Jude hoisted Lulu onto her other hip and pressed the bell again, wondering where Chrissie was, because it was unlike her not to be in when they’d made arrangements to get together and have a Lykke evening in on the sofa. She had read all about Lykke in a magazine article. A Danish concept. A recipe for happiness, if you like; she reckoned it was just the thing Chrissie needed with everything that was going on in her life right now.
So Jude had come to The Forstal Farmhouse with a big bag of provisions – a bottle of Prosecco to liven up flutes of elderflower cordial into St Germain cocktails, a couple of DVDs – the lovely, summery film, Mamma Mia, and the feel-good classic, Grease, which she and Chrissie used to watch all the time when they were young girls, singing along to the songs, with Chrissie channelling Sandy to Jude’s Rizzo. A giant bag of Twiglets, an enormous Yankee candle in the Happy Spring scent and a pair of handknitted crimson socks for everyone to snuggle up in, Holly included, courtesy of Hettie’s House of Haberdashery on the other side of the village. Sybs, the manager there, had called in to Darling Antiques & Interiors the other day to say hello, and after they had got chatting, Jude asked if she’d be interested in creating some items for her new Happy Homewear section. It was an initiative she had come up with after reading the Lykke article and, seeing as her own knitting skills were extremely limited, it made perfect sense to get a crafting expert in to knit some beautiful bespoke bed socks, cashmerino wraps and cardies, plus make fabulous floaty nighties and tea dresses too. Jude reckoned the new additions to the shop would go down a treat in the run-up to the summer holidays, and she’d been absolutely right, having nearly sold out of all the cardies and dresses already.
Jude buzzed the bell again, but had to put Lulu down on the doorstep, as the weight of her and the big bag of stuff was near crippling, sending her back into a spasm. Jude offloaded the bag too, and turned to see if Tony was still waiting – some habits die hard, as he was still there, looking to see her in safely, as if she were still a young girl going for a sleepover. He’d kindly given her a lift to Chrissie’s, and was then going on to Dolly’s house for a catch-up and to see how Sam was getting on, not having had a chance to see him yet since he returned from Singapore. She grinned and motioned for Tony to go and leave her to it.
‘I’m a grown-up now, Dad,’ she mouthed, shaking her head and grinning. He shrugged and carried on making a roll-up. ‘Hey, stop that, you naughty girl.’ Jude turned her attention to Lulu instead, who was now scratching at the door, nosy as ever, no doubt. Jude tutted and picked the dog back up, but Lulu was having none of it, and leapt right out of her arms and resumed pawing and clawing at the black front door. ‘Lulu, stop that. What on earth is the matter?’ But it made no difference.
Sensing something was amiss, Jude crouched down to the letterbox at the bottom of the door and lifted it open, but it was too low for her to actually see inside. Lulu went berserk and started howling and barking, in between pawing at Jude’s legs now, as if trying to communicate something to her. Jude stepped across the path to the little window that looked into the hallway and, after pressing her hands up to the sides of her head, she peered through the glass. The house was in total darkness. But something wasn’t right. Jude just knew it. And where was Chrissie? It really was unlike her not to be here.
Jude looped the handle of Lulu’s lead over a nearby fence post to prevent her from running off, and then dashed over to Tony’s car, where he was still savouring his rollie.
‘Dad, can you pass me your torch from the glove box, please?’ she said as soon as he wound down the window.
‘Here you go, love.’ He handed the torch to her. ‘Is something up?’
‘I’m not sure. But I’m going to find out.’ And she ran back to the house and peered again through the little window, this time with the torch on full beam. Her hunch was right! Well … thanks to Lulu realising that something was up, and then actually having the gumption to alert her, which was a blessing in itself as Lulu was usually quite pathetic when it came to galvanising herself into action and behaving like a proper dog.
Holly was lying on the floor at the far end of the hall with a kitchen chair on top of her legs.
Jude quickly found her handbag and was just about to rummage inside it when she was swiftly pushed aside from behind.
SMASH.
Tony had booted in the front door, making the bevelled glass mirror on the wall behind it fall and shatter everywhere.
‘DAD! What are you doing?’ Jude hissed, horrified.
Holly was moving now and trying to stand up. Tony grabbed the chair off her back and swiftly stood it upright. Then carefully steered the young girl towards it.
‘There now, sweetheart. You just sit still for a minute. You’ve had a fall by the looks of it.’ And he patted Holly’s arm before turning to Jude. ‘We couldn’t just leave her lying there, what if she was having a hypo? Diabetic comas can be fatal!’ he said by way of explanation for the now-broken door lock and splintered wood frame. He tried the hallway light switch, and turned it on and off again to no effect.
‘I have a key! That’s what I was looking for in my handbag. Chrissie gave me one years ago … for emergencies,’ she quickly explained, making big eyes and lifting it to show him in the torchlight, before dumping the key and the handbag on the stairs and crouching down in front of Holly. ‘What happened, darling? Are you OK?’ She rubbed the tops of Holly’s arms to comfort her. Holly nodded and stared back, her eyes wide with shock and fright, but she seemed to be OK, no bumps or bruises that Jude could see.
Seconds later, the lights came on.
‘There we go. It was just a trip. All fixed now,’ Tony said, closing the fuse box and turning his attentions to the front door; then, after muttering something about getting his tool bag, headed towards his van.
Holly was crying now, fiddling with the hem of her Katy Perry tour T-shirt and refusing to look Jude in the eye.
‘It’s OK, Holly,’ Jude soothed, sensing there was more to this than her goddaughter simply standing on a chair and then toppling off it. It was unlike Holly to be so distraught, she usually seemed quite resilient, but now she was almost choking on her sobs. ‘Come on, sweetie, surely it’s not that bad …’
‘Mum is going to go mental,’ Holly sobbed in a stilted, breathy voice. ‘I thought it was her ringing the doorbell. That she had forgotten her door key again. She’d go mad if she saw me climbing on a chair. And she already hates me!’ The young girl put her head in her hands and sobbed some more, as if she had the weight of the whole world on her shoulders.
‘No she doesn’t,’ Jude said instinctively, taken aback, followed by, ‘why on earth would you think that?’ But before Holly could say anything more, Chrissie came hurtling through the open front door, her blonde hair flying out in the backdraught and her face full of horror.
‘Oh God, what’s happened?’ she gasped, dropping to her knees next to Jude. ‘Holly, are you OK? Can you hear me? Is it a hypo?’ she shouted, panicking and lifting Holly’s chin so she could look into her eyes.
‘No, Mum. It’s not. I’m all right. Not everything is about the diabetes, you know. Stop making it a big deal.’ Holly lifted her feet up onto the chair and, with her knees under her chin, she clasped her arms around her legs, shrinking away from Chrissie.
‘Your mum just cares, sweetheart,’ Jude said, seeing the look of hurt flicker across Chrissie’s face.
‘I fell off the chair trying to fix the fuse, that was all,’ Holly mumbled into herself.
Chrissie’s eyebrows shot up into her forehead. ‘You were doing what?’
‘I was just trying to help!’ Holly looked up, her chin wobbled as her bottom lip quivered.
‘But why wasn’t Dad here with you?’
‘He dropped me off just a few minutes ago.’ Holly knew that she was going to get her dad into big trouble, but she couldn’t tell the truth about what had really happened – what would become of her Get Mum and Dad Back Together in Time for My Birthday plan then? Chrissie tutted and sighed, shaking her head in frustration.
‘Don’t blame Dad, just like you always do!’ Holly was practically shouting now.
‘Don’t take that tone with me, Holly. I come home to find my daughter lying on the floor, looking very upset, and it’s not a big deal?’ Chrissie and Holly eyeballed each other for a moment – both of them furious with the other, before Chrissie crumbled and wrapped herself around her daughter in a relieved hug. Holly started off on a fresh round of sniffles, but hugged her mum tightly in return.
Jude smiled. Holly might be thirteen years old and as headstrong as anything, but at times like these she was still just a little girl who needed her mummy.
‘Look, I’d better call Dr Ben right away, I need to make sure that you haven’t actually brained yourself.’ And Chrissie leapt up and darted into the kitchen to grab the landline phone from the holster. Jude could tell that Chrissie was really upset, but was trying not to show it in front of Holly.
‘Go on, love.’ Tony was back with his tool bag. ‘Check she’s all right,’ he instructed when Jude glanced up at him. ‘Holly and I will be fine, won’t we girl?’ He gave Holly a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she buried her face back into her knees. ‘Let’s go and put the telly on in the family room. I can fix the door later, no problem,’ he suggested cheerfully, at which Holly looked up and managed a weak smile as she nodded her head and rubbed her tears away on the back of her sleeve.
Jude dashed after Chrissie.
‘She seems fine, Chrissie. It doesn’t look as if she’s done anything worse than given herself a bit of a fright. I don’t think she actually knocked herself out. She was checking the fuse box. A power cut,’ Jude explained, quickly bringing her friend up to speed. She put her hand on Chrissie’s arm, concerned at the grim set of her jaw and the spark of anger in her eyes. She was pacing around the kitchen now with a thunderous look on her face.
‘Power cut? Fuse box? But what was she even doing standing on a chair? Where the hell was Sam?’ Chrissie said through gritted teeth, holding the phone in mid-air.
‘I don’t know. But he wouldn’t have left her on her own without good reason,’ Jude said desperately, not sure what Sam had been thinking, but wondering what Holly had told him. And she didn’t want to get Holly into even more trouble than she already seemed to be. Plus, Holly’s comment was bothering her … why on earth would Holly think Chrissie hated her? Chrissie and Holly had always had a bit of a fiery relationship. They clashed. Because Chrissie could be strict, driven by routine and rules, and Holly was headstrong and typically a child who pushed the boundaries. In fact, Holly reminded Jude quite a lot of how Chrissie had been as a teenager. Spirited and fun too; she knew her own mind. Holly idolised Sam to the point where she had cast Chrissie as the demon, blaming her for her dad not being around, for being the reason for her mum and dad’s separation – Chrissie had told Jude all about it during their Skype sessions when she was in LA; how Holly had never so much as once uttered a bad word about her dad. Even when he didn’t show up for her thirteenth birthday weekend.
‘It’s not Dad’s fault he’s busy working to pay for everything,’ was what Holly had said to her mum, absolutely delighted with the expensive new laptop that Sam had delivered to her as a birthday present. Along with the two hundred pounds he put in her bank account so she could treat herself to some new clothes. Not that Chrissie wanted Holly to hate her dad, but it did seem unfair for her to get all the blame because she was the boring one, as far as Holly was concerned. The one who made her do her homework. The one who made her pick up her clothes instead of leaving them on the floor. The one who made her make her bed. And so on. But then Sam was always the easy-going one. The one who let Holly do pretty much what she liked. The one who thought material things made up for missing special occasions. So no wonder Chrissie was desperate to pull back some control. Jude imagined her friend felt as if everything was slipping away from her. But in her desperation to hold on, she was inadvertently pushing Holly, and possibly her husband, away. It was a mess.
‘Bloody typical.’ Chrissie was still fuming. ‘Why the hell was she even here on her own? I never leave her home alone. She was supposed to be at Dolly’s house visiting Sam. And he was supposed to drop her home after I got back. He could have at least waited with her … No, this shouldn’t have happened.’
‘Look, why don’t we just call Dr Ben on his out-of-hours number,’ Jude suggested, in the hope that reassurance from a medical professional might defuse Chrissie’s concerns. ‘Let’s see what he says and then get Holly to bed. She’s had a fright falling off the chair and could probably do with a bit of TLC.’
Chrissie sighed, deep in thought, as if mulling over what to do for the best. Then, ‘You’re right, Jude. First things first; we can talk about this later,’ she decided.
*
Chrissie had left Dr Ben a message and he had called her straight back. Jude saw that his lilting Irish brogue had soothed her friend’s anxieties, her shoulders relaxing as she told him what had happened. He’d also talked to Holly to gauge how she was feeling, and Holly told him that she was absolutely fine. She hadn’t even blacked out. She was just shocked when she fell off the chair.
‘Holly sounds like she has come out of the episode unscathed,’ he had reassured. ‘But make sure you monitor her for signs of concussion – headaches, vomiting, confusion … anything out of the ordinary. I’ll text you the full list, and please don’t hesitate to ring me back. Or you can call 999 if you have any indicators at all, OK?’
Later, feeling reassured but watchful, Chrissie had put Holly to bed. She had tucked her in like she had done when Holly was a young child. All the while she had listened to Holly grumble and fret about Sam and how she shouldn’t upset Dad or ‘he might go away again.’
Jude had waited downstairs, pulling out her bag of goodies and hoping that something of their Lykke evening could be salvaged. It looked to Jude like Chrissie needed to offload her feelings more than she had realised.
‘I’d better only have a very small cocktail. I need to keep my wits about me,’ Chrissie said when she came downstairs and into the lounge to join her friend. She had found Holly’s old video baby monitor in a cupboard, and plugged it in and set it up on the coffee table in front of them. ‘I can keep an eye on her tonight for peace of mind.’
‘Good idea. But all seems well,’ Jude said, looking at the little screen on the monitor. Holly was snuggled up in bed reading a book.
‘Thankfully,’ Chrissie sighed. ‘I know it’s late for her to still be awake. But, tonight I’d rather she was alert and reading. That way I know she’s OK.’
‘Sure, and it’s a Saturday evening, so it’s not like she has school tomorrow. Now, sit back and take a sip of this,’ Jude smiled, handing her friend the Prosecco cocktail and hoping she’d try to relax.
Chrissie settled back on the sofa, sinking into the deep cushions.
‘Mmm, I really need this.’ She took a mouthful. ‘You should come around more often if you’re going to make me cocktails like this.’
Jude laughed, ‘I intend to.’
‘But I’m really sorry about all this.’ Chrissie shook her head.
‘What do you mean?’ Jude tucked her legs up on the sofa and turned her head sideways to look at her friend.
‘You know, being thrown into my marriage breakdown. I feel like it’s got in the way of my excitement at having my best mate back. I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh don’t be daft, I just want to be here for you, to try and help you and Sam – and Holly – figure things out.’ Jude gave Chrissie’s arm a comforting stroke.
‘I know.’ Chrissie smiled gratefully. ‘And thank you. It’s just …’ She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
‘Just what?’ Jude coaxed, taking a sip of her drink.
‘Sam! He’s so infuriating. You know, when he came here the other day – after all this time – actually standing here in his own house, I just wanted to wish away the last year and pretend it didn’t happen. Take him back, right there on the spot. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, Jude, to send him away like that. When all I wanted was for him to hold me and make it all better.’
‘Then why didn’t you?’ Jude offered the bowl of Twiglets to Chrissie.
‘Thanks.’ She took a handful and popped one into her mouth. ‘Because I still don’t get why he wants to be there – Singapore or wherever the latest contract is – when he could be here.’
‘But he’s back now,’ Jude pointed out.
‘Yes, but for how long? He might say he’s here for good, but what if he changes his mind? He could be gone again in a few weeks. And then where does that leave Holly, and me?’
‘Well, he does drive himself quite hard, Chrissie. And he’s never thought he was good enough for you … so maybe all the high-earning jobs have been so he could provide. You know … to prove himself, perhaps,’ Jude suggested.
‘Hmm,’ Chrissie replied, pondering Jude’s words. ‘When has he said that? About not thinking he’s good enough?’
‘Oh loads of times, back in the day. Don’t you remember? It was usually when he’d had four pints of Tindledale’s finest cider down at the Duck & Puddle.’
‘You’ve never told me that before.’
‘I thought it was just drunk talk, or self-indulgence – he is quite emotional.’ They both laughed.
‘True. He did cry at Finding Nemo when he watched it with Holly when she was little,’ Chrissie said.
‘Well, there you go!’ Jude grinned and finished her drink.
‘And those big soulful eyes of his welled up at Holly’s Harvest Festival when she and her classmates took to the stage and sang “All Things Bright and Beautiful”.’ They sat in silence for a little while and Jude could see that Chrissie was deep in thought about Sam.
‘I remember once,’ Jude broke the moment. ‘I think it was at Holly’s christening. He was so proud. The happiest I’d ever seen him, and he was buying everyone drinks and seemed to be really revelling in all the slaps on the back. But later on, he said to me, “Jude, what have I done to deserve this? How could someone like me have ended up with Chrissie and Holly? One day I think I’m going to wake up and it will all be gone.”’
‘Really?’ Chrissie stared at the bottom of her glass, swilling the liquid around.
‘Yes, really.’ Jude nibbled on a few more Twiglets.
‘That mother of his has got a lot to answer for.’ Chrissie shook her head. ‘She starved him of affection and love. I guess that eroded his sense of self-worth and value. Bound to, isn’t it?’
‘I guess so,’ Jude nodded.
‘But he’s a grown-up now, Jude,’ Chrissie replied more firmly this time. ‘And that means you have to take responsibility for yourself, doesn’t it?’
‘I think he’s trying.’ Jude topped up her glass.
‘How? Look at what happened the other night. He turned up again, like he’d just popped out for a takeaway ten minutes earlier. Months and months he’s been gone, without so much as a fortnight off to see me, or Holly – he knew how I felt, what I’d said, how high the stakes were, but still he didn’t come home. Then thinking he can make it all right with a bunch of blooming flowers when he does deign to come back. Pink lilies delivered today … I ask you!’ Chrissie shook her head, her eyes glowing and fiery now. ‘He knows they’re my favourites, but still, you’d think after everything it would warrant more than a bunch of flowers.’
‘He wanted you and Holly to come and live with him in Singapore, didn’t he?’ Jude intervened delicately, not wanting to antagonise Chrissie further, as she could see she was getting wound up and that was the last thing Jude had wanted this evening to be. Lykke was all about happiness and calm. Not frustration and angst.
‘That was never going to be practical – it was too disruptive for Holly and she’d just been diagnosed,’ Chrissie snapped. Jude stared at the fluffy rug underneath the coffee table. She’d never seen Chrissie this upset before. ‘And then, to cap it all, I’m still so worried about Holly. She’s been having all these tests. She keeps going low, and the hospital and Dr Ben have all mentioned the pressure it’s putting her kidneys under. I can’t bear to think about what could happen if they can’t sort things out … she’s been through so much already. I feel wretched about it. Utterly helpless and miserable and a failure that I can’t do anything for my child. Then Sam turns up muddling things up in my mind when I just need to be focusing on her—’
‘Oh come on, Chrissie,’ Jude jumped in, keen to pull things back and salvage something of the evening for her friend, ‘Sam’s here to help. He wants to make things right, I’m convinced of it. And he loves you both. I don’t know the real reasons why he has been avoiding facing up to things before now, but you need to listen to him at least. To let him try. If not for you, then for Holly.’ Jude knew it was a horrible situation: a daughter they adored who had this awful condition. ‘You’re taking on too much by yourself – let Sam in.’
‘To save the day – be the hero in Holly’s eyes like he always is?’ Chrissie let out a long, shuddery sigh.
‘You know that’s not what I’m saying, but maybe he has felt like he isn’t good enough for a reason?’
‘Hang on, are you saying that it’s my fault he stayed away?’ Chrissie looked accusingly at her, as if tensely primed for any sign of betrayal.
‘Hey, hold your horses! I never said anything of the sort … but …’ Jude gulped down a mouthful of the Prosecco, instantly wishing she’d been more tactful. She really didn’t want to upset Chrissie.
‘But what?’
‘Look, you’re a hard taskmaster, not ever really trusting anyone to know what is right for Holly except yourself. And I get that. You’re her mum. But it’s OK to share it, let go a bit more and ask for help. Sam’s here, let him in. Let him help.’ Jude figured it best to come out with it. If there was to be any kind of reconciliation between the two people she cared about and loved very much, then they both needed to reflect. Chrissie could be very stubborn and controlling. And Jude knew there were valid reasons for this, given her upbringing, but she couldn’t just stand by and see Chrissie and Sam’s marriage break beyond repair.
‘Someone has to be in charge, Jude. Tonight shows I can’t trust Sam … oh, I know Holly is up to something – I’m not daft. But she knew Sam was supposed to wait with her until I got home. He could have called. He could have checked what the arrangements were at least, to show he’s thinking things through.’
‘Hmm,’ Jude pondered, picking up a few Twiglets. ‘Holly always could run rings around him …’ Silence hung in the air. ‘Oh, Chrissie,’ Jude then added, stroking her friend’s arm again. ‘It’s not too late … He’s come back now, and that has to mean something. Sam isn’t a nasty, thoughtless guy. I’m sure he didn’t deliberately set out to not call you to check on the arrangements. Or to hurt you by being away for so long; to destroy your marriage … you know that—’
‘Maybe,’ Chrissie cut in, ‘maybe not.’ And they both stared straight ahead at the screen on the monitor. Holly looked as if she was asleep now, the book still open on top of the duvet.
Jude inhaled, at a loss as to what to say for the best. She knew Chrissie inside out, they had grown up together, and one thing she did know about her friend was that she always went into bunker mentality when she was scared. It was as if she was so entrenched in keeping it all together, for her and Holly, being in control, that she had lost sight of everything else. Chrissie had spoken a lot over the years to Jude about how she didn’t ever want to be like her own mother. Unreliable and erratic on account of her alcohol dependency. And, given the strain Chrissie was under, it seemed to Jude that Chrissie’s determination to be different, a better mum than her own one had been, coupled with the breakdown of her marriage and Holly’s illness, had turned her into an exaggerated version of herself. But then, she’d been coping on her own – without her husband, or indeed her best friend, to help her put things into perspective – so it was little wonder that her need for control and order, so lacking in her own childhood, had now magnified.
Jude suddenly felt helpless too, at a complete loss as to what to do for the best for her friend. And figuring that life could be just so rubbish sometimes.
‘Anyway,’ said Chrissie, standing up. ‘That’s enough about me. I’m going to check on Holly and then I want to hear all about Tindledale’s famous new resident, Myles King, before you leave this evening …’
*
In the Duck & Puddle, Sam pressed to end the call on his mobile, and then picked up his pint glass, intending to finish his beer before the pub landlady, Cher, rang the Last Orders bell. But he didn’t fancy it now. His heart sank. It was late, and Chrissie had just called saying she was going to bed but needed to get something off her chest first. He had managed to upset her again, the exact opposite of what he’d been trying to achieve. And he could hardly have said that Holly had told him she was allowed to be at home alone … No, that would have just got her into trouble, and potentially damaged his relationship with her, too, as she was bound to blame him for ‘grassing her up’, or whatever the correct terminology was these days for a thirteen year old to use. But thank God she was OK. Not for the first time, he cursed himself for not listening to his instincts and calling Chrissie to agree the arrangements for their daughter – that was what the distance between them all had done; made him doubt himself. Anyway, he certainly wouldn’t make the mistake again of leaving her at home alone.
He puffed out a long breath and shoved his phone into his jeans pocket. So much for the upbeat feeling he’d had less than half an hour ago. And what did she mean about flowers? What flowers? He hadn’t sent her flowers. Sam took a moment to try to figure it all out in his head, but all he could come up with was … if he hadn’t sent her flowers, then who had? Perhaps he’d been right the first time. There was another man. Must be. And Chrissie must have been seeing him for a while. Pink lilies were her favourite flowers, and that isn’t something a bloke would know after just one or two dates. No way, surely not?
Sam pushed the pint glass away, stood up, and went to leave the warmth of the village pub’s log fire, which was crackling and flickering away in the inglenook fireplace as the inclement weather had gone for a chillier feel today. He’d just reached the door when his friend Matt, the village farrier, walked in with his wife, April. Sam hadn’t met April before, not having been able to make it to their wedding last summer. The date had clashed with the grand opening of a new waterfront hotel in the exclusive Sentosa Cove district of Singapore, and there was no way his boss would have entertained the idea of him not being there to shake the hands of the wealthy Chinese investors in person. Sam had also missed the celebration party after the birth of Matt and April’s baby … a gorgeous little girl they named Winnie in memory of April’s great aunt who disappeared during the Second World War.
‘Sam, good to see you, mate. April, this is my old pal, Sam. Sam, this is my gorgeous wife, April.’ Matt did the introductions with a massive grin on his face. ‘So, you’re back in the village now, I hear?’ and Matt gave him a handshake followed by a hearty man-hug, once Sam and April had said hello to each other.
‘Yep, that’s right,’ Sam said, trying to muster some enthusiasm on seeing one of his oldest friends. But he felt dejected, useless, mixed with a twinge of self-loathing that he’d not made more of an effort to make damn sure he had attended Matt and April’s wedding. Instead, he’d been so anxious to get the recognition, the public accolade of designing such a ‘wondrous palace’ – as the Chinese investors had called it. And they had been so pleased … Sam had to wonder why that had been so important to him. More important than being here for his mate.
‘What is it?’ Matt looked at him, concern etched on his face. Then he turned to April and added, ‘Would you mind giving us a minute, my love?’
‘Sure,’ April smiled and made her way over to a table where her friend, Molly, Cooper’s wife, was waving to her.
‘So what’s up?’ Matt asked. Sam opened his mouth. Hesitated. Closed it. He could hardly offload all his baggage onto Matt. No, not when they had hardly seen each other over the last few years. Plus, he wasn’t good at talking about stuff like this.
‘Sorry, mate. Good to see you. But I … um … need to go. Another time, yeah?’ And with his head bowed, Sam ducked out of the pub, keen to get away and calm down. The scratchiness in his throat was back with a vengeance now, too, making his tonsils feel as if they were being wrapped, and then squeezed, in sandpaper, and in his heart he began to wonder if coming back to Tindledale had been the right thing to do after all. It seemed Chrissie and Holly had been doing very well without him around … they didn’t need him any more, and Holly was quite happy having a virtual relationship. Maybe she was better off without him in any case … he’d put her at risk by leaving her home alone. Chrissie knew how to keep her safe, which was more than he seemed capable of doing. Perhaps he should do them all a favour and try to move on, especially as it seemed that Chrissie had already done just that.
‘Hold on, mate.’ Sam felt Matt’s hand on his shoulder as he went to put the key in the door of the Land Rover. He turned around. ‘What’s the rush? Surely you’ve got time for a quick catch-up?’
‘You don’t want to hear it. Trust me—’ Sam started.
‘Try me.’ Matt stared him right in the eye. They’d been friends for years and Sam knew that Matt could be a persistent bugger when he wanted to be.
‘I dunno. Just got a load on my mind.’ Sam shrugged, feeling cornered.
‘Like what?’ Matt wasn’t giving up, so Sam pushed his keys back into his jeans pocket and leant against the car instead.
‘Just stuff. Family stuff.’ Sam looked down and kicked a piece of gravel away.
‘Is it Holly? Is she all right?’ Matt asked, standing alongside Sam now with his hands in his pockets.
‘I’m worried about the diabetes. It’s getting worse. We have to keep an eye on her, the doctor said.’
‘Sorry, mate.’ Matt shook his head. ‘It’s tough when they aren’t well.’
‘Yeah. It is. But it’s more than that. I’ve messed up, Matt. Really messed up …’ Sam’s voice drifted.
‘What do you mean, messed up? Is there someone else?’ Matt gave him a sideways look.
‘No, nothing like that. I haven’t had an affair. I wouldn’t do that. But I stayed away for far too long. Took Chrissie for granted …’
A silence hung in the air as the two men gathered their thoughts.
‘So is that why you’re back?’ It was Matt who spoke first.
‘Yeah. I’ve come home to sort out my marriage …’ Sam stared into the starry night sky, stretching out across the pub car park and over the duck pond on the village green as he contemplated. This was his home … everything he loved was here. People. The place. Tindledale really was idyllic, with the cobbled High Street and tiny Tudor shops. He loved the familiarity of it all. The place where he had grown up. Fallen in love with Chrissie. Holly was born here. So why had he stayed away for so long?
‘I see,’ Matt cut into the reverie. ‘But that’s good though … that you’re back now. Can’t imagine it’s easy keeping all the relationship stuff going when you’re thousands of miles away.’
‘No, it’s not,’ Sam muttered. ‘But I’m making a mess of it even now I’m back.’
‘Go on.’
‘I left Holly on her own when I dropped her home tonight and she had an accident. Chrissie went into one. Blamed me. Said she can’t trust me. I should have known that Holly mustn’t be left on her own with the diabetes the way it is—’
‘And I bet Holly told you it was perfectly all right,’ Matt cut in, smiling and shaking his head. ‘That Chrissie leaves her on her own all the time.’
‘How did you guess?’ Sam turned to look at his mate.
‘Been there, done that, and got the T-shirt, Sam. I know all the tricks, remember.’
‘Ahh, yes.’ Sam nodded, remembering Matt had been a single dad to his daughter Bella before he met and married April. ‘Of course you do. The other thing is, Holly and Chrissie are at loggerheads all the time. They’ve always had a fiery relationship, but I hadn’t realised how bad it had got. The other night Holly was shouting that she hated Chrissie …’
‘Yep. Sounds about right.’ Matt moved forward to stand squarely in front of him. ‘Typical teenage stuff, Sam. I wouldn’t get too hung up over that.’
‘Do you reckon? I blame myself. If I hadn’t gone away. Left it so long to come back—’
‘Holly would still be yelling at her mum,’ Matt interjected. ‘Trust me. Bella used to shout at me all the time. Reckoned she hated me a million times a day. It’s just teenagers. They all do it. Give her a few more years to get through the tricky stage and she’ll be a lovely young woman. Guarantee it.’
‘I hope so,’ Sam nodded, mulling it all over. ‘How is Bella by the way?’
‘She’s good, Sam. Really great. She’s doing a textiles course at the college in Market Briar. Loves it. She’s turned out OK … even if I do say so myself.’
‘Nice one,’ Sam put his hand out to Matt. ‘And thanks for the chat, mate.’
‘Any time. You know where to find me,’ Matt replied, shaking Sam’s hand. ‘And good luck, Sam. I really hope you and Chrissie sort it out. You were always good together …’