Bliss York

TODAY HAD BEEN a success. The turn out for the first Teen Day at the library had been bigger than I hoped. One hundred and eleven teens came to meet the author and play the trivia games we had set up for them. I was happily humming to myself as I finished cleaning up the area we had held the event when the Media director, Matthew Goodwin, came walking into the room. He was six foot tall with dark brown hair and pretty green eyes. He had a definite nerdy vibe with his glasses and technical side but he was attractive. He pulled it off.

I could tell he was interested in me by his daily flirting. It was subtle. Almost shy like. If there hadn’t been a Nate in my life. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him all over again just months ago then maybe Matthew would have been fun. Maybe we could have made it work. But there had been a Nate. And my heart wasn’t ready.

“Great event,” Matthew said with his straight white teeth smile.

“Yes it was. I couldn’t be more pleased with the turn out.”

“Never had an event here so successful.”

That fact made me beam with pride. I may have gotten this job because of Blythe but being successful at it was important to me. I wanted them to be glad they hired me.

“I’m glad tomorrow is Sunday. I need a lazy day at home.”

“I can imagine after today. What about tonight? You headed home?”

I had thought about going to Live Bay. Having a drink, visiting with friends, being normal. Things I rarely did anymore.

“Not sure,” I replied honestly.

“Want to go get a drink?”

Here it was. The question. It wasn’t a date. Just drinks. I could invite him to Live Bay. We may enjoy each other’s company. It could be good for me.

“I was thinking of going to see some friends at Live Bay. You want to come with me?”

The smile was back on his face. I wished I felt that excited about this. Instead it felt wrong. I couldn’t back out now.

“Sounds fun.”

Great. He was coming. Okay. I asked him, now I just had to get through it.

“I’m headed out the door. You ready?” I tried to sound happy.

“Yeah, already closed up my section.”

We started for the door and my brain was racing trying to come up with an excuse to cancel. I didn’t want to do this. I wanted to go home now. Be alone. I had changed my mind. I started to say something when my eyes locked on the man standing at my car. I stopped walking.

He was here.

Or I was delusional.

Could be that I had lost my mind.

“Do you know him?” Matthew asked and I nodded. My voice wasn’t working. Words weren’t there. If Matthew saw him too then I hadn’t lost my mind. He was actually there. At my car.

“Are you okay? Need me to have him leave?”

This time I just shook my head no. Still words weren’t working. Nate took a step in my direction and I was unsure what to do. Was he here to tell me something? To see me? To rip open the wounds that were still fresh?

“I can’t . . . I have to . . .” I was trying to tell Matthew I wouldn’t be going to Live Bay. Because after this encounter I would need more bottles of wine and cake while I once again nursed the pain.

“If you don’t want to see that guy I can make him leave,” Matthew said. He sounded as if he believed he could. I knew he couldn’t. Didn’t matter. I wanted to see Nate. Hear his voice. Know that he was okay. Even if wine and a lot of calories followed.

“I need to see him. I won’t be going to Live Bay tonight.” There I had said words. They came out.

Matthew paused then replied. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you Monday.”

Again, I just nodded.

Taking the first step in Nate’s direction my heart squeezed and fluttered. Knowing this wasn’t going to be easy I still wanted to be near him. He looked thinner. There were dark circles under his eyes. But he was still beautiful. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I was positive he always would be.

“I should have called first,” he said when I was close enough to him.

“It’s okay. It’s . . . good to see you.”

His eyes shifted to Matthew who was taking his time leaving. “Is he, are y’all dating?”

The pain in his eyes as he asked that told me he didn’t want me to be. That felt good. Knowing he wanted me still. That even after all the bad he still cared. I wasn’t a terrible mistake. I didn’t want to be.

“No. He’s a friend. A coworker.”

Nate’s gaze was back on me. He let out what could only be described as a sigh of relief. “How long have you been at this job? It fits you better than Live Bay did.”

“A few weeks. Maybe a month,” I wasn’t sure. My head was swimming with questions.

“Can we go somewhere? Talk? Or do you have plans?”

Didn’t he realize I’d drop any plans for him? Had I not made myself clear two months ago when we had slept together. I didn’t do that lightly.

“Yes.”

He nodded to his truck. “I’ll drive. Come with me.”

I walked beside him and he opened the passenger door. He was standing so close I could smell his cologne as I walked past him to climb inside. Even after all the pain all I could think about in that moment was burying my head in his neck and inhaling. Feeling his warm body against mine. If just for a moment. I wanted that before he left again.

The door closed once I was inside. He walked around the front of the truck with the same easy cool swagger he always had. Little things like that I had missed. He was here now. I had to soak it all in. His voice, his smell, the way he walked. All of it. Things I hadn’t realized would be gone so soon before.

 

Nate Finlay

“WHEN YOU MEET a girl that you still love once she’s a woman then you don’t give that up. .” Grandpop’s words replayed over and over in my ears. He was right. I’d fallen in love with the girl and the woman she had become owned me. My happiness was with her. Life without her wasn’t something I ever had to face again. Fuck easy. Life wasn’t easy. Love wasn’t easy. Not the real thing anyway. The real thing hurt like hell and gave you the best moments of your life.

I parked the truck outside the building her condo and my grandpop’s was in. This was where I’d left her. This was where I would now fight for her . . . for us.

“Let’s go to my Grandpop’s. He’s working and we can have privacy.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

We hadn’t spoken in the short ride over here. I was going over all I needed to say in my head. Now I feared what she had been going over in her head. Was she ready to get her closure?

I opened the door to Grandpop’s condo and stood back so she could go inside. She looked nothing like any librarian I had ever seen. The yellow shorts, white sandals with thin sexy heels had to distract every man who came in to check out a book. Or teenagers. She was working in the teen department Larissa had said when I went by Live Bay looking for her.

“You want a drink?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No.”

Me either. “How have you been?”

She frowned. “Okay. What about you?”

“Life has sucked. Dark, ugly and painful. But something did change. That’s why I’m here.” Where to even begin with this.

“What changed?”

She knew I had left because I blamed myself. I made that clear.

“Octavia’s stepmother came to see me. They found something out about Octavia’s death. There were things they didn’t know. A secret no one knew and guilt that was eating Octavia alive. She was seeing a psychiatrist who came to the funeral. Octavia’s father had the power to demand to see the records from her visits and he found the real reason behind Octavia’s suicide.”

Talking about my son was hard. Knowing he never had a chance at life in the beginning hurt. She’d never intended to let him live. I wanted to scream from the unfairness until my chest didn’t ache. The hole it left behind would always be there. It wasn’t going away.

“She was sexually abused as a child. From a family friend. A man she referred to as her uncle. She had him killed once she was an adult and the guilt was eating at her. Even if the man deserved to die from sexually abusing a child. She couldn’t live with the secret.”

Bliss covered her mouth with one hand and tears filled her eyes. “Oh my god,” she breathed. “Oh, Nate. I’m so sorry.”

“She had an abortion scheduled for later that month. She never intended to let our child live. She wasn’t going to tell me about him. She didn’t want him.”

The tears on her face were sincere. She hurt for me. For Octavia and for my son.

“The damage he caused her . . . I lived through a hell of my own but nothing like that. I had support and love while I fought a disease. She had no one. She faced a monster as a child and there was no love and support to stand with her. That’s heartbreaking.”

I hadn’t thought of it that way. Bliss was right. Octavia had been through a private hell alone. Her mental sickness was something that might have been avoided if she’d had love and support around her. But she’d been alone in it all. A detached woman who needed money and success. Who was looking for something to fill her void.

We stood there in silence. I would always regret not knowing Octavia’s pain and being able to help her. Even if I had known I wasn’t sure I could have helped but I would have tried.

Bliss wiped at her tears again.

“I love you,” the words came so easily. Words I should have said already. That I should have said the moment those boxes fell and she was standing there staring at me with those big blue eyes. Because even then deep down I had known the truth.

She took a step toward me. “You do?”

I had been hoping for an “I love you too” but her question and the surprise on her face made me smile anyway.

“Yeah. I always have. The girl you were and the woman you became.”

She let out a sob and then she was there. Against me burying her face in my neck. I hadn’t meant to make her cry like this but I was hoping they were good tears.

“Bliss,” I said touching her hair gently with my hand to comfort her. “That wasn’t supposed to make you cry.”

She let out a laugh then and lifted her tear streaked face. “I’m sorry. It was too much all at once. The sadness then this. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“You weren’t expecting me to tell you I loved you?” I asked wanting to clarify.

She nodded. “Yes. I love you. I love you so much. But I didn’t think . . . I just thought you liked me a lot. But that we were done.”

“Liked you a lot?” I asked grinning.

She pressed her lips together as she tried not to smile. “Yes.”

“It goes well beyond a lot.”

She let out a gentle sigh and closed her eyes. “I feel like I shouldn’t be happy. What you came to tell me is so sad. How can I be happy?”

I understood. But I had mourned. In the end, I couldn’t have changed anything. “I’ll always wonder about my son. He has a piece of my heart now. That will never change. But I want to have a life with joy in it. I want to experience how complicated and hard times feel knowing I’m facing them with you. I want it all, Bliss. As long as I get to spend it with you.”

Again she buried her head in my neck and wrapped her arms around me. “Me too.”

I held her as we stood there in silence. This was our beginning. The other times had been our prologue. But the real story would start now.