Take me away with you—let us hurry!
SONG OF SONGS 1:4
It’s late in the evening. You’re standing by your kitchen sink, starting to rinse off the dishes. Your husband walks in the room and gives you that look. He says something like, “Let’s go in the bedroom. I’ll take care of the dishes tomorrow.” What’s your first reaction? Are you thrilled for the opportunity to ditch the dishes for your sex life? Or would you rather keep at the task at hand and save sex for another time?
I have to admit I like getting my tasks done and checking off my to-do list. So I tend to stay at the sink with the dishes and sometimes miss opportunities to be more romantic with my husband. One person I can learn from is Pam Farrel, coauthor of Red-Hot Monogamy. Pam says,
The first step is to realize that red-hot monogamy is a gift that God gives to a husband and a wife. It’s not a duty. It’s not like the dishes. It’s not like the laundry. It actually is something God made to bless you. When you get that in your mind, it’s easier to want red-hot monogamy because you realize God wants to bless you. Your husband wants to bless you. This is a good thing. Give yourself permission to be that sexual woman who enjoys sex because it’s a gift from God.
I think sometimes women get stalled in that they don’t think they could or should enjoy sex. God could have wired us so that our anatomy worked only for reproduction, but He wired our bodies so that sex would be enjoyable. I think that shows God’s love for us. When the relationship with your husband is the highest relational priority on your plate, it puts everything else in proper perspective.11
What if you want sex to be an important part of your marriage, but you still feel unfulfilled? When I interviewed sexual therapist and author Joyce Penner for my book 31 Days to a Happy Husband, she gave this advice to wives:
One of the games we women play is to think, If he really loved me, he’d do this and do that, rather than taking responsibility for ourselves and understanding when is it that we’ve had the best times sexually? What makes it the best? What can I do to make sure that happens? How can I prepare for that?
Many women have false expectations about themselves and their husbands, whether it’s from having read romance novels, watching movies, or having previous sexual experience before marriage. They are looking for what we call dopamine-driven sex, the adrenaline sex that just zaps you and overtakes you. If you don’t feel those kinds of feelings, you think, He just doesn’t turn me on, and you shut down. Married sex doesn’t function on that romance-novel type of response. It functions on a much deeper, connected intimacy.12
We can escape to a steamy, unreal fantasy life in the world of novels. It’s soft porn for women and it is poison in a marriage when your husband doesn’t measure up to the man in your fantasies. You’ve got to shake yourself free of any influence that threatens the sacredness of the marriage bed.
Got Your Salad Kit?
Kathi Lipp, author of The Husband Project, has a great idea to keep the spice in your love life. She and her husband, Roger, bought different lotions and oils with flavors like guava peach and lemon. Roger said that it sounded more like stuff you would put on a salad. From then on, they called it “the salad kit.” So when they’re traveling, they can say “Did you pack the salad kit?” without being embarrassed in front of the kids. Every couple needs a good salad kit!
Another pantry item is a little more embarrassing. Here’s Kathi talking about what one mother of a preschooler shared about her intimate apparel:
I asked the audience how you can make your husband happier. We were on the topic of lingerie, and one woman said, “I have a tip on when you want to save money on your edible underwear.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. Wow, that’s never been a concern of mine. What budget envelope does Dave Ramsay assign to edible underwear? Is it food? Entertainment? Clothing? I don’t know. So I’ll give you the tip. She buys fruit roll-ups and cuts them out herself and makes her own underwear.13
So there you have it. An unexpected use for fruit roll-ups! Creativity along with a sense of humor can go a long way in the bedroom. Women love to create anything from table centerpieces to photo collages, floral arrangements to fanciful cupcakes. Why not use that God-given creativity in your sex life? The more you invest in creating intimate moments between you and your spouse, the happier you’ll be behind closed doors.
Seize the Moments
I’ve heard that it’s difficult to have a great sex life when your kids are young, but I’m thinking it’s got to be even harder when they are teenagers. Now my kids are three, six, and eight, and they go to bed early. They have no idea what we are doing when we shut our door at night. So mothers of preschoolers, now is the time to attack your husband. Do not delay and miss this opportunity, because when the kids are teenagers, they’ll still be awake long after you retire for the evening. They’ll be aware of every sound in the house. I’ve heard from parents of teenagers that you have to seize the moments as they arise. If the kids go out for pizza, drop everything else and run to the bedroom! The chores, bill paying, and emails can wait until they get back.
When James turned thirty-nine, I hid thirty-nine slips of paper around the house. Each slip had something I appreciated about him written on it. Most of the comments were G-rated and just a few were about romantic love. I thought he had found all thirty-nine, but at his birthday party, our friend’s young daughter asked her mom, “What’s this?” She was holding a slip of paper that read, “I love the way you make me feel when we make love.” Oops, that was embarrassing! Sometimes the messages we intend to be private get into the wrong hands. But that doesn’t mean we should stop writing love notes.
Perhaps one of the greatest love notes of all time is open for all to read. Song of Songs 1:2,4 teaches us to seize the moment:
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine...
Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.
Can you hear the joy in the Shulamite woman’s voice? You can almost hear her giggling.
So the next time your husband suggests you put the dishes aside for something more romantic, remember to giggle and hurry up. You might also want to grab your salad kit on the way to the bedroom.
Today’s Picture
Envision your handsome husband walking slowly toward you. He leans into you and whispers in your ear how much he loves you. You can’t wait to fall into his embrace later in the evening because __________________________ (finish the sentence yourself).
Today’s Prayer
Lord, I thank You for the beauty and intimacy of sexual love. I want to grow closer to my husband physically and enjoy the very best You have for both of us. Carve out pockets of time this week for my husband and me to be together. Take away anything that threatens to come between us. Make us one in body, mind, and spirit. Please put a passion for my husband deep in my heart.