My father wouldn’t have told the rest of the band that he was asking Dave to stay on until he got his answer, so when the two of them joined us a short time later, I was the only one to know the bad news. I wasn’t about to let on that I knew about it, either, not wanting to betray Dave’s confidence (plus, it would be way awkward if my father found out I knew Dave was going to turn him down before he did). So while I saw the stress on Dad’s face that told me Dave hadn’t changed his mind at the last second, I played along like their conversation was no big deal. The other guys had assumed their meeting was them making plans for Dave to transition out of the band and fly home, and I guess that was true enough because that was exactly what was going to happen once Chris was back on board.
It hurt to see my dad so disappointed, but as I watched him greet Chris and introduce him to Dave, the seed of an idea planted itself in my head. I just needed to get my father alone. That wasn’t going to happen at this noisy table, so I shelved my idea as I returned to the oversized laminated menu, thinking as my stomach grumbled, that maybe Darren had been onto something. A big stack of pancakes suddenly sounded like a good idea.
Once we’d all eaten, Dad asked for the bill and sent the guys back to the bus, asking me to stay behind with him, Chris, and Lindsay. Kiki and Gary finished up their coffees and used the facilities before heading back as well.
Dad went over the plan for Chris to come to the venue for rehearsal and sound check—letting Lindsay know she was welcome to come for as much of the day as she wanted. I had a feeling he was trying to set her mind at ease, showing her that the boys were always busy and being on tour was grueling work and it was just that: work. While the life of a rock star seemed glamorous, the reality was a lot different and he liked all people involved to have a realistic view of what to expect.
Not to mention, if she was uneasy about Chris going on tour, she was going to make it harder for him to focus on his job, which would affect everyone.
For his part, Chris was super excited, almost bouncing in his seat while Dad went over everything. Obviously not afraid of hard work, he was ready to get to the business of being an official member of Wiretap again.
Once Dad was finished the debrief, he asked if either of them had any questions. Chris wanted to show Lindsay the bus, but Dad said there’d be time for that later in the day. For now, we needed to get on the road to the venue so we could start setup—plenty of time to tour the bus later.
When neither Chris nor his girlfriend had any other questions, Dad shook both of their hands and told them he was looking forward to seeing them both at the venue. Lindsay looked more relaxed, though a bit sad, which was to be expected. The tour wouldn’t bring the guys back this way, so it would be weeks before she’d see Chris again.
They left just as the waitress came by with the bill and the credit card machine. “So,” I said as Dad held the bill out at arm’s length so he could read it. “About Will.”
He dropped his arm and looked at me, his mouth twisting down into a frown. He sighed and said, “He’s decided not to join.”
“I figured. But...what if you talked to his parents?” I suggested. “See if you can convince them.”
He froze for a second, looking like he was considering the idea, but then he shook his head. “He’s eighteen, I can’t circumvent him and go to his parents.”
“But if you could set their minds at ease, tell them how good he is. The opportunity he’s throwing away...”
Another sigh escaped him. “Nessa, believe me, I am disappointed about it, too, and I wish he’d had a different answer for me. But I can’t go behind his back to his parents. I suggested he talk to them, but you know how stubborn he is. Anyway, maybe he really doesn’t want it as much as we thought. Maybe it was fun for him as a time-limited thing. He could have other plans, you know; not everyone wants to live on a tour bus out of a suitcase.”
I knew better. He didn’t have other plans; he was simply focused on his mother’s fears. And maybe, I realized in that moment, maybe he was hiding behind the excuse of his mother’s fears because of the real reason of why he didn’t want to go on tour. He was afraid. Not of failure, as many musicians were when they first started out. Because we’d been pumping him up since the day he’d signed on, telling him he was exceptional, showing him that he had what it takes to be a bona fide rock star on his own merits, not just because he looks hot on stage with a guitar in his hands. He’d seen how good he really was. For the first time in his life he was made really aware of his rare talent. No, he wasn’t afraid of failure.
After living in the long shadow of his grandfather, Will Davidson was afraid of something way scarier and more dangerous than failure: he was afraid of success.
“I don’t think so, Dad,” I said. “I think it goes beyond that. He’s throwing so much away.”
Dad pulled out his wallet and put his Visa into the machine the waitress handed him. “He’s an adult, Nessa. There’s not much we can do other than try to convince him. And I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
I didn’t doubt he had. I was sure my father had offered up everything in his arsenal to try to get Dave to stay on, but I knew as well as he did how stubborn Dave could be. Just look at how many times he’d turned me down when I’d first tried to get him to audition. It had taken Chris bailing at the last minute and that promise of it just being one show that had made him change his mind. I’d practically had to back him into it.
Thanking the waitress, Dad passed the machine back to her and tucked the receipt and his credit card back into his wallet. “Come on, we’d better go,” he said as he pushed back his chair and got up.
As we walked toward the door, he put his arm around me and pulled me in in for a side-hug. “It’ll be fine. We’ll carry on with the band. Chris’ll get up to speed quickly and it’ll all be great. They were fantastic before Will was even an option, they’ll still be fantastic without him.”
I gave him a look.
“What?” he said.
“You’d better become a better actor in the next two minutes because I don’t think the guys are going to believe your line if that’s how you deliver it.”
He cringed. “Really? It’s that obvious?”
I gave him an apologetic nod. “You’re right that the band will be great even without Dave. But I understand your disappointment because you see how much better they’d be with him. Plus on a personal level: I know you wanted to make him.”
“I did,” she said with a sigh. “Ah well, Nessa. Not much I can do. I’m tapped out, done trying.”
He might have been done trying, but I wasn’t. I had one last arrow in my quiver. It was a big risk, but what’s that saying: with great risk comes great reward?
As we drove the final short leg to the venue, I pulled all of the assorted crap out of the as-yet-unused bottom bunk that would be Chris’s after he came on board at the end of the night. After I told the guys to take their junk and store it elsewhere, I got a clean set of sheets out of the tiny linen cupboard to make up his bed and get it ready for him.
“You never make my bed,” Darren said with a pout from his own bunk across the aisle. I had no idea how he could lie there and not get a stomach ache after eating a giant plate of pancakes, against my advice, of course. (Though to be fair, I had also had a big plate of pancakes which were now sitting like banana-flavored rocks in my gut.)
“Nope,” I said as I stretched into the back of the bunk to tuck the sheet in. “And I won’t be making Chris’s again, either. I just figured by the time everyone gets back on the bus, we don’t need him crashing around trying to do it himself.”
“So are you really going to leave us when Linda comes back?” he asked. The sad tone in his voice made me turn and look at him straight on.
“Yeah, what’s wrong, you going to miss me?” I joked, trying to downplay that I was going to miss him—all of them.
“First Will and then you?” he said, his signature smile gone from his face. I’d never seen him so serious when he looked me right in the eye and said, “Yeah. I’ll miss you both. Everyone will.”
“Don’t forget Sandy—when I leave, she comes with me.”
“Aw, you’re taking away the fun one, too?”
I rolled my eyes and then had to turn from the emotion in his. “Yeah, well, you’re not rid of us yet.”
And if I had anything to say about it, they wouldn’t be rid of Dave, either. Not for a long time. I just needed to get everyone off this bus first so I could have five minutes alone with my files and my phone.