When it comes to death, a huge divide separates our soul from our body-mind. As I said in chapter 1, our mind thinks that we are in control of our life, when in fact it’s actually our soul’s plan that we are living. The body was created to survive, so the mere thought of death does not sit well with the mind. We fight it with everything we’ve got! I’ve watched many people go through agonizing treatments to prolong their lives, only to die from the treatments themselves. Modern medicine has yet to find healthy cures for many maladies, and until that happens, many people will continue to suffer in terrible ways in an attempt to beat the odds.
In her pioneering book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described the five stages of grief and loss she’d observed in terminally ill patients: denial, bargaining, anger, despair, and acceptance. When we are conscious that we are dying, we go through an awful lot mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually in the first four stages, until we finally arrive at the place of peace and accept that the physical body can do nothing more and it is time to let go. My sense is that people are so afraid they’ll stop existing once they’re dead that they do everything they can to stay alive. One reason I’m writing this book is to assure everyone that we do continue to live on after death, just in a different form. Before dealing with that, let’s take a closer look at how conscious we are about dying.
The weeks and months leading up to death vary from soul to soul. I would say one-third of people listen to the promptings of their soul when it’s guiding them to get their ducks in a row — that is, get the will notarized, catch up with loved ones, and begin the process of letting go of material possessions. Another third sense the promptings from the soul to get their affairs in order, but they don’t want to pay attention, so they ignore the promptings and regret it later, when they get over to the other side and realize they’ve left their families with a mess on their hands. The last third are people who are so disconnected from their soul that they have no clue that a change is about to take place in their life.
A former student of mine died in his sleep at age fifty-two. Because it was such a sudden event, we assumed he’d had no time to prepare. But his wife told me that in the nine months leading up to his death, he had very methodically visited all his friends and relatives and given each of them things he had borrowed or wanted them to have. He sent letters and emails to the ones he was not able to visit with in person. I was one of the people he contacted, and I remember thinking how nice yet odd it was to get a call from him after ten years, thanking me for being his teacher. I was aware of the finality in his voice when we said our good-byes. He had also gotten all his papers in order and had everything in place by that Monday morning when they found him dead.
After his death, his wife asked me if I thought he had known he was going to die. The answer I got when I tuned in to his soul was that he had not been conscious of his impending death but did sense that a big change was coming in his life and intuitively felt guided to get everything organized.
As a healer, I’ve worked with many clients in their dying process who have wanted to keep the Grim Reaper as far from their door as possible. In some cases, these people have been healed and able to postpone the inevitable. The souls of people whose time was coming to an end have always told me not to tell their conscious mind what the plan was, because they still had things they wanted to accomplish before leaving the earth plane. Their souls were concerned that their body-mind would go into a depression and not tend to the things important to the soul.
One client’s soul told me that she wanted to have lunch with all her friends, plant a perennial garden for her husband, and buy a pretty dress in which to be buried. She told me that as soon as she accomplished these three things, she would be gone. This came true, just as she predicted.
When doctors told my fifty-year-old friend Sully she had three weeks to live, she first went through a brief period of anger. Why is this happening to me? I’m too young to die! She moved into a place of acceptance after asking God if she could have six months to do everything she still wanted to accomplish. That’s exactly how the end of her life played out. None of us could believe the strength and stamina Sully had in that six-month period leading up to her death, but even more impressive was how much she and her soul were on the same page about what was happening.
Another dear friend, forty years old, got up one evening after dinner, walked into his daughter’s bedroom, and told her how proud he was of her. After this, he went into the kitchen where his wife was washing dishes, kissed her on the forehead, and told her he loved her. Then he walked into their bedroom, lay down on the bed, and died. This was before I learned about talking to souls, so I didn’t check in on him and ask if he had known he was dying. My guess is that he was not conscious of what was coming but suddenly felt a deep love for his wife and daughter and had an inner nudge to express it.
Our soul will give us nudges like this all the way through this process. The trick is to listen and act on our sense of silent knowing from within — no matter how strange it seems. Conflict arises when the conscious mind tries to override the promptings of the subconscious. This is when we are tempted to brush off or ignore a nudge.
Until true acceptance takes place in the body, the conscious mind flip-flops back and forth between thinking it’s going to live and thinking it’s going to die, every day during this process. It is a very chaotic time for the dying person as well as their care-givers. Tempers flare, and crying becomes a part of everyday life; sadness, grief, anger, and despair are all par for the course as one is preparing for death.
If you are going through this process (or if you are caring for a dying loved one), know that all the ups and downs are a normal part of it. Focus on the time you have right in front of you and do the things you love doing. Soon life on earth will be a memory, so continue to make happy ones until you are born into your new life.
If you are getting inner nudges that your time is coming to an end, tell a trusted friend or family member that you need to talk to them about a serious matter. Explain that you don’t want them to try to fix it; you simply need to talk it all out with someone. Don’t keep it inside to protect those around you. Trying to protect them by keeping them in the dark might actually prolong their grieving process, so be fair to both of you and be honest about what’s going on.
For many of us, our intuitive voice pushes us to have these important conversations with our loved ones. For example, when my mom was in her dying process, she had an inner knowing to talk to me about it — all her feelings, thoughts, fears, and anxieties. Consciously, she believed she had lots of time left, but all the same, she felt the nudges.
Another example was my friend Lee. When he finally got to the acceptance part of his journey, we talked openly about his dying. Whenever anyone asked him how he was doing, he would clearly answer, “I’m dying.” And, believe it or not, during the time he had left, it was very helpful for all of us to be able to openly communicate that his life was coming to an end. As he got closer to taking his last breath, I could feel his body surrendering and a calmness taking over. He talked about his life and all he had accomplished. Each time I talked to him, I was impressed with how he was navigating the process. It was so refreshing to be able to talk to a dying person about their dying, rather than playing along as someone pretended they were not dying.
If you are in a similar situation with a loved one, check with your intuition about how much to say to them. You’ll get that inner gut feeling of no if a conversation will not be well received by them, and you’ll get a feeling of yes, or of a push forward from the universe, when the time is right to have a conversation with them about their death.