13

REJECTION

 

I STOOD BEFORE a silhouette target, trying not to feel foolish as I fumbled with the safety of the gun I gripped in both hands. Ullysa told me twice what kind of gun it was, but all I remembered was what Ivy called it—her Baby Eagle.

Dad had been more of a rifle and shotgun kind of guy.

“Stop stalling,” Ullysa said. “You have only perhaps a few more days before you and Revi’ must leave here, Esteemed Bridge...”

I nodded, only half-listening.

Being here, surrounded by seers, I forgot we were in Seattle most of the time, even as I watched the skyline change from day to night and back again through the windows of the upper floors. It was as though the building and all its contents remained disconnected from their physical location in the middle of the human city. The one thread between it and us was the steady stream of clients for the prostitutes.

I still couldn’t grasp the extent or prevalence of this kind of thing, meaning, seers living under the radar, smack dab in the middle of human civilization without any controls. I was curious about it, sure, but a little hesitant to ask a lot of questions at this point. I’d already made the mistake of mentioning SCARB once, and managed to silence an entire room.

It had been Kat, of course, who broke the silence.

“Why doesn’t SCARB mind our lack of sponsorship?” the Russian seer said. “Well...perhaps, cub, we do them the courtesy of not killing them out of deference for the preciousness of living light. You see, what you call ‘sponsorship,’ we call slavery...unless you know a way to own a seer’s aleimi without owning the seer? If so, please share it with the rest of us. You truly will be our savior then, oh holiest of Bridges!”

Some in the room hid smiles, but I also saw anger aimed in my direction.

“Would you like sponsorship, cub?” Kat asked then, her lips lifted in a cold smile. “Shall we call SCARB for you? Perhaps they mind your lack of sponsorship now, eh?”

Only later did I muster the nerve to ask Ullysa what aleimi meant.

Turned out, aleimi was the seer word for the light bodies I’d seen behind the Barrier, those structures and geometries I’d seen on Revik and other seers when he’d brought me into that other place. They also called it ‘light’ more generally, or ‘living light.’

Ullysa further defined aleimi as, “the ability to carry light.” When I asked if this was like ‘soul,’ she shook her head. She said that humans and seers were equal in soul, but they differed in this ability to carry and manipulate light. No direct translation of the word existed in English, she said. It was strictly a seer word.

I was learning that even their language had a Barrier component, meaning words that contained meanings that required an ability to see with the added structures in their light. Generally speaking, their words carried more compound meanings and nuances in general, with one of their words needing two or three to translate into English. Ullysa said more about this, about words being symbols and all symbols having unspoken layers that exist inside a shared cultural understanding. Since more than half of all shared seer understanding came from Barrier-consciousness—a split consciousness unshared by humans—translation of many of their core symbols to human language remained literally impossible.

I even understood this, in part.

I’m not sure how understanding it helped me, though.

Ullysa and I now stood in a cement, sound-proof bunker that had been built into the hill itself, complete with a firing range and rows of storage lockers that held everything from ammunition to plant seeds to casks of water and enough food for everyone in the building to eat for at least a few years. Ullysa jokingly referred to it as their “ark.”

She stood behind me, looking like a movie star even in protective glasses and with soundproofing mufflers over her ears.

“You should let Revi’ help you with this,” she said loudly over the sound-deadeners, repeating herself for the fifth time.

I nodded, staring at the target.

When Ullysa clicked at me, I glanced over at her face.

“Why will you not speak to him?”

“I really don’t want to bother him right now, Ullysa,” I said.

“Why?” the woman said, exasperated. “Because of Kat? You threw her at him, and now you complain when he uses her to cope with—”

“Hey!” I held up a hand. “Come on! I really don’t need to know about his ‘coping’ methods, if that’s all right with you...”

With Ullysa, I’d given up pretending I didn’t care where he slept.

That very first morning I’d woken up in Seattle, I’d entered the kitchen after my shower, wearing borrowed clothes and following the smell of coffee and faintly burned toast. There, Kat and two others, Ivy and the African-looking seer from the night before, looked up from where they lounged on barstools, leaning on a high, marble counter next to platters of eggs and toast. Ullysa followed me inside the kitchen, too, almost as though she’d been waiting for me to vacate the bathroom.

I avoided Kat’s stare, focusing on the eggs and trying not to notice that I could still feel Revik, like a faint scent in my light.

Briefly, hunger had overshadowed the other thing I felt.

All three seers looked up when Ullysa entered the kitchen behind me, but it was the African-looking one who focused right off on the empty space above my head, presumably noticing the same thing that had captivated Ullysa earlier. After scanning me thoroughly with a sharp gaze, she glanced at Ullysa with raised eyebrows, then at Ivy.

Ivy only smiled, making a shrug-like gesture with her hand before lifting a mug of coffee to her lips.

Kat gaped above my head in open disbelief.

“He’s awake,” I said. I met Kat’s eyes. “You can see him, if you want.”

Ullysa stiffened. Shock wafted palpably off her light.

The African woman and Ivy had exchanged looks as well. None of them spoke, but I felt their minds crackle around me. My words snapped Kat back to her usual hard demeanor.

Even so, her smile had the faintest bit of surprise in it as well.

“Thanks, worm...I accept.”

Her choice of words hit me strangely. Still, I didn’t speak as she rose to her feet. She walked out of the room, not bothering to close her robe as she brushed by me on her way out. The African-looking seer left too, but her eyes held as much puzzlement as Ullysa’s, and it didn’t feel as though she were following Kat.

Ivy stayed.

She and Ullysa remained silent as they piled eggs and toast on a plate for me and poured me a cup of coffee, shoving cream and sugar within my reach.

Ivy finally broke the silence.

“He might not like that,” she said tentatively. “Even if the two of you have decided to wait to complete things...he still might not like what you did.”

I halted a forkful of eggs halfway to my mouth.

“I just meant...” Ivy looked at me apologetically, shrugging with one hand. “You offering him to Kat. Even if you are trying to be generous, he might take it...wrong.”

She hesitated, looking to Ullysa for help.

Ullysa was more direct.

“Ivy is right,” she said. “It is rejection. More than that...for a seer, it is overt insult. Are you angry with him?”

I stared between them, gripping my coffee mug. I cleared my throat.

“No,” I said.

Ullysa finished pouring herself a glass of juice. Not doing a very good job of hiding her puzzlement, she clicked softly, exhaling in a sigh.

“Alyson, perhaps the circumstances are not clear to you. Males are quite vulnerable after. Given his history, Revi’, in particular, will have trouble with this...even without Kat there.” She studied my eyes and face, and her expression softened. That same softness reached her voice. She clasped my arm warmly. “Please do not take him personally right now, sister...or do anything rash. He agreed, the same as you. There are no ‘mistakes’ with these things. Give him time to adjust. He is perhaps not reacting to this in the way you imagine...”

At my silence, Ullysa glanced at Ivy.

Gesturing delicately then, she added, “If he has asked to wait to complete things, as Ivy said, it is likely logistical only. He may wish for a construct in a more secluded location, away from other seers. Revi’ can be quite traditional, in his way.” She exchanged a wry smile with Ivy. “In any case, be assured, sister...the delay won’t be for long.”

I looked between them again, feeling my sense of unreality worsen, even as my pulse turned rapidly into a hummingbird’s.

Ullysa’s smile faded.

She and Ivy exchanged another glance, this one worried.

Ullysa said, “Surely you must sense some portion of...what occurred?”

I felt my face redden, wondering again if Revik and I had had sex in some kind of seer-induced coma. I was about to ask, when Ullysa cut me off.

“No,” she said decisively. “You must speak to Revi’.”

“But you just said—”

“It is absolutely not our place to explain this. He would be furious with us, if the two of you have not spoken of it yet. And rightfully so.”

I looked at Ivy, who only nodded, eyes serious.

“You should do it soon,” Ullysa added. “No matter what he says.” Her violet eyes met mine, hardening as her voice darkened. “Kat will not be able to help him with this for long, sister...and I won’t have you retaliating, not in my home.”

She gestured sharply, as if in judgment.

“...It was an open offer. We both saw it. If you let it happen now, you have absolutely no recourse if he accepts.”

At the serious look in both women’s eyes, a kind of fear grew in me, but not one that impelled me into movement, even though they both seemed to be waiting for me to leave. I had no intention of chasing down Kat.

If he didn’t want her there, he could damned well tell her himself.

What I hadn’t wanted to think about, though, was the other reason. The one where if I did go into that room, I’d have to explain to Revik why I didn’t want Kat there. I’d sworn off the jealousy thing after Jaden...and the possessiveness thing, and the trying to control what other people did thing.

As I pictured Kat in there with him, though, the pain came back in a sharp swell...along with fear, a sudden realization that I didn’t really want to think about why I’d decided not to take him up on his offer of sex before breakfast. For that’s what it had been, I realized blankly. He’d asked me back to the room for sex...and he’d barely had the self-restraint to be polite about it.

When I didn’t move, Ullysa sighed again.

That had been over a week ago.

When I’d finally returned to the bedroom with the orange walls, later that same day, Revik was no longer in it. No one came out and said anything, but it was pretty clear I’d committed some kind of major faux pas.

Ullysa’s voice jerked my mind back to the present.

“Are you going to try?” Ullysa said, exasperated. “Or will you simply stand there? With all respect, I have other things that need doing, Esteemed Bridge.”

I raised the gun half-heartedly, aiming at the dark human outline in paper hanging from a clip attached to a mechanized pulley about twenty feet away. Forcing my mind to a blank, I steadied the gun with my other hand and fired off three shots. Each one threw both of my arms back into their shoulder sockets.

When the sound died, I refocused on the target, lowering the gun.

Only one bullet had even hit the white paper, and that was a tear in one corner that even I had to admit was likely dumb luck.

Clicking at me, seer-fashion, Ullysa held out her hand.

“Give it to me.”

I handed over the gun, swinging my arm to get the kink out of my shoulder. Something caused me to glance back as I did it, and my breath caught.

Revik stood by the door, his long body leaning against the frame. His eyes narrowed, focused on mine, then shifted to the paper target.

He raised an eyebrow.

I felt my face flush. Wiping a few strands of hair out of my eyes, I found I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I finally stuffed them in the pockets of the jeans Ullysa had lent me. I focused back on her, trying to listen.

“Watch,” Ullysa said, raising the gun. “You are closing your eyes...and jerking every time you squeeze the trigger. You are not even looking at the target, Allie! There is no way you would hit it like that.”

I nodded, feeling Revik’s eyes on me still.

“Revi’ told me your father taught you to shoot—”

“Rifles.” I heard the defensiveness in my own voice. “...And I was a kid. I never took it up as a hobby.”

“Well, fine. But with a rifle you also must aim...with your eyes open. And it is normal to flinch, but you must train yourself not to jerk.”

I nodded again, then glanced back in spite of myself.

Revik had vanished from the doorway.

I felt a pang that made it hard to breathe.

I’d never been the mooning type, not even with Jaden, so it made me crazy how I found myself reacting to him. Worse, it felt completely outside of my control. He was even starting to look different to me...and definitely not worse, unfortunately.

Maybe I really did have Stockholm Syndrome.

I felt Ullysa watching me, a curious look on her face. I waved the weapon away with a grimace when the beautiful seer offered it.

“Forget it. I don’t think guns are my cup of tea, ‘Llysa.”

“You must learn, Alyson.”

“Maybe some other time.”

Ullysa frowned, glancing at the door. For an instant, her eyes slid out of focus. When they clicked back, she frowned again, muttering under her breath. She indicated toward the target with her free hand.

“Once more. Please.”

Sighing, I caved, taking the gun. Once more. Right.

I raised it to eye level, pointing it resignedly at the target.

As I concentrated on aiming that time, however, a grid appeared behind my eyes...not dissimilar to the grid I’d seen while driving, the one Revik had shown me. I felt him with this one too, and flinched...but he held me in place, almost as if he stood behind me, gripping my arms.

Just watch, he sent. Trust me.

I bit my lip, but forced myself to relax.

In the middle of that grid, a sharp spot of light hovered near the target.

I fought not to react as his presence retreated, leaving me standing there, shaking and a little sick-feeling, staring at the grid and that sharp spot of light. Once I relaxed a little more, I saw that the grid originated from one of the geometrical shapes above my own head. I aligned the grid and the sharp bright spot with the silhouette on the paper.

“Gently,” Ullysa said.

I glanced at her in surprise. I’d forgotten she was there.

I started to pull out of the Barrier, but a faint pressure told me to stay.

So he hadn’t left entirely.

Aligning the grid once more, I forced a deep breath...and squeezed the trigger.

Inside the Barrier, there was no need to flinch.

Without clicking out of that calm state, I aligned the grid over a different part of the silhouette, firing again. I fired a third time, and a fourth. It all seemed to happen slow, like in a dream, but when I opened my eyes, the corridor between me and the target still drifted with smoke.

Ullysa laughed aloud, clapping her hands.

I stared at the target. Four neat holes punctuated the head, chest and abdomen of the shadowy outline. For a bare instant, I flushed in elation, tinged with a near relief that I’d finally managed to hit something, and that I might even be able to repeat the trick on my own.

Then I found myself really looking at the outline of the silhouette. My excitement faded.

I was practicing killing people.

Behind me, I felt his presence withdraw. It left gradually, almost reluctantly, leaving a faint whisper of nausea in its wake.

“ANY MORE NEWS of Jon or Cass?” I said.

I didn’t wait for an answer before plopping down on the enormous, faux-suede couch in front of the wall-length monitor. The feeds ran as a gentle hum on that same monitor, the sound low, text running beneath flickering and morphing images.

Mika flopped down heavily beside me, gesturing what I now knew to be a “yes” in seer sign language.

We had just come from the kitchen. She handed me a glass of grapefruit juice and half a sandwich filled with something called iresmic, a chutney-like spread made by seers, so weird-tasting in the extreme. Still, it was better than most of the stuff they’d tried to give me, half of which made me gag outright.

Mika, who was the same, short, Chinese-looking seer from that first night I’d gotten there, gestured at the monitor.

“Your friends have been moved by the government,” she said. “Your mother, too. It is good, Allie...it means they are handling it through the humans.” Mika rolled her eyes, smiling faintly as she finished swallowing her bite of sandwich. “...It is the Rooks’ new favorite toy, to call everyone a terrorist.”

I tried to smile back. I couldn’t quite feel the same relief the seers did at my mom and brother in a federal prison.

“I suppose breaking them out is out of the question?” I said.

Mika laughed, poking me in the ribs with a finger. “You human-borns are all the same. It is all pow-pow with guns...”

“Yeah,” I said, exhaling. “That’s me. Gun girl.”

Mika smiled, but her eyes remained serious. “The Rooks have infiltrators all over the human government, Allie...and in every branch of law enforcement. It would be very dangerous for your family if we were to try such a thing. They will let them out soon. Our intelligence tells us that your mother should be out in a few days...maybe less. And in some ways, they are safer in there. The other humans may harass them once they are out.”

I frowned, not really reassured by that, either.

From above us rose a loud bang, like someone knocking a table to the floor.

I glanced up, then back at Mika.

When the seer didn’t react, I forced a shrug.

“Yeah,” I said. “I figured there was a reason.”

“We will monitor the situation closely.” Mika hesitated, then added, “I know Dehgoies feels very responsible...”

I looked back at the television, keeping my face neutral. “I really don’t know enough about what he could have done differently to blame him,” I said honestly. “Anyway, he didn’t make me a seer. I don’t know why he thinks this is all on him.”

Mika patted my leg. “We will get them out as soon as they are released. Do not worry, Bridge Alyson.”

The banging above us started up again.

It grew louder, more rhythmic, broken by thick female cries.

I glanced up, then smiled wanly at Mika. “Someone’s having fun.”

Mika clicked in irritation, shaking her head. “Kat...always Kat. ‘Llysa should give her a soundproof room, or at least one away from the common areas. Poor Ivy...their rooms are next to one another.”

She noticed my expression then, and her irritation faded.

“Oh. Sorry, Allie.”

I shook my head, taking another bite of the sandwich and chewing.

Mika sighed, staring back at the ceiling. “It is not you, you know. She would never admit it, but she has always been weak for him.”

I let the sandwich drop to my lap, suddenly not hungry at all.

Mika clicked her tongue. “It is no excuse. She would not be doing this if you had been raised seer. If it were me, she would wake up missing an ear.”

Briefly, I was tempted to press it. If anyone might tell me what was really going on with me and Revik, it was Mika. I’d already asked her, of course, but every seer in the place had taken some kind of vow of silence. Mika at least seemed to feel bad about not telling me.

I forced a smile. “Wow,” I said finally. “Remind me not to piss you off.”

Mika only made an irritated sound, aiming it at the ceiling.

Hesitating, I started to ask, but she gave me a direct look.

“I can’t, Allie,” she said. “I really can’t. Please don’t ask me.”

I gave her a wan smile, nodding. It had crossed my mind more than once that Revik had made them all take some kind of blood oath not to tell me anything. But that seemed paranoid.

“No,” Mika said, glancing at me again. “It’s not.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off.

“I can’t tell you, Allie,” she said, sighing with a soft clicking sound. “We all promised. You will have to ask him.” Mika gazed up at the ceiling when the banging started up again. Her voice grew apologetic.

“It could be a customer.”

“At ten in the morning?”

“It could be.”

I didn’t argue. When the cries got louder, I glanced deliberately at the clock. Placing what was left of my sandwich on the ceramic platter, I nodded to Mika.

“I need to get going. Thanks for the food.”

Mika looked at my barely-touched sandwich, then up at the ceiling. “You going to play with guns again?”

“No guns. Sight training. Ullysa’s turn to make me throw up while I try to block her and can’t.”

“You’ll get better,” Mika said, sympathetic. “It’s like that for all of us at first. Only we’re younger...you know.”

I tried to ignore the sounds coming through the ceiling. “Even Ullysa says I’m learning slow. All those years of human conditioning...”

“She says that,” Mika said. “And Ullysa acts like she is a novice, but she is really good at finding holes.”

The cries above grew louder once more, even as the banging slowed, punctuated by more masculine groans.

I cleared my throat. “Can I practice on you later?” I said.

“Sure. My first customer is at four.”

Nodding, I rose deliberately to my feet. I made a point of moving slow, but still felt like I walked too quickly from the room, heading for the nearest corridor without paying too much attention to where it led. I was about two hours too early to meet Ullysa, so decided to go to the compound’s small temple, look at some of the paintings, maybe read more of the old books they had lying around in there.

As I passed the industrial-sized kitchen, though, I saw movement and paused, peering through the swinging doors.

The kitchen itself was huge, even for the size of the building. One wall consisted of an oven range with ten or so burners, two stainless steel refrigerators and rows of cabinets and counter space. A massive, wooden chopping block crouched by two porcelain sinks, and in the middle of the room stood the high, marble table where I’d sat that first morning, polished to a mirror-like sheen and surrounded by barstools.

Revik stood by one of the cabinets. His shirt hung open on his shoulders as he moved cans around.

I stared at him. I was still staring when he turned.

He flinched slightly when he saw me there, then stared back, his pale eyes shining faintly in the kitchen’s lights. I watched him reach for his own shirt. He buttoned it up while I watched, still not really looking at me.

“What?” he said finally. “What is it, Allie?”

I fought to suppress the feeling that rose in me, couldn’t.

It was relief, but more than that. From his face, I could tell he felt it, too...and that it startled him. His eyes flickered between mine, wary, but I saw something else there, too.

“Allie?” he said. His voice got lower. “Tell me.”

For a second, I hesitated. I glanced down the hallway, then back at him.

I did want to talk to him, though. I didn’t know how, exactly, but I was more tired of the impasse between us than I knew how to express. I heard voices in the corridor, heading in our direction, and glanced at him again, feeling like the moment was about to pass. When I saw the wary look sharpen in his eyes, I found myself thinking about Kat, what I’d told myself about staying out of his business, leaving him alone.

He continued staring at me as the voices got louder. I forced a smile, my nerves rising in spite of myself when it occurred to me he was probably reading my mind again.

I felt a faint whisper of anger on him.

Backing away, I shook my head, stepping away from the doorway.

“Sorry, I just...” I shook my head again. “Sorry.”

I had just let go of the door when his voice rose.

“Allie. Wait.”

I came to a stop, in surprise as much as anything.

He exhaled when I turned, running his fingers through his dark hair. For a moment he only stood there. Then he looked up, meeting my gaze.

“Do you play chess, Allie?” he said.

His voice was low, almost stiffly polite.

I continued to stare at him. “Chess?”

“Yes.” He motioned vaguely towards the marble bar, his accent thicker. “There is a board. We could play. Eat lunch.”

I hesitated, but only for another few heartbeats. “Yeah,” I said. “Great.”

“Are you hungry?” he said. “I could make us something.”

I thought of the sandwich in the other room, then pushed it from my mind.

“Sure,” I said. “Whatever you’re having.”

I just stood there as he poured a large can of soup into a pot. He put it on the burner and lit the flame, then walked to a cabinet on the other side of the kitchen. I remained by the door as he pulled out a wooden chessboard that folded with hinges on the side, the black and white pieces housed within. He opened up the box on the marble bar, and started to pull out the pieces when I took another breath, and walked up to where he stood.

“I can do that,” I said, feeling my cheeks warm. “You’re making food.”

He hesitated a bare instant, then put down the piece he was holding.

“Okay.”

He retreated to the stove while I set up the board. I toyed with asking him other things. Maybe something about the sight training with Ullysa, or the gun range trick he taught me, or more about me being the Bridge. Finally I settled on,

“You want to be black or white?”

When he looked over his shoulder, he surprised me with a faint humor in his eyes.

“You’re the Bridge,” he said. “You have to be white.”

“Really?” I said, smiling back. “Why is that?”

“The White One,” he said. “It is another name.” Seeing my puzzlement, he gestured vaguely, facing the stove. “You know. You mentioned horses. The Bridge is the white horseman.” He glanced back, bowing slightly.

“...Woman,” he amended. “Horsewoman.”

I smiled again, but the comment stayed with me as I sat there. I remembered something about that, actually, about each horse being a different color. White, red, black. Then there was the fourth one, the one I could never remember...

“Pale,” he spoke up from the stove.

I nodded again. “Yeah. Death, right?”

When he didn’t say anything, I just sat there, trying to relax as he finished warming the soup. Pouring the contents of the pot into two bowls, he pulled spoons from a drawer and walked everything over to the bar, setting one of each beside me.

“You want anything to drink, Allie?”

“No,” I said. “...Thanks. This is great.”

When he nodded, his face still, I hesitated, wanting to say more.

I picked up the bowl instead. I was a little relieved to see it was regular old crappy human soup, like I was used to. Blowing on a spoonful to cool it, he motioned towards the board, using his fingers that held the spoon.

“White moves first,” he said.

I swallowed my mouthful, nodding, then put down the bowl.

It crossed my mind that the chances were good that he would kick my ass in this, too, given that there had to be a sight component to chess, just like there was with everything else. Still, a smile rose to my lips as I focused on the board, hearing the soft chink of his spoon as he ate.

Pausing, I glanced around the kitchen. My eyes found one of the embroidered thankahs hanging on the wall, a golden buddha with peaceful eyes.

Under it, on a small shelf stood a lit candle.

It crossed my mind that he’d done that, too, after Mika and I left.

I’ve never been a Buddhist or anything, or even religious, but for some reason, that touched me, too.

I moved my first pawn. Watching Revik’s eyes narrow on the board, the bowl of soup balanced in his hand, I smiled again.

I didn’t let myself think too clearly about why.