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Girls had always been afraid to talk to Kelvin. And now that he was a young man, most of the women had partners already. In the towns around New Lexington they married. In the farming communes between Tokyo2 and Dutch-Russia, where Kelvin and Dade were born, there were no marriages, but once a couple bore children they did not often change partners. All of the girls in his home commune would have children by now.
Kelvin knew that Sisa had a partner once and that he had been killed. He also knew that she had given birth to a daughter. Sisa didn't say that her daughter had died, but he could guess no other reason for her not being around.
Kelvin's own parents had sent him and Dade away; they had been unwanted for most of their lives and always on their own. So the idea that Sisa wanted to be with him was new. Having a place of their own, in a community that didn't try to drive them out, was also new. For the last two days, they had left the radio on, sitting around it and listening to the music, to the automated announcer and his descriptions, full of words, names and places that made little sense, but were soothing to listen to. Dade had been fairly quiet and Sisa had been calm. Sometimes she would tear open part of the wall and pull out lengths of wire. Kelvin had always been told not to do this because it could make the lights stop working forever, but Sisa seemed to know which wires were safe to tear out and which weren't. She passed the time by looping the pieces of wire into little designs, and connecting these together to make little baskets and funny hats for Dade, sleeves and bracelets for herself. When she finished something she would pull it apart and start another. When she tired of this she would crawl over, lean against Kelvin and stare at the open doorway.
"I like it when you are here with me," Kelvin said, putting his arm around her. They'd been sitting listening to a long stretch of soft music that day, Dade was quiet, maybe sleeping.
"I like it when you are here with me," she parroted, raising her head from the radio and rolling over into his lap. She stroked his thigh. He blushed and she laughed, eyes widening. Dade was still awake. Dade giggled, which made Kelvin uncomfortable and he pushed Sisa away.
He turned up the radio and put it in between the two of them. Sisa squinched her brow and glared at him impatiently. Sisa was quick to forgive. She took his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb against the rough of his knuckles. Kelvin could feel her eyes on him.
The announcer gave the name of the song, 'La Foule' and some woman was singing in a language he'd never heard before. He thought it might be a love song, it started that way, but the music got too loud and moved too fast and seemed to lose track of itself. All the better, if the music wasn't right, maybe Sisa would leave him alone until he could know for sure that Dade was asleep.
He wondered if he didn't reject her advances so often, would she still go off alone for days at a time? He would have liked to ask Ben about this. Ben had given him the radio so they could stay in contact and Ben had always been full of answers, but this wasn't the kind of thing Kelvin liked talking about. He didn't like to mention feelings when Dade was listening, and Dade was always listening. The only privacy Kelvin had was in his thoughts and Dade could often guess at those. This irritated Kelvin the most. The last thing he wanted was to talk about this worry out loud.
What would Ben do in this situation? He knew Ben would be firm, but reasonable. He wouldn't force Sisa to stay, he wouldn't give an ultimatum, but he would speak his mind.
"Just remember that I like you when you're here."
"I like you all the time," said Sisa.
"You know what I mean. "
"I don't know," she said, "I'm not your brother."
"What do you mean? You're not stuck with me you can do what you want, but I like you here."
Sisa looked him in the eyes and tapped the side of her head, a gesture he'd never fully understood. Kelvin hoped he was as much a mystery to Sisa as she was to him. Neither was especially good at communication. Sure he had a lot of practice talking. Dade and Kelvin talked all the time, but aside from Dade's whining the brothers never talked about feelings, everything between them was understood. Sisa and her strange family had probably been the same.
"Can we just listen to the radio?" Dade squirmed and kicked against Kelvin's back. It wasn't often that Dade was the one asking for quiet and so Kelvin gave up. He would let it rest until the next time Sisa disappeared. For another two songs they sat quietly, on opposite sides of the blanket with the radio between them. Kelvin was about to move the radio and crawl back to Sisa's side when he heard a small voice from the hallway.
"What's that?" Peeking in the door was the small girl they saw each morning with her grandmother. Sisa ripped the wires from the radio and hid it behind her back.
"Nothing. Go away!" she said.
Kelvin had been about to invite the child in. Sisa's outburst surprised him.
"It's just little Suzu," said Dade. Sisa kept the radio behind her back. The girl looked afraid of Sisa. She stepped inside and knelt next to the blanket.
"It's called a radio," Kelvin extended his hand for Sisa to give him the radio. She was still wearing her guarded expression. "Sisa, you know Suzu. She lives with her grandmother." More and more often Kelvin tried to think like Ben. The old farmer was patient and full of soothing words. Ben had helped more than one outsider to learn to interact with city people. If Kelvin were patient enough maybe he could help Sisa learn the same.
"Turn it back on!" Dade said. Sisa sat motionless, lips pressed in a tight line, clearly bothered by the little girl. She was bothered by all strangers. Sisa rarely went into the town with them and when when she did, she refused to speak and stood far away from people.
"It's just little Suzu," Kelvin said again.
"Turn it back on! What's wrong with you?" Dade's voice was not soothing, or calm like Ben. Dade's was the voice of an impatient brat.
Sisa glared at the girl, then at Dade and Kelvin. Her eyes softened a little when they came to Kelvin. She was waiting for him to say something more.
"Suzu lives alone with her grandmother," he said. "We see them every morning and say hello. Suzu gave me the cheeseplum that you ate yesterday, she said she liked your name because it sounded the same as hers." Suzu was becoming upset and Kelvin was worried the little girl would run away if Dade and Sisa's standoff persisted.
"Turn it back on!" Dade said. Dade liked people, but only when they agreed with him. It didn't take shared emotions for Kelvin to know that Dade had been enjoying the music and was irritated at having it taken away. He could feel Dade's irritation as surely as if it were his own, but he fought to remain calm and rational.
"We can share with Suzu and her grandmother. We see them every day, like family."
"Turn it on!" Dade yelled louder. Kelvin threw a hand over his shoulder and smacked Dade on the face. "Ouch! Why'd you do that?"
Sisa stood, wearing the same tight-lipped expression and hurried out of the room, not bothering to look back, leaving the radio on the blanket.
Kelvin wanted to chase after her. There was no telling how long she would stay gone this time. Kelvin longed to know what Sisa was feeling. He knew what selfish, impatient Dade was feeling. He wished that she were as easy to understand, but Dade's impatience was contagious and Kelvin decided it wasn't worth the trouble. She would come back.
Kelvin reattached the wires and put the music on. The little girl cheered and Dade explained what a radio was and how if they listened long enough they might hear a song with dirty words or loud funny sounds. They sat listening for a long time, Suzu and Dade laughing and clapping at their favorite noises. Eventually Suzu's grandmother Kameyo and some other people from the settlement drifted in. They too wanted to listen to the radio. Dade welcomed them and explained the radio to everyone. Kelvin faced backward to give Dade the freedom to talk and laugh with the townsfolk. Someone had brought biscuits and shared generously with their gleeful host. Dade wasn't supposed to eat, but Kelvin knew better than to disrupt his brother's happy moment. It had been a long time since they had been part of a community, and Kelvin knew if he took this away Dade would begrudge him forever.
So he sat facing the blank wall, chewed a stale pastry and brooded. Sisa had never been angry with him before. In the short time they had been living together, she had often disappeared, but always returned. He just had to hope that this time would be like the others.
She wouldn't be returning while a group of Tokyo2 people crowded the kitchen, that much was sure. He wondered if sharing the radio with the townsfolk was the right thing to do.
After a while Kelvin stopped worrying and focused on the music again. The soothing voice echoed as if it were singing within a great empty chamber. The sound of falling water rose and reverberated, encapsulating the small group of listeners smoothing away their cares and worries. The song ended in a whirlpool of sound and voice, distant bells and beating drums.
Everybody cheered. When the noise ended, a smart instrumental piece came on, the music seeming to dance about the room, putting smiles on even the most dour faces. The people crowded closer and the light from the dial flickered like a cookfire. Kelvin relaxed and began to enjoy the company of the others. Dade could be tolerated. Sisa would return. He knew that she missed her old family, but maybe they could find a family of their own. Kelvin was sure Sisa would learn to love the community they had found here, given enough time, enough peace and the right balance of talking and not talking.
