43: Investing in Your Marriage
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly,
since love covers a multitude of sins.
RESEARCH IS SHOWING THAT the divorce rate for adults ages fifty and older has doubled in the past twenty-five years.[1] So what is contributing to this alarming statistic?
Here are five factors that we need to understand and pay attention to.
People are living longer and feel more entitled to live life to the fullest. They’ve raised their children and feel that now it’s their turn to fully live. One person said to me, “I’ve been unhappy in my marriage, and I don’t want to be unhappy anymore.”
People are more accepting of divorce. There’s no longer a stigma attached. It’s very common and even accepted.
People are more financially stable, and many partners have their own careers.
Couples may have had marital instability in their earlier years and never addressed the issues that contributed to this. They stayed together because of the kids, and now that they’re empty nesters, there’s nothing to hold them together.
People are regularly viewing pornography. The statistics are increasing for those who are seriously struggling with pornography. A popular porn site is receiving 100 million hits per day. This is astounding. It has a huge impact on marriages.
We need to take action so that we don’t find ourselves in this situation. I offer you five strategies to reflect on and then implement in your own way.
Remove any thinking that you might be better off outside your marriage. Divorce isn’t an option! Of course, there can be exceptions where a spouse is unfaithful and not willing to seek help or reconciliation. Another exception is in the situation of abuse.
Share your financial expectations and budgets.
Give each other space. While you both need quality time together, you also need time to be alone and time to be with friends.
Establish operating principles. Denise and I developed a list during a challenging time in our marriage. You’ll find this list below the question section.
Seek help. Do this before it’s too late. Be proactive, and meet periodically with a trusted friend or counselor. We have found this to be invaluable.
Questions
- How has your marriage changed over the years?
- How is your marriage going right now? What can you celebrate about your marriage? Where do you think you could make changes for the better? Discuss this with your spouse.
- What expectations do you have for your marriage? Are your expectations reasonable? Ask your spouse what expectations he or she has for your marriage. Listen well to what your spouse has to say.
- Review the Gordons’ Ten Principles below. What principles would you establish for your marriage? Consider creating a list of no more than ten principles with your spouse.