Holly couldn’t believe it. She had just arrived at the hospital with Mum for her appointment with the consultant.
‘Dad! You came,’ she beamed, hurtling over to where he was sitting with a Costa cup in one hand and mobile in the other. He placed the cup on the little coffee table, put his phone in his jeans pocket and stood up. Holly gave him a hug and then looked back over one shoulder at her mum, praying that she wouldn’t be in a mood and get cross that Dad had come. What if she makes him leave? Well, I won’t let her. She has no right. Dad said he’d make it all right but he can’t if she won’t let him.
‘Of course,’ Sam grinned. ‘I wasn’t going to miss your appointment. I thought I would surprise you,’ he said. Chrissie had only waved at him from the door when he had dropped Holly home last time, so Sam hadn’t got the chance to ask if he could drive them to the hospital. But a surprise was nice, wasn’t it? ‘And, I was thinking … how about we go for pizza afterwards. What do you reckon?’ Sam glanced at Chrissie, willing her to be OK with this plan. For Holly’s sake. And, if he was totally honest, for his sake too. He hadn’t been able to tell Chrissie yet that he wasn’t a blood match. Although he was struggling to trust his own judgement now. And was it any wonder, after discovering that his whole life was one enormous lie … thanks to his mother. He might not be able to be a blood match for Holly, but he could absolutely be a good dad. And a better person than his mother was. He hated the thought that he might be like his mother, the woman who clearly had absolutely no respect for Rob, the man who Sam had thought was his father. Let alone the man who really was his biological parent … the mystery man who he suspected probably knew nothing of his existence. Because if he did know, then surely he would have tried to contact him, if only out of curiosity. So how was that fair? A lifetime of not knowing you had a son? Sam couldn’t get his head around that. He just couldn’t. And it wasn’t bloody right. As far as he was concerned, a child had a right to know who their own father was. But he needed to focus on this now, on Holly, that was the most important thing today.
Sam smiled cautiously at Chrissie, who returned it. He could see that she was anxious, the tightness around her smile belying her calm and controlled exterior. But then he was pretty anxious himself. They had no idea what the consultant would say. Please God, he really hoped it was going to be good news …
‘Mum, can we? Pleeeeease,’ Holly pleaded, thinking of her ‘Get Mum and Dad Back Together in Time for My Birthday’ plan. This was the perfect chance to make the plan actually work. And she was over the moon to see that Dad was keeping his promise to fix it all in time for her birthday. Today was going to be just like it always used to be before Dad went away to work.
‘You like pizza,’ she quickly added in an attempt to persuade her mum, and thinking how good it would be to have a brilliant time with both her parents. Especially if she could find a romantic pizza place with candles and all that stuff. Like a proper Italian restaurant. She would make sure they sat opposite each other and then she would go to the loo and spend ages in there on her phone so they could be alone. Oh yes, it was going to be so awesome. And with a bit of luck she could have a ham and pineapple pizza – her favourite! Chrissie nodded. Took off her gloves and sat down opposite where Sam had been sitting.
‘Purlease, Mum. Pretty pleeeeease,’ Holly tried again, impatient to know right away. Why isn’t Mum saying anything? Why is she just giving Dad the evils and being horrible about his brilliant idea. Poor Dad. He’s come all this way to surprise us and treat us to a fantastic time afterwards and she obviously just wants to ruin it all. Why can’t she just be pleased for once?
‘What do you say, Chrissie?’ Sam asked gently, knowing not to pressure her and grateful that they were the only ones in the waiting room. He really didn’t want an audience if his plan went horribly wrong. Chrissie looked him right in the eyes, before glancing away … and for a moment, Sam thought she was going to cry. She sniffed and chewed the inside of her left cheek.
‘Please Sam, I can’t think beyond the appointment right now,’ she said, quietly. He saw her look at Holly before turning her face towards his. ‘Let’s see how things go, and then we can decide what we’re going to do afterwards,’ she finished, and then busied herself by unravelling her long silky scarf and trying to stuff it into her bag.
‘Oh, Mum!’ Holly leapt forward and threw her arms around Chrissie’s shoulders. ‘Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.’
‘OK, sweetheart. Like I said, let’s decide after we’ve heard what the doctor has to say …’ Chrissie reciprocated the hug before untangling her daughter’s arms from around her neck and indicating for her to sit down beside her.
But Holly didn’t sit next to her mum. She sat down next to her dad instead and grinned from ear to ear like a looper. So hard, her cheeks were properly aching. Mum had practically agreed to going for pizza – all that about deciding later really meant yes; she just wants to keep Dad keen. Holly had read all about that ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ stuff. Mum definitely had been mean to Dad, and now she had worked out why. If only Gavin would do one! And then there would be no reason why the wish wouldn’t come true and Mum could take Dad back. She found her phone inside her jacket pocket, flicked it to silent, and keeping it within the denim fabric so as to not get caught, she surreptitiously Snapchatted her best friend, Katie. All the while trying not to look at the Please Switch Off Mobile Phones sign on the wall opposite her. But this is an emergency. Well, not an actual emergency, emergency, like a car crash or whatever. But it’s still extremely important. And it’s not like the Intensive Care bit is next door, or there are vital heart monitors or anything in this part of the hospital. This is just a waiting room. And it’s not even a proper hospital room … only a Portakabin.
Holly finished tapping the keyboard on the screen and pressed to send.
Mum and Dad are getting back together!
Moments later, Katie replied.
For real? Followed by three love eyes emoticons.
Holly was just about to reply when a nurse appeared in the doorway and beckoned them all to follow her in to see the doctor.
*
The consultant seemed to know Holly really well, Sam thought, noting her kindly eyes with a sparkle in them. The picture on her desk was of her with two girls, obviously her daughters, one of whom looked as if she was the same age as Holly. She was asking Holly about school and listening enthusiastically about her upcoming performance.
‘So, let’s have a look at what we have here, then.’ The doctor looked at her computer, referring to some paperwork she had in front of her too. ‘Your blood sugars have been erratic for a while and, looking at the notes, it doesn’t seem that there is a clear indicator as to why, Holly. Your diet looks quite well controlled, if you take your mum’s good advice, that is.’ She smiled at Chrissie, who still looked tense, twiddling a tissue in between her fingers, but she smiled back.
‘That’s good then, isn’t it?’ Holly grinned.
‘Well,’ the doctor nodded, ‘it is good that you’re being sensible. But the key to managing diabetes successfully is about getting the balance right – between insulin, food and activity. And it can take a bit of practice, and sometimes you need a bit of help.’
‘What about Holly’s kidneys, Doctor? There were some concerns over her readings.’ Chrissie’s voice wobbled slightly as she asked the question. The doctor referred to the screen again.
‘Ahh, yes. But things seem to have stabilised now,’ the doctor said, looking at Holly. ‘We’ll have to monitor things, of course, but I’m not concerned at this time.’
Sam and Chrissie immediately looked at each other on hearing this news, the relief palpable. Sam could see tears welling up in his wife’s eyes and he reached his hand out to her, which she gripped tightly, before composing herself.
‘What about her blood sugar levels?’ Chrissie asked. ‘Is there anything I …’ She stopped and looked at Sam before adding, ‘We … can do?’
‘Well, as a matter of fact, I’ve been putting some thought into that,’ the doctor started. ‘There are tools available to help Holly’s body find the right balance. I think a pump might work; they are quite expensive but we should be able to get the funding from your local authority.’
‘I’ll pay for it. No prob—’ Sam jumped in, but then fell silent on seeing the look on Chrissie’s face, indicating for him to calm down.
‘That shouldn’t be necessary,’ the doctor said discreetly before turning her attention back to Holly.
‘What’s a pump? Can I wear it while I’m dancing – it won’t get in the way, will it?’ Holly frowned.
‘Well,’ the doctor laughed and nodded. ‘You’ll still be able to dance, Holly. There are some really small and compact pumps out there which fit in your back pocket, a bit like a mobile phone.’
‘Ooh,’ Holly beamed on hearing this.
‘The pump will take your reading and then administer the insulin; it manages things for you. It can be a bit inconvenient, but many people love the pump and find it makes their lives much easier.’
‘It sounds amazing. When can we get the pump?’ Sam asked.
‘It won’t happen immediately. You’ll need two letters, one from me and one from your GP – he’ll sort it out with your local NHS trust and put a good case forward on Holly’s behalf. She will need to be fitted, but hopefully it won’t take too long. In the meantime, we’ll keep a good eye on things.’
*
Outside the consulting room, Sam couldn’t resist pulling Holly and Chrissie in for a big cuddle. He felt as if they’d had a huge reprieve. Like a big weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and he could see from Chrissie’s sparkling blue eyes and wide smile that she felt the same way too. Sam ruffled Holly’s hair, which earned him a frown and a, ‘Dad – it took me ages to straighten it!’
‘I think it’s time we went for that pizza, don’t you?’ Chrissie said, linking arms with them both.
*
After Sam had got over the initial relief at Holly’s good news, he found that it was hard for him to truly enjoy the rest of the afternoon in the pizza restaurant. The question mark over his blood type was nagging away at him. If Rob wasn’t his father, then who was? Knowing his mother, it could literally be anyone. The thoughts kept going over and over inside his head as he listened to Holly chatting away, barely managing to draw breath. And she was especially happy in being allowed her favourite pizza. And getting to share a dark chocolate mousse with Chrissie.
‘What’s up, Sam, you seem a bit distracted?’ Chrissie asked, when Holly went to the loo, leaving the two of them alone.
‘Oh, nothing, I … it’s just been a long day, that’s all.’ Sam pushed a smile onto his face. He desperately wanted to unburden himself, but now that Chrissie was here in front of him, he just felt that he couldn’t bring himself to tell her. Sharing the news that Rob wasn’t his biological father … the awful reality was too terrible to share. Even the realisation that Holly’s diabetes hadn’t been passed down by him was little consolation. Sam’s father had been the epitome of what a good father should be, and now he’d had time to absorb the information, Sam felt that his own inadequacies were making sense. Of course, he could never be like Rob, because he wasn’t his son. He remembered all the acts of love and kindness that Rob had shown him – showing him how to ride a bike for the first time, helping him with his homework. Always cheering him on. He was taken far too young. Sam had only been a boy when Rob had died, but he still missed him every day. Sam felt his throat constrict.
‘By the way, did you ever get the results of your blood tests?’ Chrissie looked at him quizzically, and touched his arm gently. ‘Sam?’
‘Oh, yes, the blood tests. Sorry, I was miles away,’ he started. ‘They said …’ Sam stopped. He couldn’t say the words. He had an overwhelming urge to run again, to get outside and take big gulps of air. ‘Sorry … I just need to get away … it’s too much.’
Chrissie pulled back suddenly and touched his arm, as if to stop him from going.
‘Is that what this is about? Now that Holly isn’t in danger, you’re going to ship out? Just like you usually do?’ she sighed, shaking her head.
Sam swallowed hard. Trying to sort out the jumble of emotions crowding his head – his mother, Rob, Holly, Chrissie.
‘No, that’s not what I meant—’
‘I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you,’ Chrissie snapped. ‘You were bound to go chasing after the next exciting project again sooner or later.’
Her accusation cut through him like a sharp knife of anger. ‘You make it sound like I made the decision to work away on my own. But we agreed that I would go, that it was the best thing to do. I would pay and you would stay, isn’t that what you said?’
‘But I didn’t mean for ever!’ Chrissie admonished.
‘And I asked you both to come too. Join me in Singapore. And Dubai before that. But you wouldn’t.’ Sam puffed out a long breath of air and glanced towards the other end of the restaurant. Holly had been a while, so she’d be back soon, and the last thing he wanted was for her to see them arguing again.
‘It wasn’t right for Holly,’ Chrissie said, quietly.
‘Right for Holly? Or right for you?’ Sam felt the heat of his own anger rise up inside him now. Yes he’d played his part in all of this. But what about Chrissie? The stubbornness; her unwillingness to bend.
At that moment, Holly came back to the table, her smiles now disappeared as she picked up on the tension between them, the accusations that hung in the air. All of the frustration and anger was crowding in on Sam now.
Linda and her lies and cold-heartedness.
Chrissie with her obstinacy.
Holly’s diabetes.
All of it drowning him.
And he snapped.
‘Just because I was working thousands of miles away doesn’t mean I don’t care? It doesn’t mean that you’re a better parent than me, you know. And I didn’t see you complaining when you wanted for nothing,’ he glowered at Chrissie.
‘Sam!’ Chrissie’s eyes flicked to Holly.
‘I’m not a child,’ Holly said, ‘So you can both stop treating me like one.’ Sam and Chrissie fell silent.
A few seconds later, Sam stood up.
‘I think I’d better go.’
Chrissie turned to Holly.
‘Darling, I’m sorry. Dad and I need to sort some things out; it’s just a silly argument …’
‘Stop it! I hate you!’ She looked at her mum first, and then her dad. ‘I hate you both.’ Dad had promised he would sort it out. But now it was all going wrong. Holly wished they would just stop it. Shut up. This was her life too they were fighting and yelling about and ruining. Dad had said none of it was her fault, but she wasn’t so sure now. She knew they were stressed out about the diabetes. Everything was ruined. The wish was never going to come true.