If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.
1 JOHN 1:7
One thing that cracked me up about James before we got married was how he answered the phone. Sometimes he pretended to be a pizza place or he just cheerfully yelled out “Hello!” Or if a telemarketer called asking for money, James would quickly turn it around and say, “Do you have ten dollars you could lend me?” That usually ended the call abruptly.
After we were married and sharing the same phone number, these antics became an annoyance, especially when I received a business call. Usually, James saves his zaniness for telemarketers, but on occasion, he goofs.
Like the time my uncle from Indonesia called. Since it was an overseas call, there was a slight delay, which signaled to James that this was a telemarketer. James roared in the receiver like a king speaking to a subject, “Speak!” Our kids started laughing, which egged him on. My uncle was caught off guard and didn’t know what to say. James then said in an over-exaggerated accent, “Habla espanol?” (“Do you speak Spanish?”). Now my uncle was thinking he definitely had the wrong number. James continued barking “Speak!” and joking in broken Spanish because the kids just love all of this. Then his tone totally softened and he said, “Oh, here’s Arlene.”
Now I’m mortified, thinking it’s an event planner who is now not going to be inviting me to be their keynote speaker. My poor uncle finally was able to say, “Is this the right number for Arlene?” Thankfully my uncle is a good sport and was actually relieved that he had dialed the right number. As for me, I had a new story to chuckle over and a great illustration. Sometimes you have to look at your spouse and proclaim, “Speak!”
Don’t Clam Up, Communicate
When something comes between you and your man, you don’t want to sweep it under the rug. You can either deal with it yourself if it’s a small issue (remember from Day 18 how you can ask, Will it matter tomorrow?) or you need to discuss it with your husband. Ignoring problems will quickly make you unhappy and eventually bitter and angry. Instead, you want to connect positively with your spouse every day on purpose. Keep those lines of communication open. Liz Curtis Higgs has this advice about living happily with your husband:
Here’s the most important thing I’ve learned to have a happy husband and to be a happy wife. If something comes up between us, or I just sense Bill’s unhappiness about something, the easy thing to do is to walk away and pretend I didn’t see it or feel it. The better thing to do is to just say, “Honey, what’s wrong?” The sooner you can air anything that’s between you and get it out there, deal with it, and be done with it, the happier you’ll be. We think things will go away, but they never go away. They escalate every time. So one little hurt adds to another little hurt, and by the end of the day, there’s a blowup of some kind.
Bill is mild-mannered, so if he really gets unhappy, I know I missed the signs twelve hours ago. When he is unhappy, something is really pressing on his heart. I think it’s my job to figure out what that is, help him voice it, fix what I can, and off we go. And the air is so much clearer and it’s a happy way to live.7
Don’t Forget to Date
It’s much easier to keep the lines of communication open when you are spending quality time together. James and I both work out of our home offices, so we see each other a lot throughout the day. So is it necessary for us to schedule time to see each other again for date night? There’s actually a big difference between occupying the same space and intentionally going out to spend time together. There’s something magical about getting out of your routine and looking forward to an evening out. You need to be purposeful about creating fun dates together. They can be as fancy as a five-star restaurant or as simple as a coffee date around the corner.
The next time you’re out for coffee with your husband, here’s something to break you out of your daily grind. Switch drinks with your spouse. You can finish it up if you like it or swap back if you need your regular brew. Talk about what it’s like to live life from your spouse’s perspective. Instead of “walk a mile in my shoes,” think “take a sip of my coffee.” What challenges is your husband facing? What made him laugh today? What’s he looking forward to in the next month? Make your coffee date more meaningful by connecting with each other in a fresh way.
Kathi Lipp says you can even turn your errands into dates:
During the busy times, dates can be running errands. The super-romantic thing we’re about to do is get pet food. Before I travel, I know that’s one less thing Roger has to worry about.8
Cindi McMenamin and her husband, Hugh, do their best to have regular date nights, although sometimes dates have to be rearranged when the unexpected comes up.
When we have that time together at least once a week, or sometimes it’s once a month, it really helps me. I’m the kind of person who needs to know there’s going to be some time when we’re going to be able to have that connection time. Otherwise, life seems overwhelming and I think we’ll never ever connect. That connection time is like daily maintenance on the car. Keep everything in check so you don’t have a breakdown.
Having traditions helps. Hugh loves to get ice cream after a meal. Do you know what I will look like if I have ice cream after every single meal? But this is what makes him happy, and I’m going to do it. And I just have to hit the exercise class a little harder.9
Does your husband still make you laugh? I like this short conversation between two friends:
“Bill’s wife always laughs at his jokes.”
“They must be pretty clever.”
“No—she is.”10
Don’t let your husband’s jokes or your date nights grow stale. Be a wise and happy wife who is purposeful about dating and making daily connections. If need be, you can always try James’s tactic by belting out “Speak!” if you’re having a hard time getting the conversation going.
Today’s Picture
You’re a fly on the wall, watching you and your husband on a date when you were engaged. See how you laugh at his jokes, hold hands, and cuddle often? You’re affectionate, playful, and happy.
Today’s Prayer
Lord, thank You that my husband is not only my partner in marriage, he’s my best friend and closest companion. Help me to be a fun, affectionate companion to him today. Bring us back to our first love, when we longed to be together and enjoyed just being in each other’s company. Help us to connect in a meaningful way every day in our marriage. Deliver us from evil and let Your will be done in us. We are forever Yours.