––––––––
The next couple of days sped by and then it was time to get on the tour bus. The budget was tighter than it had been on previous tours, but Noah was still looking forward to the look on Angie’s face when she saw their new home – he’d been teasing her, telling her they were going on a reconditioned red London bus. She definitely hadn’t believed him to start with, but by the time he started talking about the alterations for the shower cubicle, she wasn’t sure what to think.
“I’ll take that.” He snatched her case out of her hand and immediately sagged under its weight. “Bloody hell, what did you pack?”
“It’s not that heavy. It must be the books.”
“Am I that boring you need to bring half a library with you?” He stopped himself giving her a friendly nudge. She was nowhere near as jumpy any more, but she still preferred it if he didn’t touch her. If he could only get her to open up about it...
“You’re the one who said there’d be lots of waiting around. You’ll be too busy to talk to me most of the time.”
And boredom was a very bad thing for recovering alcoholics. “Oh well, it’s good exercise for me.” He strode out in front of her to open the door and watched her face break into a smile when she saw the two-storey coach waiting for them.
“I knew you were making it up about the red bus.”
“No you didn’t.” They walked out into the front garden.
She stared and stared at the coach. “It’s massive.”
“It’ll have to be. We’re sharing the bottom with John and a couple of roadies, the band and the other roadies get the top. Do you want the tour?”
She nodded, her smile growing even wider. He led her inside, stowing her bag near the front. “That’s John’s bed.” He pointed to a panel behind the driver’s seat.
“Bed?”
“Here.” When he pressed it in the right spot, the panel clicked back and he slid it open to reveal a neat little bunk with storage space underneath.
“Is mine like that?”
“Yeah, they all are. So you won’t be completely without privacy.”
It was going to be a culture shock being on the road with ten men and no other women. She leaned inside and peered around. “It’s a good job I’m not claustrophobic.”
“You’ll only be in there to sleep.” He couldn’t help thinking of some of the things he’d got up to in bunks like that. Sleep had only been involved at the very end. He imagined climbing in beside Angie and quickly pushed the picture away. That wasn’t on the cards. This tour was going to be completely different to all the other ones he’d been on.
He led the way down the aisle, showing her the table and benches and the other bunks. “That’s mine, right at the back.” Up until five minutes ago, it had seemed the most logical thing in the world to have her in the bunk closest to his. Now he was beginning to wish he’d swapped her with John. No. It’d be fine – she didn’t think of him like that. He didn’t think about her like that either. Not really.
“I’m trying mine out.” She walked back up the coach and slid open the compartment before boosting herself up onto the bed. “I like it,” she said, sitting with her legs dangling over the side.
He fetched her bag to slot in underneath her and came back just in time to see her rearranging her floaty skirt. He caught a flash of brown skin and turned away, his cheeks burning.
Please don’t let me get a crush on her. Not now. But her perfume drifted down to him and he found himself thinking of that night out in the garden. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but he could still remember the awkwardness of their embrace. Funny how something so ungainly could have felt so right.
Oh no.
“I’m just going to fetch some more of my stuff.” He rushed off the coach before his brain threw any more embarrassing thoughts at him.
Walking back into the house, he forced himself not to look over his shoulder. He had to get himself under control or this was going to be a disaster.
***
Everything went ridiculously smoothly – the band turned up early, John was in a good mood and nobody forgot anything important. All in all, it was enough to make Angelique extremely nervous. Nothing went this well for very long. Not in her experience. Then Noah went all quiet and disappeared into his bunk and she started to think she was right.
Should she check on him? She hovered around in the middle of the coach until John closed his newspaper, called her over to the table and made her sit down. “What’s the matter?”
She glanced over at the back of the bus. “It’s not like him to be so withdrawn.”
“He gets like that sometimes. His version of stage-fright. He’ll be thinking about tonight. Getting it all straight in his head.”
She looked over at his cubicle again. “How can he shut himself up in there like that?”
He shrugged. “Probably finds it comforting. Like being back in the womb.”
She couldn’t imagine how anybody would enjoy being in such an enclosed space, but to each his own.
“You haven’t seen him play before, have you?”
“Not a gig, no.” She knew most of the new songs just from hearing him play around the house, but his back catalogue was something she’d had no exposure to.
“Tonight will be a good introduction.”
“Yeah, he was telling me about the secret gig.” None of the fans even knew where it was yet. The location was going out to his fan club email list about an hour before the set started. “He said it’s years since he’s played anywhere this small. Sounds like he’s looking forward to it.”
“I thought it was a good way to ease him back in – friendly crowd, intimate venue.”
As they carried on chatting, Angelique forgot to worry about Noah and started to relax. This was the longest conversation she’d ever had with John. He was a lot warmer than she’d given him credit for.
As they drove on, glimpses of dirty blue sea appeared in the gaps between buildings.
“Will we have time to go to the beach?” She hadn’t been to the coast for years. It would be sad to come this close and leave without having a paddle.
“The gig finishes at eight. As long as we’re ready to roll by nine tomorrow, you can do whatever you like.” The coach slowed down and he craned to see out of the front window. “Looks like we’re here.”
“Thanks, John.”
“What for?”
“Taking my mind off things.”
“Look.” He pointed behind her to the back of the bus.
Noah was out of his den and stretching his lithe body until his hands pressed against the ceiling. His black t-shirt rode up and she glimpsed the dark line of hair that ran from the top of his jeans up over his taut stomach. She looked away, hoping he hadn’t noticed where her gaze had fallen.
He was her friend – her charge. She didn’t have those sorts of feelings for him. It must have been because they’d been trapped in the bus together for so long.
But she hadn’t been looking at John’s stomach, had she?
“Everyone okay?”
She nodded, feeling very self-conscious.
“Yeah,” John said. “Do you want to tell the others we’re about to park up?”
Noah headed for the stairs and she kept her eyes firmly on the table. She knew he was wearing one of his many pairs of skinny jeans. It wouldn’t be safe to look up until he was well out of the way. She had to nip this thing in the bud.
***
There was just about time to get something to eat before the gig, but John and the driver were the only people who had any appetite. Noah sat in the dressing room, strumming his battered acoustic guitar to settle his nerves. His fidgeting had already annoyed the band to the point where they’d gone out to the stage. Now they sat with their instruments holding a stop-start conversation and having a post-sound-check sound-check. Angelique kept walking from the bar to the dressing room and back again.
After he’d bought a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar, John found himself a seat near the back of the room. Angelique sat with him briefly, but she was too antsy to stay sitting down for long. Time ticked on and she went out to see Noah one last time before she made herself sit down.
She popped her head round the door. “Break a leg.”
He put down his guitar. His electric one was waiting onstage for him. “Come in here a minute.”
She walked inside, leaving the door open and feeling strangely uncomfortable.
“I’ve got something for you. To say thank you.”
“You didn’t have to—”
“I wanted to.” He put his hand in his pocket and brought out a silver chain. Then he straightened it out to reveal a locket. “I thought you could put a picture of Lewis in it.”
“That’s really...” The words caught in her throat. She didn’t want to break down in front of him, but she couldn’t think about Lewis these days without coming close to tears.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He took a step towards her and froze.
She knew he was thinking of her problem with being touched. It wasn’t fair on him. He was being so kind. “Will you put it on me?”
He looked into her eyes and for a second or two, she thought she saw the same discomfort she was feeling. But that was ridiculous. What did he have to feel uncomfortable about?
He unhooked the chain and came to stand behind her. She lifted her hair up out of the way. He brought the necklace down so that the locket rested on her breastbone. His breath was hot on the back of her neck as he fiddled with the fastening.
“Nearly got it.”
His large fingers were better suited to playing the guitar than working the clasp on delicate jewellery. “You should stop biting your nails.”
“Yeah, and you should stop smoking.” He finally got the catch closed and put his hands on her shoulders.
She stopped breathing.
“Sorry.” He went to take his hands away, but she put hers on top of them.
“No. It’s okay. I need to get over this.” She was glad she couldn’t see his face. It was easier to feel his hands on her when she didn’t have to meet his eye.
She let go of him. He left his hands on her shoulders, the edges of his index fingers just barely grazing the skin at the neck of her blouse.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. One step at a time. Turning around, she looked up into his eyes. “Thanks. For the necklace. It was really thoughtful.” She could still feel his touch, even though he’d dropped his hands to his sides.
“You like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” Footsteps echoed outside and she looked at the clock on the wall. Time to go. “I’ll see you afterwards.” Getting up on her tiptoes, she placed a kiss on his cheek and hurried away.
***
“You ready?”
Noah was still holding the kiss to his cheek when John walked in. He quickly turned to snatch the set list off the table. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
She’d kissed him. Okay, it was only on the cheek, but it had to mean something, right?
“Are you alright? You look a bit spaced out?”
“Yeah. Nerves.” He wasn’t lying, but there was only one member of the audience he was nervous to play in front of.
“You’ll be fine once you start.” John gave him a pat on the back. “Angelique’s at the back with me.”
“Okay.” He wouldn’t be able to see her back there. He had a feeling that knowing she was there would be just as distracting.
What’s wrong with you?
He shook himself off and got on the stage. Well, to call it a stage was generous. It still felt good to be up there though.
The bar was nice and full, even if it was only small. The drummer hit his sticks together and the spotlights went up. Applause filled the room, along with a few cheers. This is it. This is what I’ve been working for.
They started off with an old favourite and the fans sang along. He looked out over the sea of faces, but he’d been right – Angie was too far away for him to see.
The first song came to an end and they dived into another. The feel of her lips burned into his skin. He couldn’t shake her off. All the way through the set, his eyes kept going back to the top of the room, searching for her even though he knew he wouldn’t see her.
As they played on, he pushed himself harder. The band kept up. He was impressed – they’d only been playing with him for a couple of weeks, but they were seriously tight. He took advantage of their skill and started to improvise, thinking of Angie’s love of jazz. He wanted her to like his music. He wanted her to love it.
Singing and playing became instinctive and he reached a state that was almost meditative. Before he knew it, they were into their second encore, and then it was all over. The crowd was stamping its feet, begging for more, but he was wrung out. He waved his thanks and got down from the stage.
He was exhausted, dripping with sweat and ravenously hungry. At the edge of his awareness, thoughts of beer and charlie tried to sidle their way in, but he put up a wall. He needed a shower and good meal. All the other cravings were just down to bad habits.
His hand went to his cheek without him thinking about it.
Maybe not all the other cravings.
***
They served food at the bar, but no one suggested eating there – it was quietly understood that staying in the midst of all that alcohol wasn’t a great idea. Fortunately, John said he’d spotted a fast food place within walking distance.
They set off in that direction, everyone buzzing from the gig. After waiting so long to eat, the sea air had sharpened their appetites to a fine edge.
Noah hung back to let Angelique catch up with him. “What did you think? Could you see all the way at the back?”
She’d been trying to work out what to say ever since they started walking. “It was weird seeing you like that – doing the rock star thing.” It hadn’t been like watching someone she knew at all.
“Good weird?”
“You heard them cheering. You must know how good you were.”
“But I want to know what you thought.”
“I thought you were amazing. How do you do it? Get up there in front of all those people?”
“This is the place.” John pointed at a brightly-coloured burger joint up on the right.
“When I first started out, I used to hate it.”
Everyone trooped inside and lined up at the counter. “Really?” He’d looked so comfortable on stage.
“Yeah. I thought everyone was judging me and waiting for me to make a mistake. I used to just keep my head down and get through the set as quickly as possible.”
They gave their orders and stood over to the side out of the way. “So what changed?” I mean, you put on a hell of a show. You don’t look like you hate it.”
“I just realised that the audience isn’t my enemy. People don’t go to gigs to hate the band.”
“I suppose not.”
The food arrived and they picked up their paper bags.
“I’m feeling restless. Do you want to come for a walk?”
She looked over at John and the band. What would they think if she disappeared with Noah?
“Come on, I’d usually be drinking myself stupid about now. I could do with the distraction.”
It was part of her job. But it didn’t feel like work. It felt worryingly like a date. “Okay.” What else could she say?
“Great. John, we’re going for a walk. See you back at the bus.”
John waved a hand in their direction. “See you later.” He quickly turned back to his conversation. It didn’t look like the others were in any hurry to leave – they’d grabbed a table and were busy shovelling down French fries.
She followed Noah’s lead, feeling increasingly like she was being taken on her first trip to Lover’s Lane.
***
When he first thought of inviting her for a walk, Noah had tried to tell himself it was a purely platonic thing. Angie was the person he got along with best these days – it was only natural for him to want to spend some time with her one-to-one. But ever since she’d kissed his cheek in the dressing room, he’d been thinking of the other kiss they’d almost shared.
Knowing that she was out there watching was the main thing that had got him through his first gig in so many months. She was who he wanted to see when he got off stage. She was the one whose opinion he wanted to hear.
It wasn’t just a friendship any more.
So he’d made some arrangements and asked her to come on this walk. Now they were strolling along a hillside path in the failing sunshine and he was racking his brains for something intelligent to say. Why the hell was he so tongue-tied?
“Did you have somewhere in mind, or are we looking for somewhere?”
“Hmm?”
Angie held up her bag from the fast food place. “I don’t want a cold burger.”
“No. It’s up here.” The path got steeper and he offered her his hand. He had a sudden panic that the clearing he remembered wasn’t there any more – it was years since he’d visited that part of the country – but the way through the trees widened out and the ground levelled off. The wooden barrier at the edge of the hill looked new. He led her over to look at the view.
“I think the club’s over that way.” He pointed off to the far right, but she was too busy looking at the sea stretching out directly in front of them.
“It’s lovely here. I’ve never been before.”
“Mum and Dad used to bring us here every summer.”
She turned to him, a smile lighting her eyes. When she was happy, it transformed her. It was as if you could see the contentment shining out from inside.
“What?”
“That’s the first time you’ve mentioned your family.”
“No it isn’t.”
She nodded. “I didn’t even know you had brothers and sisters.”
“Just a brother.” Surely he’d mentioned him?
“Younger or older?”
“Younger.” He moved closer to her, worrying all the time that he’d spook her and she’d move away.
She stood her ground. “What’s his—”
He silenced her with a kiss, pressing his lips to hers the way he’d wanted to pretty much ever since he’d clapped eyes on her. She stiffened in his arms. Had he misjudged the signals?
A couple of heartbeats passed and she melted into him. She kissed him back and the hope he’d been guarding came to full bloom. She wanted him too.
He kissed her harder, wrapping her in his arms. Her perfume was everywhere – an intoxicating note that floated over the top of the sea breeze. Her lips were even softer than he’d imagined. They kissed and kissed, her ripe body pressing urgently against his lean frame.
All his worries had been for nothing. She kissed him eagerly, groans of pleasure sounding in her throat as she opened her lips to him.
Her hand came up between them, pushing against his chest. He stopped. His fast-beating heart laboured even faster. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to—”
She put a finger to his lips. “I’m fine.”
He’d been afraid she’d never reach a place where she could let him hold her. Now it was happening, the fear still wouldn’t leave him. The moment was so fragile. He had to move at her pace, or risk chasing her away.
But he needed her. He bent to kiss her again, barely brushing his lips over hers. Cupping her cheek in his hand, he looked into her eyes. There was fear there to match his own. “I want to make love to you.”
It seemed that she blinked in slow motion. He held his breath, waiting for her to crush him with rejection. He couldn’t have left it unsaid.
“I want that too,” she whispered.