CROWELL

28 “You would both be left behind,” I said. “There’s no way I’m doing that. Seriously. Dad, I just found you.”

“Go back, David,” he said. “There’s nothing for you here in the Ultra universe.”

“Uh, hello, there’s you.”

“You’ve seen me, you know I’m okay—if a little bored—and so that’s that. You should go.”

Parr cleared his throat. “There’s a significant chance the trip would kill Dave,” he said.

“He’s right,” I said. “Look at me. Physically, I’m now more than several times your age. What will the return trip do to me?”

Dad looked away. He knew the answer, but he couldn’t say it. Well, of course he couldn’t.

“More theory,” I said. “Another Plan B, more of a working concept than anything.”

“Our Plan Bs have worked pretty well so far,” Dad said.

He was right. I could hardly keep them straight: mortaline wire, The Memory, Baren Rieser’s blackrock House, Lorway’s sleep travel, Rook and the duplicate House in the Ultra universe, the tethered portal, the Tarot cards, the Exeter—and what else? There was a limit. I’d come to the end. There just wasn’t any way to move forward from here.

Where was here? I’d gone looking for Dad. I’d found him, hadn’t I? I’d decided to risk everything to cross over, and I’d accepted long ago it was a one-way trip. I’d said goodbye to Dorie. To Forno. Nothing anyone could say now would change that. Nothing.

It was over.

“What’s the use of leaving you behind and returning as a 90-year-old man? If I even survive? At least here I spend them with you.”

“He has a point,” Parr mumbled.

“You have a partner who’d miss you. Friends.”

“Hell, I don’t even know if my partner survived after I left him behind. Also, he’s a Helk, and they don’t get lonely.”

“Your partner’s a Helk?”

“His name’s Forno.” I looked over at Parr and smiled sadly. “Actually, my last two partners were Helks.”

“One of us got better,” Parr said.

I had to smile at that. I’d grown so used to him looking like my old partner that when he channeled the personality of Alan Brindos it took me by surprise.

My dad knew enough about Parr to know what we meant. “I never understood why humans were so distrustful of Helks. I mean, even before Plenko and the Movement.”

“Perhaps it’s their tendency to be three times our size,” I said.

“Oh, that,” my dad said. “I’d forgotten.”

I looked at Parr intently. His eyes narrowed, expecting something. I thought maybe he’d anticipated the question I was about to ask him. “Tell me I’m wrong, Parr. Is there any way I return to the Union of Worlds alive, or as someone other than an old and feeble invalid?”

He looked to say something right away, but he paused. His eyes flicked up as he plumbed his Ultra database, his body stock still, almost rigid. When he started doing that on Rook, I’d found it annoying, but now I waited patiently. He must have understood the weight of this question. His eyes flicked back and forth, up and left, down, up and left, jittering haphazardly, and now they flipped, up and down. It looked as if he were in REM sleep with his eyes open. I’d never seen him take this long accessing his Ultra know-how. It felt oddly comforting that he was taking extra time to search.

The eyes returned front and center. The pause that followed was also unlike Parr. His reply was direct. “No.”

“No?” I saw my dad lower his head, but I tried to stay focused on Parr. “That’s it? Just . . . no?”

“Analysis shows that returning as an old and feeble invalid is the least likely of the two options.”

“Shit,” I said. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“There’s very little reason for me to be wrong these days,” he said. “One of the perks of being a hybrid.”

Dad raised his head and searched Parr’s face for the truth, as if he doubted the hybrid’s sincerity. As Parr stared back, Dad’s acceptance became obvious. His lips tightened, and his eyes settled on me. They glazed with tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I shook my head. “Don’t be. We’ll be here with each other. There are worse ways for me to live out my life. Maybe the Ultras can help with the back pain.”

He didn’t even smile. “Now we can all be bored together,” he said. “You know. Since living in an antimatter universe doesn’t give us a lot of options. We’ll have to take turns on the Ultra treadmill.”

I laughed at that. “Do you realize the shit I’ve gone through the last three years? Nothing wrong with sweet boredom.”

Parr cleared his throat.

I turned to look at him, and so did Dad.

“So,” Parr said, “about that.”