––––––––
Angelique hadn’t given herself time to stop and think. She’d slipped out of Noah’s bed and dressed while it was still dark, telling herself he’d be better off with her out of the way. The full extent of her plan was going to Wesley’s house and waiting for a glimpse of her son.
She needed to see him. In the two years since she lost him, she hadn’t even seen a photograph. She didn’t know if he’d cut off his dark brown curls, if he was tall for his age, if he still liked to dip his French fries in caramel sauce. Two years was such a long time for kids that age. Would he even remember her?
She tried not to think about it. She wouldn’t get near him. Not with Wesley in the picture. But she had to see him. Just from a distance. Maybe risk taking a photo.
Her train slipped through the early morning gloom, rushing past fields and factories. Leaning her head against the window, she wished she could sleep. Hours of travel stretched out in front of her and she knew she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything like a book or a magazine. Then she thought of Wesley and it seemed the journey would pass too soon. What if he caught her?
As long as she was careful, he wouldn’t even know she was there.
***
Deep in his heart, Noah had known he wouldn’t bump into Angie at the station, but a part of him had still hoped he’d find her before she got on a train. He searched the ticket office, the platforms and both waiting rooms. Feeling deflated, he went to buy himself a ticket and caught his first break of the day – only one southbound train had left so far. He may have missed her, but she was only an hour ahead of him. He paid his fare and walked off to find a seat on the platform.
He’d turned off his phone back at the hotel, but he’d been growing steadily guiltier about it ever since. John would be worried out of his mind. He had to tell him something reassuring. The trouble was, he couldn’t think of a single explanation that wouldn’t make everything sound ten times worse.
When he turned his phone back on, there were nearly fifty missed calls. All of them from John. He took a deep breath and phoned him back.
He picked up after two rings. “Where the fuck are you?”
“I’m fine and I’ll be at the venue tonight, okay?”
“No, it’s not fucking okay. Where are you?”
“I promise I’m sober and I’ll stay that way. I’ll see you tonight.” He hung up and put the phone on silent. He would have turned it off, but he needed to go online. If he was going to have any chance of making it back in time for that night’s concert, it would involve booking a plane ticket.
Make that two tickets. When he found Angie, she’d be flying back with him.
***
The journey down the country felt like purgatory, but it did eventually come to an end. Angelique climbed down onto the platform on legs that felt as substantial as drinking straws. Five hours sitting on a train had left her aching all over. She kept moving and found a taxi to take her out to Wesley’s house.
As she got closer, she realised she’d arrive early enough to see him come home from school. Not that she even knew where that was. She walked out to the front of the station. How could it be possible that there weren’t any taxis waiting?
Calm down, Angelique. It was okay. She had the number for a local firm. The idea of lunch crossed her mind, but she felt too sick to eat. Afterwards. Once she’d seen Lewis.
She sat down on the kerb and phoned for a taxi. Apparently it was the first day of a big free festival and they couldn’t promise her anything within the next half hour. She almost ended the call in frustration, but she told them to send a car. Thirty minutes wasn’t the end of the world. But when a taxi firm said half an hour, it usually meant forty-five minutes or more. At least Wesley lived on the opposite side of town to the park where the festival was. The roads should be pretty clear.
She got up and went back inside the station to find a sandwich. She hadn’t eaten all day and it would kill some time.
***
When the announcement came that his station was next, Noah typed out one last text message to Angie and got off the train. There was no reason to think she’d picked up any of the messages he’d sent, but she was more likely to read a text than answer her phone. They all said the same thing – he knew where she was going and he was on his way.
He hurried round to the front of the station. No taxis. Bloody typical. He dashed back inside and asked for a taxi number. Instead of waiting for the office to answer, he strode out to the road with the phone still ringing. If he started walking in the right direction, he could ask them to pick him up on the way. The mood he was in, he wouldn’t be able to sit around and wait.
***
In the end, forty-five minutes had been closer to the truth. Once she was sitting in the back of the cab, her heart slowed down a little, but it was still uncomfortably fast and acid churned in her belly. The driver obviously thought she was in town for the festival and promptly set off in the wrong direction, completely ignoring what she’d said.
She felt a little guilty for the way she yelled at him when she realised what was happening and told herself to give him a generous tip when she was done. When she asked him to wait on the corner of the street, he looked rather suspicious.
“I’m waiting for my friend to come home.”
He stared at her in the rear-view mirror and she thought he was going to tell her to get out, but he only shrugged and looked at the meter.
The day was warming up, so she wound down the window. The house was only just in sight – far enough away to let her feel comfortable. Well, as comfortable as she was going to get. She didn’t even know which direction they’d be coming from. Or if they’d be in a car. Maybe they’d gone to the festival.
No. If she knew Wesley at all, he wouldn’t take Lewis to something like that. He’d say it was full of hippies and losers.
She looked up and down the road, trying to cover every angle. And then she saw them. Lewis was so tall. Tears welled up in her eyes the minute she caught sight of him kicking a ball up the road, his school blazer bunched in his hand and his tie pulled open. She didn’t dare to breathe. Her baby. He looked happy. And well cared for.
Wesley walked along behind him looking every inch the loving father. But then, he’d never taken his frustrations out on Lewis. They reached the house and disappeared inside. Her phone. She hadn’t even thought to take a picture. Now it was too late.
The plan had been to leave once she’d seen Lewis, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t let the driver take her away when she knew he was so close by. “How much?”
He told her the fare and she paid him, including the tip she felt he was owed. Then she got out onto the pavement and watched the car drive away. She had to get somewhere less exposed. Sneaking back to the corner, she looked around, knowing she was drawing attention to herself. The streets were empty, which only made her stand out more.
The seconds slipped by and she decided to retreat to the playground around the corner to work out a plan.
***
He hadn’t been entirely confident he was on the right street until he spotted Wesley’s blue front door. Noah paid the driver and got out of the taxi. He was crossing the road when he heard another car door bang shut. Turning in the direction of the sound, he saw Angie climbing out of a cab. He thought about calling out to her, but his mouth went dry. She looked so small and weary. The way she walked – it wasn’t the self-assured Angie he’d first met. She was hesitant. Nervous.
She hurried away, around the corner. He’d had every intention of knocking on Wesley’s door and laying into him, but if he let Angie walk away he wouldn’t know where she’d gone.
He looked from her to the house. By the time he looked back at her, she’d disappeared from view.
Wesley could wait.
Noah ran across the road and in Angie’s direction.
“Angie,” he called after her and she stopped, whirling to face him.
The fear written on her face melted away when she recognised him. “I thought you were him.”
He caught up with her and found he didn’t know what to say. He knew why she’d left like that. He knew why she’d taken the train. “You shouldn’t be here. If Wesley sees you he’ll call the police.”
“I know. But I saw him, Noah. I saw Lewis.” Her smile was so sad, it made him angry.
He rushed over and took her in his arms. How could Wesley live with himself? What had she ever done to deserve any of this?
They clung to each other, standing in the middle of the street.
“I’m sorry I ran away. But I couldn’t —”
“Don’t worry. We’ll sort it out.”
She pulled away from him. “The tour! You shouldn’t have come down here. You’ve got a concert tonight.”
He took both of her hands in his. “Don’t worry about that. You’re more important.”
“But John—”
“John’s fine. We’ll sort this out and then we can get a plane back up in time for tonight.”
She looked a little less worried. “Are you sure there’s time?”
No. “It’ll be okay. I promise you.” All these promises were going to come back and bite him. He’d have to worry about it later. “Right, we need to get you out of here before he sees you. Will you be alright getting into town on your own?”
She nodded. “What about you?”
“He doesn’t have a restraining order against me. I’m going to have a talk with him.”
“But—”
“Just a talk. I was on the phone with a lawyer on my way down here. Trust me, you’ll see Lewis again.”
Her eyes brightened, shining with tears.
“Go into town. Sit in a cafe, go shopping, do whatever you want and I’ll come and meet you later. Then we’ll go to the airport and get back up north.”
“Noah,” she said, her brown eyes huge as she looked up at him. “Is it really going to be okay?”
He drew her close and gave her his most tender kiss. She was already more like herself again. Once this was all over he’d take her away somewhere and find out what she was like when there was no drama hanging over her. Maybe they’d even be able to take Lewis. “Wesley doesn’t have a leg to stand on. You’ll see Lewis. If he’s sensible, you won’t have to go to court first.”
“He’s not sensible.”
“Then he’ll waste his money on a lawyer and you’ll still get to see Lewis.”
She gave him a hopeful smile. It felt so good to see her smile.
“Go on.” He kissed her again. “And turn your phone on.”
“Okay.” She got up on her tiptoes to take one more kiss, then left him, searching in her handbag for her phone.
***
Stay calm, stay calm. Noah chanted the words all the way to the door. What he really wanted to do was rip the bastard’s head off, but that wouldn’t help Angie’s chances of seeing her boy again.
“You.” Wesley said when he opened the door.
“Yeah, me.”
He moved to shut the door in Noah’s face, but Noah did the trick with his foot again and they reached a stalemate.
“Angie told me what you did to her.”
“And?”
Anger started to rise in Noah’s chest like a head of steam. He made himself take a breath. “You need to let her see her son.”
Wesley didn’t say another word, he just stared at him with a frightening amount of venom.
“Let her see her son.”
Wesley narrowed his eyes and pushed harder on the door, squashing Noah’s foot in the gap.
“What’s your problem, man?” His fuse was burning low. The guy didn’t even have the decency to talk to him.
Opening the door wide, he grabbed hold of Noah’s t-shirt and practically lifted him out of the doorway. “I know who you are,” he said in a low voice. “You’re that junkie singer.”
“I’m not a junkie,” he spluttered. He snatched at Wesley’s wrist and pulled him off his clothes. Drawing back his fist, he got ready to land a punch.
“Junkie scum. That’s what my whore of a wife’s hanging around with now?”
A red mist descended and he stepped up into Wesley’s face, breathing hard.
“Go on then. Do it.”
He tensed his arm and thought about swinging for him, smashing that smug face into a bloody mess. But that was precisely what Wesley wanted. “No.” He dropped his fist. “No.” Shaking his head, he took a step back. “She’s right. You’re not worth it.”
Wesley started to laugh. A great, booming sound from the bottom of his belly.
“We’ll be back with our lawyer.”
“Really? The whore, the junkie and the lawyer?” He laughed again.
Noah knew it was all designed to wind him up and make him do something stupid. That didn’t stop it rankling him. He had a whole new level of respect for Angie, thinking about all those years she’d survived with him. “You’ve got no right to keep them apart. She’s a good mother.”
“You keep telling yourself that.” The twisted smile vanished from his face and he went back inside, slamming the door behind him.
Noah went out to the pavement and slammed the gate, then kicked it. He’d fucked it up. All he’d had to do was explain what the lawyer had said and he’d fucked it up.
How was he going to tell Angie?
He walked down the street cursing himself. That bastard Wesley. He punched a hedge as he turned the corner, but it didn’t make him feel any better. He’d promised her it would be okay.
There was nothing more to be done. The lawyers would handle it. She had a good case for joint custody. Or at least visitation rights. They’d said on the phone that there was no argument for keeping Lewis away from her.
So why was he so apprehensive?
An ice cold beer would have been so good right then. Just to take the edge off his anger. He could almost feel the condensation that would wet his palm as he put his hand around the glass. And the first sip... The froth coating his top lip while the cool clear liquid filled his mouth.
He got out his phone and called her up. He didn’t trust himself to be alone and there was no point putting things off.
***
As soon as she saw Noah’s face she knew it hadn’t worked. Of course it hadn’t – when had Wesley ever listened to reason? She should have been the one to go.
“I’m sorry. He wouldn’t listen.” He came and sat beside her at her table in the coffee shop.
“Thank you for trying.”
It was lovely that Noah wanted to help her, but this was her problem. She had to stand up to Wesley or he’d always think she was afraid of him. There was no guarantee things with Noah would last. If she ended up back on her own, she needed Wesley to know he couldn’t walk all over her.
She kissed Noah on the cheek and stood up. “I’m going to talk to him.”
She’d risk him invoking the restraining order. If there even was one – she only had his word for that. It was long past time she showed him that he couldn’t push her around any more. What had Noah said? She was dry, she had a good job and she led a respectable life. Wesley might look like a pillar of the community from the outside, but she knew different.
“You can’t. The restraining order.”
“Right now, I don’t care.” The more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself that there never had been a restraining order. What reason would a judge have to grant one? “I’ve got to try.” There wasn’t much time left. She walked outside and spotted a taxi rank further down the road. Noah followed her into the first car in the queue.
They rode back to Wesley’s place in silence, holding hands on the back seat. Noah paid the fare and climbed out first. He led the way to the house, but then he stepped aside and she walked up to the door. She thumped the knocker and took a deep breath. There wasn’t long to wait – Wesley opened up straight away, his face quickly darkening as he saw who was on his step.
“You. Are you stupid or something?” He turned away from the door. “I’m calling the police.”
“Yeah, Wes. Call the police. I want to tell them what you did to me.”
He stopped and spun around. “You what?”
“I could tell them about the way you used to control me – what I wore, what I said, who I saw.”
He stared her down, folding his arms in front of him.
“Yeah, you’re right. They might not think that was such a big deal.” The adrenaline raced through her veins and she started to tremble. “They might be more interested in the night you brought a man into our home and watched him rape me.”
Shock flickered across his face. Just for a second. But she saw it. He knew exactly what he’d done. And he knew what everyone else would think if they found out.
“They wouldn’t believe you. You’re nothing but a drunk who couldn’t even look after her child.”
“Maybe they wouldn’t, but your neighbours probably would. And the parents at Lewis’ school. You know what they’d all say? There’s no smoke without fire.”
It was the truth and he knew it. Getting an accusation like that to stick would be next to impossible after all that time, but enough people would think back to some little show of temper and believe the rumours. “And what about when Lewis finds out? You might manage to keep it from him for years, but when he hears and he asks you what happened do you think he won’t be able to tell you’re lying? His only parent, the man who brought him up single-handed. Do you think he won’t know when you’re not telling him the truth?”
“What do you want?”
“You know what I want. I want to see my son.”
For the first time ever, he didn’t give a sneering answer to her request.
“Let me see him. Just to say hello.”
Wesley looked at her through new eyes. He was cautious, like he was trying to work out if she’d bite him. “Lewis.” He didn’t take his gaze from her as he called up the staircase. “Come here.”
The boy came running across the landing and down the stairs. He was just as she remembered him and totally different. Two years taller and broader. His face had lost some of its baby roundness. It was easier to see the man he’d grow into now.
She’d wondered if she would cry when she saw him again, but she was too elated. She reached for Noah’s hand, needing to know he was there, that this was real.
“Lewis, this is your mother.”
He looked up at her. Her hand went to her mouth. What must he think of her? Why did he think she’d left him?
“Say hello.”
“Hello.” He sucked on his bottom lip, as nervous as she was.
“Hello, Lewis.” Do you remember me? She thought, but she didn’t want to ask.
He turned his gaze to Noah, then looked down at the floor.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit you. I really wanted to.” Her voice broke and Noah squeezed her fingers.
“Daddy said you couldn’t come because you were at work.”
She was stunned. She’d assumed he would have told him she didn’t care. “I was, Baby. I missed you so much.”
“Your mum’s got to go now.” Wesley gave her a sharp look.
“But I’ll come back and see you again. If you want me to.”
Lewis sneaked a look at his father, then looked back at Angelique and nodded.
She blinked hard, determined to keep the tears from falling. “Okay, I’ll talk to your dad and we can spend some more time together.”
“Okay.” He turned and ran back into the house.
“Happy now?”
She wanted to crow, to throw all the nasty things he’d ever done back in his face and watch him fume. But that was what he would do in her place. “Thank you. Thank you for not turning him against me.”
“That would hurt him as much as you.”
He was right, but she never thought he would have seen it like that.
Still holding Noah’s hand, she turned away from the man who’d caused her so much pain. Things would be different now.
***
“We should be in good time to get the plane. I’ve already booked our tickets.”
Angie turned to him and he knew by the look on her face that he wasn’t going to like what she had to say.
“I’m not coming.”
“But it’s sorted now. He’s going to let you see Lewis.”
“So he says. I’m not taking any chances. I want to get it all in writing before he changes his mind.”
“We can do that through the lawyers.” But he knew how he’d feel in her position. She wanted to stay and see it through. She wanted to be close by so she could knock on his door and look him in the eye if he went back on his word.
“When will you be back?” He tightened his grip on her hand. Just when everything was starting to work out, he was going to lose her.
“I don’t know. I...” She paused, her eyes full of conflict. “I want to be straight with you. I can’t promise I’ll be back at all.”
He wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to come with him. How would he get through the rest of the tour without her? But she needed to stay. The decision was hard enough for her without him pouring on the guilt. “Will I see you again?” There was so much between them. She must feel it too.
“Yes. If that’s what you want.”
“What do you mean, ‘if that’s what I want’? Of course I want to see you. I’m crazy about you.”
“I just thought, with all the drama and everything...”
“Angie. I wouldn’t have got this far without you. I wish you were flying back with me tonight. I wish I could drop the rest of the tour and just be with you. But if I have to wait for you, I will.”
The faintest hint of a smile lit her face. “You don’t know what it means to hear you say that.”
He kissed her temple. Getting on that plane without her was going to be like leaving his arm behind.