Because I was rehearsing. There’s a big concert coming up, you might remember me mentioning it eleventy billion times over the last few weeks? I’ve never sung with the choir in public before. This’ll be my first gig with them. In front of other people, real live human people.

Eleventy billion? You did mention maths wasn’t your strong point. Right, I just thought you were ignoring me.

Ugh, you’re so needy! Haven’t you got anything else to do other than message me?

Yeah, yeah. I’m actually going to be very busy soon but right now I’m bored.

So, I’m just a handy time filler?

Yep. So are you nervous?

What about?

She’s so casual! Performing at the concert, the one you can’t stop mentioning. And there’s the matter of that BIG audition you’ve got coming up. Don’t think I didn’t notice you avoiding the topic.

Shut up. You’re the one who avoids topics.

Harsh Hope they should call you.

But true. Have you even booked any tickets yet?

How can I? I’m working full-time until Da finds a new manager. I’ll book something then.

Ready for some Harsh Hope? I think if you don’t book something now you never will and you’ll just stay on the farm. FOREVER. Is that what you’re scared of?

Way harsh, Hope.

I’m serious, you need to book those tickets, then tell your dad and escape while you still can before you start talking to the cows like they’re your friends.

Too late for that. Daisy’s got some great hair tips she shared with me this morning.

I’m being serious. You need to do this. Make a commitment, spend some money and then you can’t chicken out. One life, just do it!

Wrong slogan. So what are you singing in this concert then?

Nothing you’d have heard of. And stop dodging my questions.

Savage!

Soz ☺

Smiley face? Soz? Now I know you’re nervous!

Actually singing calms me down. I feel good when I sing. Anyway, the concert will be fun. You should come.

I send it before I can stop my fingers. The last time I invited Riley to meet me he disappeared. Why did I do that? I’m texting without thinking, chucking invites around as if last time never happened.

Thought you’d never ask.

What does that mean?

Didn’t feel I could invite myself but I’ve been hoping (ha! See what I did there) that you’d ask me.

…

So can I come? Is it alright?

Maybe, I mean, sure. On one condition.

Ah man, I knew it. There’s always strings attached with you isn’t there. Sure, you only want me for my body!

Shut up. You have to book a ticket to somewhere, anywhere. And you HAVE to tell your dad. DEAL?

You drive a hard bargain Ms Caps Lock.

Is that a yes, Dublin?

Yes!

Good, now go away I’ve got something important to do.

I switch from texting Riley to texting Callie.

Cal, you ready to do this?

Ready and on my way.

I turn on my computer and open the organ donor page, knowing that Callie is doing the same thing at the same time right next to me on her laptop. We’ve made a pact and it feels less weird than I thought it would. I wasn’t sure if she’d say yes. It’s a pretty random and weird thing to ask someone to do with you. I click on the website that I’ve looked at way too many times since I met Fatima. I read the screen again even though I know word for word what it says, but this time is different because Callie is reading it with me, right next to me.

Register your details

Add your name to the NHS Organ Donor Register and one day you may be able to save lives.

All you need to do is fill out this form with your information and preferences and we will do the rest.

This form will take no more than 2 minutes to complete.

I put all my details in – no problem until I get to the bit that asks:

Do you want to donate all organs and tissue?

I have two choices – all or some. I wonder which button Callie will hit. I try not to peek at her screen. Will my heart be any good to anyone? I think about Nonna, Dad and Nonno. No point in half measures, as Fatima said, ‘Once you’re dead you’re dead’. What good are some of my organs to me then? I do want to help someone, loads of people, because I’ve seen what happens when you run out of options, out of time. I don’t want that to happen to anyone else ever again, not if I can help it.

I hit all.

I fill out the rest of the form, everything seems easy after that big question, and I submit it. Done.

‘You finished?’ she asks.

‘Yes. You?’

She turns the screen of her laptop so I can see.

‘Did you go all in? Give them every last bit of you, even your dodgy eyeballs?’ she grins.

‘Yuck, but yes. Hopefully my limited eyesight might be of use to someone.’

‘Highly hopeful. So that’s another thing ticked off your list. Next: your audition. Are you ready? I can just picture our future, you’ll be at the Music School and I’ll be over the road at the Theatre School and we can wave to each other through the windows,’ Callie smiles, ‘and blow kisses and meet for coffee…’

‘IF I get in!’ I interrupt. ’We’ll be too busy for coffee, you know, like working and studying?’

‘Oh yeah, there’ll be a bit of that going on, too. As if they wouldn’t take you. Silly.’

‘Aren’t we supposed to be putting a plan into action?’ I remind her.

‘Sorry, I forgot all about Riley,’ Callie slips into a broad Deep-South American accent.

‘Err, he’s Irish not American. How did you even get in to drama college?’

I stop. We both look at each other.

‘Oh my! Defining moment: Hope makes a joke about drama college. Hope does not break down and cry. Date and time noted.’ Callie pretends to make notes in a journal.

‘I know, right?’ I say, pleased. She nods. ‘This is progress. Anyway, back to your awful accent…’ I wait for her to switch to Irish.

‘Sorry to be sure, Riley,’ Her Dublin accent is perfect. This – this is what makes us. Sitting on the floor in my room talking absolute rubbish with each other. I can’t articulate or explain it, but it is there right in front of me – I can almost touch it.

‘Right, Plan Mamma Erin – first up, make it sound like it’s her idea and you’d never really thought of asking Riley to the concert, but now that she mentions it, “Hey, what a great idea.” She’s been desperate to meet him ever since she found out about him. And of course I can take it or leave it, but seeing as I’m coming to the concert it makes sense for me to meet him too,’ Callie says in her super-casual voice.

‘Maybe…’ I hesitate.

‘Definitely. Try and get her to ask someone else to come, like one of her mates or that Gethin or Gavin bloke from book club,’ she sniggers.

‘More matchmaking? What is with you, trying to pair people up?’ I ask. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in romance?’

‘I’m just the messenger, but I’ve seen the covert looks he gives her in The Bird’s Nest over their cappuccinos at book club,’ Callie says with great authority.

‘Good plan, apart from the Gavin fairy tale. She’s so not into him.’

Callie shrugs at me as I reach into my wardrobe.

‘What you doing?’

‘I’ve got something for you.’ I hand her the parcel, wrapped in layers of tissue paper.

‘Is that my Hope Chest?’ she asks. I nod. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she says, pulling back the wrapping and stroking the wood.

I open the lid and search past the friendship bracelets, the bits of our Guides rug, cut-out blazer badges and all the other things I’ve put in there to show her what we are to one another. I find it near the bottom. Carefully I take out the snow globe she gave me, the very first one. She peels off the sheet music I’ve rolled the globe in, opens it up and skim reads it.

‘Is this song for me? Is this my song?’ she asks then reads the title out loud, ‘The Song of Us.’

I nod, then shake the globe and we both laugh.

‘You’ve never written me a song before. I’ll keep this forever, even when I’m really old and can’t even remember what you look like or who you are anymore.’

‘What about when you can’t remember who you are?’ I laugh.

‘Even then,’ she promises. I close the lid of the Hope Chest. ‘Sing it for me?’ she asks, and so I do to the tune of her favourite Bangles song, ‘I’ll Set you Free’. We sit next to one another, holding hands, and I sing as the last flakes of snow fall.

The Song of Us

I remember when we were five

all knowing, so small and wise

The world was free and easy

no reason to hide

And now years later

you still live inside my heart

Even though we both know it,

someday we’ll have to part

Chorus

All the things that I can’t say

Are reflected back in your eyes

You see past my fake smiles

there’s more to me than my lies

More to me than lies

When you are not with me

There’s no Us in the world

You’re all the things that I can’t yet be

Smiles and so confident girl

hopes, wishes and teenage dreams

I’ll never stop believing

but nothing’s as easy as it seems

Chorus

All the things that I can’t say

Are reflected back in your eyes

You see past my fake smiles

there’s more to me than my lies

A Life without Us in it

To me is just not a choice

You shout clear and loud

And singing gives me my voice

gives me my voice

So now we’ll carry on

What more can we do?

For we are brave and strong

Together somehow, we will make it through