Bliss York

WINE WAS GOOD. I liked wine. No, I loved wine. It could possibly be the best thing ever made. Jesus liked the wine. He turned water into wine. The wine is good. Definitely yummy.

I stared at the three empty bottles sitting on the bar while I ate out of the bag of potato chips I had bought when I bought the wine. Shame I was out of the wine. I needed more but I wasn’t sure if I left this apartment that I’d find my way back. I would have to walk. I may be drunk but I wasn’t stupid. I couldn’t drive. Not like this.

A few chips missed my mouth and I watched them fall to the floor. I should pick them up. But I didn’t care. Eli would care. I should pick them up for him. Instead I put the bag of chips down and moved to the brownies I had also purchased. Brownies were good. Maybe as good as the wine. But I don’t think Jesus ate brownies. No there were never brownies mentioned in Sunday School. I wonder when brownies were created. Should Google it. Find out and celebrate their birthday.

The door closed and I jumped, screamed, and dropped my brownie. I probably wouldn’t pick it up either.

“Bliss?” Eli’s voice caught my attention.

“Hello, Eli.”

His gaze went from me to the wine bottles and the food I had been consuming all open on the counter.

“You okay? Larissa called and said you didn’t show up for work.”

Oh, yeah. Work. I wasn’t in the mood for work. I had taken off last week because leaving my room had been too much. I’d avoided everyone I could. Then when it was time for me to go to work I drove right passed it went to the grocery store instead and bought wine, chips, brownies, birthday cake, hot wings, and some grapes.

“I was hungry. And thirsty instead,” I explained.

“I can see that.”

I handed him the box of brownies. “These are good. The have little candies on them instead of nuts. Want one? I drank all the wine but I have food left.”

His eyes went wide. “You drank three bottles of wine?”

Sighing I nodded. “Yeah. I should have bought four.”

“No, you should have bought one,” he said. “Let’s stop for the night okay. You’ve had enough of everything it seems. You won’t feel good in the morning. Time you went to bed. You go lay down and I’ll bring you a glass of water and an aspirin.

I started to argue that I was still hungry but my stomach rolled and I felt sweaty. “Okay,” I agreed and began walking to the bathroom. I didn’t feel good. Not at all. My stomach rolled again just as I reached the door to my bathroom and I ran to the toilet hitting my knees with a thud just before it all came back up. One heave after another.

When it finally stopped and all I had was a few dry heaves I felt Eli behind me. He had my hair in his hand. I wanted to lay down here and started to but a cold washcloth was on my face and it felt nice.

“That will help in the morning. You got it all out now. Let’s get you to bed.”

I stood up as he picked me up under my arms and staggered into my bedroom. My bed seemed so far away and sleeping on the floor was a good idea. I tried. Eli wouldn’t let me though. He forced me to keep walking and when I finally made it across the great ocean of my room I fell down face first. Into soft warmth. My bed.

I’d never been really drunk. Never thrown up because of alcohol. Never slept in my clothes all night with vomit breath. Until now. Opening my eyes hurt. But what was worse was the taste in my mouth. Yuck. Closing my eyes helped with the pain. Didn’t help with the nasty in my mouth though.

Voices were in the apartment. Eli wasn’t alone. I didn’t want to get up and I hoped no one came in here. Last night hadn’t been my finest hour. It might have been my lowest one. But for awhile, I was happy. I had food and the alcohol helped with the emptiness and sorrow that I had been trying to live with the past week.

“I told you she’s okay, Larissa. Leave her alone.” Eli’s voice was loud enough for it to be clear through the door.

“She missed work. She’s not come out of her room in a week. She’s hurting Eli and she needs help. She needs someone to pull her out of it.”

Larissa knew. They all knew now. It had made the news. Octavia’s father was too well known for it not to. The entertainment world had gone on about her ended relationship with Dean Finlay’s grandson. Seeing it had been terrible. Knowing Nate wasn’t able to hide and mourn in peace.

My door opened then and I squinted my eyes to see Larissa coming in. She closed the door behind her. “I get that you’re hurting. The whole thing is tragic. Terrible and it kills me that you’re dealing with this. You of all people should get to live in a happy world where shit don’t happen. But it does happen. It hurts. You know that more than anyone. As your friend, I am here to get you out of bed, showered and dressed and out of this place. We are going to get food, walk down the beach, shop, whatever. You aren’t staying in here another day.”

I wanted to argue but I didn’t think I had a chance with her.

“And good for you, getting drunk. Skipping work. And doing the unexpected. It’s about time. You can’t be perfect, Bliss. No one is.”

I wasn’t trying to be perfect, was I?

“Up. Come on. You stink like wine and vomit.” She pulled my arms and I sat up. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You’re going to be okay. Life is going to go on and you will heal. You’ll find that happiness. And he will heal too.”

Tears stung my eyes. This wasn’t about me. Not about my pain. It was about Nate’s. “She killed his son.” That was all I could say.

Larissa wrapped me in her arms. “Yeah. She did. He’s going to suffer that for a long time. But one day he will find a way to move on. He will always remember but he will heal too.”

“I want that for him. He’ll never be mine. I’ll always be a reminder. That hurts so bad. I don’t want him to think of me an immediately remember this.”

Larissa squeezed me tightly. “In time you won’t remind him of this. You’ll remind him of a happier time. One he cherishes.”

She was wrong. But I let her say it anyway.

 

Nate Finlay

A CUP OF coffee appeared in front of me as I sat staring out at the waves crashing on the sand. Tilting my head back, I looked up at Lila Kate. She’d been quiet this week. Not said much at the family gatherings or the memorial. But that was her. She wasn’t loud like Calla. She didn’t do things to draw attention like Phoenix. And she wasn’t striking like Ophelia. She was just . . . well she was just like her mother.

“How are you holding up?” she asked taking the seat beside me. Lila Kate would have been my partner in crime when we were kids if she hadn’t been so damn sweet. She was so good and obedient I never could have much fun with her. Cruz Kerrington and I were always into some trouble and Lila Kate was always there worried about us and trying to talk us out of it. We were thrown together from birth. Teasing Lila Kate had been one of our favorite things to do.

That all changed with Cruz kissed Lila Kate when he was thirteen and she was fourteen. Then the next week Cruz was kissing Melanie Harnett. Lila Kate never spoke to him again. Cruz didn’t seem to notice. He went through a different girl every week. I knew Lila Kate kissing Cruz had been different than when she kissed me. We hadn’t enjoyed the experience. However, it was obvious she didn’t feel that way about kissing Cruz.

The one thing that I always noticed though was Lila Kate watched him. For years. He never saw it or her. Cruz was wrapped up in his world. Didn’t see much past his next good time. But I saw her. Probably because I often wondered if our parents were right. Maybe we belonged together. Then I would think about how much like a sister she was and throw that idea out fast.

“It sucks,” I finally replied to her question.

“Yes, I imagine it does.”

Lila Kate didn’t have to say a lot. She was just comforting with her silence. I always liked that about her.

“You’ve got them all worried. Blaire was at mom and dad’s today. I walked in the kitchen to see her crying. Mom was talking to her.”

That was another thing about Lila Kate, she didn’t hold back because she was worried about hurting you. She was sweet and kind but blunt. Honest was probably a better description.

“I don’t like making her cry. But I can’t pretend that I’m okay.”

“I didn’t say you could. Just letting you know what’s going on.”

We sat there for a while drinking our coffee. I knew she wasn’t done yet. She was going to say more but was deciding what to say and how to say it. I didn’t care to hear anyone’s opinion. No one knew what all I had lost. They didn’t know there was more. That I loved a woman and had caused this. That although Octavia and my son were dead, I still loved Bliss when that love had been why this happened. Telling anyone that seemed impossible.

At the memorial for my son, I had wanted Bliss there. To stand beside me. To give me comfort. I needed her. Yet I didn’t deserve her. There was a grave marked “Baby Finlay” that said I didn’t deserve any happiness.

Bliss was happiness for me.

“Who was she? The girl from the letter. .”

No one had asked me that. Octavia’s letter had said that she hoped I lived happily with the woman I threw her away for. We had all read the note. Her father made sure I saw it. He blamed me for Octavia getting off her meds. For me turning my back on her. And he should. When she’d wanted to talk I should have let her. Then my son would still have had a chance.

“I love her. I have since I was sixteen years old. But that doesn’t matter anymore.”

Lila Kate turned her head and I felt her gaze on me. “Why? Because a sick woman acted out of her own darkness? Her own battles? Where were her parents? Why didn’t they know she was hurting? She wasn’t yours to protect. Y’all had ended things. Letting Octavia’s actions determine your choices isn’t fair. Not to you or the girl you love.”

I didn’t have a response to that. I just knew it wasn’t that simple. “Not now. . I can’t.” I replied turning to finally look at her.

She frowned then leaned back in her seat. We drank our coffee and sat in silence for the next hour.

When footsteps sounded on the steps I turned my attention toward them. Cruz appeared from the beach. He’d been running. He was sweating and in his running shorts. He’d come to the memorial but he had been unsure what to say to me. Most had been.

“Hey. Y’all got room for one more?” he asked.

Lila Kate immediately stood up. “I was leaving,” then she turned and did just that. Like she always did. When Cruz Kerrington was around she exited. There was no secret that she disliked him. Her actions had made that clear years ago.

“Always could make that girl clear a room. Can’t figure out why she hates me so damn much.”

I would argue that he was being stupid. That he did know. But in all honesty, I don’t think he does. He is too self-absorbed to have noticed.

“You gave a fourteen-year-old Lila Kate her first real kiss then moved on to another girl a week later. While little Lila Kate was in love you were making a legacy as a womanizer for yourself.”

Cruz sat down. “Really? She hates me because I kissed her? That was what like eight years ago? That can’t be it.”

I didn’t have the energy to explain it or point it all out. Instead I shrugged. He could believe what he wanted.

“What about you? You making it?”

I was living. “Sure.” What else did I say to that?”

“I’m sorry, man. I should have come by before now but I didn’t know what to say. Still don’t.”

There was nothing he could say. “How’s working for your dad?” I asked him.

He let out a groan of frustration. “Hard. I miss college.”

The Kerrington Country Club would be his one day. He knew it but he also didn’t want it. He just didn’t have the balls to tell his dad that. He had two younger brothers. Blaze and Zander. He should let one of them have it.

“Do either of your brothers have interest in it?”

He shook his head. “Blaze is off in L.A. still. Trying to be the next Zac Efron. And Zander is planning on the Marines.”

I’d seen Blaze on the television nighttime drama he was making a name for himself on. But only once and I hadn’t watched the whole show. Phoenix had been watching it and wanted me to see Blaze.

We talked about nothing important and for a few short moments I didn’t think about my reality.