CHAPTER 65

Yolanda and Gina rode to the hospital in silence, both feeling numb at the possibility they might lose their father.

Yolanda cleared her throat.

“Look, Gina, about the anniversary party—”

“Forget it. Don’t worry about it,” Gina said flatly, concentrating on the radio, and mindlessly flipping from station to station.

“Look, I really need to apologize…”

“What’s wrong with us, Yolanda? Why aren’t we closer?” Gina asked.

“I—I don’t know,” Yolanda stammered, thrown off guard by the question.

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, but especially when I heard Daddy was sick. I think I know why now.”

“Why?”

“I’m jealous of you.”

“What?”

“Well, not exactly. Of the relationship you and Mama have. I’ve always been envious of that. Always wished me and Mama could talk like you guys talk. Hard as I try, we just don’t have that connection. I guess it’s just not meant to be.”

“This is crazy. For years I’ve been jealous of you because of your relationship with Pop. Y’all are so close…”

“Y’all are close, too! He’s always teasing you and making you laugh.”

“I hate it when he does that!” Yolanda said.

“I wish Daddy would talk to me like that—What are you doing?” Gina asked, looking at Yolanda like she was crazy.

“Looking outside to see if any pigs are flying. They have to be, the day Gina says she’s jealous of me.”

“You have a lot going for you, Yolanda. You’re not stuck at home all day with spoiled, whiny kids. You have the freedom to come and go as you please. You’re blessed.”

Yolanda turned and looked at her sister, saddened that she had wasted so many years. I should know you so much better…

“Maybe after we leave the hospital, you could come over for a little while? We could rent some movies, order pizza, you know, have a girl’s night?”

“I’d like that,” Gina said, swiping at a falling tear.

“Crybaby.”

“Shut up.”

* * *

“Hey, Mama,” Yolanda said, giving her mother a big hug. “I’m so sorry.”

“Girl, don’t worry ’bout that. We all human,” her mother said, hugging her back.

“Gina, get over here and give Mama a hug.”

Gina walked over, and embraced her mother.

“How is he?” Yolanda asked, looking at her father across the room. His skin was dry and had a grey tinge to it, as if he had been rolling around in ashes. He was surrounded by tubes and machines. Yolanda turned away. It was difficult to look at him.

“He’s in stable condition. The doctor’s say he’s gonna pull through. This attack really damaged his heart. Just think if I wasn’t home to call 911…” Her mother closed her eyes, trying to chase away the thought that she had almost lost her husband.

“He’s gonna be weak as a kitten, but at least he’s alive. He’s been asking for you.”

“For me?” Gina asked.

“You, too, baby, but he really asked to speak to Yolanda. Alone. Come on, baby, come walk with me to the cafeteria to get some coffee. I could use the exercise.”

“Sure,” Gina said, following her mother out of the hospital room.

Yolanda walked slowly to her father’s bed.

“Hey, Daddy.”

His eyes flickered, then opened. He looked up at her and smiled.

“Hey, Six,” he said slowly, breathing hard.

“Daddy, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what got into me…”

“Hush, girl…Got things to tell you. Not much energy,” he said, pointing to the chair beside his bed and gesturing for Yolanda to sit down.

“Ever since you were nine years old I knew you were smarter than me. Your vocabulary—whew—it blew me away. The way your little mind would work, it was something to see. I have to admit, I didn’t like it. I was never smart. Things you take for granted, things that come to you so easy, for me, it was tough. So I teased you.”

He paused, a single tear falling down his ashen cheek.

“I knew it was wrong. Every time I saw your face fall, I wanted to go in and give you a hug, but I couldn’t. Your drive, your determination; those are things I wanted. And I didn’t like it,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“It was easier to talk to Gina. She is on the same level as me. But you, you’re going places. It’s not easy for me to say this, but after your behavior at the party—”

“Daddy, I’m sorry about that—”

“Hush, and let me finish. After that party, I saw how I let the teasing get out of hand. It’s hard to see a child to become smarter than you, even if that is what you dreamed for them. You excel at everything you do, and it is difficult for your old man to watch that and not feel a twinge of jealousy. It’s not right and it never was, but I’m sorry. I had to tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t want to leave this earth with you thinking that I don’t love you.”

“I never knew you cared,” Yolanda said quietly.

“I care. I always have. You are special, Yolanda. Always was something to look at.” He gestured at the side table. “Look at my pocket watch over there and open it.”

Yolanda found the gold pocket watch laying inside the drawer. She pulled it out and opened it. Inside was a picture of both his daughters from when they were two years old. Gina was on the left smiling widely into the camera, her features striking even then. Yolanda was on the right. She was smiling, too, but she didn’t have the same sparkle that Gina had.

“I’ve never seen this picture before. Why haven’t you showed this to me before?”

He shrugged. “See how Gina on the right looking—”

“Wait a minute. Gina’s on the right? Then who is on the left?”

He smiled. “Who do you think?”

Yolanda burst into tears. “This is me?”

He nodded.

Yolanda studied the picture again through her tears. “I was so beautiful.”

“Correction. You are beautiful. I love both my daughters. I do. I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you more often.”

Yolanda looked at the picture closer. I am beautiful. All these years…I’ve been beautiful all along.

“I love you, too, Daddy. Thank you.”

“Now. Come closer. This important.”

Yolanda leaned over trying to hear what he had to say.

“Go. Get. Doughnut.”

“Daddy! No!” she said laughing, giving him a cheek.

“Had to try.”