CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
OH SWEAR WORD!
‘I want Ted.’
What a difference three words make! Suddenly, Jonny knew. He knew it all. He had finally realised that you can’t simply trade in your brother because he teases you or laughs at your climbing skills or gives you wedgies. You can’t swap your brother just because he’s older and bigger and sometimes bosses you around. It was all glaringly, painfully clear now. Jonny understood, but it all felt a bit late.
‘Good idea!’ said Pete-Pip. ‘Just log on to Sibling Swap and ask for him back. Here …’
She passed a laptop to Jonny. He logged on with shaking fingers and hit the ‘REQUEST A RETURN’ button. He suddenly felt excited. OK, he hadn’t worked out what he would say to Ted when he came home, but he knew now, very clearly, that he had to get him back.
A message flashed up in red.
SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION – ACTION DENIED
‘What does that mean? Site under construction? No!’ gasped Jonny, clicking on the ‘REQUEST A RETURN’ button again and again. Each time, an ‘ACTION DENIED’ message appeared, accompanied by a depressing thunk sound. The sound of failure.
Jonny stared at the screen in panic, then spotted a line of explanation at the bottom.
DUE TO MASSIVE LEVELS OF DEMAND, SIBLING SWAP IS BEING RESTRUCTURED AND HAS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. WE WILL RELAUNCH AGAIN VERY SOON.
That was it? The whole website had been shut down? Just like that? For ‘restructuring’, whatever that meant.
Oh, mega-droppings times five thousand. There was only one thing to do …
Jonny collapsed on to the shed floor and howled. What a mess! What a stinking, rubbish, ploppy mess! Thanks to Sibling Swap, his mum had been scared out of her wits, his neighbours had been upset and his dog had been kicked up the bottom. A whole bunch of possible brothers had been messed about too, and were now – what? – stranded in some warehouse who knew where. Worst of all, Jonny had lost Ted. His actual brother. What a miserable, horrible, stupid disaster!
‘I’ll never see him again,’ wailed Jonny. ‘I’ve ruined everything. Ted! Where are you? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! What have I done? What have I done? What have I –’
‘Made a fool and a ninny of yourself, that’s what, my lad,’ came a deep voice. ‘Now stand up and let’s make amends.’
‘Your Brilliantness!’ gasped Jonny. He scrambled to his feet, sniffing.
‘I could hear your bleating all the way over on the Other Side,’ said Henry. ‘What a carry on! Now, you wish to have your real brother back?’
‘Yes, but the computer says Sibling Swap has closed down,’ Jonny wailed. ‘I’ve lost Ted! I’ve ruined everything! I’ve –’
‘Nonsense!’ said Henry firmly. ‘You only swapped him. You didn’t chop off his head. There’s a big difference. Trust me, I know. Of course you can get him back.’
‘How?’ sniffed Jonny. ‘I don’t know how to find him!’
‘Use your friends,’ said Henry. ‘Gather your best people around you. That’s what I did. Do you think I ruled England alone? I had help, you know. You need loyal supporters, men you can trust as though they were your brothers!’
‘Umm, sorry to interrupt, but who are you talking to?’ whispered Pete-Pip, looking around the shed.
‘It’s the ghost of Henry the Eighth, you just can’t see him,’ said Jonny. ‘I can though. We were brothers for a bit.’
Then Jonny blew his nose and took a deep breath.
‘Henry, you say I need loyal supporters?’
Henry nodded.
‘Well, since Ted left I’ve had quite a few brothers,’ said Jonny. ‘Two of you are right here, and that’s a start. Will you be my band of brothers?’
Pete-Pip and Henry nodded solemnly.
‘Did he agree?’ whispered Pete-Pip. ‘I still can’t see him.’
‘Yeah, he nodded,’ said Jonny, then he puffed out a huge breath and looked serious.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘Let’s get to work!’