The Ceremony

So, what actually takes place during the ceremony of a civil partnership? What needs to be said? Is it complicated?

Well, actually, no. The ceremony itself is very similar to a civil wedding and takes on average between 12 to 16 minutes. However, it needn’t be rushed and usually municipal registrars offer couples a variety of vows to make sure the couple gets the most from the ceremony. What follows is a basic guide to how a civil partnership ceremony works, although it is important to remember that vows can be personalised and modified (excluding the statutory legal vernacular).

On arrival at the approved premises, the Superintendent Registrar will meet the couple privately to explain the procedure. Meanwhile, the guests will gather together in the designated marriage room. The Superintendent Registrar and the couple then enter the room and the ceremony takes place.

The registrar will welcome guests and the couple saying: ‘Today they will affirm their love and publicly declare their commitment to each other.’ The registrar will then ask if anyone knows any reason why the couple cannot form a civil partnership. (Your partner might not find it amusing if your best friend raises his hand, for a joke!) The following words will then be read out. ‘(Your name) and (your partner’s name) have chosen to pledge themselves to each other by committing to a legally binding contract. Their partnership will enable the love and respect that they have for each other to develop into a deep and lasting relationship. We, who are witnessing your civil partnership, hope that despite the stresses inevitable in any life, your love, trust and understanding of each other, will increase your contentment and heighten your joy in living.’

The couple can choose between the following vows:

‘I (your name) pledge to share my life openly with (your partner’s name). I promise to cherish and tenderly care for you, to honour and encourage you. I will respect you as an individual and be true to you through good times and bad. To these things I give my word.’

Or,

‘I (your name) choose you above all others, to share my life. I promise to honour this pledge as long as I live.’

The couple will then exchange rings, stating:

‘This ring is a token of my abiding love and a sign of the promise I make to you today.’

The registrar can then say the following words, which are optional.

‘Every day you live, you learn how to receive love with as much understanding as you give it. Find things within yourself, then you can share them with each other. Do not fear this love. Have an open heart and a sincere mind. Be concerned with each other’s happiness. Be constant and consistent in your love. From this will come security and strength.’

There will then be the signing of the civil partnership schedule and the presentation of a commemorative certificate.

The final sign off will be:

‘Now that the ceremony is over and the experience of living day by day as legal partners is about to begin, go and meet it gladly.’

After the ceremony has taken place, the Superintendent Registrar leaves the premises.

real life

Of course, the size and length of the ceremony will vary greatly depending on the number of guests and the couple’s choice to say any additional words. Matt and I attended a civil partnership at Islington Town Hall, based in North London, with around 30 guests invited to witness the union of Efstathia Balta, 29, and Michelle Lea Hunt, 25. The happy couple came into the main chamber room together, accompanied by the music of Tori Amos. Of course, music is entirely optional, but many couples choose to have a memorable song or soundtrack to add ambience and atmosphere to the occasion. The group of attendants included a photographer and two witnesses, as is customary at a civil wedding. The couple were asked a number of set questions by the registrar (similar to those above) and then signed the civil register after they had exchanged rings. This is an important symbolic act, and I foresee many couples opting to give rings to one another as an outward declaration of their love.

the ring

The wedding ring has always represented the concrete sealing of the marriage pact. A civil partnership ring bears much the same meaning, and many couples have exchanged rings in many of the civil partnerships that have taken place in this country today. Of course, there is a big market for such a precious commodity, and many gay-owned or gay-friendly companies now stock a fantastic, versatile collection of rings. From classic wedding ring bands to diamond-set wedding bands, there is something for everyone. From stainless steel to silver, engraved to emerald, you are sure to find something beautiful and ornate if you scratch the surface a little.

did you know?

In ancient cultures it was believed that the third finger of the left hand, had a special vein called vena amoris, the vein of love. This ran from the ring finger directly to the heart. There is, of course, no scientific basis for this romantic theory, but the custom has endured throughout generations. It was King Edward VI of England who decreed that the third finger of the left hand be designated as the official ring finger. In 1549, the Book of Common Prayer sealed the deal with the designation of the left hand as the marriage hand.

personalising your civil partnership

You will have the opportunity to say a set form of words before you sign the schedule. You will need to bring with you at least two other people who are prepared to witness the registration and sign the civil partnership schedule.

Civil partnership registration is an entirely secular process, and the Civil Partnership Act prevents any religious service from taking place during the registration of a civil partnership. The Civil Partnership Act does not provide for a ceremony. Couples who wish to arrange for one at the time of registration should discuss this with the registration authority where the registration will be taking place when the initial arrangements are made.

location

Registry offices are civic departments and usually form part of town halls or other municipal buildings. Some registry offices have more than one room, so it’s probably best to make a note of this before the big day. Many rooms are specifically designed with soft furnishings, appropriate décor and fresh flowers. A civil ceremony is usually much shorter than a traditional church wedding. Both parties have the choice of travelling to the reception (if relevant) together or separately.

Many town halls have chamber rooms replete with stained glass windows, domed ceilings and even balconies, if you plan to invite a large group of guests. There will usually be at least one or two members of staff present to help with the proceedings. There are also usually less spacious annex rooms, if you wish to conduct a smaller ceremony.

guests

Although technically the ceremony should take place ‘with open doors’ (that is, anyone who wants to witness the union can legally do so), a registry office cannot usually accommodate many people. Most people will accept the restrictions on numbers, and it might be easier to invite the bulk of the guests to the reception afterwards, in which case they should receive ‘reception only’ invitations.

timing

As the civil partnership ceremony will be fairly brief, it is highly likely that there will be several bookings in succession, particularly on a Saturday or on warm midsummer days. Be aware of this, and ensure that you ‘get to the church on time’ so to speak!

giving notice of your civil partnership

It is a legal requirement to give notice of your intention to register a civil partnership and, once given, your notices are publicised by the registration authority for a period of 15 days.

A civil partnership notice states for each person:

After giving notice, normally you must then wait 15 clear days before the civil partnership can be registered. For example, many people gave their notice on 5 December 2005, with their registration taking place on 21 December. This was the date that many couples across England and Wales made front page news with their unions. Once given, your notice is valid for 12 months. The minimum legal age for registering a civil partnership in England and Wales is 16, but written consent may be required for anyone under 18.

If you’re subject to immigration controls, you will have to give notice of your intention to register a civil partnership at a designated office. But will not be able to do so unless:

Or:

Or:

searching for an approved venue

The List of Approved Premises is an easy-to use, straightforward reference source, which is found on the General Register Office. The directory is also available to order by phone. It lists all the locations that have been approved by registration authorities in England and Wales, and includes full details of addresses, contacts and approval expiry dates. This list is compiled on information provided by registration authorities, so strongly recommend you call your chosen venue to double check details and booking confirmations.

Make sure you and your partner have a thorough discussion about where you would like to host your ceremony, considering budget and the location of friends and family. Make sure the venue is accessible and has parking or public transport facilities to cater for your guests.

celebrity wedding

For Brad Pitt, buying a ready-made diamond for Jennifer Aniston wasn’t good enough! He had one made to his instructions and also designed their wedding bands. The Aside band in white gold with 18 carat diamonds was the result. What a considerate chap!

vox pop

Do you have any special vows you would like to say at your civil partnership?

Erica Jones, 35, nurse

‘I would just like to say how much I love and adore her really. I hope that’s not too sentimental!’

Meera Sekar, 38, nurse

‘I feel the same, Erica has been a part of my life for eight years now so I would like to tell her I love her, plus maybe read out a poem or a love song.’