Bliss York

I WAS LOST for a moment. What was right and what was wrong didn’t register in my brain. Not then. My mind and heart were both drenched in this kiss and I let it happen. I didn’t just let it happen I held on for dear life and then some. My hands grabbed at his muscular arms as my body pressed against his. I could stay like this forever, his frame moving against mine, and the taste of his mouth forcing my toes to curl.

What he’d said and how much it had hurt didn’t matter. I believed him. He hadn’t meant it. The Nate I knew wasn’t cruel and elitist. It had been a ploy to save my job. A job, after overhearing them, I didn’t want. And I admit this was better than my memory. But, of course, he was now a man. And he knew exactly what to do and how to do it.

No I didn’t care about anything else. This was everything.

Running my hands up his arms I inhaled his scent and I felt like moaning with pleasure. For a virgin with very little experience my body was buzzing and I ached to get closer. To have more.

Just as my hands found his broad shoulders and his hands found my bottom I remembered what did matter. The one thing that made this wrong. It was like ripping off my arm or stepping back from the sun into the cold shadows. But I did it. I broke the kiss and used both my hands to shove him back. Away from me. Away from what I wanted but couldn’t have.

This wasn’t okay. He wasn’t free. He belonged to someone else.

“Bliss,” he began, and I shook my head no. He didn’t need to say anything.

“That was wrong,” I told him. He already knew it and maybe that had been what he was going to say. But I needed to be the one to say it. Hearing him confess that this kiss had been a mistake wasn’t something I could handle at the moment. My heart was taking a serious beating because reality had suddenly set in.

“Nothing about that was wrong,” he argued, taking a step toward me. I took a step back.

“Stop. Don’t. Yes, it was,” I said. Although I didn’t agree with him, those words soothed me as much as they pained me. He wasn’t saying he’d made a mistake. I was thankful for that, even if it was selfish.

“Bliss, look at me,” he pleaded. I didn’t think that was a good idea. If I saw those eyes and those lips of his I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t throw myself at him. He wasn’t mine to touch. To enjoy. He wasn’t mine to laugh with and kiss. He wasn’t mine to hold. He was someone else’s and I’d kissed him.

The worst thing about it was I didn’t regret it. I should feel ashamed. Terrible. I was an awful human being but I did not care. I wouldn’t give that kiss up for anything. I’d just live with my crime. My character flaw. Who was I kidding, I had a lot of flaws, but now I knew I had a really major defect. I’d become “the other woman.”

“You should go,” I said, still looking down.

He sighed and I heard him let out a frustrated growl. “I can’t, this isn’t . . . fuck!” He wasn’t making complete thoughts but I understood every word. I felt it too. Even the curse word at the end. “There’s something there. Something between us. Always has been, since the first time I saw you. But that something is scary as hell. What I have now . . . it’s easy.” His last word trailed off like he had admitted something he was ashamed of.

My heart was already broken but it was shattering as we stood there. We did have something. A connection that drew me to him. Made me want to be close to him. He made my world brighter. I’d thought that was because of my limited experience with guys but he felt it too. It wasn’t just me.

That didn’t change anything though. He wanted easy. I wasn’t easy. Was it because I had been sick? I wasn’t sick anymore. Again, with people seeing me as the sick girl. I hated that. I didn’t want to be labeled that by anyone especially Nate.

“I’m not sick . . . I am clear of any cancer,” I said the words lifting my eyes to meet his. “I have been for almost four years. “

He frowned and studied me a moment. Like he didn’t understand anything I’d just said.

The door behind me opened. I turned to see Eli. “You good?”

He was worried. We’d been out here longer than I expected. Eli had probably been pacing in front of the door waiting on me to return. He was good like that. He hadn’t once treated me like the sick girl. Even when I had no hair and spent my days too sick to keep down food.

“We’re fine,” I assured him.

He didn’t look convinced but he waited a second then reluctantly closed the door. He’d want a complete recap of this and I wouldn’t be able to give it to him. I couldn’t tell him I’d kissed another woman’s fiancé. Because he’d expect me to feel remorse. Admit my fault. And I couldn’t. If it was anyone else, I would, but not Nate. First, he’d been mine, not Octavia’s.

“I know you’re clear of cancer. Why are you telling me that now?”

Because he said I wasn’t easy. He wanted easy. Didn’t he remember what he had said? “You said I was scary and you wanted easy.”

His eyes looked sad as my words sank in. Then he took a step toward me and I didn’t move back this time. I was deciding I might not care about the fact he wasn’t free. I was a hussy. Or at least becoming one.

“That’s not what I meant,” he replied. “My life . . . the way I feel for you is intense. It’ll never be easy.”

“So you want to feel what?”

“Free. Without attachment.”

He wanted to feel nothing. He didn’t want to chance the pain to experience the great. He was a coward. He didn’t love Octavia. He loved how simple it was with her. She was never around and she didn’t seem to want to talk to him much. That wasn’t a relationship. That wasn’t what my parents had. And I wanted what they had. Every girl dreamed of that kind of devotion.

“Then there’s nothing left to say,” I replied.

I should have turned and went back inside then. Left him without saying anything more. Made a grand exit. But I stood there. Because I knew once I walked away that was it. I may never see him again and I just couldn’t let him go yet.

“I’m sorry,” were his choice words.

“Me too, Nate Finlay.” Then I forced my feet to move, my heart to let go and my brain to shut up. Getting inside was vital. I didn’t trust my mouth not to blurt out something I’d regret. Something stupid, like begging him to love me. To just try. That was something he should want to do. Not something I should have to beg for. My mother was the center of my father’s world. They loved us kids but we knew they adored each other. It gave us security and also showed us what the “real thing” was supposed to look like.

One day I’d find a man to love me that way. As much as my heart wished it were Nate, I knew it wasn’t. And that was going to hurt for a very long time.

 

Nate Finlay

I WAS GOING to end up drinking myself into an early grave. They’d find me dead on the side of the road. Or maybe my liver would fail. Heck, I was in Alabama. There was a good chance I’d say the wrong thing to some guy and he’d blow the top of my head off. Fuck, if I cared.

With that thought, I took another swig from the bottle of Maker’s Mark in my hand. Currently, this was how I dealt with life. When I was sober, I thought about Bliss. Who was I kidding? I was hammered and thought about Bliss. It just hurt less with the numbness the alcohol delivered.

Octavia hadn’t said much about Bliss quitting. Her response when I asked her the next day was “oh, she quit. I’ll replace her soon enough.” She hadn’t even given me the reason. I fucking knew the reason, but the fact Octavia was keeping it from me pissed me off.

But then everything about Octavia was beginning to piss me off. I was in a state of constant annoyance.

I took another drink. I was parked outside Live Bay. I thought about going inside but figured this bottle and my truck would do just fine for the moment. I didn’t need a crowd to witness this level of low.

When Octavia had left today after hiring some thirty-year-old soccer mom who didn’t have a clue what was going on, I figured I could either go back to Rosemary Beach or I could drink. I chose the drink.

Simply because leaving Sea Breeze meant leaving Bliss. And although I hadn’t seen her in five days the idea of being that far away from her was like a sharp pain in my chest. Which was also a reason to drink. So drink I did.

Leaning back in my seat I watched the people going inside laughing and having a damn ole good time. They weren’t like me. They were here because it was fun. This was a jolly fucking good time. I held out my bottle and said a cheers to the idiots outside. They couldn’t see me through the tint in my windows and the darkness outside but I did it anyway. Made me feel less alone.

Why was I engaged? I didn’t want to be married. Hell, I was too fucking young to be married. What was my problem? Had I been desperate to get out of Rosemary that I thought marriage was the answer? Jesus at some point I’d lost my mind.

I wanted easy and Octavia was easy? Hell no! There was no easy relationships. Marriage was the hardest of them all. Why in God’s name had I thought that was a good idea?

Picking up my phone I texted her just that:

Why the fuck are we engaged? I don’t want to be married. And damned if you do. We don’t fit.

I paused and took another drink before I pressed send. Because this was it. I was telling the truth and with that came a consequence. I was ending it with Octavia. Pressing send was the end. She wasn’t dramatic and she wouldn’t beg me to stay. She’d take that as doubt and she’d walk away. Easy. So fucking easy.

I pressed send.

Staring at the doors to Live Bay I wondered if Bliss was in there. Was she why I’d just pressed send? Would this make a difference in my decision about her? She wasn’t easy. That hadn’t changed. And I didn’t want marriage. Possibly ever. She would.

My phone didn’t vibrate a response. There was no sudden argument from Octavia. She didn’t have an answer for me either. She said nothing. I drank two thirds of the bottle before I finally decided maybe I should go inside. See Bliss. Because she was why I was sitting here hammered off my ass after all.

It took me three tries before I could find the door knob. Even then I couldn’t manage to open it. Sighing, I closed my eyes and laid my head back. Fuck this. I couldn’t drive if I couldn’t open the damn door. So I’d do what? Sleep here all night? Shit. Just what I wanted Bliss to see if she was here. Me passed out in my truck.

A knock on the door startled me and I turned my head to see Eli fucking Hardy standing there. He was in his polo shirt and his perfectly styled hair. There was that judgmental frown on his face that made you just want to punch him in the nose. Or maybe it just made me want to punch him in the nose. Bliss didn’t seem to want to hurt him because he was tidy and clean.

But hell what a bore that was. He had to bore her to death. He bored me by just looking at him. I wanted to close my eyes and go back to passing out. But he knocked again and I knew he wasn’t going to leave me alone.

I tried again to open the door and after a few attempts finally managed it. Mr. Perfect’s frown was even deeper by the time I got it open and that made me want to slam the door back. I would if I could figure out how to . . .

“You smell like whisky,” were his oh so wise words.

“No shit,” I drawled. He was a fucking Einstein.

“Why are you here? Bliss gets off work in a few minutes and this isn’t something he needs to see.”

Well ain’t he thoughtful. Worried about Bliss seeing me drunk. Why? Had she never seen a drunk man before? I figured she had seeing as she was working at a damn club. I doubted she would be too shocked by what I was doing.

“She would be,” he replied angrily.

“Huh?” Had he just read my thoughts?

Eli shook his head. “Move over. I’m driving you home.”

The hell he was. I managed a laugh then. A loud one. Eli Hardy thought he was going to save me? I laughed harder.

“She will be out here any minute. You’re drunk and being a complete dick. She doesn’t need to see this. You’ve hurt her enough.”

Wait . . . what? I hadn’t hurt her. I was gentle with her. Explained myself. I had fucking destroyed me apparently but I’d been good to her. I didn’t want to hurt her.

Eli was staring at me. What was his problem?

“She needs to move on,” he once again replied as if he knew what I was thinking. Weird shit.

“I’m sleeping here. She won’t see me,” I argued.

“Your truck is parked right here. How will she miss it?”

Good point. “Well she won’t know I’m in it. You can’t see me in the dark.”

“I saw you,” he shot back. “Now move over. I’m taking you home.”

I wasn’t going to Octavia’s. I was pretty damn sure I’d just broken it off with her or had I dreamed that? Maybe I should text her again to be sure.

“What is your problem? Do you not care that you’re hurting her?”

There he was with the hurting again. I hadn’t hurt her. “I’m not hurting her.”

He was the one to laugh this time but he didn’t laugh like he meant it. Instead he sounded hard and cold. Like he was the one annoyed. Hell what did he have to be annoyed with. This was my fucking truck he was invading.

“Eli? Nate?” there was her voice. I’d dreamed about that voice.

“Bliss,” I said wanting Eli to move so I could see her. I missed her.

“I got this. You go on home,” Eli said not moving.

“You got what?” she asked and I started to say something when she moved in front of him moving him back away from the door with her small body.

“Oh God. You stink of whisky. Are you okay?”

I was now. If she’d climb up in this truck I’d be more than okay. “Just drunk sweetheart. Not anything serious.”

She looked concerned. “I’m driving you home. Eli you follow us so you can give me a ride home.”

“No, I’ll drive him,” Eli offered.

“He doesn’t want you to. I’ll drive him.”

“No, Bliss.”

“Eli, stop. You don’t get to make decisions for me.”

I wanted to agree with that but I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.

“Do you even know where he is staying? He’s wasted. He can’t remember shit.”

“I know Octavia’s house. I worked for her remember.”

That was when I needed to find my words and open my damn eyes. I couldn’t go there. Not now.

“I think, no, I’m positive, I think I’m positive. Fuck if I can remember but I am pretty damn sure that I broke up with her. Can’t go to her house.”

“What?” That was Bliss and I wanted to focus on her face. She was blurry though. It wasn’t easy. I’d missed that face. That smile. Those eyes. And when it is put right in front of me I can’t even focus on it. Fucking shame.

“What? Oh, yeah, I don’t want to be married.”

There as silence then.

“He can go to his grandfather’s.” That was Eli.

“No. Not like this. We will take him to our place.”

“What?” Eli’s tone almost made me laugh.

“Don’t be difficult. He’s almost passed out. Just let me take him to our place. He can sleep it off on the sofa and figure things out in the morning. He’s obviously upset.”

I kept my eyes closed because this was sounding better and better.

“He hurt you, Bliss.”

She didn’t reply right away and I wanted to ask her about that. See if he was right. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I’d never want that.

“I know. But he needs me. That’s all that matters right now.”

My chest felt warm and tight. If I could I’d find a way to make this all right. But at the moment the darkness clawing at me won out and the world went quiet. There were no more voices to hear.