“129 WAYS TO
GET A HUSBAND”
This 1958 McCall’s magazine article was compiled by “sixteen experts,” including a marriage counselor, an airline stewardess, a psychologist, and a bachelor. We couldn’t fit all 129 entries, so we only included the really dated, eye-rolling ones…which turned out to be most of them.
WHERE TO FIND HIM
2. Have your car break down at strategic places.
6. Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers.
9. Sit on a park bench and feed the pigeons.
12. Become a nurse or an airline stewardess—they have very high marriage rates.
14. Be nice to everybody—they may have an eligible brother or son.
17. Be friendly to ugly men—handsome is as handsome does.
19. Get lost at football games.
20. Don’t take a job in a company run largely by women.
21. Get a job demonstrating fishing tackle in a sporting goods store.
22. On a plane, train, or bus, don’t sit next to a woman—sit next to a man.
24. Don’t be afraid to associate with more attractive girls; they may have some leftovers.
26. Don’t room with a girl who is a sad sack and let her pull you down to her level.
29. When traveling, stay at small hotels where it is easier to meet strangers.
30. Learn to paint. Set up an easel outside an engineering school.
HOW TO LET HIM KNOW YOU’RE THERE
31. Stumble when you walk into a room that he’s in.
32. Forget discretion every once in a while and call him up.
34. Wear a Band-Aid. People always ask what happened.
35. Make a lot of money.
38. Dropping the handkerchief still works.
39. Have your father buy some theater tickets that have to be gotten rid of.
40. Stand in a corner and cry softly. Chances are good that he’ll come over to find out what’s wrong.
41. Don’t let him fish for your name the next time you meet. None of this “guess who” stuff.
43. Buy a convertible. Men like to ride in them.
44. Learn how to bake tasty apple pies. Bring one into the office and let the eligible bachelors taste it.
45. Laugh at his jokes.
47. “Accidentally” have your purse fly open, scattering its contents all over the street.
The World Testicle Cooking Championship is held in Gornji Milanovac, Serbia, each year.
48. Men like to think they’re authorities on perfume. Ask his advice on what kind you should wear.
49. Get better-looking glasses—men still make passes at girls who wear glasses—or try contact lenses.
50. Practice your drinking with your women friends first.
51. If you dye your hair, pick a shade and stick to it.
52. Wear high heels most of the time—they’re sexier!
53. Unless he happens to be shorter than you are!
54. Tell him he’s handsome.
55. Take good care of your health. Men don’t like girls who are ill.
56. If you look good in sweaters, wear one on every third date.
58. Get a sunburn.
60. Go on a diet if you need to.
61. When you are with him, order your steak rare.
62. Don’t tell him about your allergies.
63. European women use their eyes to good advantage. Practice in front of a mirror.
64. Buy a full-length mirror and take a good look before you go to greet him.
66. Get that fresh-scrubbed look by scrubbing!
68. Use the ashtray; don’t crush out cigarettes in coffee cups!
70. Don’t be too fussy.
72. Don’t whine—girls who whine stay on the vine!
HOW TO LAND HIM
73. Show him you can have fun on a cheap date—but don’t overdo it!
74. Don’t let your parents treat him like a potential husband.
76. Double-date with a gay, happily married couple—let him see what it’s like!
78. Send his mother a birthday card.
80. Talk to his father about business and agree that taxes are too high!
82. On the first date tell him you aren’t thinking of getting married!
83. Don’t talk about how many children you want.
84. If he’s a fisherman, learn to scale and clean fish.
86. When you’re out strolling with him, don’t insist on stopping at every shop window.
87. Don’t tell him how much your clothes cost.
88. Learn to sew, and wear something that you made yourself.
93. Find out about the girls he hasn’t married. Don’t repeat the mistakes they made.
96. Be flexible. If he decides to skip the dance and go rowing on the lake, go—even if you are wearing your best evening gown.
98. Turn wolves into husband material by assuming they have honor.
102. Make your home comfortable when he calls—large ashtrays, comfortable chairs.
103. Learn to play poker.
104. If he’s rich, tell him you like his money—the honesty will intrigue him!
105. Never let him believe your career is more important than your marriage.
108. Don’t tell dirty stories.
109. Stop being a mama’s girl—don’t let him think he’ll have in-law trouble, even if you know he will!
110. Point out to him that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.
A sudden rush of adrenaline is what causes blushing.
111. Go to Yale.
112. Get a hunting license.
113. If your mother is fat, tell him you take after your father. If he’s fat too, tell him you’re adopted!
114. Stow away on a battleship.
115. Rent a billboard and post your picture and telephone number on it.
116. Paint your name and number on your roof and say, “Give me a buzz, pilots.”
117. Start a whispering campaign on how sought-after you are.
119. Ride the airport bus back and forth from the airport.
122. Carry a camera and ask strange, handsome men if they would mind snapping your picture.
124. Make and sell toupees—bald men are easy catches!
128. Let it be known in your office that you have a button box and will sew on bachelors’ loose buttons.
129. Don’t marry him if he has too many loose buttons!
EPILOGUE
A few entries we left out actually do hold up today, like #4, “Join a hiking club” or #101, “Remain innocent but not ignorant.” However, as the article concludes, “Even a quick glance at the list will show you that the day has passed when a reasonably pretty girl can sit, hands folded, on her front veranda waiting for Mr. Right to come along. As our brainstorming panel sees it, getting married today is a problem in social engineering.”
Canadian with the most #1 hits in the U.S.: Drake (6).