CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

Helmut lit the oil lamp and set it on the rustic table. It smelled dank and musty inside the cabin. He opened the windows to air it out before dark.

He knew this was a brief respite. Early in the morning, he’d go back down the mountain to milk his cows. But for the moment, he only wanted to sleep in a bed he hadn’t shared, or hoped to share forever, with Mel Hannigan. He’d brought fresh bedding and food and coffee for the morning.

He cleared off the table and arranged his supplies beside the oil lamp.

He went out onto the porch and sat in one of the sturdy wooden chairs crafted by his grandfather. He’d gathered a stack of firewood the last time he’d been here, before he’d first met Mel.

He frowned.

Why did everything come back to Mel? Did his entire life start the moment he met her?

Helmut winced as a stab of pain sliced through his chest. He acknowledged that Mel had jump-started his life. She had thrust herself into his orderly existence and upset his carefully choreographed routine. She’d brought him both joy and pain. Wanting her had become his entire focus but now they were apart.

His fault.

If he’d been a worldlier, more broad-minded man he might have been able to interact with the man who had preceded him as her lover. He might have been able to accept that the affair had been meaningless, as she claimed. He might have been able to carry on with the elaborate charade, pretending he could become what she wanted him to be.

He groaned, the sound unwillingly wrenched from his throat. The painful truth was that she didn’t want him the way he was. She wanted him to be different and he could no longer pretend to be someone else. He was his own man.

She wanted him to wear city clothes and accompany her to parties and bars. She wanted him to dance and listen to mindless drivel for hours on end. She did not want Helmut as he was. She wanted Helmut, revised.

He massaged the back of his neck. He found it ironic that quite a few women had wanted him just the way he was, but the one woman he wanted, the one he could actually envision a future with, that woman wanted to change him into an unrecognizable version of himself.

She’d chosen his clothes and told him how to wear his hair. She’d plastered his photographs all over the world. Helmut was an internationally famous model, and for what?

His bank account had never been so flush, but after remodeling the house, he had no need for additional funds.

He was a farmer. He made a good living as a farmer. He had no need to smile for the camera, even if the person taking the pictures was the woman he loved.

He was startled out of his introspection when a wolf howled nearby. A lonely, mournful sound, it resonated on the still air. It echoed his emotions. He’d allowed the wolves to roam free on the mountain, as long as they didn’t come down to feed on the livestock. He respected nature and knew that the wolves had their place in the overall scheme of things.

Some of his fellow farmers would shoot them on sight, but he had adapted a live-and-let-live philosophy. Another wolf joined in and howled in a slightly different voice. Their intermingled wails sent a chill down his spine. Loneliness washed over him like the waves on the Mexican beach.

He shoved out of the chair and gathered an armload of logs to build a fire in the fireplace. It would be dark soon and cold when the sun set behind the mountain.

#

Mel rocked in the high backed wooden rocker on Helmut’s porch. With every passing moment, her alarm grew.

Where is Helmut? Why isn’t he here?

She entertained a brief fantasy that he might have gone into the city to make up with her, but quickly dismissed that thought because his truck was parked in its space. Even if he’d taken the train, he would have driven the truck to the station.

She sighed aloud and the dog laid his head on her knee. She stroked his head and had to smile in spite of her misery when he licked her arm with his warm, velvety tongue.

“Thanks, I needed that.”

The sound of an approaching motor stirred her heart. She held her breath and forced herself to remain seated, not wanting to appear too desperate when Helmut first saw her.

But the white pick-up truck turning into the drive was not driven by Helmut. The blonde woman behind the wheel regarded her with anything but warmth. Sunny Van Ness parked and alit from her truck.

“Haven’t seen you around for a while,” she said.

Mel took a shaky breath. “I haven’t been here for a while.”

Sunny looked around expectantly. “Where’s Helmut?”

Mel shook her head. “I haven’t the faintest idea.”

Sunny turned to her with a quizzical expression.

“He didn’t know I was coming.” She shrugged. “I don’t know where he is.” She hated the tinge of whine in her voice.

Sunny stepped onto the porch and sat in the other rocker. “Don’t worry. He’s around somewhere.”

Mel stifled a whimper and nodded.

Sunny fixed her with a discerning gaze. “Did you and Helmut have a fight or something? He was kind of weird when he came back from Mexico.”

Mel swallowed hard. “Weird?”

Sunny emitted a rude guffaw. “He was grim and tight-lipped. Not that he can’t be tight-lipped, but this was different. Like he was really upset about something and he wasn’t about to share it with me.”

Mel took a deep breath and let it out. “You and Helmut have been friends a long time, haven’t you?”

“Since grade school.” The sudden smile transformed her face. Dimples flashed in her cheeks and her eyes lit up. “Helmut was the cutest kid, and so sweet. He couldn’t speak a word of English when he entered the first grade. But he was very smart and picked it up fast.”

Mel pressed her fingers against her abdomen. Was the child growing inside her going to be Helmut’s clone, or would it look like her? For the first time, she saw the child as a future person, a blend of both parents. “It must have been difficult for him.”

“He adapted. We were all farm kids, so, other than the language barrier, he fit in fine.” Sunny gave her another appraising glance. “Helmut was quite an athlete in high school and college. All the girls were in love with him.”

Mel raised her brows. “Were you in love with him?”

Sunny exhaled heavily. “Of course. I wasn’t immune to his many charms.”

Mel gave her a smile. She suddenly realized that Sunny would always be in love with Helmut. She tried to quiet the butterfly race going on in her stomach. “I understand,” she said quietly. “Me neither.”

Sunny gave her a grin. “The big difference is that Helmut loves you in return. I was just a fling for him.”

Mel pressed her lips together, trying not to lose it entirely. “He’s mad at me, right now.”

“He’ll get over it.”

A tear slid down Mel’s cheek. “I don’t know about that. Everything is entirely my fault. I came here to apologize, but I can’t find him.”

Sunny leaned toward Mel, her expression alarmed. “Hey, don’t get all emotional on me. Helmut’s around somewhere. Maybe he went to his cabin.”

“Cabin?” Mel remembered hearing something about a cabin.

“His cabin on the mountain. He used to go up there with his grandfather when he was a kid.” Sunny gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s his place to get away from it all.”

A flicker of hope ignited in Mel’s chest.

“Just hang tight and he’ll be back home by tomorrow morning. He has to milk his herd.”

Mel felt the knot in her stomach loosen. “The cows!”

Sunny nodded. “He wouldn’t neglect his herd. Just wait and he’ll come home.”

Mel frowned. “I guess I can wait here.”

Sunny stood up and straightened her jacket. “I hope things work out between you and Helmut. He’s a good guy.” She took a step away and turned back to Mel. “I think you should stop trying to make Helmut into a city boy. He’s a farmer, with no apologies. . .and a fine man at that.”

“I know,” Mel said in a strangled voice. “He’s the best person I’ve ever known.”

Sunny grinned. “Then we agree.” She climbed into her truck and gave a wave before driving away.

Mel watched her depart. Somehow, Sunny’s visit had been comforting. She’d talked about Helmut as a child and as a teen. Now, carrying his child, Mel felt somehow closer to him.

She got up and stretched. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast and her hunger had reached mammoth proportions.

Inside the house, she found little fresh food in the refrigerator, but she imagined that Helmut hadn’t shopped since the trip to Mexico. She found bread and eggs and made breakfast for dinner.

Sitting alone at Helmut’s table, she felt the need to be quiet and hurry through her meal. After rinsing the dishes, she walked out into the middle of the driveway. She gazed at the mountain and caught her breath. There was a light! She could see a light glowing steadily from a place mid-way up the mountain.

#

Helmut awoke without an alarm clock and lay for a moment listening to the quiet pressing in on him. He gathered his things and made his way down the mountain while it was still dark using a powerful flashlight to illuminate his way.

A dampness in the air settled on his skin. The sky was lightening up in the east. Just a paler shade of navy. All the stars gleamed like crystals scattered on blue velvet.

He filled his lungs with the humid air and blew it out forcefully. A new day. He would make a fresh start and thrust all thoughts of Melanie Hannigan from his brain. He wouldn’t think of her sparkling green eyes, or the sound of her laughter. He wouldn’t think of her sweet lips or the kisses he had gathered. He wouldn’t...

But already he was sad. His chest felt heavy with the pangs of loneliness--with the pain of leaving her. The ache was so great that he couldn’t remember why he had felt compelled to abandon her in Mexico. His anger had cooled now, leaving only a smoldering ash behind.

In the darkness, he stumbled over a root, almost fell. He caught himself, scraping his forearm against the tree bark. He rubbed the abraded skin, glad of the pain, glad of anything that took his mind off Mel.

He pushed away from the tree trunk grasping the flashlight carefully, willing himself to pay attention to where he was going.

When he broke free of the clearing, he lifted his gaze to take in the sight of his house and barn. He stopped short, feeling like he’d been sucker-punched.

There, if front of his house, sat the shiny red Porsche Boxter.

He couldn’t draw a breath. He thought his heart might have quit beating. Could he be imagining that she was here?

He forced his leaden feet to move forward. Approaching the house cautiously, he ran his hand over the polished hood of the vehicle. It was cold. Had she been here all night? He expelled a deep breath. While he had been tossing and turning in the cabin?

He sat on the bench outside and removed his boots before creeping quietly into the house. He pushed open the door of his room, but the bed was untouched.

He opened the door to his new master suite and stepped into the complete darkness. Shielding the flashlight with his hand, he gazed at Mel sleeping in the middle of his new king-size bed. She clutched a pillow to her chest.

He swallowed hard. The longing swirled up from his gut, threatening to drown him. He fought the desire to throw off his clothes and slide under the sheets to cradle her in his arms.

Instead he pulled the little velvet covered chair close to the bed and eased himself onto it. He inhaled the fragrance that seemed to be a part of her. Silently, he watched her sleep, her lashes dark against her cheeks.

#

She stirred, turned her face into the down pillow. She dreaded the coming of morning because it meant that she had spent a whole night hoping Helmut would come home. Home? What was she thinking? This wasn’t her home. It was Helmut’s den. The source of his strength. The place he would never leave.

She stifled a little sob and felt a hand on her head, smoothing her hair. She sat up, blinking in the semi-dark room.

Helmut was sitting on a chair beside the bed. He drew his hand back and stared at her somberly.

She felt the distance between them stretching like an ocean. An ocean of regret on her part.

“Good morning,” he said.

She tried to smile, but felt her lips tremble. She pressed them together, not trusting herself to speak.

“You came.” His statement hung on air between them. She realized how difficult this must be for him, even though it was ripping the guts out of her.

“I had to.” She clutched the sheet around her, although Helmut had intimate knowledge of her body.

A ghost of a smile flitted across his face.

“I mean I had to talk to you.” She dropped her gaze to his hands, the hands that should be comforting her. She took a shaky breath. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

He shrugged and looked away.

“I didn’t lie to you.” She bit her lower lip. “I just didn’t mention that I had a sort of relationship with...with Alain.” She glanced at his face but he was very carefully not meeting her gaze. “I mean, it was over before I met you.”

He sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. You can’t tell me it doesn’t matter. You can’t just erase everything that we’ve had together because I failed to tell you about an old boyfriend.”

“It is not about that anymore.” He spread his hands as though he was about to explain something to her and then dropped them. He stood and turned away from her. “I am not a sophisticated man. I am not the man you should be with. I am uncomfortable in the city that you love and you would never be satisfied to live here in such a rural community with me.”

She listened to the words he was saying and stared at his back. Something about the set of his shoulders let her know he was not as relaxed as he would like to appear.

She sucked in a breath and tried to keep her voice steady. “I see. So you don’t think we belong together?”

He made a scoffing noise. “I do not deny that I am in love with you, Mel. But I do not think I can go to your city again. We should just stop trying to change each other.”

“I’m done with that. And I understand that you don’t want to go to the city. I understand.” She didn’t want to cry. He didn’t deserve that. “Would you hand me my clothes?”

He looked around and spotted her clothing folded on the edge of the dresser. He laid them on the foot of the bed. “I will let you get dressed.” He ducked out of the room as though the sight of her body would scald his eyes.

Mel’s shoulders drooped. How could she have been so stupid as to have thought that he would welcome her, that he would take her back? She pulled on her clothes and went to join Helmut. She weighed whether or not she would tell him she was pregnant.

He had made coffee and offered her a cup.

“I should be going,” she said.

“You need to eat something first. It is a long drive back to the city.”

She shook her head. “I’m really not hungry.”

He frowned. “You should eat something.”

“Helmut, I’m pregnant,” she blurted out. “I didn’t mean to tell you this way, but you deserve to know.”

He looked like she had slapped him.

“A baby? We made a baby?” He looked incredulous.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I don’t expect anything from you, but I wanted you to know.”

“You do not expect anything?” His brows drew together. “You are having my baby and you do not expect anything?” He grazed his fingers through his hair and muttered something in German.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She struggled to find the right words. “I don’t want you to worry about anything. A lot of single women raise their children perfectly well.”

“I cannot allow you to bring up this child without a father. It is not right for a woman to struggle with all the duties alone.”

She started to protest but he stopped her with a kiss.

He cupped her cheek in his palm. “Do you love me, Mel Hannigan?”

She couldn’t breathe when he gazed at her with such intensity. “I love you, Helmut. I’ll always love you.”

He nodded his head. “Then I will do what you want. I will sell this farm and go to the city with you.”

“What?” She couldn’t fathom what he was saying.

“I will go to the city. I will be your husband and the father our child will need.”

She gazed into his eyes. His words, so heartfelt tore at her composure. “No! I can’t let you do that.”

He drew back. “You will not marry me?”

A giggle bubbled up from her throat. “I would love to marry you, but I can’t let you sell your farm. And you would hate it in the city.”

He expelled a deep breath. “But I would be with you, so I would put up with it.”

“No,” she said firmly. “I will marry you and live here with you and our children.”

“Our children?” A series of emotions played across his face before he reached for her. He pulled her against him and held her in a grip that would make a grizzly bear wince. “You will have my children?”

She managed to slide her arms around his neck. “Yeah, it was so much fun creating the first one.”

He kissed her, then laughed and swung her around in a circle. “I will make many children with you.” He frowned suddenly, setting her on her feet. “What of your picture business.”

“I can cut way back. Maybe just a few big campaigns each year. I’d like to do more art photography. I can put together another book.” She grinned. “And baby pictures. I see lots of baby pictures in my future.”

# # #

About the author:

 

J.D. Faver lives near Houston, Texas with two spoiled, rotten cats, Emily and Daisy, and a rescue dog, affectionately called Heart of Darkness, Horrible/Adorable, or Minx for short. She writes humorous contemporary romance and romantic suspense, both seasoned with plenty of steamy passion. Even the darkest murder/suspense is riddled with numerous snarky sentiments. She is actively involved in several writer’s organizations, including National RWA and three of its local chapters, West Houston RWA, Houston Bay Area RWA and Northwest Houston RWA. She also belongs to Bay Area Writer’s League and Houston Writer’s Guild. She loves to spend time with family and friends. She writes daily but has time for other interests including painting, cooking and gardening.

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PAINTED LADY

By J.D. Faver

Painted Lady, Copyright © 2011 by J.D. Faver. All rights reserved.