“Suzanne, I’m telling you, I don’t know if I can go through with it.” I was walking quickly across the parking lot, my heels clicking on the concrete. Cradling my cell phone between my ear and my shoulder as I opened my car door, I threw my bag onto the passenger seat. It was Friday and the office building garage was already empty.
For the past two days I had been working with Dani on a dance routine, and I was already feeling really good about it. Confident and sexy. Every time I returned to my real life, the burden to keep up a facade felt heavier and heavier.
Dani and I had settled on Demi Lovato’s “Confident.” Dani loved my outfit and every day I was getting more and more excited about the competition. The looming engagement and celebration party was starting to feel more and more like a roadblock to my personal happiness.
Mark had called Suzanne the day after I ran out on our dinner, and now she was acting as a go-between. It pissed me off that he would use her to talk to me. I was pulling farther and farther away from him.
Her voice interrupted my thoughts. “He’s invited everyone, and I mean everyone, that the two of you know. You can’t back out now.” She paused, and then continued almost accusingly. “Unless…are you completely backing out?”
I pushed the start button on my car and the phone switched to Bluetooth.
“Charlie, are you there?”
“Yes, I’m here, I was just turning on the car. And no, I’m not completely backing out.” I drove out of the garage, heading home to meet the caterers and party rental company. “I don’t think,” I said as an afterthought.
“I’m on my way over to your house. I have your dress, and we can talk more then.”
I started to tell her I wanted to be alone tonight, but she hung up and the Bluetooth disconnected.
After the dinner with Mark earlier this week, I’d called Solara. I loved Suzanne. She was my closest friend. But Solara felt…bold, alive, and vivacious. And non-judgmental. I told her I’d signed up for the competition and asked if she had been serious about meeting for dinner. Her response? An enthusiastic “Yes!”
The competition would run until 7 p.m., so it would be a late dinner, but I didn’t care. I needed something to ground me, to give me something to look forward to.
Suzanne’s car was in my driveway when I arrived.
Mark was nowhere to be seen, and honestly, I was grateful. We’d been tip-toeing around each other this week and he’d been sleeping in the guest room.
Elegantly, Suzanne stepped out of her car as I approached her.
“Were you sitting here when you called me?” I asked.
“No, but I was around the corner showing a house.”
Three white party trucks were parked alongside the curb, and one of the drivers ran up the driveway when he saw me pull in.
“Mrs. Kingsley?”
Suzanne crossed her arms and smirked at me as if to say, How are you going to respond to that?
I frowned at her and said to the driver, “Yes. Are you bringing the tables and chairs?”
“Yes, ma’am. And we have the tent and serving ware too.”
I turned back to Suzanne. “Can you direct him, please? While I go change?”
With saccharine sweetness, she replied, “Of course, Mrs. Kingsley, I would be happy to.” Then she turned on her heel, telling the men to follow her.
I knew Suzanne would direct them to set up the party with the utmost perfection, and I left her to the details.
The day of the party, I woke to a brilliant bouquet of red roses and a note on my dresser:
To Charlie,
My life just wouldn’t be the same without you in it.
Mark
With a heavy sigh, I put on my bathrobe, grabbed the vase, and went downstairs to get my morning coffee. Caterers, and florists, were already bustling around. An ivory and gold garland twisted around the banister, and oversized vases sat at the foot of the stairs.
The caterers had returned to set up lights and a dance floor in the backyard. Surprisingly, the weather was cool, almost wintery for Texas, but the sky was clear and blue. Heat lamps were placed close to the seating area and would be turned on later this evening.
Mark was sitting at the kitchen bar drinking coffee and reading the news on his laptop.
He raised his eyes to me and smiled tentatively. “Good morning.”
I set the vase gently on the counter. “Thank you for the flowers.”
“You’re welcome.”
We were wary around each other. More and more frequently our conversations were stilted and forced.
I crossed my arms in front of me, smiled, and nodded out towards the back yard. “It looks nice out there. It should be a beautiful party tonight.”
Ignoring my attempt at banalities, he said, “Charlie, about the other night…”
I dropped my arms and stepped between his legs. Hooking my hands behind his neck, I cut him off. “You don’t need to apologize, Mark. I should have told you sooner.”
He reached around his neck and unclasped my hands, “I wasn’t going to apologize.”
Stepping back from him I crossed my arms again. “Then what were you going to say?”
He exhaled and looked me directly in the eye. I really didn’t want to get into this again with him. I was exhausted.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” A forced smile spread across his face. “What time are you and Suzanne getting your hair done?”
I walked to the other side of the kitchen and pulled down a mug. Pouring the coffee, I responded, “She should be here to get me in about an hour.”
He moved behind me, and I put my mug back down on the counter. His arms wrapped around my middle and he buried his face in my neck. “I don’t want to fight with you, Charlie.”
Placing my hands over his forearms, I rested my head back against his shoulder and whispered, “I don’t want to fight with you, either.”
“Tonight is going to be beautiful. And you are beautiful. And we are going to have a beautiful life together.”
I tilted my head to him for a kiss, and he pressed his lips gently against mine, breathing in for just a moment and then releasing me. “I have some work to do and then I’ll see you this afternoon, alright?”
I nodded. He grabbed his laptop and coffee and headed back to his office down the hall.
Taking my coffee upstairs with me, I changed into a button-down shirt and jeans. Suzanne arrived a short while later, and the rest of the day passed in a blur. She carted me from one appointment to the next, and by the time we returned to my house, all I really wanted was a nap.
Promptly at six-thirty, Mark knocked on our bedroom door. Applying one last swipe of lip color, I grabbed my shoes and went to open it.
He swallowed visibly. His throat moved as his eyes scanned me from head to toe and back up again.
“Charlie, you look so lovely.”
His custom tuxedo made him appear almost regal, and I couldn’t disagree that he was an incredibly handsome man.
I curtsied and thanked him for the compliment. He held out his hand and walked me down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, I slipped into my shoes and we prepared ourselves to meet our guests.
Despite my reticence, I enjoyed the evening. Our friends arrived in glamourous fashion in their Mercedes and Bentleys.
Mark was the ever-gracious host, never far from my side as we walked through the rooms and greeted everyone.
Dinner was served in the backyard under the large party tent. Oversized glass candelabras with flameless candles acted as centerpieces, and I couldn’t help but think that had been a bad decision. I couldn’t see the guests across from me, and at one point that made me laugh. The entire evening felt like frosting on a sugarless cake.
Servers passed behind me, taking my plate. My wine glass was filled from over my shoulder. Silverware clinked on the china and the sound of high-pitched laughter merged with the conversations carrying on all around me. I could see mouths moving, and I smiled and nodded, but I couldn’t hear the words. I started to sweat.
Mark reached out to grab my hand under the table and I glanced at him, smiling the frozen smile I had mastered so well. I pressed my other hand against my stomach and turned to whisper to Mark that I needed a minute.
“Not yet. I was just going to make a toast.”
He pulled his hand from mine and stood, clinking his knife against his glass.
“Good evening, everyone.” He waited until the murmurs of conversation died down. “Hello. Good evening. Welcome everyone to this beautiful night. We are certainly having a beautiful spring in Houston, are we not?”
Everyone murmured their agreement, smiling and clapping.
Mark droned on and on about what a lovely job the caterers had done and the beauty of the evening. I smiled and clapped at the requisite times. He congratulated me on my promotion, and I smiled appreciatively at our sophisticated guests when they clapped.
When he reached down to take my hand, I gave it to him, and he gently pulled me up out of my chair.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the reason for our party tonight. My lovely bride-to-be, Charlotte Chase.”
Everyone around us stood and clapped. Mark wrapped his arm around me and leaned in for a kiss. We were handed champagne flutes and I raised my glass to everyone in gratitude.
I nodded, smiled, and put my arm around him to steady myself. My stomach churned. Mark continued with his speech, letting everyone know the band would start soon.
I leaned up to Mark’s ear, telling him I would be right back.
“Okay. Don’t be long. There are a lot of people here for you.”
“I won’t be.”
I weaved through the tables and made it into the house before I was intercepted by my boss’s wife. “Charlotte! What a divine party.” She took my hands and tugged gently on them with each word.
Leaning down to kiss her cheeks, I responded. “Thank you, Marjorie. I am so glad you could make it.”
“You know, Richard says the most wonderful things about you. ‘A rising star, that Charlotte, a rising star.’”
“Well, thank you so much! If you could just excuse me for a moment, I was on my way to the den to get something for Mark.”
She didn’t let go of my hands. “You look a little thin dear, are you feeling alright?”
With a tight smile, I responded, “Yes, actually, I’ve been working out more often. Trying to get back in shape, you know.”
“Oh goodness, yes. I tried running once. Bad for my knees. What have you been doing?”
“Dancing.”
“How fun! Is it a Zumba class? I understand all the young girls are taking Zumba these days.”
“No, it’s more of a specific style of dancing.”
“It’s not that awful hip-hop stuff, is it? You’re too old for that kind of nonsense.”
My blood pressure was rising. My shoulders tense. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down but the words just came out. “No, Marjorie. I’ve actually been taking pole dancing classes.”
“Pole dancing?” she nearly shouted.
“Yes, it’s actually incredibly difficult.”
“Isn’t that for strippers?”
Mark came through the back door at just that moment. His face contorted with fury. “Charlie, can I see you for a minute, please?” He lightly but firmly grabbed my elbow and steered me towards the home office.
When the door was shut behind us, he turned on me. “What the hell, Charlie? Now you’re sharing your little escapade with your boss’s wife?”
I shook off his hand from my arm. “She didn’t seem all that upset by it. If you hadn’t dragged me off, I might have had an interesting conversation.”
Pacing the room, he shook his head in disbelief and then let out an audible sigh. The fight left him and he softly said, “Charlie, seriously, are you ok?”
Sitting gingerly on the edge of the couch, I resigned myself to the conversation. “I’m fine, and I’m having a really difficult time understanding why this is such a big deal. It’s just another form of exercise and I enjoy it.”
“It’s not just that, though. It’s everything about you lately. You seem really disconnected and I’m starting to wonder if maybe we rushed things buying this house. Did we move too fast? I feel like you aren’t in this with me.”
I stood and went to him. Standing directly in front of him I did my best to make eye contact. I reached for him and spoke softly. “I am in this with you. I do feel a little suffocated, but – ”
He blew up. “Suffocated?!”
My head jerked back in surprise.
The door to the office opened and my boss walked in, his eyes darting back and forth between us. Shutting the door gently behind him, he said, “Everything alright in here?”
“Hi, Richard. Yes, everything’s fine.”
“Marjorie said you appeared a little distraught.”
I smiled and assured him everything was okay. Mark loosened his tie and poured himself a drink from the side table.
Richard entered the room in a cautious manner and addressed Mark. “Do you mind if I talk to Charlie alone for a moment?”
He raised his glass in a mock salute. “Be my guest.”
Tossing back the drink, he left us alone.
When the door shut behind him, Richard stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “You seem a little stressed tonight, Charlotte.”
“Mark and I are a little…” I searched for the right word, “…disconnected, lately.”
“That happens with couples. The two of you are getting ready to embark on a big commitment. With your promotion, and the plans for the wedding, I can see how that might happen.”
I didn’t like where this was going. I flushed, my hands clammy as I clasped them together. My world was slipping out of control.
He took his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t you take a leave of absence? At least enough time to get ready for the wedding. You’ve worked hard and you need a little time to yourself.”
And there it was. Slip.
Desperation laced my words. “Richard, I don’t need any time off.”
“Nonetheless, I’m giving it to you.” His look was pointed. It was the look he used when he wanted the recipient of his decision to stop talking.
I opened my mouth to argue, and he raised his gray brows questioningly at me.
I tried to inhale deeply to relax, but my dress was restricting me. “Thank you, Richard. A little time off will be wonderful.”
“Great! Then it’s settled. I’ll have Peggy send out an email and bring you your things on Monday.”
“Monday?” I was met with silence. “Monday will be fine, sir.”
“Very well.” He turned to head back out to the party. “Lovely party, Charlotte. Lovely party.”