How happy are those who reside in Your house,
who praise You continually.
PSALM 84:4 (HCSB)
Picture a group of five wives sitting in a coffee shop, chatting about their marriages. You hear one of them exclaim, “You wouldn’t believe what my husband did yesterday!”
Usually what follows is a blow-by-blow recounting of something foolish that husband did or said. He forgot their anniversary or shrunk her favorite shirt in the dryer. Rarely is it something positive or praiseworthy. It’s become popular sport to rant and rave about the shortcomings of our spouses and our lives.
Nowadays women bond through complaining with one another, commiserating over their second-class marriages and insensitive husbands. Complaining is justified because it’s seen as therapeutic. We complain in order to know we’re not alone. Underneath the nitpicking, there’s a need to connect with others and to draw attention to oneself.
On the other hand, if you’re a wife who’s constantly raving about your husband, your friends might be busy the next time you call for coffee. A wife who’s that happy has to be fake, spoiled, or prideful. Being a positive wife can alienate certain friends. The top of the world can be a lonely place.
The Hair Appointment That Changed Her Life
Fawn Weaver, author of The Happy Wives Club, was a young, successful business manager and co-owner of a fine-dining restaurant between Beverly Hills and West Los Angeles. Although she dreamed of getting married, she didn’t have time to mess around with dating and boyfriends. She was waiting for God to bring the right man to her.
She needed a new hairdresser, and her friend suggested a woman named Odia who had done her hair for more than fifteen years. Fawn ended up becoming one of Odia’s customers, but unlike other clients, Fawn didn’t like to talk in the salon. She was either dealing with staff on the phone or craving silence. Odia, however, kept the conversation usually centered on her favorite subject: her only child, a son who just happened to be single. Fawn remembers,
One day she was washing my hair and said, “It’s amazing at your age the level of business you conduct. I can’t imagine where you’ll be in your forties. You’ll be ruling the world.” To which I replied, “This is just a pastime. What I’ve always desired more is to be an excellent wife and mom.” Not a full second later, Odia said, “You’ve got to meet my son!”
She had her son, Keith, so high on a pedestal. I didn’t want to meet anyone’s only son!
Hair appointment after hair appointment, Fawn kept ignoring Odia’s pleas to meet her son. Finally she relented and gave Odia her phone number. But after all that, Keith never called. Now it was Odia’s turn to make excuses. My son wants to call you but he’s been so busy.
Weeks passed and Fawn was really fine with it. She was attending a conference and was in her hotel room watching football in-between sessions. The phone rang and a man with a super-deep voice asked for her by name. “Is this the second coming?” Fawn joked. They both started laughing, and he said, “You’ve been speaking to my mother.”
That first phone call lasted for hours. At the end of it, Fawn said to Keith,
“This has been a great conversation. But if you wake up in the morning and you feel that you don’t want to call me, listen to that voice. I have long prayed for the Lord to close the door to anyone who’s not supposed to be my husband. I’m too busy to mess around.” And that’s how I ended the call!
Undaunted, Keith did call back, and they continued to talk by phone for several weeks. They scheduled their first date for May 9. The day before, Fawn came down with the stomach flu, but she was determined not to cancel the date.
When Keith arrived and I opened the door, he will tell you to this day that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I was a little thinner than usual! I couldn’t eat at dinner, but we had a wonderful date and we both knew then we would be married. There was no question about it.
They have been inseparable since that date. On September 6, he proposed, and on December 27, they eloped. They were planning a wedding in April, but the day after Christmas, Keith asked, “What’s the reason we’re waiting to get married? Why don’t we get married tonight?” They drove to Las Vegas, and the following morning they were husband and wife.
Keith and Fawn didn’t meet or marry in a conventional way. And compared to many couples, they don’t really view marriage in a conventional way either. Fawn says,
Many times, especially in the church, we hope to prepare married couples by giving them all these negative scenarios to look for. And if you look for something, you will find it every time. People would tell me, “You’re going to argue.” I would say, “That’s your life, not mine.” I would flat out reject those comments and be on a mission to prove them wrong.
I purposed from the very beginning I would only listen to people who had positive things to say about marriage and who were already successful in their own marriage. And if I listened to people who were not successful in their marriage, it was only for the purpose of seeing what I should not do. I am counterculture all the way. It can be really beneficial to be rebellious!
I think we should give people permission to be happy. It’s something that’s missing today because you don’t want to boast. You can talk about how your husband never puts down the toilet seat, and no one will say anything. But if you talk about how he’s considerate and always puts the roll of toilet paper the way you want it, now you’re boasting. I think that should change.1
I agree with Fawn. Let us not be afraid to say it out loud: “My husband puts the toilet paper how I want it and I think he’s wonderful!” Calling all rebels...it’s time to be positive about our marriages. It doesn’t have to be lonely at the top.
I love what Gary Chapman writes about the pivotal power of a positive attitude:
Attitude has to do with the way I choose to think about things. It results from my focus. Two men looked through prison bars—one saw mud, the other stars. Two people were in a troubled marriage—one cursed, the other prayed. The difference is attitude.
Negative thinking tends to beget more negative thinking. Focus on how terrible the situation is, and it will begin to seem even worse. Focus on one positive thing, and another will appear. In the darkest night of a troubled marriage, there is always a flickering light. Focus on that light, and it will eventually flood the room.2
Here’s to flooding your home with light. Even the smallest flickering flame—a small positive change in attitude and actions—makes a big difference.
Today’s Picture
You are standing on the top of a mountain. Your heart is full of love for your husband. You’re so grateful that God has brought him into your life. What are you going to shout out to the world below? I love my husband because he is___________________.
Today’s Prayer
Lord, I want to focus on the stars and not the mud. I ask You to make me a more positive, joyful, and thankful person. Thank You for bringing my husband and me together. Continue to write our love story so that it brings glory and honor to You. Thank You, Jesus, that You are the light of the world. Come and fill my home and marriage with Your light.