Disclaimer
Dina
that possessed me to text Holden initially has disappeared. All the weeks we met on the reading terrace were informal, like two strangers in the same place at the same time, having a chat. But seeking conversations outside of the library changes our dynamic. At least, it does for me. We’re no longer visitors who converge at the corner of Bathurst Street and Fort York Boulevard, Fridays at 1pm. We’re two people who share text message exchanges that are nothing of substance, but still feel personal.
Holden texted me this morning, saying he had some free time this afternoon if I wanted to meet at the library. The funny thing is, even though it’s Tuesday, saying no didn’t cross my mind. Nacho even walked alongside me rather than riding in his carrier the entire way. He can’t march through the library, though, so I tuck him in his bag and he curls up for a post-walk nap. He knows the drill.
As I reach the top of the stairs, Holden is waiting in what has become our usual spot, leaning forward over the coffee table, scanning a thick hardcover that looks like a textbook.
“Hey. What are you reading?” Books are in my comfort zone. If I have the opportunity, conversations always start there.
He tucks it behind him before I catch the title. “Hey, you made it.” His smile is forty percent welcoming, sixty percent mischievous.
Math was never my strong suit, but I feel 100 percent nervous. “I said I would. Though I’m not really sure why.” I stammer for a few seconds, trying to backpedal. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude. I just… don’t know why you wanted to meet, I guess.”
Why has this guy turned me into a blubbering fool? I’m not a social creature, but I’ve always been confident. Able to speak when spoken to and engage in conversation—assuming I want to. My comfort zone may be the written word, but something about Holden turns me into a hopeless birdbrain with no grasp of the English language. And my degree is in English.
Holden’s smirk grows more mischievous as he stands. Nacho doesn’t make a peep until Holden is inches away.
“Hi, Nacho.” He reaches out to touch my bag, but Nacho’s grumbling gets louder. Holden wisely withdraws his hand, which silences my grumpy canine. “I thought it would be better to ask you in person.”
I stare in his azure eyes for several seconds, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn’t. “Ask what?”
“If you’ll go on a date with me.”
I know this is a library, but I swear, you could hear a pin drop in here. There are no murmuring teenagers. No parents reading inspirational tales to their children. No growling chihuahuas. I’m afraid if I look around, people will be staring, awaiting my response. The only person looking at me, though, is Holden.
“You want to go on a date? With me?” I’m struggling to keep my expression neutral and not gape at Holden with bulging eyes. It takes extraordinary conscious effort not to mimic a goldfish who’s just discovered flakes dropped in its bowl. So much effort, I don’t know what else to say.
“Nacho can come too… if he wants. Maybe we can take him somewhere he’ll like? The… I don’t know. The butcher shop?” Holden lets out an awkward laugh.
“The dog park,” I blurt, then try to compose myself before saying anything else. “He likes to visit the dog park at Canoe Landing.” I hook my thumb, gesturing behind me in the direction of the nearby park. “His favourite pet store is that way, too.”
“So, is that a yes?”
My reply sure sounded a lot like a yes, even though I didn’t say that specifically. Again, the possibility of saying no never crossed my mind. The only reason I hesitated was because I wondered why. Why, after how our first few encounters went, does he want to go on a date?
But in the interest of finding an answer to that lingering question, I reply, “Yes.”
The smile Holden wears now looks like 100 percent happiness. “This Friday? Unless you need to stick to your library schedule?”
“No, Friday is fine. I can replenish my stash today.” I glance down at the book he had tucked behind him when I arrived and read the title. “A History of Commerce?”
He turns his head toward the plain-looking textbook, then back to me. “Uh, yeah. Just some light reading.” He bends down to pick it up, which requires two hands. It must be over 600 pages, and is a large trim size. It must contain humankind’s entire history of commerce.
“War and Peace wasn’t enough for you?”
“What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment.” He shrugs and sets the book back on the table.
Logic tells me that comment has nothing to do with me, but the panicked part of me that’s grasping for a reason to back out of our date plan makes me doubt his intentions for a moment. “Am I part of your punishment?”
“What? No. That’s… no. Nothing like that. Just when it comes to books. Trust me. You’re the furthest thing from a punishment.” One corner of his lip tilts up in an irresistible way. It’s like the nerd equivalent of puppy-dog eyes.
Turns out I’m susceptible to both expressions.
“Oh.” My face is far too warm for my liking. We need a topic change. “Are you picking up any books for your sister today?” Please say yes. Getting lost in the stacks will help my face return to a normal temperature.
“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a few extra choices. The spicier the better. Got any suggestions?”
Whelp. That doesn’t help my blushing situation. “Come on. We’ll find something for her to talk about over family dinner.” I turn away from Holden to shield my burning face from his view and head to the rows of fiction.
Fifteen minutes later, we’ve chosen eight new novels for me, as well as Southern Belle and Something Borrowed for his sister’s reading pleasure. Apparently, she likes the arranged marriage trope. It’s one I’ve never been partial to myself. I’m more of an enemies-to-lovers or second-chance romance fan.
“Have you read these?” Holden asks as we head downstairs, holding up the paperbacks with his eyes smiling as intensely as his lips.
“Not those, no. I… I read reviews for them, though. They should be right up your sister’s alley.”
Holden pauses at the bottom of the stairs. “You read reviews? For books you don’t read?”
My thesis research isn’t a topic I want to delve into right now. Especially not with Julie staring at us with a cheeky grin on her face.
“Yeah, reviews help me choose what I’ll read next. Sometimes a book is just not what I’m looking for, so it gets sidelined.” Nacho and I continue toward the checkout desk and drop my stack of books to borrow. This should get me through until next week and get me close to completing my reading list for research. As much as I enjoy getting lost in a good book, I’m looking forward to reading just because I want to again. To pick up a book because it appeals to me for one reason or another. Or to put down a book I’m not enjoying.
Julie is exceptionally chipper as she chats with Holden and scans each book. She asks about his niece, and the sheer joy in his voice when he speaks about her is all kinds of adorable. It sounds like he has an active role in her life. I’m sure it will be years away, but I hope I can have a similar relationship with a niece or nephew in the future. It sounds exciting. Enjoy the cuteness, do the fun things, then ship them home for your sibling to deal with the sleep deprivation and poopy diapers. Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.
Once everything is scanned and our return slips are printed, we say goodbye to Julie and exit onto the sidewalk.
“So… I guess I’ll text you? We can make a plan for Friday.” Holden stares at the exact section of concrete I was sprawled out on when we first met.
“Sure. I’m easy, just so you know.” I freeze, internally berating myself for how idiotic I’ve sounded today. “With plans, obviously. Nothing fancy. You know?” A laugh spills out of me that would embarrass me if I wasn’t at my limit already.
“Nothing fancy. I gathered that by the dog park suggestion.”
We stand in silence for more than half a minute before Nacho shifts in his bag, catching me off guard. I grip it tighter to keep it from jostling. “I better get this guy home. He gets cranky if he’s cooped up for too long.”
That statement makes Holden laugh. “Is that what does it?”
“Well, that and… existing. He’s a hard man to please.” I really need to stop talking. “Text me whenever. I’ll see you on Friday.” I wave my hand and don’t look back as I walk toward home.