She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
PROVERBS 31:27
My son Ethan came home from elementary school, long-faced, dragging his heels. Since he wasn’t his usual peppy self, I asked, “How was school?”
“Okay,” he replied in a monotone voice. “But I didn’t learn anything new. It was boring, boring, boring.”
At bedtime, we talked more about his blasé day.
“I’ve done everything I like at recess. There’s nothing new to try. I just walked around. I played a little bit of dodgeball. I talked to a few friends. That was it. It was so boring.”
Inside, I was smiling and thinking, If my son thinks recess, dodgeball, and talking to friends is boring, wait until he gets to college lectures, paying bills, and working his first job! I told him that adults felt bored too, and that boredom was just a part of life. Not every day is Disneyland, new concepts, and fancy foods. I also added, in mom-like fashion, “If you are bored, it’s up to you to find something interesting to do.”
Just like Ethan, we as wives can say, “I’m bored.” We can whine, complain, and fuss about the dull routine of married life, doing the same thing every day and going apparently nowhere. We’re running in circles with the same man, eating at the same restaurants, fighting over the same issues. We’re trapped, not in a bad marriage but in boredom.
You know the saying “It’s as easy as A, B, C”? Well, a bored wife can get herself into trouble as easy as E, F, G.
Escape—If you’re not satisfied with your everyday life, why not escape? Some women escape by shopping. You can shop in a store or just order things online in the comfort of your home. With a click of the mouse, your boring life can be transformed by a new purse, pair of shoes, or jacket. Or you can escape into the kitchen for some cookies, ice cream, chips, or cake. Too bad celery doesn’t provide this same escape!
Fantasy—Have you noticed that steamy romance novels geared for women are becoming more popular? Men aren’t the only ones interested in fantasy in the bedroom. If a bored wife decides to spice things up with some soft porn, that fantasy life can lead to some real-life problems with her real-life husband. The only person you want to be fantasizing about is your man.
Gossip—If you don’t have a juicy life, why not make up one and talk about it? Or listen to the exciting tales of a friend’s life? As someone said in Good Housekeeping years ago, “It isn’t the people who tell all they know that cause most of the trouble in this world, it’s the ones who tell more.” 14
Thankfully, there’s a way to avoid the traps of escaping to bad habits, fantasizing about someone who’s not our husband, and gossiping. When you are purposeful as a wife, with goals and dreams for your marriage, you will be too busy and focused to get sidetracked for long.
Boredom Is a Choice
Pam Farrel, who is definitely not a bored wife, says that boredom is a choice:
We can choose to allow God to make us into amazing women regardless of the people around us and their choices. That’s the best way to not be bored. Say I want to be the best me I can be. God doesn’t say, “I’m going to let you be the best you only if your husband cooperates,” or “I’m going to let you be the best you only if your husband makes so much money.” No, He will work around circumstances and through circumstances to help us become the very best us.
I encourage women to look for God’s personal Post-it notes of goodness. My friend calls it kisses from heaven. If we look for those things, we start seeing our lives differently, more from God’s perspective. It could be a Facebook post, a verse during quiet times, or a note from a friend. They are little things that add up in a big way.15
Expect God to speak to you and look around for ways to join in God’s work. The virtuous wife described in Proverbs 31 hates to sit still and do nothing. She does not eat the bread of idleness. She knows that when we’re bored and lack direction, it’s easy to waste time on frivolous things that can tear down our house. She’s careful to fill her time with service to her family and community.
Carol Kent and her husband, Gene, look for people in their circle of friends who need help worse than they do. Carol says,
We are very intentional about doing one tangible act of kindness for that person because that is one way we can touch their lives, with just a sparkle of joy and encouragement in the middle of their difficult time. It might be groceries for a single mom or reaching out to people with incarcerated loved ones.16
When you set your sights on serving others, you will never be bored or lonely. Billy Graham said it so well, “Only those who want everything done for them are bored.” 17
Stay Interesting
What Marjorie Blanchard says about fighting monotony in marriage is extremely wise:
I think women and men need to stay interesting to themselves. They need to pursue their own interests and also to look carefully for something they can share with their spouse. I think men love to have a pal, and if you can find some things that you both like doing, I think that’s very important in a marriage. The other thing that’s very important is for men and women to develop their own interests. Ask yourself, What’s new on my resume in the last three years?18
If you have been feeling bored in your marriage, what are a few things you could do to change that? Remember, you’re not going to wait around for your husband to fix things for you. You are going to be proactive by:
• Planning a date to a new restaurant
• Trying a new activity together, such as kayaking, dancing, photography, or running
• Spending time doing something you really love
• Finding somewhere to volunteer that you both enjoy
• Having a candlelight dinner at home
• Journaling about ten things you are thankful for in your marriage
• You fill in the blank: ________________
You’re now motivated to take the words “I’m bored” out of your vocabulary. Most pleasant memories don’t just happen; they must be arranged in advance. In the same way you planned a surprise birthday party for a family member or friend, you’ve got to plan to make happy memories with your husband.
Don’t check out of your marriage emotionally, physically, or spiritually when boredom hits. Realize that the blahs come to everyone. Those who have successful marriages learn how to keep boredom at bay by constantly growing. Be intentional about keeping your marriage interesting and fun. Avoid uttering the words “I’m bored” and instead say, “I think we should try...”
Today’s Picture
What are three activities you are currently not doing that you and your husband would enjoy?
Today’s Prayer
Lord, Your Word says in Proverbs 4:23 to guard my heart more than anything else, because the source of my life flows from it. Keep my heart pure from destructive things like gossip and ungodly fantasies. Help me to turn my boredom into positive actions that will cause me to grow in my spirit, mind, and heart. Give me strength to run the race of my life with endurance with my eye on the prize.