Even though Tiff had barely been gone for a week, Marina missed her more than she’d ever expected. The house felt as if it knew a vibrant soul had departed from it – which it had. Another part of her life was missing too. The gap left by Lachlan was proving impossible to fill. The fact he lived a few doors away and she inevitably saw him, made things worse. Yet she was still handling the legal fallout – not to mention the emotional betrayal. She was grateful to have a busy term at college to throw herself into, with colleagues to support her, and she could distract herself with the Wave Watchers again, now that she’d resumed her duties.
It had been strange walking into the station a couple of weeks earlier, after so long away. She’d soon picked up the operational side of things but, somehow, being there didn’t feel quite the same.
The wooden hut seemed particularly isolated on this late September afternoon on the very cusp of autumn. It should have been a turning point for her and yet, with Nate back in her life – however far away and uninvited – and Lachlan out of it, she was still in limbo. She was alone waiting for Gareth to arrive, but he was running late as his moped wouldn’t start, so she steeled herself for the shift, trying to focus on all the good reasons why she’d opened the station and not the sham that she now felt its foundations had been built on.
She’d be fine on her own and she didn’t mind a little time to collect her thoughts. It was a gusty day, with leaden clouds constantly chasing patches of blue across the sky. One moment the sun would light up the whitecaps on the sea, the next the ocean would be plunged into angry shadow. It was typical of the kind of weather Porthmellow experienced as autumn set in. She watched as fishing vessels battled the swell, and on the horizon, a tanker made its way along the shipping lanes of the Channel.
Marina had been on watch for half an hour when Gareth called, breathless.
‘I’m sorry! I’m still stuck. My moped’s out of action. I’ll have to get a lift off Mum when she comes back from my nan’s but I’ll be an hour at least.’
‘It’s OK. Don’t worry,’ Marina said, soothing him. ‘It’s not worth you coming for half a shift. Doreen and Trevor will almost be here by the time you make it. I can manage until they get here.’
‘I don’t like letting you down on a busy weekend. Can you get someone else to help?’ Gareth sounded genuinely upset. ‘What about Lachlan? He’s the closest.’
‘Lachlan? I – I’m not sure … he’s probably busy and I’m not sure he’s up to doing any Wave Watchers shifts at the moment …’
‘Why not? I’m sure he’d come down in an emergency. After all, it was him who organised the visit to your cottage—’
‘What?’
‘Yes. It was Lachlan’s idea.’ Gareth paused. ‘It was meant to be a surprise at the time. He didn’t want you to think he was taking the credit for arranging it. We all promised not to say, but I thought by now you’d have found out.’
‘Yes, of course. I’d … kind of worked it out.’ Marina covered her shock with a laugh. ‘You go and sort out your moped and I’ll see you on your next shift.’
She rang off, reeling. So it was Lachlan who’d been behind the visit. Tiff must have known. So must Dirk and everyone, yet they’d all kept quiet. Her heart sank at the same time as she felt choked with emotion. It was just like him. Quiet, unassuming … yet he must care about her very much. He knew her so well and knew what she needed, perhaps in this instance, even more than she did herself.
She had to talk to him and apologise, explain and see him again. She reached for her phone, but the radio receiver flared into life. Her own concerns would have to wait a while. The call was from a yacht whose skipper was wondering about the worsening local weather conditions and asking if he should seek shelter in Porthmellow Harbour for the night.
Marina relayed her report and he thanked her and signed off. She was about to put the radio down when a voice came from behind her.
‘Hello, babe.’
She spun round, and the radio clattered onto the desk.
‘Nate.’
He stepped forward. ‘I didn’t mean to frighten you.’
Carefully, because her hands were shaking, she replaced the radio handset in its usual place. ‘You haven’t frightened me.’
‘It must be like seeing a ghost.’
‘I’ve never believed in ghosts, Nate.’ How could he stand there, so blasé – so flippant? As if the past seven years – and all the horrific uncertainty he’d put her through – had never happened?
‘I’m sorry I came here but I thought you wouldn’t answer my calls and once I knew I was coming home, it was better to see you face to face.’
Her jaw dropped. Home? This isn’t your home any more. You left it in the cruellest way.
He was so different physically, much bulkier, with dyed blond hair, a goatee and a deep tan. He didn’t even sound Cornish any more, his burr almost eclipsed by a South African accent. He was a stranger, an impostor, but he was still her husband, still the man she had once loved. He took her breath away – but not for the reason that he once had.
‘H-how did you get to the UK? I thought you were dealing with the South African police.’
‘I was, I am, but they decided it was cheaper and less trouble to kick me out.’
‘Why have you come here?’
‘I wanted to explain.’
‘Explain?! How can you explain how you put me through years of agony? How you lied to me, cheated and betrayed me? And –’ Marina’s focus switched to his sudden appearance in the station ‘– how did you know I was at the station?’
‘I knew about this place. I have done for a while. I saw what you were doing online, on your website. I saw the plaque to my memory …’ He swallowed hard. ‘I know you won’t believe me and it will sound pathetic but I am truly sorry for what I put you through.’ Were those tears in his eyes? Were they real? Once she would have comforted him but now she could never believe anything he did ever again.
Marina gripped the binoculars to try to stop her hands from shaking. ‘I started this place because of you,’ she said. ‘Hundreds of people – your family, friends and neighbours – gave time and money they couldn’t afford so that we could open this place, in your name!’
‘Are you saying you wish I was dead?’
The injustice of his words stung her. ‘How could you say that?’ She had to take a breath before she could go on. ‘Oh Nate, of course I’m relieved you’re safe and not dead. I loved you once, but I wish – I wish you hadn’t taken the path you did. Why not simply leave me? That would have hurt like hell but I’d have had to accept it. If you had problems, we could have talked it over.’
He scuffed the floor with his boot. ‘I don’t know. I’ve asked myself the same thing and had no real answer. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking straight at the time and once I’d done it, it was hard to come back from. Once I heard people were searching for me, I couldn’t face coming home, even if I was tempted. What excuse could I have given? You’d have hated me.’
Marina gasped. ‘Have you even the slightest idea what you did to me by staying away and letting me think you’d drowned? By letting me think how you must have suffered and been terrified? That almost broke me. What do you think that did to me and everyone who knew you?’
‘Not everyone. Some must have been glad to see the back of me, and others would have only been upset to have been cheated out of their money.
‘I’m not a good man, Marina. I never have been. I did love you. You probably won’t believe me, and I don’t deserve your trust. For a while, when we were together, I like to think I was half decent. When we met and got married, I made a vow to myself that I could be strong and live a “normal life” but … you must have realised I was never cut out for settling down and the daily grind. I never had a good role model, what with never really knowing my dad and Ma passing away while I was still a lad. That’s still no excuse, I suppose, for what I put you through.’
‘No. It’s not.’
‘The thing is, babe, I knew you were strong and you’d survive.’
His selfishness made her feel physically sick. ‘My God, Nate. I almost didn’t! There were a few times, the darkest times of my life, when I wondered if it would be easier to follow you. You almost broke me – in fact, you did break me – and it has taken years to put myself back together. This place helped me but lately, I’ve even had to force myself to come back here. It’s only because of—’ She stopped herself from blurting out Lachlan’s name. ‘Because of Tiff and my friends that I’m here today. Now you simply stroll in here as if nothing has happened. You have no right to walk back in here, or into my life.’
‘I’m sorry. I regret what I’ve done. I had to come back to tell you my side of the story. God, Marina, if I could turn back the clock.’
He reached for her but she stepped away behind a chair.
‘Don’t you dare! You can never touch me again.’
His eyes glinted, whether in anger or hurt, she wasn’t sure. For the first time in her life she felt briefly afraid of being alone in the station.
To her relief, he shrugged and nodded. He moved a few feet away and ran his hands over the radar equipment. ‘I can understand why you’re so angry. I owed money, I’d let people down, I was worried that some of them would come after me … after you. It felt cleaner to just vanish.’
After her? How could he have known they wouldn’t still pursue her after he’d gone? Or now …
‘So I took the kayak out and let everyone think I’d be back within a couple of hours. No explanations. I didn’t have much of a plan other than to get to SA and get a job. This guy said he could get me a new identity, but it came at a price, so I borrowed some money. I knew I would never have to pay it back.’
She wished she could throw him out, but now he was here, she had to know every last detail, no matter how much it cost to hear it. ‘How the hell did you come across someone who could get you a new identity?’
‘I asked around in the pubs in Newlyn and Falmouth. I found someone on a fishing boat in Newlyn – some Russian passing through – and he got me a passport and a new ID. Then I came up with the kayaking plan: I thought it would mean you could get a divorce and be rid of me.’
‘Rid of you? I never asked for that. I never made you feel I wanted to be rid of you. Don’t put that on me.’ She was shouting. She was dimly aware that she hadn’t been doing her duty and watching. But she couldn’t take her eyes off Nate.
‘After I ran away, I suppose I could have told you I was OK, but the longer I stayed away, the worse it seemed. I felt guilty and ashamed. In the end, I figured you’d have got over me and met someone else. I am sorry I left. I regret the debts I left you with, but I couldn’t pay them off. I knew you had a good job and you’d be OK, but I guess it was tough on you at first.’
Not as tough as thinking you were dead, she wanted to scream, but she let him carry on, shocked at the glibness of his explanation, at the planning, the deception.
‘It was hard for me too when I first got to Jo’burg. I found some bar work and then moved to work at a vineyard in Stellenbosch and worked my way up to manager …’ he said.
‘Is that where you met your new partner?’ Marina said acidly.
‘Yes. That was a couple of years ago now. Not straight away.’
‘Oh well, that’s OK then,’ Marina snapped, but Nate seemed immune to the irony.
‘How much did she know about me?’
‘I said we were divorced.’
Marina was speechless at his sheer audacity. The ease with which he’d lied again and again, not only to her but to everyone he came into contact with, was mind blowing. She’d never known him at all, not ever.
‘Stef is my girlfriend and business associate, or so I thought until she started asking me questions I didn’t want to answer. I think her parents tried to turn her against me because I wanted to expand the business. Stef didn’t like the way I was investing money. It turns out she was checking up on me behind my back – she found a card from a pub in my wallet and a photo of us up here on the cliff.
‘I’d kept the picture among a load of others … sentimental reasons, I suppose. It had your name on it. You’d written on the back, “with love from Marina”. I should have thrown it out but …’ He shrugged. ‘I did love you,’ he said, his tone desperate. ‘I still do, in my way, but it was my undoing. Stef used the card to track you down to Porthmellow on Facebook. You must have had the shock of your life when she contacted you.’
‘That’s the thing, Nate,’ Marina said, astonished that he could claim to love her after the agony he’d caused. ‘I didn’t see the message. Lachlan read it and he went looking for you.’
‘Lachlan?’ His eyes widened. ‘You let some bloke read your private messages?’ he said contemptuously.
‘Lachlan’s a friend,’ she said, wishing she hadn’t told him and wary of his reaction; this stranger she’d once shared her life with. ‘A close friend. He was in the RAF police.’
He blew out a breath. ‘Well, well. Military, eh? So he’s one of the guys who’ve been hunting me down. I didn’t know you knew him …’ He stared at her. ‘So, you haven’t been that lonely. I’m glad you’ve found a consolation.’
‘He isn’t a consolation!’ she shot back, then saw that she’d played right into Nate’s hands. Defending Lachlan was only revealing her real feelings. ‘He’s a good friend and what he does, or I do, is none of your business,’ she declared.
‘He’s the one who’s ruined my life. Ruined yours too, because if he hadn’t gone looking for me, you’d still have been living in blissful ignorance.’ Nate’s voice was a whine of self-entitlement. ‘Do you want a guy like that in your life? Spying on you, controlling you? I might have done a terrible thing but I don’t want you to be taken in by this stranger.’
Marina’s anger, born of deep hurt, threatened to engulf her. ‘No. You’re the stranger, Nate. You’ve forfeited the right to know anything about me or my friends. In fact, I think you should leave right now.’
‘OK. OK. I’m sorry to have upset you, but don’t be like this. I have more to say.’
‘I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to see you again, and don’t even think of trying to get back in the cottage or I’ll call the police.’
‘I won’t. Chill out!’ He held up his hands. ‘Jesus, I haven’t come back to ask for anything. I don’t want the house or your money. I’m not going to stick around …’
She almost fainted with relief that he wasn’t going to ask to stay with her, not that she’d ever have let him near her home. What a terrible feeling to hold towards the man she’d once loved and now … pitied.
‘I know you won’t believe me, but all I came for was to explain and ask for your forgiveness.’
Marina stared at him, open-mouthed.
‘Can’t you grant me that before I go?’ he said, softly, the way he used to when he wanted her to bail him out. It used to work. His eyes were full of hurt. ‘Or do you hate me that much?’
‘I don’t hate you, Nate. I never have and you can leave with my sincere wish that you’ll realise what you’ve done and that your life takes a different turn from these past few years. I don’t hold out much hope of that but I can never wish you ill.’ A feeling of resigned sadness filled her as never before, like ice freezing her veins and making her numb to him. Until this moment, she’d been clinging to the last gossamer-thin thread of love for him. She hadn’t wanted to finally let it go, but now it had snapped.
She owed him absolutely nothing. ‘As for forgiveness,’ she said. ‘I can’t give you that. Not today, and maybe not ever.’
He curled his lip, anger glittering in his eyes. Marina wasn’t worried he might do something violent but she was afraid that her own feelings might spill over.
At first, he made no signs of moving, so Marina gestured towards the door.
‘If that’s what you really want.’
‘I’m sorry, Nate, but it is.’ She was going to call for help on the radio if he didn’t leave soon, but he turned on his heel and walked out without another word. She heard his boots on the steps and waited for him to reach the bottom before she moved herself. She quickly turned the key to lock the station door in case he came back. How ridiculous was that? Locking the door on her own husband?
She leaned on the counter in the staff area, taking some deep breaths to find some calm. The wind had freshened and howled around the station. She couldn’t afford to be off watch for much longer.
She spotted a boat among the waves some way up the coast, by the lighthouse. It was the yacht that called her earlier to check on the weather. It was perilously close to the rocks below the lighthouse. No skipper in their right mind would venture so close, but there was no sign of anyone on deck …
She tried to raise the skipper on the emergency channel but got no answer so she picked up her marine radio.
‘Falmouth Coastguard. Have you had an SOS call from a yacht off Porthmellow Bay?’ She gave the coordinates. ‘I’m concerned she’s very close to some rocks. She may have engine trouble or be without a crew.’
The coastguard came back to her and confirmed they’d heard nothing.
‘She’s only a few hundred metres from the reef. She looks like she’s drifting without any engine power. I can’t raise the skipper but I know he’s aboard because he called me earlier to get a weather report.’
A few minutes later, the coastguard told her that Porthmellow lifeboat was on a shout towing a trawler taking on water thirteen miles out so they’d asked for the smaller inshore lifeboat to attend the call.
Relieved that help was on its way, but alarmed at how much the yacht had drifted, Marina kept her eyes glued to the vessel. Try as she might, it was impossible to banish her encounter with Nate from her mind.
Her phone rang and she snatched it up.
‘Marina. It’s Nate. No, don’t ring off! I’m in the cove. I’m cut off by the tide.’
‘What?’
‘I’m in big trouble here. Can you call the lifeboat out to me?’
She took seconds to register what he was asking. ‘Are you really cut off or is this some kind of game?’
‘I’m not lying. I don’t have long before the beach is covered and I can’t climb the cliff. Marina, help me!’
‘I’ll try but the Atlantic class is out at sea rescuing a sinking trawler and the inshore boat is on its way to a yacht. Where exactly are you?’
‘I managed to climb the rocks at the far side of the next cove.’
‘Why the hell are you even over there with the tide coming in?’
‘Does it matter? I just went off after I left you. I didn’t care where I went. I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. Christ!’ She heard a crash.
‘What was that?’
‘A feckin’ huge wave. It’s coming in fast. The cove will be swamped in no time and I can’t get any higher up the cliff.’
‘OK, stay where you are. I’ll get help to you from the coastguard or one of the other lifeboat stations.’
‘Hurry. I won’t last long.’
Marina shivered. Had Nate deliberately put himself in danger to get her attention? No, surely it wasn’t possible … and anyway it didn’t matter. He needed her help like anyone else.
‘Oh my God. I have to go. I can’t hold on and—’
There was another huge crash and then nothing.
‘Nate? Nate, can you hear me? Nate!’ she called.
The line went dead. He must have dropped his phone, or far worse, been swept into the sea.