Intermission

Dina

When my parents died, I felt a kind of heartbreak few people ever have to. The subsequent years were full of plenty of more crushing experiences because of my aunt. My coping mechanism then was to dive into books and try to learn as much as I could. To escape into as many fictional worlds as possible, so I didn’t have to face my own. To live up to the name my parents bestowed upon me, just like my big sister did.

Faced with a new heartbreak, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for almost two weeks. I have to submit my final examination form for my thesis defence in eight days, and the thought of nearing the end of my school career has my stomach in knots. Suffice to say, I’ve had enough of things I love ending too soon.

Before I can set my plan for today in motion, it’s derailed by a knock at my door. My stomach sinks, both hopeful and afraid it’s Holden coming to apologize. To tell me he made a horrible mistake, and he wants to get back together. But I don’t know if I’d say yes. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing time and time again, expecting the outcome to be different?

“Dina, open the door!”

I guess I don’t have to make that decision today, because that’s my sister shouting. Nacho goes tearing into the entryway, ready to attack. I scoop him up before I open the door, and I’m surprised to find Angel, Hollis, and Angel’s American bulldog, Genie.

“What are you guys doing here?”

The trio steps inside, closing the door behind them. I release Nacho so he and Genie can go running off to play. Though he seems a lot more excited about it than she does.

Hollis holds up a large paper bag. “Ice cream, chocolate, and”—she gestures toward my sister, who proudly holds up a bottle—“wine!”

Angel squeezes me in a tight hug and says through gritted teeth, “I’m going to beat the nerd out of this jerk, so help me.”

I may not be able to see her expression, but I can hear it. She’s not kidding. Hollis and I both know what she’s capable of when it comes to putting people in their place. We recently watched her get kicked out of a club for assaulting a guy who wouldn’t leave her alone. I’m not even sure what he said to her, but he underestimated her dainty five-foot-one-and-a-half frame. I chuckle at the memory.

“You should know by now I’m dead serious. No one gets away with breaking my baby sister’s heart. I know Hollis will have my back on this.” Angel glances at Hollis as we walk into my living room. “Hey, can you make some sort of biological weapon? Nothing serious. Just something like an intense itch cream or… ooh, an anti-anti-wrinkle moisturizer?”

I hear Hollis laugh as I stop in my kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer. I grab a few glasses and walk into my living room. Once I set everything on the side table, Angel wastes no time popping the cork on her favourite budget wine, and pours a little in each glass. To make things easier, I take the hideous art déco lamp I no longer have any affection for and set it on the floor, then move the table in front of the sofa. I plop myself on the middle cushion between the two people I have left in the world.

“Okay, dish. Tell us everything,” Hollis requests. She grabs the chocolate, holding it out for me to grab a piece, so I oblige.

Chewing this chocolate-caramel nougat sticks my teeth together, so I have an excuse to delay sharing what happened. Something I’ve actively been doing since Holden dumped me in the park. Because the truth is, I don’t really know. Nights of analyzing and questioning where it all went so wrong haven’t given me any answers. How do you explain being in love with someone one day, then being dismissed the next?

I clear the candy from my teeth, resigning myself to explaining as best I can. Angel and Hollis both listen intently for as long as it takes me to get it all out. Everything from him crashing into me in the blazing summer heat to the look of regret on his face as I walked away in the snowy park. It’s been thirteen days, but every time I close my eyes, I see that face.

“What a jerk. I don’t care if he looked sad after he broke your heart. I oughtta break his face. At least his glasses. Or steal his stupid pocket protector so his pen ink will stain his shirt.” My sister is riled up, even as she scratches the top of her snorty dog’s head.

“Cool it on the violence. I appreciate it, but I just want to move on. It was stupid anyway because I have my thesis defence in two months and then I’ll need to get settled in a job. Having to consider another person is foolish. This way, at least I can keep my options open.” I’ve recited this to myself at least 299 times over the past two weeks, but it sounds even less convincing out loud.

“I get what you’re saying. There’s no way I could even consider a relationship until I finish my master’s and find a job. But it sounded like you guys had such a good connection and a lot in common. He made you laugh. I really thought he was one of the good ones.” Hollis pops a chocolate in her mouth and appears to have the same sticky-teeth struggle I did.

“Well, you guys are the only ones who have come into my life and not left. If either of you dump me, I’ll never recover, just so you know.”

Angel wraps a dainty arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her side. “I love you, Dina. Nothing and no one could ever break us apart.”

That’s reassuring. Not that I had any worries about my sister ditching me, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t have those fears with Holden, either. If someone had asked me flat out, I would have said he was it for me. The one. My person. But in the end, I wasn’t enough for him. Nothing I could do or say was enough for him. I just wasn’t enough.

I don’t even notice I’m crying until both Hollis and Angel have their arms wrapped around me, squeezing me tight.

“How could I be so pathetic? Do you even know how much time I took away from my own work to help him study? I never thought twice about it. I loved him, even when I didn’t realize it yet. His success was so important to me, I sacrificed my own. And for what? So he could decide I wasn’t worth the effort?” Saying it out loud turns my tears from ones of sadness to anger. “How dare he take advantage of my generosity. What kind of person does that? A jerk! That’s who. A big, nerdy, handsome, kind, funny jerk.” My voice loses serious enthusiasm as I work my way through that list.

“Oh, Dee. You’re not the problem. If he doesn’t see how incredible you are or appreciate the sacrifices you made, then forget about him. People like that make me so mad. Taking what they can get, then turning their backs. I have no sympathy for them when all of a sudden no one wants to help anymore.” Hollis says that entire spiel while staring at the opposite wall with narrowed eyes.

“Holl, is everything okay?” Suddenly, wiping away my tears, my focus isn’t on my own problems anymore.

She shakes her head, returning her focus to me and looking unfazed by whatever zone-out just happened. “Totally fine. There are just a lot of people like that.”

“Yeah… okay.” I’ll leave that question for another day. “Whatever. It is what it is. I’m telling you guys, that family dinner was so painfully awkward, he just called it quits because he couldn’t bear to sit through that again.” Remembering the uncomfortable evening makes me shiver.

Angel clutches my left hand. “There’s no valid reason for anyone to behave that way. I’m sorry, Dina, but it’s the truth. If you’re going to invite someone to your home as a guest, you treat them as one. That woman sounds wretched. And I hate to say it, but Holden is no better if that was his reason.”

I can’t come up with an argument in Imogen’s defence. At the same time, she raised three kind, considerate kids, so she can’t be all bad. If she was able to teach them how to be decent people, I have a hard time believing there wasn’t some other reason for her behaviour. “I’m pretty sure it’s me who’s the problem; not her.”

Angel practically throws my hand back at me because she lets go so fast. With wine in her left hand, she rotates so she can look at me. “Don’t make excuses for that woman. You showed up and were polite. I know that for a fact without you even telling me, because I know you. Don’t you dare tell yourself her miserable attitude is your fault. You, little sister, are a freaking ray of sunshine.” She chugs the remainder of her drink and sets it on the table. “So, what do we say about some ice cream?”

What’s that saying? Ice cream will fix all that ails you? That’s not a real saying, but I’m going to pretend it is while I have a girls’ night and drown my sorrows in a bowl of cookies n’ cream.