28: My Turf
For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve,
and to give his life as a ransom for many.
MY WIFE WAS BROWSING through a boutique, and I was wondering what I should be looking at. As I tried to be inconspicuous, I heard raised voices from two women who were a couple of display cases over from me.
Though I did not want to eavesdrop, their voices were loud enough that I couldn’t help but hear the conversation.
“I don’t think I can take it much longer.”
“Oh my, what’s going on?”
“He’s in my space, and do you know what he did last week? He rearranged the dishes in my cupboards, and now I can’t find anything!”
“He can’t do that!”
“Oh yes, and there’s more. He’s now telling me how I should be cleaning the house and that my time management is not the best!”
“That’s terrible! How long has he been retired?”
“Six weeks. I can’t take it much longer. I’m losing my focus, and it’s affecting my golf game as well!”
At that point, I decided to get out of there before I lost it in laughter.
We may laugh at this conversation, yet these two women were having an animated conversation and were obviously in distress. Though I was trying to hold back laughter, they were far from laughing.
What do we need to pay attention to? Here are four points I believe everyone who finds themselves retired with time on their hands can explore.
Search out new interests with your spouse. Also give each other freedom to have some time apart.
Plan fun days. Denise and I have been scheduling get-togethers for years with another couple. We look forward to our shared time together. Denise and I recently took time to get away and talk about how we’re doing. We agreed that we need to be intentional in planning date nights. We know that the pressure of our busy lives impacts the time we have for each other.
Seek out new opportunities to serve. When you give through serving, you receive more in return.
Be patient with each other. Increase your patience by looking at things differently because patience is about self-control. Take a deep breath, practice thinking before reacting, and be grateful.
Yes, the turf can become smaller. I’m going to add a fifth suggestion. When I became self-employed some years ago, though I have a home office, Denise made it very clear that I needed my own space (actually, she needed it as well), so I set up an office outside of our home that I still use. It has become a retreat for me and the best thing I ever did (Denise would shout “Amen” to this).
Marriages are under attack, and we in the 55+ age group are not excluded. I just read an article from the Wall Street Journal, and this was the headline, “The divorce rate is at a 40-year low, unless you’re 55 or older.”[1] Younger married couples are less likely to split up, but “gray” divorces among older couples are on the rise. We need to pay attention to our marriages —that we excel in giving each other grace.
Questions
- As Mark 10:45 states, we are to serve and not solely focus on being served. What does this look like for a couple in which one spouse has recently retired?
- Throughout the years, how have you and your spouse needed to adjust to each other to accommodate the needs of each season in life? What has worked well for you as a couple? What hasn’t worked well?
- What would you like married life to be like in this season? How can you and your spouse intentionally work toward creating this life?