What To Wear

There has been lots of debate and speculation about what couples should wear on the day of their civil partnership. In line with traditional etiquette, the man (men) should wear a suit of some description, while the woman (women) should wear a wedding dress. However, many gay and lesbian partnerships may not feel comfortable and familiar with these rigid stereotypical ideas. Some gay men may identify with softer, more feminine outfits, while some lesbians may feel more at ease in boyish, loose-fitting garments. For this purpose, we have divided this chapter into several sections incorporating conventional and alternative clothing. This will help to encompass a good diversity of designs to enable each individual to feel relaxed and secure during his/her civil partnership.

traditional style

For him (or for her, if she would prefer to wear men’s clothes)

Heterosexual weddings always have the groom in a smart, stylish suit, and if you want to play safe, there is no reason why a civil partnership can’t follow the same guidelines. You can still express your individuality in the colour of your tie and matching accessories.

What’s the story, morning glory?

Traditionally speaking, the men in a wedding party don smart, formal attire to complement the bride. A morning suit, together with a silk top hat, gloves and a waistcoat, is customary for an official occasion. A conventional morning suit is a black or grey tailcoat with pinstripe trousers, white collar and a grey tie. As a general rule, dark colours are worn for winter and afternoon civil partnerships. Don’t wear a light coloured suit in winter; it’s more likely to get dirty on your way to and from the ceremony. However, morning suits are available in a range of colours, so get creative if black and grey aren’t your favourite shades.

Accessories such as the waistcoat, cummerbund (waist sash), tie, handkerchief and buttonhole, can be co-ordinated with the attire of your partner and any other male members of the party. In a wedding ceremony, the hat is removed upon entering a church, so you might want to consider removing your hat while the ceremony is taking place. You can also remove your gloves while vows are being exchanged. Pragmatically speaking, the hat and gloves tend to be worn for the photographs, as they are an essential part of the morning dress and really accentuate a chic and well-turned-out ensemble.

The shirt usually worn with a morning suit is typically white, with a plain collar and dress tie or a high-winged collar worn with a cravat. You could also consider a bow tie or an ascot. The tie can be coloured, perhaps to match your partner’s colour scheme. If you and your partner are concerned about matching fabrics or styles, take a sample from the shop to compare. You’ll also need to choose from single-breasted and double-breasted jackets and collars that are peaked, notched or shawl.

Shoes and socks are generally black. The groom’s shoes should have little to no embellishment, and are generally patent leather. It is also traditional to wear cufflinks, a tie tack, and a boutonnière that matches any flowers or bouquets.

Many people opt for hiring morning suits, rather than buying. Be sure to choose a reputable firm and book well in advance. The groom(s) and any other male members of the party should be measured for their suits approximately three months before the wedding.

Any attendants who live further away should go to a local shop for measurements, and then send the information to the groom so that he can set up the rental. Make sure that your attendants understand that they are not to make their own hire arrangements elsewhere. These members of the wedding party should try to arrive at least two to three days before the civil partnership for final measurements, in case of last minute alterations.

Most suits can be picked up a day or two in advance. It is crucial to check clothes carefully before leaving the shop. Look for any stains, rips, or possible cigarette burns. Everyone should try on their suit to be sure it fits properly and to ensure the length of the trousers and jacket sleeves are correct. Be sure to wear the shoes you will be wearing at the civil partnership for this. Check the cuffs and collar for frayed material, and search for any missing buttons on jackets.

After the civil partnership, the best man usually returns his and the grooms’ suits to the formalwear shop by the next working day. Attendants are responsible for returning their own suits, also by the next trading day to avoid late charges. Minor food or beverage stains can be removed easily enough; if a suit is heavily damaged, though, be prepared to pay for it. So chaps, be careful during the big day: no unwanted spillages in any conspicuous areas!

Lounge suits

Positively less formal, lounge suits do exactly what they say on the tin! They are a very popular choice and may be worn again after the civil partnership. Again, the shirt should be white and the tie should be pale blue or grey with relatively little patterning. Many heterosexual grooms’ wear lounge suits to a wedding held in a registry office. A lounge suit is also deemed to be appropriate for a widow(er) or those having a wedding or civil partnership for the second time.

For her (or for him if he would prefer to wear women’s clothes)

When it comes to wedding dresses, each one has to be as individual and unique as the bride wearing it. No two pieces are exactly the same and there is not a single style that will suit everyone. Aside from the initial dress shape, you must also consider which necklines to go for, which accessories and veils to choose, and that’s just the start of it! Here are a few ideas for a little inspiration.

fashion terms explained

Fabric

Ball gown

Strapless is great if you are tall, slim and broad shouldered. If you have the height, but are narrow around your shoulders or feel over-exposed in such a revealing cut, go for a more covered-up version with sleeves, straps or a high neck. This style can still work if you are of medium height or veer towards pear-shape in build, as you can emphasise your waist and conceal wider hips with a fuller skirt. This corseted style can also work with a curvaceous bust by leading the eye towards the waist. Higher shoes and hair tied up can accentuate a slender silhouette. Our top tip is to wear long operatic gloves, which look fabulous with a strapless gown, elongating arm length and creating a demure demeanour. If you are planning on having a train, then the ball gown is best suited to this. Consider whether you want the train to be attached or detached, and how long or short you would like it to be.

Princess line

With gorgeous lines and a flattering bodice, this style is perfect for creating an impression that is uncluttered, and emphatic in its large expanse of uninterrupted fabric. This is such a versatile, adaptable style that it can be tailor-made to suit most builds and heights. It is particularly effective on tall curvy figures, and is great at creating an illusion of rounder, fuller curves on even the most flat-chested of individual! It is essential to get the right underwear to disguise broader hips and bums, while concurrently pulling in the waistline. Shorter, less busy styles are great for more petite, boyish frames. If you have a long body and relatively diminutive legs, the high waistline and swell of the skirt can help proportion you. There are a variety of neckline options that work well for the princess line.

If the cut falls straight down from the shoulder seam, the dress works well with a high neck, while the curved line draws across the breast from the armhole and benefits rounder, bateau (boat) and scoop necks. The bateau neckline is one that closely follows the collarbone. It is a good choice for women who have well-proportioned necks and heads, but who wish to present a more conservative appearance. The neckline softly follows the curve of the collarbone, high in both the front and back, opening wide at the sides and ending in shoulder seams.

Empire line

The style is universally accepted as well-suited for most physiques. The high waistline lengthens the body and hides any unsightly lumps or bumps. It is superlative for those with a smaller bust or a long, lithe build. It also flatters those with an hour-glass figure. The Empire line can also help to minimise larger breasts if it worn correctly and also is the top choice for any pregnant brides. Add a touch of glamour with sparkling straps or classic, elegant folds along the fabric.

Mermaid and fishtail

Bias-cut wedding dresses tend to be simple, graceful and dramatic. They were inspired from the 1930s bias-cut evening gowns. You don’t necessarily need to be very tall to carry off this style, but being slim and athletic is a definite advantage. Be warned that underwear is also advised against, as the cut tends to cling to every bodily contour so make sure you feel comfortable going commando. If you are very skinny or flat chested you may be better off opting for a slip dress or a more constructed design, as the volume of the dress can balance hips and bust more effectively. The style also looks great with ornate cowls draped over the back of the garment. This is also a fitting dress to wear if you have chosen a beach-themed or seaside wedding, although plunging into the ocean fully-clothed may not be advisable!

A-line

A very popular and widely seen style, this dress can be very flattering and alluring, as long as you get your proportions correct. Like the Empire line, this dress can extend and stretch a more petite frame, and the waist can emphasise a voluptuous figure. The dress masks a pear-shaped body, while halter necks, deep plunging scoops or picture collars make for a spectacular impression. Got a great set of pins? Then raise that hemline as far as a mini-dress for something a little more daring and revealing. Optionally, go for the more conservative train effect for something more conventional. Be sure to check that your shoes are comfortable or you’ll end up with blisters galore.

Column

Symmetry may not be the order of the day, so why not go for an asymmetrical neckline? This can help to add height to those requiring elevation, or those with sexy shoulders looking to show them off. However, this style will not suit those who require a bra for support. Dress lengths can be individually customised. Typically, cavernous inverted pleats at the back of the garment help to maintain a slim silhouette, while allowing for movement and volume accentuated by the bustled contours of the dress. This design is not well-suited to those with a pear-shaped figure, or those with a tall and skinny physique. Add a bold collar to draw attention to the collarbone and detract from a smaller bust.

Mini and midi

This more unusual style is only suited to those with a thinner, more athletic physique, although the knee-length shift styles can be more alluring for those with a more rounded bust. This style is far more modern and daring in appearance, so probably best avoided at a conservative ceremony. To reveal more at the reception, some detachable panels will transform a full-length dress to a mini, which will allow more freedom and an accessible fit.

Wedding suits

Recent civil partnerships that took place before this book was published have shown that many lesbian couples chose to wear matching suits on their special day. Although, it is difficult to predict whether this trend will continue, we anticipate that some women will feel more relaxed in a suit, whether it is made-to-fit for a man or woman. There are many suits that will flatter your figure. As with a dress, a suit can disguise or accentuate any problem areas of your body. Short, waist-length jackets can proportion elfin, diminutive physiques, whereas long line jackets or a 1940s-inspired peplum style with a nipped waist can help shape a flat silhouette.

A draped peplum also gives an unusual look to the hipline, similar to a vintage design. If you are more voluptuous, try a shorter jacket that will direct the eye to your waist. Full, expansive skirts and Edwardian flared equestrian jackets will accentuate the hour-glass figure. If you fancy a more conservative suit, specialist tailors will customise blazers in a range of cashmeres, silks and linens, as well as suede if you fancy something really different. Sartorial shopping has never been so refreshing!

did you know?

Married in:

NB: It is considered bad luck to wear green, unless the bride is Irish.

Accessories

Once you’ve settled on a dress design, it’s time to think about the accessories, which can make or break an outfit.

Trains are extensions of the fabric at the back of the skirt and are mostly suited to formal dress at upmarket events. More traditional trains trail yards behind the bride and are often weighty and fairly heavy. Shorter trains can be more convenient to wear and equally attractive.

Tiaras and other ornate headpieces can complement a formal dress with a full veil. Tiaras, comb clips, Alice bands or circlets can be used to secure certain types of veil. Tiaras with real or paste gems were popular with more conventional white dresses in weddings, and are a real asset to accentuate a feminine dress.

Often seen as the most symbolic outward piece of attire, the veil was originally designed to cover a bride’s face during the wedding ceremony. Although many lesbian couples may not decide to wear a veil due to quintessentially heterosexual conventions, the veil can be a great aesthetically pleasing piece if worn with the right dress. As a rule of thumb, the smarter the dress, the longer the veil but obviously the length and density of the veil will vary.

Shoes should be bought, dyed or covered to match the dress in colour and fabric. Raw silk or synthetic materials are fairly commonplace and radiant elegance against a well-suited outfit. The bride(s) should bear in mind that the shoes will be worn for a long day, so comfort must be a priority. Don’t go over the top with heel height and check that your soles aren’t slippery; if they are, scratch them to get a rough, scored surface. Practise walking to avoid any embarrassing trips on the day. For budget spenders, buy a pair of shoes that can be worn again or try off-season shoes for a thrifty purchase.

As with other accessories, lingerie should be purchased after the dress has been chosen. Be careful when choosing the colour of your underwear to prevent any dark shadows creeping through your gown. White and pastel colour shades remain a popular choice. Try on any matching bra and knickers sets first to ensure a snug but comfortable fit.

Wearing simple yet visually striking jewellery will keep the dress the focal point of any onlookers’ gaze. Wearing something on your neckline jewellery shows off an exposed collarbone. Generally a bride(s) does not wear a watch as time is not a consideration for her. Try on all your jewellery and other accessories to make sure everything sits well together. If you have an engagement ring, transfer it to your right hand early in the day: one less thing to remember at the ceremony. But if your engagement ring locks into the civil partnership band, your partner will need this in advance to pass to the chief attendant.

alternative style

Men wear suits and women wear bridal gowns. Period. However, if this traditional protocol doesn’t really cut it for, why not defy convention and reach out to pastures new and truly personalise your own civil partnership ceremony? If you and your partner are involved in a particular scene such as the S&M community, then maybe PVC will be preferable to polyester, or a corset preferable to a corsage?

You might be lucky enough to have local outlets for outrageous and unusual attire. If not, the internet is a fabulous resource for just about everything you could possibly desire, from fantasy to Gothic or sci-fi.

celebrity wedding

Fancy something flamboyant? Cameraman Daniel Moder chose to wed movie star A-lister Julia Roberts wearing a red ruffled shirt and tan-coloured slacks. Now that’s creative! Julia’s wedding dress consisted of a pale pink cotton halter dress with hand-painted flowers, and embroidered pearls and antique beads.

vox pop

What do you and your partner plan to wear at your civil partnership?

Anna Jackson, 25, HR

‘Definitely a dress! It’s going to be my wedding day so I want it to be something traditional!’

Liz Underhill, 27, investment banker

‘I’d also want to wear a dress like Anna. We’re both pretty femme I guess, so I’d want my attire to reflect that.’