BAD SPORTS NICKNAMES

Message to Jadeveon “Doo Doo” Clowney: Uncle John wants his nickname back.

“Famous” Jameis Winston: This Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback trademarked the nickname “Famous Jameis.” However, he’s arguably more famous for being charged with shoplifting and sexual assault than for his play on the football field.

Lester “the Molester” Hayes: In football, “bump-and-run coverage” is a tactic employed by a defender in which he uses his entire body—hands and all—to get in the receiver’s way and disrupt his route (within the rules, of course). Hayes, who played with the Raiders from 1977 to 1986, got so… handsy with his bump-and-run coverage that his opponents gave him this disturbing nickname.

Fred “FredEx” Mitchell: The Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver gave himself this nickname because he was “always delivering” on the football field. But the nickname doesn’t really reflect his mediocre four-year stint in the NFL. Other nicknames he gave himself: “Fast Freddie,” “Sultan of Slot,” “First Down Freddie,” “the People’s Champ,” and “Hollywood.”

Kevin “the Servant” Durant: This NBA superstar gave himself this nickname, which is a bit odd. Sure, he’s a great passer, but he’s best known for his dominant scoring ability. So why the nickname? “I like to serve everybody: my teammates, ushers at the game, the fans.”

Jadeveon “Doo Doo” Clowney: Clowney’s mom says she gave her son the nickname when he was a toddler in the 1990s. It was inspired by a rap song by Luke Skyywalker called “I Wanna Rock (Doo Doo Brown).” But a childhood friend of Clowney’s has another explanation: “When we were little, we were in the swimming pool, and he doo-dooed.” Unfortunately for Clowney, the nickname stuck. Not so unfortunately, he was the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, and has since distinguished himself as one of football’s best linebackers.

Harold “Baby Jordan” Miner: This NBA player won two slam-dunk contests. That’s how he got his nickname—he reminded people of basketball’s all-time greatest dunker, Michael Jordan. (The nickname was certainly not for Miner’s paltry nine points per game over a four-year career.)

Adam “Big Donkey” Dunn: Nothing vulgar here. This Major League Baseball slugger—who’s 6 feet, 6 inches and 285 pounds—hit a lot of home runs in his career, but the nickname comes from his tendency to strike out and the fact that he’s not very fast.

A horse has 205 bones.