CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

AN INSPECTOR CALLS

Henry faded back to grey and ghosted off through the wall. Jonny took a deep breath, smoothed his hair and opened the door.

‘We received a distress call from a woman at this property,’ said the policeman.

‘My mum fainted,’ said Jonny.

‘Dear, dear,’ said the policeman. ‘Not really my specialism, fainting.’

‘She’s OK now,’ said Jonny. ‘Thanks for coming. Sorry to have bothered you. Bye.’

But the policeman wouldn’t go away. He wanted to come in and check on Jonny’s mum. She had come to and was gasping about someone breaking in. The policeman took a few notes and looked all over the house, then he asked to check outside.

Jonny opened the back door for him. The policeman marched around the small garden, checking the fences and the shed.

‘Nothing,’ he said, ‘but you ought to fix a lock on that shed. Anyone could get in!’

Finally, he left. Jonny sagged with relief. He’d felt sure Henry would fling a yoghurt at the policeman or fire an arrow at his hat, but true to his word, the royal guest had been silent and invisible. Jonny checked that his mum was resting quietly on the sofa, then went to find Henry. He was lying on Jonny’s bed.

‘I think, Your Wonderfulness, that it might be best if you return to the Other Side,’ said Jonny nervously.

‘But we were going to be brothers!’ said Henry, sitting up and pouting.

‘I know,’ said Jonny. ‘I just don’t think it’s going to work.’

‘Am I too Tudor?’ asked Henry. ‘Too regal? Too old-fashioned? Too fabulous?’

‘Too dead!’ blurted Jonny. ‘You’re a ghost! You died, like, ages ago! Sorry. You’re also really great and fun, but I just want a normal brother who is alive and roughly my age and doesn’t make people faint or call the police.’

Jonny half expected the dead king to roar angrily at him, but instead Henry reached his ghostly hand out and laid it on Jonny’s shoulder. It floated straight through it.

‘We had some larks, though, eh, Jonty?’

‘Jonny,’ muttered Jonny.

‘Indeed,’ said Henry. ‘Perhaps we’ll meet again some day. I hope you find the brother you want. Better luck next time, eh? That’s what they used to say to me about wives. I had six you know. Six!’

With that, Henry faded to grey and disappeared.

Jonny sat at his desk and emailed the Sibling Swap operatives again. He explained that all the swaps so far had been a bit peculiar, from ghosts to mythical creatures to a boy raised by meerkats, and asked if this was just how the website worked.

A Swap operative emailed back.

‘Apologies, Swapper, for the unsatisfactory new brother. We have checked your original application form and you had not ticked the box requesting only HUMAN brothers. We keep a small number of non-human swaps on our books to offer the greatest variety to our Swappers.’

So that’s why the brother swaps have been weird, Jonny thought. That explains everything! It was just a simple error he’d made on the form … Oh, relief times five trillion!

‘Can I tick that human box now, please?’ Jonny typed.

‘Sure!’ the Swap op replied. ‘We have a massive choice of human brothers and will have a replacement with you tomorrow morning. There’s no stopping the swapping until we get it right!’

Jonny closed the laptop. What a day! His faith in Sibling Swap had been wobbling there for a bit. Then he remembered tomorrow was bank holiday Monday. Bonus brother-bonding time! He sighed deeply and smiled. It was all going to be just fine!

Before bed, Jonny finished work on an enormous brick castle that he and Ted had begun together in a rare afternoon of brotherly harmony. It had sat on his bed- ­­room floor ever since, like a shrine to good brother times. Sometimes, Jonny remembered, he and Ted did have fun together. Not very often, it’s true, but sometimes.

Next morning Jonny was woken by the doorbell. It was brother number four.