PLAYING WITH POOP
Well, it seems the world has finally caught up with the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. What’s the latest poop in toys and games? Poop-themed toys and games. Here are some real ones. (Uncle John spotted them at the toy store when he was looking for the restroom.)
Toy: Sticky the Poo
Manufacturer: Hog Wild
Details: Can a game that combines darts with going to the bathroom be bad? This one is. It consists of a target that you hang on a wall directly in front of your toilet. Then sit down and throw the brown, google-eyed, plastic dart (shaped like a turd) at the target and try to score a bull’s-eye. The manufacturer—educational toy seller Scholar’s Choice—claims it helps kids develop “gross motor skills.”
Toy: Flushin’ Frenzy
Manufacturer: Mattel
Details: To play this game, kids first set up a small toilet replica consisting of a tank and a bowl. Players then take turns, rolling the dice (which is done by flushing the toilet, like a slot machine) to see how many times they have to push a toy plunger into the bowl. If you plunge and nothing happens, it’s the next player’s turn. If your plunging sends a brown plastic log (“Pooper”) shooting up from out of the tank, all players try and grab it to earn tokens. Object of the game: catch the poop!
Toy: Don’t Step In It!
Manufacturer: Hasbro
Details: This game replicates the experience of what it feels like to step in dog poop…barefoot. A Don’t Step In It! box contains a long, green mat made to look like grass. Players then use the included Play-Doh-esque compound to mold little poop piles. One player then puts the poop on the mat while the other player puts on a blindfold and then walks on the poop-covered mat without shoes or socks. If they step on what’s reportedly some very realistic-feeling fake poop, they lose.
Toy: Poo-Dough
Manufacturer: Skyrocket Toys
Details: How this toy company managed to avoid legal action from Hasbro, the venerable maker of Play-Doh, we do not know. Regardless, this poop-themed crafting kit comes with modeling clay in various shades of brown (and one yellow). Place your desired combination into the included mold, and extrude a four-inch segmented log that looks like it could have come from a human or a dog.
…goats in his presence. (People thought he looked like a goat.)
Manufacturer: Spin Master
Details: The Flush Force series is like a toilet-themed Pokémon—little monsters said to have come from the sewers. Looking kind of like animals who’ve been adversely affected by nuclear waste, the figurines come with slime-covered toilets, which they now call home. There are 150 characters (collect ’em all!) with names like Stink Eye and Hot Clog, Bile Burger, Log Jammer, Upchuck Duck, Brown Trout, and Dung Digger.
Toy: Doggie Doo
Manufacturer: Goliath Games
Details: Goliath claims that this toy “models responsibility in a fun (and gross!) way.” How? It gets kids ready for what it’s like to have a real dog by having to clean up the leavings of a toy dog (a google-eyed plastic Dachshund). Kids feed him plastic food pellets and then squeeze his leash…until either a fart noise or a pellet comes out the other end.
Toy: Fishing for Floaters
Manufacturer: Ales Toy
Details: This one supposedly helps kids learn hand-eye coordination—and maybe it does. But it’s also just an excuse to fill the bathtub with (plastic) poop. Here’s how the game is played: Put the coiled turds and brown logs (all with eyes glued on) into a filled-up tub or sink, and two players take turns trying to catch them with plastic fishing poles and nets. (Simple! Fun! Yuck!)
Toy: Toilet Trouble
Manufacturer: Hasbro
Details: Similar to Flushin’ Frenzy, but it’s a bit more of a visceral bathroom-emulating experience. Players take turns spinning a toilet paper roll to determine how many times they must flush the handle of a miniature tabletop toilet. Lucky players hear the flushing sound…and get off scot-free; unlucky ones get a spray of toilet water to the face.
Toy: Mr. Turd
Manufacturer: The Pet Turd
Details: It’s a takeoff on the inexplicable 1970s Pet Rock fad, updated to reflect (and capitalize on) today’s apparent obsession with plastic poop. Mr. Turd, billed as “the perfect family pet,” comes packaged in a brown cardboard box, just like the original Pet Rocks, sitting atop a nest of comfortable hay. Mr. Turd himself is quite real-looking, a brown, coiled turd that fits right in the palm of one’s hand. And also like the Pet Rock, Mr. Turd isn’t a game, it doesn’t “doo” anything—you just have it. (After you buy it.)
The & originated as a combination of the “e” and “t.” Et is the Latin word for “and.”