughing like they knew each other. After hanging up my outfit, Dani pulled me back out into the hallway and down towards the stage entrance.
From the brightly lit hall, we stepped into the darkness of the wings, and I had to blink a moment, allowing my eyes to adjust. The only lights came from the stage in front of us.
To my right were four girls in black L.O.V.E T-shirts and black booty shorts. They were barefoot, and Dani whispered in my ear, “Those are the pole cleaners.”
“What do you mean, ‘the pole cleaners?’”
“After every dancer, two of the cleaners will go out onto the stage and clean the poles. One takes the static pole, the other, the spin pole. They climb to the top, just like you do in class and clean top to bottom.”
“So, I don’t need to clean the poles afterward?”
She smiled sweetly at me. “No, darlin’. You’re the star today.”
That made me laugh. She continued telling me how the event would work. “You’ll check in with Erin, and tell her what position you want to start in. When you go out on stage, she’ll wait until you’re in that position, and then she’ll use her microphone to tell the soundstage to cue your music.”
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and it was then that I noticed Erin behind one of the curtains. Three dancers were waiting to talk to her, so I just gave her a little wave. She smiled back at me and pointed to her clipboard.
Dani was still talking. By the time I refocused my attention on her, all I heard her say was… “and then you just… dance.”
“Okay. Got it.” Shit, no I don’t.
“I’m going to leave you here. I need to go back up front and check people in. You’ll be fine, Charlie. You’ll be fine.”
I nodded at her and watched her walk away. The light from the hall momentarily blinded me. I blinked my eyes a few times after the door shut, adjusting once again to the darkness backstage.
On the stage was a steel frame with two poles mounted from the top. One was the static pole. The other was a spinner.
Stage lights hung from the top and were mounted on the side of the structure, strategically placed to highlight the moves and the glinting steel of the poles.
I looked around in fascination at the other dancers, dressed in outfits ranging from pink and sassy to black dominatrix.
When Erin finished with the other girls, she came straight to me and told me I needed to go get dressed.
“How much time do I have?”
She looked down at her clipboard. “Maybe an hour? You can warm up on that pole over there.” She jerked her chin towards a pole I hadn’t seen when I came in.
“Okay. I’m going to watch for just a few more minutes, then I’ll go get dressed.”
When I’d seen enough to give me an idea of how this worked, I went back to the dressing room and sat down at the vanity mirror where I’d left my things.
I took my time flat ironing my hair, making sure it was as long and sleek as I could get it. Then I braided two small sections starting from my forehead, tying them together at the back of my head with a small rubber-band.
I applied heavy makeup with lots of contour since the lights were so bright. My eyes were lined with heavy black eyeliner and I applied thick silver glitter eyeshadow.
When I was satisfied with my makeup, I took my outfit to a dressing closet and changed. The top sparkled like a mirror ball. The feathers ruffled softly.
My black platform shoes with the clear acrylic heels laced up to my calf and stayed in place with black leather buckles just under my knees. When I stood, I was over six feet tall.
I had just placed my duffle bag back under my vanity table when I heard my name.
“Charlotte?”
I turned to see Suzanne standing in the door frame.
“Suzanne? I’m so glad you made it. How did you get back here?”
Approaching me cautiously, her eyes were wide as she looked me up and down. Stuttering a bit, she responded, “I, uhm…WOW! This is you!”
“This is me.” I twirled in front of her, smiling.
“Charlie, you look phenomenal.”
“Thank you. But who let you in?”
“Oh, some huge beast of a man. Looked annoyed when I asked about you.”
“Paxton.”
“Who’s Paxton?”
“He’s the owner of the studio. I think annoyed is his general state of being. C’mon. Let me show you the backstage area, and then I’ll walk you out. You can watch from the theatre seats.”
She followed behind me to the backstage area. I explained to her what Dani had told me, and then took her back out to the lobby.
Before I opened the doors, she put her hand on my arm. I had to look down to her. She was much shorter from this height.
“Charlie, I’m really proud of you. I know it sounded like I scoffed at this, but it takes a lot of courage to perform. Just know that I’m proud of you.”
I leaned down to hug her, careful not to get makeup on her beautiful peach silk blouse.
“Thank you, Suzanne. I needed to hear that. And thank you for being here.”
We walked through the doors and I took her directly to the ticket office. Before I could get there, Paxton stopped me.
“Charlotte.”
I turned. His eyes roved slowly over my body, and I held my head high, not wanting him to affect me. It didn’t work. My lips parted on a breath, and my body flushed. I was almost eye to eye with him. Not backing away from him, I held my head high, almost challenging him to say something snarky.
When he spoke, his voice was gravelly. “You don’t need a ticket for your friend. You get one free guest. I’ll take her to a seat for you.”
Trying to act unaffected, I looked to Suzanne. “Suzanne, Paxton Crown. Paxton, my friend Suzanne.”
Suzanne extended her small hand politely and he looked at it, almost disdainfully, before quickly shaking it and then turning towards the theatre. “It’s this way.”
Before she followed him, she whispered so only I would hear, “Did he just eye fuck you?”
“Suzanne!”
“He did. Christ almighty. We need to talk.”
“Not now. Go!” I pushed her gently on her way and she looked at me pointedly. “Later. I promise.”
Paxton efficiently directed her towards the theatre and pointed to a row of seats. Then I ran as quick as my platforms could carry me to the entrance to the competitor’s area.
I took one last minute to swipe on a bit more lip gloss and then went backstage.
Erin saw me and waved me over. “What’s your starting position, Charlotte?”
My head started to swim. I thought to myself, Breathe, Charlie, breathe. “Okay, uhm. I’ll be to the left of the static pole, my back to the audience, feet apart, my left hip cocked. My right arm will be extended above me and wrapped around the pole; my left hand will be on my hip.”
She scribbled furiously on the pad of paper. When she looked up she was smiling. “Okay, one more and then you’re next.”
She left me to help the girl after me and I stepped over to the side curtain, watching the current girl on the pole. I swayed back and forth on my platforms, trying to work out the nerves.
The lights were giving off so much heat. I started to sweat.
The current performer finished her routine and I backed up to the practice pole to warm up. After a few turns and some visualization of my program, I went back to the curtain to wait. Adrenaline pumped through me. I pulled one of the curtains back and peeked out to the audience. Suzanne sat a few rows back from the stage.
The music ended and claps and cheers came from the audience. Then a flurry of pole cleaners went out to prepare the stage for me. Hugs and laughter swirled around me, and I wiped my palms on my legs.
Erin came up beside me and smiled. “Are you ready, Charlie?”
It was now or never. Taking a few deep breaths, I responded, “Ready.”
Erin clicked her microphone and spoke into her headset. “Charlotte’s ready.”
Solara’s voice announced over the speakers, “She represents the Live Once Vertical Studio, please welcome Charlotte Chase.”
And I stepped out onto the stage.