Bliss York

“HAVE YOU FORGIVEN me for lying?” was the first thing he said when his sister left. I was relieved Phoenix had been here. It kept us from having this conversation long enough to get my head together.

“Yes,” I replied, because I had. I understood why he did it. It didn’t feel good but I got it.

“And have you thought about us being friends?”

He wasn’t wasting time getting to the point. But then Nate Finlay never had. The truth was there waiting and he dealt with it. It was best this got done before Octavia returned. That was probably what he was thinking at the moment.

“We have to work together. I mean you’ll be here helping Octavia. I don’t see why we shouldn’t be friends. It would make things run a little easier.”

He frowned. That hadn’t been the answer he was looking for. Well, what was? What did he want me to say? Yes! Let’s go get ice cream then kiss under the bridge like we used to? That memory stung deep. I shoved it down. Way down. Those memories weren’t available anymore. They couldn’t be unpacked and toyed with. Not if I was going to get over him.

“Octavia will be here in the next few days . . . and . . . I have questions about the past and you . . . your illness . . . how you overcame it.”

Well boo-hoo. I bet he did. That didn’t mean I was going to open up and share with him. I didn’t want him to know. In my head, I wanted us to remain the way we were, which was stupid, because I had no future with Nate. I suppose, I had no real reason not to tell him, except I didn’t want to, didn’t have to, and would do whatever I chose. Not be pressed into telling because he carried some guilt and needed that burden lifted.

“I don’t talk about it,” I replied and continued working on the window. I had to find a way to make the scarves fit with the summer display I’d arranged. This was south Alabama. It was scorching hot in the summer. Octavia needed to remember that when she went buying stuff to sell. We both had a lot to learn and I appreciated her hiring me.

“Why?” he asked. “Why not get it off your chest?”

I rolled my eyes. Yes, I was acting like a teenager. He wanted to know something I didn’t want to talk to him about so he was going to ask me why. Did he think he’d get me to open up? Talk about it? Because he was being nosey? I’d been there and done that with plenty of people and wasn’t doing that with him.

“Because Nate. Simply BECAUSE.”

He became silent. Good. He needed to get on with his work for the day and I needed to do the same.

“You didn’t answer my texts or calls. I tried. Made the effort. It wasn’t me who turned you away.”

I closed my eyes tightly and sighed. He wasn’t letting this go. We were going to have to discuss it. Get it out in the open and deal. Which was ridiculous. We’d been kids. I had handled it the way a teenage girl knew to handle things.

“I was facing the scariest thing imaginable. What else do you need to know? I wasn’t in the frame of mind to keep up with a childhood crush.” That was a little harsh, but it was the truth and the truth can sting.

“But I thought we were more than that?”

Maybe we had been. Maybe it was my fault. I’d been confronted with something that changed me. And when I was ready to tell him it had been too late. Too much time had passed and I was different, so very different. My fairytale life had ended. The real world had slapped me in the face. A loving family and a stable home with all the support on earth, can’t save you from something like cancer. It only deals in darkness and pain. You defeat it or it defeats you. Until you experience it you don’t understand the depth of it

I folded the scarf and looked to him. “I was too scared to think about boys. About friendships or the drama of people. Because I wasn’t sure I had a future beyond my next doctor’s visit. I woke up one day with my life all planned to look a certain way. It had been so exciting, so full of dreams, but then in one doctor’s consult I was told that I had cancer. That my life wasn’t guaranteed. Nothing was ever the same and it won’t ever be.”

Nate kept his gaze on me. There wasn’t pity or fear that it could happen to him, beneath the silver pools of his eyes. I saw those two things a lot, pity and fear in people. Not seeing them in his eyes was a relief. It would have hurt. Let me down. But like I’d always known Nate was different. He wasn’t like the other boys.

He still saw me. Most people didn’t. They just saw the disease inside me. The one I had beaten, yet that seemed to remain in their minds after it was gone. I wanted to hug him for that. Thank him and rely on his judgment for that not to be weird and out of place. But he wouldn’t understand. He hadn’t lived what I had been through.

“I would’ve come back here. I’d have probably moved in with my grandpop to be close to you if I’d known.”

It hadn’t been meant to be that way. He loved his parents and sisters, his life in Rosemary Beach and it was there that he needed to stay. He belonged with them and not me. Him coming here wouldn’t have been good for Nate or his family. My guilt, over that, wouldn’t have helped my fight, and back then I fought every minute.

“We were kids. Things happen. We become different people. It’s the past now, let’s just leave it.”

Nate studied me intensely without looking away or trying to argue some point. I could see his mind working right there in the steadiness of his gaze and stance. When he finally released a sigh he nodded and said “okay.” That was all he said.

I didn’t want him to see the disappointment in my eyes so I turned back to the window. My mind was no longer focused on my work. He had agreed. He hadn’t argued. I should be relieved. The fact I wanted him to argue was silly. Childish and I wasn’t childish, not anymore I wasn’t.

I listened as he walked away. I heard the back door open and close. I squeezed my eyes tightly together wishing the ache in my chest would vanish. Leave me be for a while. Give me some peace and tranquility.

I was finally free, living on my own and had a grown-up life. Being sad was pointless now. I had so much to be happy about. I wanted that happiness I saw on other faces and wishing for something far from my reach was wasting time and effort. I knew how fleeting time could be, because I’d almost run completely out.

Once I thought that the scripture in the Bible about not being promised tomorrow was depressing and lacked any joy. Now I knew it was real. Something we all needed to accept. I did, so why was I wasting it on wishing Nate Finlay was tomorrow, the tomorrow I would claim as my future? Instead of just being my past?

 

Nate Finlay

I DIDN’T INTEND to stay in the back all morning. But I had. I wanted to think about what she’d said and figure out how to deal with her. I should agree and accept her suggestion. If I had more time to think about it, I knew I would have changed my mind.

But I didn’t.

Ten minutes before I was going to get Bliss and take her to lunch again Octavia came barreling in the back door with her arms full of shopping bags and a huge smile on her face.

Shit. This was too soon. I wasn’t ready for her yet. Which should’ve been a sign I acknowledged. Wanting her to stay away.

“The window looks amazing. She’s brilliant. Didn’t I tell you I’d found a perfect match for the store, a girl that knew what she was doing? She’s also easy to train. Not old and snooty. She does what I say and doesn’t question me. I like her.” Those were the first words out of her mouth after not seeing me for almost a month.

Until I returned to Sea Breeze and saw Bliss this was normal. Exactly what I wanted. It was easy, without drama, and there was no real attachment. Fuck this place and my stupid memories. What I had was perfect.

“Haven’t seen her window display yet. I’ve been back here installing the shelves you ordered.”

She frowned as she looked at the shelves. “Not as big as I had imagined.”

Octavia needed a handy man or had to make it easier for me. All she had to do was measure correctly and she would always have the proper size. I could tell her that but then she’d get pissy and have me pack it back up.

“I’ll just order a few more sets I suppose,” she said with a wave of her hand, as if this were an easy fix and she had no time to stress over it. I wondered how long this was going to entertain her? When it would become boring and she would walk away and want something else to sustain her, another fucking whim she’d abandon? Her father always granted her wishes. This was just another expedition, Octavia would eventually ignore.

The name of the store should be Whimsy’s or Whimsical or Octavia’s . . . I Don’t Really Care. That was all this was. She’d never admit that was true. When you’re enabled and rescued time and again you don’t have to look at yourself. It’s like a mirror without any glass. All you see is your next big screw up.

“I’m starving. Have you found anywhere good to eat?”

“My grandpops,” was my response. She knew it would be. Just like I knew she would scrunch her nose in distaste.

“No thanks. I’ll Google it. Go wash up and let’s take Bliss to have a decent lunch. I need to keep her around.”

“Bliss likes grandpops,” I shot back. That was asking for trouble. But damn if Octavia didn’t suddenly annoy me and it only took twenty fucking minutes.

She didn’t even turn back. “Of course she does. She’s simple.”

Then she walked through the door to the front of the store, her high and mighty completely intact.

Bliss wasn’t simple. Not by a long shot.

I went to the restroom, washed my hands then stared at myself in the mirror. I needed mental preparation for this. To remind myself why I chose Octavia and why Bliss wasn’t a fit. I had no place in my heart or future for all that Bliss would require. And if I admitted that . . . the idea that I could let myself love her and then have her cancer come back, scared the shit out of me.

That would break me into pieces. I wasn’t willing to be broken or made that vulnerable, which was selfish and all about my safety, the most fucking selfish thought I’d ever had and I was pretty damn sure I’d had plenty. But it was true and I accepted my truths. I didn’t pretend to be noble. At least not anymore . . .

 

Seven years ago . . .

I was early. Bliss told me to meet her at our spot on the beach around ten this morning. It was nine thirty. I didn’t want her to get here before me. Not after yesterday. She’d let me kiss her and it was hands down the best kiss I’d ever had. Not that I’d had that many. And I wasn’t counting Lila Kate. Neither one of us had kissed anyone before three years ago when we decided to practice on one other. It grossed us both out. Like kissing a sibling. Didn’t happen again.

Kissing Bliss had been amazing. She smelled like the coconut in her tanning oil along with something else. It was unique to her and I couldn’t get enough of it. When I leaned in to kiss her last night I was afraid she’d push me away. She hadn’t. She’d slipped her hands up my arms and linked her fingers behind my neck. It’d been hard to let go after that.

So this morning I’m waiting on her. Making sure she knew that the kiss meant a lot, that she was special and that I loved her. I hadn’t really thought love was possible until you were older and experienced. I realized I was wrong. My heart was so damn tight when I looked at her that it ached when she walked away. I wasn’t sure there was any definitive thing that could explain what love was. To me this was my definition.

“You’re Nate Finlay aren’t you?” I turned to see a girl whose body advertised that she was at least eighteen. Her boobs were about to spill from her bikini. They were the biggest I’d seen close up. Her long blonde hair was thrown over her shoulder and the tanned skin she so generously exposed was shiny with oil and early sweat. If I hadn’t grown up on a beach then this might be exciting. But I was a Finlay and in my world I had this in my face quite often, especially at the country club.

I wasn’t sure how the girl knew my name. I shrugged my shoulders and glanced back down the beach looking for Bliss with urgency. “Yeah, but I don’t know you.”

She giggled and I cringed. I didn’t like the gigglers. They annoyed the shit out of me. Bliss didn’t do the flirty giggle thing. Two years back that was the primary reason Bliss became attractive to me. Of course, after raw beauty.

“My grandparents are members of The Kerrington Club. I normally spend a month each summer in Rosemary Beach with them. I’ve seen you there.”

The two beaches were only two and a half hours apart. But seriously, the place had to follow me here? Jesus.

“Well now,” I replied. “Now you see me here.” I tried my hardest to sound like an asshole so she’d leave before Bliss got here. I didn’t need her walking up to me while talking to Miss Big Tits, especially after last night’s kiss.

She did the giggle again. “Yes, I do. Want to sit with my friends and I? I saw you yesterday with the young girl and pointed you out to them. They’re fascinated that your grandfather is Dean Finlay.”

My dad’s dad is the famous drummer for Slacker Demon. They’re the iconic rock band that was now retired for the most part. They’d become grandfathers and the new generation wasn’t to their liking. When asked they came together for fundraisers, but that was the extent of their performances. Still though, there were the worshippers. They had a lifetime of fame that spanned three generations of fans that would never forget them.

“Most people are,” I replied. And just as I said those words Bliss’s dark hair came into view. She was walking this way somewhat casually. The simple white lace cover-up she wore over her hot pink bikini didn’t show nearly as much body, compared to this other girl. Bliss looked classy and sure of herself. She had the brain to go with everything else. “Excuse me, my girl is here,” I said without looking back. I then headed to meet Bliss in my eagerness. Had I been another guy, one who wasn’t in love with Bliss York then I’d gone the other route. She would’ve been my first and I would’ve enjoyed every moment of losing my virginity. I knew that, but no, not now, she wasn’t what I was looking for.