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Rysander escorted Mered to the Citadel two weeks later. From his son’s anticipatory expression, it was obvious Rysander was determined to get his parents to talk before either took action of any sort. Yovan was surprised however to see them lingering outside his apartment.
He quickened his pace until he reached his door. Mered straightened his posture while Rysander flashed him a wide smile.
“Why didn’t you wait inside?” Yovan asked.
Rysander glanced at Mered, his smile faltering a little. “Ama didn’t think you’d approve given the circumstances.”
Mered flushed slightly and nodded.
Yovan shook his head. “I’d have preferred you entered my rooms rather than stand out here for all to see.” He glared at passing servants which spurred them to scurry away. “Or speculate about.”
“I’m sorry,” Mered murmured. “I didn’t realize—” He caught himself and bit his lower lip before saying, “I’ll wait for you inside next time.”
“Yes, Ama, next time,” Rysander quickly said. “I’ll go now. Leave you both to it.”
He pulled Yovan into a hug. “Please give him a chance to explain,” he whispered.
Yovan sighed and hugged him back. “I will,” he softly said.
Rysander drew away with a wobbly smile and turned to go.
Mered said to him, “I’ll see you at home.”
“Saints, I’d rather you didn’t,” Rysander mumbled, making it clear he hoped for a miraculous reconciliation between his parents.
He hurried off. Yovan exhaled and opened the door to his apartment. He gestured to Mered to enter.
Mered swallowed and walked into the sitting room ahead of him. Yovan closed the door behind them, waited a moment to calm his uncooperative nerves and then finally turned to face his spouse.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me,” Mered ventured. “But that’s in keeping with your kind nature.”
Yovan rolled his eyes. “Rysander asked me to give you a chance to explain your actions. I suggest you start talking while I still have the patience to listen to whatever tall tale you’re going to spin,” he cuttingly said.
“Nay!” Mered took a hesitant step closer. “I came to tell you the truth about-about what you think you saw,”
“What I think I saw?” Yovan huffed in disbelief. “You must take me for a fool!”
Mered shook his head. “I only meant you’re mistaken about Isron.”
“Mistaken?” Yovan scowled. “How am I mistaken? And you’re hardly going to convince me of anything when you can’t seem to help using his given name.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—” Mered winced and broke off when Yovan glared at him. “Debrith means nothing to me,” he stammered. “I was merely entertaining him because he’s one of our biggest investors, that’s all.”
Overcome by anger and a pervading sense of betrayal, Yovan snapped, “I know Debrith was your suitor before our sires arranged our betrothal.” He watched with bitter satisfaction as Mered turned pale. “Did you want to marry him? Is that why you spent so much time in his company? To make up for the loss of it all these years because you were forced to marry me?”
Mered shook his head furiously. “Saints! That isn’t the reason at all!”
“Ah, then it’s because you’re curious about what it would be like with other Deira,” Yovan mockingly said. “I suppose I can’t blame you since you had no experience outside of myself.”
“Sweet Veres!” Mered looked frantic now. “There has been no other nor have I ever sought anyone but you. I swear, Van!”
“Then why didn’t you let me know who he was to you?” Yovan challenged. “And if he means naught to you, why did I find you about to tryst with him?”
“I wasn’t! We weren’t— What you saw— It isn’t what you think it is.”
“Really? Pray tell then, why did I walk in on you about to share a kiss?”
Just uttering the words left a foul taste in Yovan’s mouth. He grimaced and turned away from Mered, shuddering as memory assailed him once more. He angrily shook off the hand Mered laid on his arm.
“I trusted you,” he said. “Imcael was right all along.”
“Imcael? What does he have to do—”
Yovan swung around, enraged at having to admit he should have listened to his straitlaced cousin of all people.
“He advised me to perform viratha on you to prevent you from straying. He said I knew next to nothing about you. But I insisted you would never betray me thusly, naïve fool that I am. I never should have trusted you.” Yovan heaved a shuddering breath. “I never should have let myself love you.”
Mered’s eyes were wide and watery. He looked beyond stricken at Yovan’s tirade. He drew a shaky breath and held out a trembling hand.
“Hear me out,” he begged. “Please, Van.”
Yovan narrowed his eyes. He jerkily gestured to the couch and stalked past Mered to sit in his great chair. He could not bear to be near his mate. To feel his warmth and smell his scent.
Mered sat down, his features pinched and his shoulders bowed. He kept his gaze on Yovan, his eyes pained and pleading. But Yovan was in no mood to be kind. He motioned to Mered to speak.
“I kept company with Debrith and some others not to tryst with them but to-to entice them,” he started haltingly. When Yovan scowled, he hastened to add, “It was all for the bank. To beguile them into investing large sums in our ventures. Especially our overseas ventures.”
Yovan stared at him. “Are you claiming you charmed them so they would pour their monies into Cordona ventures?”
Mered swallowed. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“That’s how your family woos investors and clients?”
“One of the ways. It isn’t always backdoor dealings.”
“Don’t you mean back end?” Yovan growled. He took grim satisfaction when Mered flushed in embarrassment. “I remember now. When you still took me with you to business dinners, I witnessed your brothers flirting with the guests, teasing them with promises of dalliances. But it wasn’t always just teasing, was it? They actually trysted with some of them.”
Mered looked down. “Yes.
“And it went beyond that with Davre. That’s why his mate divorced him.”
“He carried on with one of them,” Mered admitted.
“A full blown affair so to speak.” Yovan took a deep breath and said, “As you did with Debrith.”
Mered snapped his head up to meet Yovan’s accusing stare. “I didn’t sleep with him! I haven’t lain with any but you. I’m not like my brothers or the others.”
“Others?”
“My brothers weren’t the first to use themselves thusly.”
“Who—”
“Ama and my uncles who were fair enough of face to be useful that way. Asrael would have done so too had he been more handsome.”
“Your kinsfolk whored themselves to...” Yovan grimaced in disgust. “Just how far back does this practice go?”
“Virtually from the beginning.”
Yovan leaned back, the wind figuratively knocked out of him. He stared at Mered disbelievingly.
“And you agreed to be used as well.”
“I told you, I didn’t sleep with any of them.”
“Which doesn’t mean you didn’t allow yourself to be used! Why, Mer? Why did you agree? Did you fear you’d be cut off? Sweet Veres, were you afraid I wouldn’t be able to support you in the manner you’d grown accustomed to?”
“Not at all! I was perfectly happy with our life. I wanted— want nothing more than to be with you.”
“Then why?”
Tears trickled down Mered’s cheeks. He turned glistening eyes on Yovan, still beautiful as ever even with the beginnings of fine lines beneath them and at their corners.
“I was afraid,” he half whispered. “First Asrael and then Havir held a shameful secret over my head. I feared you would forsake me if you learned of it. They said they would inform you if I refused to cooperate with them. But now...” He angrily wiped his cheeks. “I met with Havir and Ama before I came here. I told Havir I would tell you the truth and he could shove his threat up his fat arse.”
That startled a guffaw out of Yovan. “I wouldn’t call Havir’s arse fat so much as a tad too hefty.” He smiled thinly at Mered’s derisive snort. “Go on.”
After a brief pause, Mered said, “Are you aware Asrael and Ama were kin?”
Yovan nodded. “Cousins, I believe.”
“Their grandsires were brothers,” Mered explained. “Asrael’s was the older and he appointed Asrael’s sire head of Bank Cordona when he retired. But Ama’s grandsire and aba held half the shares of the bank between them and so had sufficient clout in the board of directors to override any decisions if they so wished. When Asrael took over from his sire, he proposed marriage with Ama. Partly to keep the business intact but also to persuade Ama’s side of the family to align with his decisions more often than oppose them.”
“So that’s why they wed,” Yovan mused. “Forgive me but when I first saw them I thought your sire singularly unappealing to a Deir as comely as your father. I didn’t think he possessed enough redeeming qualities to sufficiently overcome his less than admirable traits and rather plain appearance, not to mention the obvious years between them. I wondered why your father agreed to marry him.”
“No need to be diplomatic with me,” Mered said with a lopsided smile. “Veres saw fit to bless Ama with what beauty the Cordonas possess and left only enough dregs to make Asrael bearable to the eye.”
Yovan regarded him curiously. “You don’t mince words when speaking of your sire. And why do you refer to him by his name?”
“Because he doesn’t deserve my respect,” Mered declared. “And that’s not only because he isn’t my blood sire.”
“What?” Yovan shook his head. “None of my sources informed me of that.”
“Outside of myself, Ama and Havir, no one knows.”
“But how? Did your father have an affair?”
“Would that he had. Neither Asrael nor Havir would have had something to threaten me with.” Mered drew a shaky breath and slumped. He tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “Ama has no idea who my sire is.”
Yovan stared at his mate in disbelief. “How is that possible?”
Mered looked at him again. “They had a falling out the year before I was born. Asrael had a roving eye and he had the wealth to support his vice. Not that my father cared. He had affairs of his own. But then Asrael took one of Ama’s cousins on his father’s side as his leman and set him up in a house just two blocks down from our home. Ama felt betrayed. They’d agreed never to take concubines because that publicly implied dissatisfaction with one’s marriage and mate. It also made for awkward gatherings with the rest of the family.”
Awkward? Yovan snorted at his mate’s understatement.
“If only it ended there. But Asrael had to cast his eyes on Ama’s younger brother too, shameless lech that he was,” Mered all but spat out.
Yovan wrinkled his nose in distaste. “His own law-brother?”
“Set him up with a household as well and bragged about having two lemans to satisfy him since his mate was too old to hold any appeal for him. Veres almighty, Ama was only eight and sixty while Asrael was already a hundred fifteen! And everyone knew it wasn’t his countenance that attracted any of his partners, but his riches. He wasn’t even virile enough to beget children on them.” Mered suddenly smirked albeit bitterly. “Indeed the only son he was ever certain of having sired is Havir.”
Yovan stared. “I take it your father conceived very soon after they wed.”
Mered nodded. “And he was a virgin. But then he started working for the bank soon after he birthed Havir and, well, Asrael hasn’t the gift for discerning a child’s legitimacy. He couldn’t be sure of Davre or Ovreth in light of Ama’s many dalliances. Dalliances Asrael encouraged him to undertake in the first place.”
“So he couldn’t repudiate Remir or reject Davre or Ovreth.”
“Exactly. He had no choice but to accept Ama’s assurances that they were both his.” Mered scowled. “Not so myself. There was no denying I wasn’t his child. Asrael was in South Vihandra at the time and didn’t return until almost two months later.”
“But why doesn’t your father know who sired you?” Yovan hesitated. “Did he participate in an orgy? They were the rage for a year or two around the time of your birth.”
“If only that were the case. Ama wouldn’t have been so ashamed of how I was begotten.”
“Why, what was so shameful about your conception?”
Mered exhaled heavily. “Ama hated being pitied for being insufficient for an old and unattractive spouse. Others didn’t hide their scorn over his situation. So he turned to opiates to cope. He frequented the dens in the Quarter but also ventured into the south district with his friends. One such evening, he went with them to a cockfight. By then, he’d smoked enough opiate and imbibed enough drink to render him stupefied and incapable of rational thought.”
“One of the bettors, some common laborer according to Ama, flirted with him and, well, that boosted his confidence. Made him feel he was still attractive despite Asrael’s claims. The fellow offered to escort him home afterward when it turned out his friends had left him behind. Ama said he was very comely for a lowbred sedyr and in any case he wasn’t thinking clearly. So he agreed and got into a coach with him.” Mered grimaced. “He passed out soon after.”
Yovan felt sick. He suspected what happened that night. Only the details needed filling in.
Mered looked equally ill. His freckles stood out starkly on his blanched face. “He woke up naked on a bed in a strange room beside his admirer. The Deir had taken him to an inn and ravished him repeatedly while he was unconscious. And judging from the state of his nether regions, the scoundrel hadn’t limited himself to buggering him.”
“Deity’s blood,” Yovan gasped out in horror.
“He fled before the Deir awakened. Not that it would have changed anything. The fellow had sired me on him. Ama realized it when the heat in his womb didn’t subside until nightfall. But there was no use trying to pass me off as Asrael’s get. He had no choice but to confess his indiscretion.”
“Indiscretion!” Yovan exclaimed incredulously. “Sweet Veres, he was raped!”
Mered gulped. “Ama refuses to call it thusly. It fills him with shame and loathing that he put himself in the position to be used so basely. And besides, to admit he was violated is to admit I’m the child of...” He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. “Bad enough that my sire is some stranger from the lowest of the lowborns. To add rape to his probable sins—” Mered trembled. “What does that make me?”
“An innocent victim,” Yovan pointed out. “Indeed, the only innocent in this wretched tale.” He peered at Mered. “Thank Veres they were sensible enough not to risk an abortion. But I’m surprised Asrael didn’t expose Remir and even raised you as his. What did your father offer in exchange? Or did he accede to a demand?”
“Both. Ama offered half of his shares in Bank Cordona as conjugal property which made Asrael the majority shareholder and gave him nigh full control of the business. He also asked for the right to marry me off to whomever he thought would benefit the family most. Ama would have little say in the matter as he had with my brothers.”
Mered let out a small sigh. “I oft wondered why he treated us so differently. I knew Havir was his favorite from the start while he seemed distant with the rest of us. He treated me with the same aloof indulgence he gave Ovreth and Davre but even less warmth.”
“Because there was always the chance they were his sons whereas he knew for certes you were his bastard nephew,” Yovan murmured.
“Indeed. If it weren’t for Ama objecting despite their agreement, I’d probably have been betrothed to one of his business associates, most of them old leches like him.” Mered shuddered. “I detested all my suitors save for a few like Debrith. But I didn’t care to be married off for gain with no regard for my needs or feelings. I even thought of running away before your visit. Debrith offered me his help.”
Yovan narrowed his eyes. “And how were you to repay him?” he bit out. “By marrying him?”
Mered cringed. “I implied I would, but I had no intention of doing so. I didn’t love him then or now. I just wanted to get away before Asrael sold me off.”
“Debrith regarded me with such hostility that day,” Yovan commented. “Why? Had he put me in the same boat as Asrael’s associates?”
“Nay, he hated you because I changed my mind about running away when I learned it was you I would be betrothed to.”
“What?”
“I lied about seeing you only once,” Mered confessed. “Truth is, when I found out it was you I was going to wed, I tried to discover what I could about you.”
“You followed me around?”
“I did. I liked the look of you and as I learned more, I thought mayhap marriage to you wouldn’t be so bad. And it certainly would be less problematic than running away. So I told him I would see it through. When he saw you, he understood why. And you proved down through the years that I’d been so right and most lucky to change my mind,” Mered added.
Yovan felt his cheeks warm somewhat at the praise. He glanced away to quiet his mind and settle his feelings once more.
“Did you already know the truth of your parentage?”
“They didn’t tell me until years later.”
“Ah, no wonder you weren’t afraid to gainsay Asrael in those days.” Yovan made a swift calculation and drew in his breath sharply. “They told you after he named you a director of the bank, didn’t they? That’s when you started to change in your demeanor toward me.”
Mered’s features scrunched up. “He named me a director since to fail to do so when he’d done it for my brothers would have given rise to speculation. For that reason too did he include Rysander and me in his will though, if you recall, my portion was smaller than the others. But he told me the truth so he would have something to hold over me. He threatened me with exposure. He said it would spell the end of our marriage once you learned you’d wed a lowborn by-blow sprung from an unknown slum dweller’s loins. Ama supported him. He said it would taint Rysander’s standing in House Essendri and saddle him and all your descendants with the knowledge they bore base blood through me.”
Yovan frowned. “What exactly did Asrael ask you to do?”
“The same thing he demanded of the others,” Mered muttered. “He ordered me to take a number of our clients and investors to bed.”
Yovan swore under his breath and looked down at his hands. Only then did he realize how tightly he’d clenched them.
“I couldn’t refuse outright,” Mered continued. “So I claimed that while I could keep mere flirtations from you, you would discover actual assignations given your connections and mind gifts. I told him I could suppress the guilt of playing on other Deira’s attraction to me, but not if I cuckolded you. You would know and if you decided to retaliate, not only would you cast me away, you would also bring the family down as easily as you helped raise us up.” Tears gleamed once more in his eyes. “It was how I shut down his constant badgering that I use myself thusly. You can’t imagine the satisfaction I derived from frustrating him in this until he died.”
“Is that the reason you ceased to bring me to affairs your family hosted? To hide your behavior from me?”
“It was more because I didn’t want to hurt you by having you witness what I had to do. I was tempted more than once to tell you everything. But I feared your reaction. Would you be repelled? Or would you accept it, and then bear the pain of watching me... entertain others? I could stomach neither.”
“Yet you had no compunction about sniping at me when I questioned your actions,” Yovan brittlely pointed out. “You accused me of being jealous of Debrith. Made me out to be an overly suspicious spouse who begrudged you friends I didn’t know. The worst? You compelled me to leave you with him though you knew I was hurting. You stomached my pain then well enough.”
Mered flinched with every accusation. “It alarmed me whenever you seemed to skirt too close to the truth,” he hoarsely said. “In my panic I didn’t think about what I was saying, only that I had to deflect your train of thought.” He bit his trembling lower lip and mumbled, “There’s no excusing what I did. I was a bounder to you.”
“You were,” Yovan readily agreed, ignoring Mered’s whimper. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get past your behavior toward me.” He further hardened his stance when Mered gazed at him entreatingly. How dare his mate try to appeal for pity and kindness after having dealt him blow after deceitful blow? “You still haven’t explained why you didn’t tell me about your would-be paramour,” he witheringly added.
Mered blanched at his rancorous words. He hugged himself as if to ward off more spiteful charges. Yovan did not care. Too much fear and anger suppressed for too long left little room for compassion or understanding.
“Well?” he barked. “Will I get some answers now or do we just agree to go our separate ways? You’ll be free to take up with him.”
“I don’t want to be with him!” Mered exclaimed, his eyes round with shock. “I never wanted him!” He expelled a shaky breath. “I didn’t tell you who he was because I knew you’d start watching us closely,” he admitted. “Especially since he’d revealed too often how much he resented you. He-he never stopped wanting me. And he told Asrael and Havir that the more favors I granted him, the more monies he would put in our ventures. It was sheer torture pretending I preferred his company over yours. Worse, to see your disappointment and your trust in me begin to fail.”
Suspicion nagged Yovan anew. “You claim you never took him to bed,” he commented. “But I find it hard to believe he remained besotted with you all these years and naught happened between you.” A chill ran up his spine when Mered caught his breath and started to wring his hands. “How exactly did you encourage him to keep pursuing you?”
Mered visibly tensed. “I told him you were highly mind sensitive and kept me well-guarded. That you’d know if I did something as intimate as coupling with him and then there’d be the devil to pay. I swear I never bedded him. But to keep him and only him, I assure you—to keep him believing I returned his affection, I... allowed certain liberties.”
Yovan went still. “Such as?” he very softly asked.
“We-we’d kiss... embrace...” Mered stammered.
“Is that all?’ Yovan asked disbelievingly.
Mered said haltingly, “Some years ago, Havir told me Debrith was getting impatient. Frustrated that I wouldn’t... go further. So I thought perhaps he’d be satisfied if I... I pleasured him once in a while—”
The blood drained from Yovan’s face. His stomach flip-flopped and he thought he would vomit. He made a pained sound and made to get to his feet, intent on walking out of the room. Mered shot off the couch, fell on his knees before him, and hugged his legs. He heard his name whimpered and he looked down to see Mered’s face white as a sheet and wet with tears.
“All those times you scrubbed yourself so hard, you were washing his scent off your skin so I wouldn’t suspect,” Yovan accused,
“It went no further than touching him!”
“Then why—”
“It left me feeling so filthy I tried to wash the feeling off. But it never truly went away no matter how much I scrubbed.” Mered weakly sobbed. “It just wouldn’t.”
Yovan swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. He beat back the impulse to shove Mered away and wail in sorrow and fury. He sat down and took deep cleansing breaths.
Mered laid his head on his lap, soaking his breeches with his tears. Yovan slipped his fingers under Mered’s chin and raised his face so he could look at him. He was the picture of terror and shame and abject misery. Yovan exhaled and motioned to him to return to the couch.
“Go on,” he whispered.
Mered visibly fought to calm down. At length, he raggedly said, “I swear I only ever stroked him to release, but I never let him touch me likewise. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone doing that but you. I told myself as long as I kept my body for you alone—by never coup-coupling with him or letting him touch me under my clothes—then I wasn’t betraying you.” He reached out to grip Yovan’s knee. “That’s all that happened. I never gave him what is yours. Please believe me. I beg you to believe me.”
Yovan snorted derisively. “You could have offered to use that pretty and oh so talented mouth of yours. I’m sure he would have welcomed the opportunity to sample your other skills,” he all but sneered.
Horror and disgust contorted Mered’s features. “I couldn’t! The very thought of having anyone but you inside me is repulsive! It was loathsome enough having to-to kiss and-and touch him.”
Yovan eyed him skeptically but Mered met his gaze with stoic sincerity. Suddenly feeling drained of active spite and strength, Yovan bowed his head and rested his chin on his chest. Never had he known such weariness and grief. He listlessly lifted his hand and gestured to his mate to continue.
“I rejoiced when Asrael died,” Mered revealed with no hint of regret. “I thought I was free. When I tried to resign Havir threatened to oust me from the board. He has enough control to do what he wants, even more so than Asrael did. I didn’t care. I told him I would surrender my directorship. Rysander and I had our inheritance and we both own substantial shares. It isn’t as if we’d be impoverished so what was there to fear?”
He blinked back tears and grimaced. “I learned then that Asrael had disclosed the truth to him before he died. Likely to get back at me because I’d refused to completely obey him. He threatened me just like Asrael did. I couldn’t imagine living my life without you or Rysander. So I continued as before.”
Mered sighed disconsolately. He ran his hand tiredly over his face. “All these years have been a torment. Worse because I knew there was only myself to blame.” He looked at Yovan pleadingly. “You deserve better, but I pray you’ll find it in you to forgive me.”
Yovan fell silent for a long while. He struggled with his conflicting emotions. Did he believe Mered’s revelations? Some of them? All of them? Or none at all? After having been deliberately kept in the dark so long, it was difficult to trust that he’d truly and finally been let in on what had so bedeviled and wounded his marriage these past many years.
He was aware of Mered’s worsening apprehension, but he needed to digest what he’d learned. It was really too much to absorb in one sitting. Yet he knew their union would not survive if they continued to put off laying bare the reasons and events that had nigh reduced it to a travesty. After all, he had done just that for an absurdly long time and look where it had got him.
Complicating his attempts to sort out his feelings was the fresh pain inflicted now that he knew there had been some physical intimacy between his spouse and another. It was a betrayal even if Mered had limited the contact.
Yovan needed to discern whether he could live with the knowledge. With the ache that might never dissipate completely. It was something they would both have to live with for a long time if not the rest of their lives. So he ignored the anxiety and tension radiating off Mered and focused on his thoughts and feelings.
Could he endure? Could he forgive?
At length Yovan shook his head and said, “I can’t—” He laid a gaze both sorrowful and resentful on Mered. “All these years you kept this secret from me. You took advantage of my trust, but you didn’t trust me enough to take me into your confidence. And to learn the truth at last only to discover that had you been forthcoming you could have spared us this grief? It hurts deeply to know you didn’t trust me. That you so doubted my character and loyalty, you preferred to deceive me and play your family’s obscene games rather than confide in me.”
“Van, please—”
“Had you believed in me, had you told me, you wouldn’t have had to sully yourself. Because you did else why did you feel unclean afterward?” Yovan pointed out when Mered flinched with a pained gasp. “You engaged in intimacy with another Deir. And you did so because you had no faith in me. What does that say about your true feelings? How can I now believe you love me?”
“Deity’s blood, I do love you!” Mered cried. “With all that I am. I swear on my honor—”
“What honor?” Yovan spat. He restrained himself when Mered jerked back as if he’d been physically struck. In a more measured tone, he said, “If you hope all will be forgiven because you finally revealed the truth, I have to disappoint you. I need time to ascertain if I can live with what you did. If I can live with you.”
“Sweet Veres, don’t say that.”
Yovan ignored Mered’s interjections. It was the only way he could keep himself from falling apart or striking his mate. “I think it’s best we live apart for now. Tell Rysander he’s welcome to join me here any time.”
Mered looked utterly wrecked. His normally vibrant verdant eyes were a dull green and his complexion seemed almost grey as if all the blood had drained out of his face.
“And I?” he whispered. “Will you allow me to visit?” He gazed beseechingly at Yovan. “Mayhap you can live without me, but I need to see you even just once in a while. Please, Van, have pity.”
Yovan looked away to keep Mered’s desolate countenance from influencing his decision. It influenced him nonetheless. He sighed in defeat but also with determination.
“I’ll see you in a month,” he said in a cool tone that brooked no protest. He stood up, strode to the door and opened it. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have reports to prepare.”
Mered got to his feet and shuffled to the door. Perhaps realizing further pleas would be futile, he mumbled a tearful goodbye and left. Yovan closed the door and retreated to the bedchamber. He sat at his writing desk but found he had neither the will nor energy to do anything.
It was only when he saw the drops of moisture on the surface of the table that he realized he was crying. Giving in to his anguish, he bowed his head and wept until his cheeks were raw from the salt of his tears and his throat was clogged with harsh sobs.