I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.
PHILIPPIANS 4:12
I love shopping at Costco. Not only do I get to munch on samples, if I don’t like something I can return it, no questions asked. My satisfaction is guaranteed! Have you noticed that marriage isn’t like that? Your satisfaction is not guaranteed. You can’t stand in line to return your spouse or exchange an irksome quality for a better one. Some days in marriage, you feel like the luckiest woman alive. On other days you wonder, Did I really think that burping thing was funny when we were dating?
The other morning we were getting the kids ready for school. Ethan is in third grade and Noelle is in first, and we live close enough to our school that we can ride bikes there. James came over to the sink and started doing the dishes. I said, “Oh, I can do the dishes. You get the bikes out.”
“I wouldn’t want you to get an allergic reaction to doing dishes,” he said.
You know when your husband says something that rubs you in every wrong way possible? How dare he say that to me!
“I do dishes every day!” I said.
“Oh, you do?” he replied as he walked to the garage.
The kids thought this was very funny. When Ethan rode off to school on his bike, he yelled back at me, “Good-bye, allergic reaction!”
While James was gone with the kids, I was fuming. Granted, I’m no stellar housekeeper. Not even close. The only thing I actually do with consistency is dishes. So that’s why I was so upset by what he said. I felt as though he was making fun of my ability to keep the house clean and that he attacked my only success: an empty sink.
I had a good talk with myself, and when James walked through the door, I calmly said, “I was really hurt by your comment. I have an allergic reaction to lots of things around the house, but doing the dishes isn’t one of them. That’s like me telling you that you have an allergic reaction to meeting with your real-estate clients.”
He understood and apologized. Like most husbands, he didn’t mean to stir up so much emotion by his glib comment. When you live with a person day after day, you’re bound to say something flippant that you didn’t really mean. The key is to apologize and begin with a clean slate again and again. Satisfaction in marriage isn’t guaranteed, but it can be achieved with some elbow grease and grace.
This Isn’t What I Signed Up For
When her children were young, Pam Farrel’s husband, Bill, worked as a youth pastor at a large church. Life was good. Then Bill felt called to be a senior pastor, so in his twenties, he became the senior pastor of a church of fifty. It was an exciting opportunity for him, but it meant major changes for their young family. They left the three-bedroom house Bill had remodeled and made beautiful and moved into a small apartment with strict rules in a metro area. Children were not allowed in the backyard, patio, front yard, or grass areas. It was as if children were not allowed to exist. Bill had the car, so Pam was home with two rowdy boys, ages two and four, without wheels to escape. Pam says,
Normally I’m optimistic, but depression just blindsided me. One day I went into the walk-in closet, and I couldn’t remember what I went in there for. I sat down on a pile of dirty laundry, and then my two little boys came in. Brock asked, “Mommy, what’s wrong?” I told my four-year-old that I didn’t know. I just wrapped my arms around those two little guys and sat there crying until they fell asleep.
I said, God, this is ridiculous. I have two healthy children. I have a husband who loves me. And it’s amazing he still loves me because when he comes home, he hears things like, “Why did you bring me here? Why do we have to live like this?” God, You have to give me an answer to my pain.
Pam went to the kitchen table with her Bible. She prayed, God, give me a fresh glimpse of who You are. She decided that day to keep a journal and write down every place in the Psalms where she saw God’s love for her. That gave her inspiration to look for verses elsewhere in the Bible about how she could show love to Bill. She read in Ephesians 5:33, “the wife must respect her husband.” Pam wondered,
Is there a loophole for something like this? I took out all my Bible study tools, because I was looking for the loophole. Instead of finding ways to opt out of “the wife must respect her husband,” God told me, “Pam, I want you to see Bill as I see him: as a man worthy of honor. I want you to speak to Bill as I would speak to Bill: words of encouragement to build him up. I want you to serve Bill: help him succeed at this new calling.”
After this clear encounter with God, Pam called Bill and asked him to meet for lunch. She explained what God had been telling her and told him that from this point on, she was 100 percent committed to be on his team.
I told Bill, “Honey, if I don’t get the stuff, if I don’t get the house, if I don’t get the car, it’s okay.” Bill did the happy dance! After that talk, he went into high gear. He found a way to move us from an apartment to a condo with a yard. He then bought a property and hammered up a two-story, three-bedroom house by himself while pastoring. I think all of that was easier since he wasn’t hearing me complain day after day after day. It was like jet fuel to his heart. It changed him. More than anything, it changed our relationship because we were both easy to be around. We both were highly productive.3
Are you in need of some jet fuel for your heart? I suggest following Pam’s example. When you feel dissatisfied in your marriage, don’t complain, nag, kick, or scream. Seek God and try to see your husband through the eyes of Christ.
Adaptable Paul
The apostle Paul had plenty of reasons to be dissatisfied in life. He became a missionary so that people could hear the good news of Christ. He experienced imprisonment, beatings, hunger, sickness, and great need. The believers in Philippi had lapsed in their financial support of Paul. When they followed through in their commitment to giving, Paul doesn’t question them. He’s gracious.
I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it (Philippians 4:10).
He gives them the benefit of the doubt. Imagine if your husband forgot your birthday, and you gave him an out by saying sincerely, “Oh, I’m sure you wanted to get me something, but you just didn’t have the opportunity.”
Paul continues,
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11-13).
Matthew Henry in his commentary on this passage writes, “This is a special act of grace, to accommodate ourselves to every condition of life, and carry an equal temper of mind through all the varieties of our state.”4 In God’s strength, you can learn to adapt to the disappointments and dissatisfactions experienced in marriage. Fixing your eyes on Christ as your example, you will be able to experience real, long-lasting satisfaction in your marriage—even when your husband says you have an allergic reaction to dishes.
Today’s Picture
Think of the areas in your marriage in which you are highly satisfied. Maybe your husband is a great cook, kisser, provider, or listener. Make a list of five things you appreciate about your man.
Today’s Prayer
Lord, my husband isn’t perfect and I’m not either. There are times when we are going to disappoint each other. Help us get through those times and unify us as a couple. Thank You for my husband’s many strengths. Show me what my husband looks like through the eyes of Christ. I choose to be content in any and every situation. I can do all this through Christ who strengthens me.