GROANERS
A wise man once said, “When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.” Please don’t come after us for these.
Windmill #1: “What kind of music do you like?”
Windmill #2: “I’m a big metal fan.”
Did you hear about the mom who told a dad joke? It was a faux pa.
Q: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
A: All they would say is, “BACH! BACH! BACH!”
Did you hear about the illustrator who ran out of ideas? She drew a blank.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because gorillas have big fingers.
Did you hear about the bachelor who sold his vacuum cleaner? It was just collecting dust.
Q: What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A: A labracadabrador.
Q: What do you call a dead magician?
A: An abracadaver.
Q: What do Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
A: Icy dead people.
The inventor of Velcro died. RIP.
Buffalo Jr.: “Well, Dad, I’m off to college.”
Buffalo Sr.: “Bison.”
That guy just hit me with a bunch of milk and cheese products! How dairy!
Q: What do you call an arrogant prisoner going downstairs?
A: A condescending con descending.
Q: What do you call a broken can opener?
A: A can’t opener.
“I stand corrected,” said the man in his new orthopedic shoes.
Q: What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.
We were going to make this an entire page of ceiling jokes, but they’d just go over your head.
Q: What’s the difference between a blackbird and a bluebird?
A: They’re both black except for the bluebird.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
Q: What do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a hill?
A: A lambslide.
A widow is mourning at her husband’s grave. A man approaches and asks, “Mind if I say a word?”
“Okay,” she says.
“Plethora.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.”
Did you hear about the husband who accidentally gave his wife a glue stick when she asked for her lipstick? She still isn’t talking to him.
Q: Can you help me round up these 18 sheep?
A: Twenty.
I want a rubber band sandwich, and make it snappy! (That last pun really is a stretch.)
Q: Why are all your sheep purple?
A: I herded them through the grapevine.
Q: What was the last thing
Grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
A: “I’m going to kick this bucket.”
The African antelope called the dik-dik marks its territory with its tears.