In her deepest, darkest moments, in the blackness of night, Marina would admit, only to herself, that she’d occasionally longed to vanish beneath the waves. In the weeks and months after Nate had gone, when she’d finally come to realise he must be dead, those thoughts had crept into her mind.
Now again, seeing the swirling water around the cliff, the helicopter hovering above, but no sign of Lachlan, she thought of joining him in the sea.
The helicopter and winchman edged closer to the cliffs behind the cove. The crew must be able to see something she couldn’t … She screamed out in hope, begging the sea to let Lachlan live.
The winchman was almost touching the rocks, the rotors were perilously close … and then she saw why. Lachlan had been propelled by the waves back onto the ledge where Nate had fallen. He seemed to cling onto to the rocks but a backwash of surf tore him off and flung him back into the water yet again.
The helicopter backed off, dragging the winchman through the whitecaps. He was feet above the surf, metres away from Lachlan, then feet again. He reached him but it was clear he couldn’t get a hold of him.
The winchman tried again and they were on top of each other, but Lachlan was flailing. Was Lachlan too scared to go with the winchman? Too terrified to allow himself to be winched up?
The winchman hugged Lachlan and put a strap around him while the water bubbled and boiled. Marina was terrified they’d both be swept away or the helicopter would be blown against the cliffs. They were so close to saving him, but she daren’t let herself hope until they were safely inside the helicopter …
Suddenly there was daylight between the waves and the two men, and they were being pulled upwards above the rolling seas. They spiralled upwards, like marionettes in a deadly dance, while the helicopter flew away from the cliffs and hovered above the heaving sea.
She held on tight, soaked by the sea, shaking with the cold and adrenaline, but weeping with relief when she saw the winchman and Lachlan vanish inside the aircraft, which was already speeding off. In half a minute, she was left alone, with only the roar of wind and sea.
She laid her cheek against the rocks and uttered a silent prayer.
‘Marina!’
There was shouting from behind her, in the cove beneath the lookout station. The inshore lifeboat bobbed in the waves and two of its crew were climbing up to her. ‘Stay there!’ they ordered, waving at her frantically. ‘We’re coming to get you.’
Rachel was at the helm, keeping the small RIB away from the rocks as two of the crew reached her. ‘You’re going to have to come into the water with us,’ they warned.
Marina didn’t care. She only wanted to know that the man she’d loved once, and the one she did now, would be OK.
They helped her down and waded with her the few feet through the water to the RIB. She was shaking uncontrollably, despite the coats they laid over her.
‘Is Nate alive? Is Lachlan OK?’ she kept asking all the way back to Porthmellow Harbour, but no one had an answer for her.
She went through a thousand agonies until they reached the lifeboat station, where Dirk, now back from the trawler tow, had news from the hospital. Lachlan was OK, apart from a few cuts and bruises apparently.
Hearing Lachlan was safe, Marina sobbed in relief while Dirk drove her to the hospital and told her what little he knew about Nate’s condition. It had been touch and go but he was alive and conscious. He’d been treated for hypothermia and he’d swallowed a lot of water.
She was told to wait outside A&E and asked the nurse in charge, who she knew slightly, how Lachlan was, desperate to see him. She hadn’t dared to text him while he was undergoing treatment.
‘He was released,’ the nurse said. ‘I think he’s gone home.’
‘Already?’
‘He had a few cuts and bruises and naturally he was very cold, but otherwise he’s been extremely lucky. He’s a tough cookie.’
‘I know that,’ Marina replied, her shoulders sinking in relief despite the disappointment she felt on hearing that he’d gone when she wanted to see him and thank him – and hold him to make sure he really was OK. She had an urgent need to see with her own eyes that he was alive and well. Nothing else would satisfy her.
She reached for her phone to text him but the doctor came out of the side room.
‘You can see your husband now, Mrs Hudson,’ he said.
‘He’s not my husband,’ Marina replied. ‘But I still want to see him.’
Nate was sitting up in bed. His tanned face was bruised but other than that he seemed OK.
‘That was a close call,’ he said.
Marina kept her distance; afraid he might reach for her. ‘You could say that.’
‘Thank you for coming to rescue me. That bloke who pulled me out said you’d almost been cut off yourself.’
‘Don’t thank me. That bloke who pulled you out is Lachlan. He risked his life for you. For God’s sake, Nate, you both almost died!’
‘I know …’ he said defensively. ‘I didn’t do it deliberately.’
‘Really? I don’t know what to believe any more. I only know that if one – or both – of you had been killed, I’d never have been able to go on.’
‘This Lachlan. I heard him in the helicopter, asking after you. He was begging the crew to make sure you were safe. You’re even closer than I thought?’ Nate asked.
‘Yes, we’re close.’ She held Nate’s gaze. ‘He’s one of a kind. In fact, I love him.’
His mouth fell open and he let out a breath. ‘I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t be on your own for long.’
‘For long? It’s taken seven years to find someone I care about again,’ she said, almost adding ‘the way I cared about you’.
‘What will you do?’ he asked.
‘What I started to do a long time ago: move on with my life – a life that, however much I once wished otherwise, you’re no longer part of, Nate. I’m pleased you’re alive and you’re not hurt. I would never wish that on you – even though you hurt me so much I thought I wouldn’t survive.’
He avoided her eye.
‘I want you to know that I loved you once and, because of that, I hope you come to understand what you’ve done to me and the other people who cared about you is unforgiveable. I don’t hold out much hope of you changing, but stranger things have happened.’
He looked at her as if she’d taken leave of her senses. ‘Babe, I know you want to make a clean break with me, but are you sure that’s the right thing for us?’
‘Us? What us? There is no us. Your part in my life is over forever. I say this with no malice, but because it’s true. I never want to see you or speak to you again.’
She walked to the door. ‘Goodbye, Nate.’
‘Wait, Marina!’ He climbed off the bed. ‘Don’t end things like this. Babe!’
She didn’t turn around again. She kept on walking with her head held high, away from Nate and out into the gathering twilight.
She didn’t call Lachlan – what she had to say had to be said face to face, so she took a taxi straight to the cottage and rapped on his door.
As soon as he opened it, her words rushed out. ‘Lachlan! I thought you’d be at the hospital, but you weren’t there. The staff told me you were OK and you’d been released but you didn’t contact me, and I was about to phone you when the doctor called me in to see Nate … Oh no, your face is cut.’
He listened to her doorstep tirade until she ran out of breath.
‘It’s only a scratch,’ he said, his voice hoarse with weariness. ‘You’d better come inside.’
‘I didn’t bother you because I assumed you had enough to worry about with Nate,’ he said, once they were in the sitting room. ‘How’s he doing?’
‘He’ll live. I have to tell you that he … he came up to the lookout station and had it out with me. I didn’t invite him.’
‘Jesus Christ, I might have known. He was moaning about something in the helicopter but I thought he was delirious and then they put him on oxygen. You mean he actually confronted you in there?’
‘He wanted to explain why he disappeared.’
‘Explain? That man is—’ Lachlan clammed up. ‘No, I’ll not say what I think he is. It’s not right.’
‘You can’t say anything about him I haven’t thought myself. I told him to leave and he marched off. Turns out he ended up in the cove and got cut off. I’m not sure if he did it on purpose to get my attention or sympathy. I hope not; it so nearly lost me both him and you. I’ll never forgive him for that … And you! Don’t you ever do that to me again!’
‘I had no choice, Marina,’ he said simply.
‘You did have a choice. You might have been killed too. You almost were.’ She shuddered at the memory of her sheer terror of watching him vanish in the surf.
‘I was out for a run … No, I was out hoping to see you. I’ve jogged past the station many times lately, hoping to see you and talk to you again. I’ve never found the courage to come in or knock your door because you rightly wanted me to keep away. But today, when I saw Nate from the coast path and you perched on the rocks, I recognised him and I was terrified you’d do something crazy like trying to jump in to save him.’
‘No. I wouldn’t …’ said Marina, trying to process the fact that Lachlan had been trying to see her and make his peace with her. She longed for peace. ‘There’s no way I’d ever dare go into that sea,’ she said. Not for Nate …
‘How could I have known?’ he said. ‘All I saw was a man in trouble and his wife who might risk everything to help him. I’d have done the same for anyone but especially for Nate – you loved him once. He wouldn’t have lasted a minute longer. I didn’t plan it. I could see what was happening in front of my eyes and I reacted instinctively.’
‘What if I’d lost you?’ She took his arms, still unable to believe he’d escaped and was here with her. ‘How could I live with myself if you’d sacrificed yourself for Nate?’
‘I really thought you might have gone in to save him.’
‘I might have jumped in to save you.’
His eyes widened in shock. ‘How can I deserve that? You shared a life with him whereas I turned up a few months ago, invaded your privacy and brought the world down on you. What right do I have to think I can overturn your feelings for Nate? I wouldn’t even try … even though I wanted to. I want to now.’
‘Listen to me,’ she said, burning with a need to let him know how precious he was to her. ‘These past few weeks since we found Nate have been almost as hard as when I lost him because in finding him, I felt I lost you too. I’ve been so embroiled in the fallout and so confused about how I feel about Nate reappearing – the guilt, the relief, the anger – that I pushed you away and made you feel part of it was your fault. I haven’t meant it.
‘And I know you were the one who organised half the town to come and persuade me to rejoin the Wave Watchers. It was exactly what I needed. It made me realise that I had to try to get my life back again. Thank you, and I’m sorry I had no idea.’
‘I wanted to help you in the best way I could, and encourage you to carry on with the thing that’s given you purpose but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to interfere …’ He held her gently in his arms as if she might shatter if he applied any pressure. ‘Just like I didn’t know if you might want to see Nate again. Or what would happen when you did. No matter what he did, he’s still your husband and … you have every right to love him, or even make a go of it.’
‘Why would you think I’d want that?’ she said.
He touched her forehead with his. She held onto him, trembling at how close she’d come to losing him.
‘I didn’t want to be the consolation prize you settled for because the love of your life was dead,’ he whispered. ‘That’s why I was always wary, deep down, even before Nate was found. It’s why I agonised over whether to tell you my suspicions or keep quiet because, God forgive me, I convinced myself you were better off without him and things were going well between us. I’d found someone again after thinking I never would.’
He kissed her and the joy of having him back filled her heart almost to bursting.
When their kiss ended, she rested her fingers lightly on his jaw, feeling his beautiful flesh under her fingers. ‘You couldn’t wait to get out of my sight when I first came to warn you in the cove.’ She smiled.
‘Yeah well, I couldn’t wait to get out of anyone’s sight. I didn’t want to be here at all, or anywhere. I didn’t feel I belonged, but now I do. I love you, Marina. There, I’ve said it.’
She whispered it back. ‘I love you too. I love you and I’m going nowhere.’