In slow motion, Mallie wandered the big dining room, taking pictures of Kelley’s magnificent wedding cake. Brian had started a blog during her diagnosis and treatments so family and friends could keep abreast of her progress. Now she enjoyed posting pictures of happy, normal times. Instead of the traditional pint-sized bride and groom, the chocolate-frosted tower had two tiny covered wagons on top, and she zoomed in just to keep busy. For the dozenth time, she started counting slowly to a hundred to keep at bay the shock of Lynn Martin’s presence.
Mallie hadn’t seen Hoop yet, and for that she was glad. Family pictures and all that, she supposed. Like a big chicken, she’d hightailed it back to the ranch as soon as she had the chance. She hadn’t lingered because she hadn’t known what to say to him anyway.
And she sure had nothing to say to Lynn Martin.
I’m Lynn Martin, and that angel’s my baby girl.
Had Hooper duped her? Maybe hoping for a quick, meaningless wedding fling? Well, that’s all she’d wanted. At first. Now she realized she was falling fast. And all this time she’d imagined Lynn as some sort of pariah. Yet here she was, family enough to warrant a wedding invitation.
What’s going on, Jesus? I need some help here.
Goodness, had she just prayed? A fleeting thought of Ella licking the beaters flitted through her mind. She sighed as the painful reality slammed her. None of this mattered anyway. She was leaving, and she’d already promised to make it a joyful day. As it was, happy people wandered in and out of the room, and their ooh’s and aah’s seeing the cake lifted her spirits.
“I guess you’re my plus-one after all,” Brian grumbled. “Katie’s caught a bad cold and gone upstairs. Unless she’s ditching me.”
“Oh, Brian.” She’d had enough of his sullenness. “You’re not in high school anymore. Be a man. You gave Danielle vague promises, and she finally had enough.”
“Boy. What’s gotten into you?” Her brother sniffed loudly. He was good-looking and charming—she understood Katie’s attraction and knew full well the cold and sore throat were not fabricated ailments. Right now Katie was trying to find medicine to feel good enough to rejoin the party. But Mallie decided Brian needed to figure it all out on his own.
“You can be a real doofus, big brother. As for me, I want to go to the tent. They’re serving now, and I am hungry.”
“I’ll take you.”
Behind her, Hooper’s voice both startled and delighted. Delicious shivers traveled up and down her spine. She turned as he and Ella came through the door.
“If you’ll have me.” Hooper held out his arm.
Brian glared, probably not wanting to eat alone. After all, she had come to the wedding for him.
“Thanks, but I’m Brian’s plus one.” Her voice shook a bit, and she looked away as Lynn danced through her mind once more. Kneeling eyelevel with Ella, she found something to do with an untied bow.
“But I miss you,” Ella insisted, the hem of her long white dress already dusty from the ranch. “I want you to sit with Daddy and me.”
Suddenly, Brian straightened his shoulders with a firm nod. “Aw, go ahead. You’re right. I’ll go chase Katie down.”
“OK.” Mallie nodded back. As Brian loped off, she hugged Ella and stood to face Hooper. His eyes lit up, and he looked pleased as a kid on Christmas. Somehow shy, she lowered her gaze to land on his silver lapel pin of two sets of footprints. And in the background of his collar, she saw the crucifix. Unbidden, her hand reached to touch it.
“Pa gave all us boys one like it, when he knew he wasn’t going to make it.” His voice was soft as Christy’s velvet gown. “My sisses got gold crosses set with their birthstones.”
“It must have been hard, losing him.” Mallie fingers moved to rest on the footprints. In reverse, she knew how it pained her dad that he’d likely outlive her. But today, today was a time for joy.
And Hoop’s face shone. “Yep. But you know, Christ was there at his side, holding him. Holding us. That’s what the footprints mean. When things get unbearable, I imagine Him at my side. Letting me lean on Him. Him lifting me when I can’t do it by myself.”
Comfort and joy rushed over her. It seemed Hooper taught her something about faith just in his choice of jewelry. Her lips trembled as she smiled.
Ella tugged at her coat, relaxing the charged moment. “Mallie, see my shiny shoes?” Patent leather Mary Janes peeked beneath the white froth. “They’re pretty, and they don’t hurt my feet.”
“Well, you are one smart girl. Pretty and painless.” She couldn’t help another big smile for Hooper, who was grinning like a happy jack-o’-lantern. Even his goofy smile dissolved the ligaments holding her knees together. “Actually,” she leaned down in a conspiratorial whisper. “I’m thinking of going upstairs and slipping into my boots. They’re a little bit more comfortable.”
Hoop’s forehead rose as if he liked the possibility, and her tummy tumbled. “Good idea.” Then he rolled his eyes as he indicated the white dress. “I was just thinking of getting Ella changed before she eats.”
“My real clothes are in Gramma’s room,” Ella announced. “I want my boots, too. Will you help me, Mallie?” She cupped her fingers in a little inviting gesture and shook her head at Hooper. “I don’t need you, Daddy.”
Hoop shrugged with another eye roll, and Mallie said, “Sure. You go upstairs. I’m right behind.”
“What’s wrong, Mallie?” His question was direct, and he deserved a direct answer. From the distress in his eyes, she understood he was worried about her health, for one; her grief for Renny, another; and her concern for Uncle Ted, a third.
Above all, she understood he had no idea his ex was at the wedding. He needed to know.
“I met Lynn. Ella’s mother. She’s here. At the wedding.”
“What?” Hoop backed into the cake table so hard Mallie reached for him in case the masterwork would topple. Then she pulled him close. It felt right. No, it was right, to hold him against her chest. His warm breath ruffled her hair, and an arm snaked to hold her closer. His muscles worked hard to control his pounding breaths as her heartbeats joined his in harsh cadence. As if neither could help it, his arms pulled her close, and she stayed willingly. He smelled as magnificent as he looked straight from the shower yet still full of the outdoors. How could he help it, living here on this glorious ranch? For a moment, she gave in to the comfort of his arms and warmth of his skin. His embrace tightened, his breath quickened in rhythm with hers, and she rejoiced for a quick second in feeling something she downright shouldn’t. Attraction. Need. A frisson of longing. She tamped all of it down and felt her muscles stiffen. All of that led to love, love led to commitment, and she couldn’t do that to Hooper, to Ella. Gently, she pulled away, and a red-brown flush of shock, maybe anger, rinsed Hooper’s cheekbones.
“I can’t believe it.” He shook his head fast and furious.
Mallie couldn’t resist her fingers melding with all ten of his. “Yes,” she managed finally. “She was next to me and introduced herself after the ceremony.”
“But…I. I…I think I would have seen her. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.” His cheeks had paled. “You were sitting with the Blakes.”
“Yeah, but Lynn came late and stood off in the crowd. Big blue hat and dress.”
“I…I.” He stumbled for words, and it occurred to her for the first time that Lynn had crashed the event. The honor of her presence had not been requested. Mallie tightened her fingers, and his squeezed back.
“There must be three hundred people here, Hoop, and the ranch is huge. If she didn’t want you to see her, she has about a billion ways to hide.”
“Ma…Christy. Nobody would have invited her. I know that. No one would do that without telling me. If anybody knows how to reach her anyway.”
She voiced her thought. “Maybe she crashed the wedding. It’s not like you have to have a ticket. Your mom said everybody hereabouts would have felt welcome.”
Mouth set in a grim line, he nodded. “You’re right. If she was anywhere in the county, she could have heard about it. Man, do you think she wants Ella back? After all this time?” His lids closed, his jaw tightened.
Without thinking about it, Mallie threw herself into his arms, aching. It started out as reassurance, but she understood the tremble tumbling through her was not just attraction but a tinge of jealousy. They hugged each other, hard.
“Well.” With a giant sigh, Mallie stepped back. “Well, maybe you ought to go find her. And sort out whatever it is.”
“Mallie…it’s not…”
“Malleeeeeeee! Daddy, let her go.” Ella squealed loudly, obviously from the top of the stairs.
“She’s on her way, honey girl.” Hoop’s voice shook.
“I better go.” Mallie tossed her head toward the hallway. “And so better you.”
Hoop’s shoulders, proud and hale just moments ago, slumped like an old man’s. She didn’t want to see his hurt, but sometimes, as they both knew, life threw rotten fruit. Then she smiled. That same rotten fruit ended up as compost to nourish something else. Taking his hand and holding it to her mouth, she reminded him of what she’d so recently learned.
“Jesus is at your side, Hoop. Lean on Him. I’ll catch up with you in the tent.”
****
Hoop was breathless, and this time it had nothing to do with Mallie. Well, not all of it. The sight of her backside walking up the stairs once again reinforced that he was a whole man.
But Lynn? Here at Hearts Crossing? His heart hammered and not in a good way. Of all people to wreck Kenn’s wedding, she’d been the last he’d expected. Like a rash, Tony O’Neal, Daisy’s ex-husband, popped up from time to time to mess with various Martins.
But Lynn? Well, if she was anywhere on this ranch, he’d find her. He knew every square inch. The fresh afternoon outside revived him, and he paused to look around Hearts Crossing, the foothills wrapping around it like warm arms. It came to him unbidden, the verse that had saved him so many times. I will lift up mine eyes…from whence cometh my help.
God, help me know what to say when I find her. You’ll want me to forgive, I know. I can do that, for You’ve forgiven me. But why have You brought her here? Am I to allow her back in my life? I’ve been longing for a ma for Ella. Would that be what You want for my child—an intact family? Was there something I did that drove her away?
He’d never say the words out loud, not anymore, but he had implored God with a similar prayer in the months and early years after Lynn had left. In those days, he had thought her continued absence had been the answer. Today, in this new plea, with Mallie in the picture, he had to follow more than ever the same advice he’d given her. Just like he’d leaned on her inside, he leaned on Jesus now.
He focused. Folks milled everywhere, at picnic tables, talking in small groups on the porch, spilling in and out of the house and tent. And Mallie had been right. There appeared to be everyone for fifty miles. Lynn might be the needle in the haystack. Although Mallie had said something about a big blue hat. How could he have missed that?
Suddenly, he knew where he’d find her. A tiny gully back of their little house, well, his little house, that ran with enough spring snowmelt to nourish a small stand of cottonwood saplings. It was where he’d proposed to Lynn; it was where she’d told him she was expecting their child. He hustled around the corrals and past the barn. Tired he might be from the morning’s ride and the busy day, but he was pumped, too. Whatever was going on, he’d get it over with soon.
He laughed out loud when he saw her massive hat first. It looked like some fashion from a hundred years ago. Against a tree, Lynn sat with her skirt wrapped to her toes. The blue dress was long and plain, and even Hoop, who cared little about such things, could tell it was too homely for fashion. If it weren’t for that extreme hat, he might have thought she belonged to some strange cult.
Of course, she heard him approach, but she waited until he was in front of her on the path before she looked up.
“Hi Hoop. I reckoned you’d come here. After I told the bride’s friend who I was.”
His lips thinned. “She’s not just Christy’s friend. She’s a woman I happen to be interested in.”
Lynn’s mouth opened. “Oh. Well…”
“What are you doing here, Lynn?” He stood tall and proud in front of her. This woman had deserted him, trashed his heart, and shown up to wreck his brother’s wedding day and quite possibly, his last day with Mallie.
Unless, of course, he visited her at her aunt and uncle’s place in Promise. The possibility made this moment bearable. Like as not they wouldn’t be getting to Posy’s Grove today.
“What gives?”
Her knees shifted. “Hoop, I…found that Caring Bridge blog Kelley set up for you.” His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “I look up ‘Hearts Crossing’ on the internet sometimes. And, well, I know about your cancer. I’d like to help.”
A flash of the old bitterness flooded him. For better or worse. “You’re a bit late. I’m in remission now, Lynn. On my feet and getting better every day. Ella might have needed you back then. Myself included.” His teeth clenched at remembered pain. “…but we don’t need you now.”
He punched at the tree’s trunk, and a new terror swamped him. She’d given up custody, but she was Ella’s mother. What if some judge…
Lynn rose to her feet and faced him. Shorter than he recalled, she still posed a nice-looking figure and face, although there were hard-luck lines around her big blue eyes.
“I couldn’t come then, Hoop.” Her gaze bore into his, and he had to give her a grudging credit. He knew she longed to look away. “I was serving four years on drug charges.”
Gut-punched, he gasped on pure air. He’d often wondered what became of his wife, but he never would have added prison to the multiple choice list. Right now he had no response. His breath came out cold, and he had no choice but to lower himself onto the grass. “Go on,” he managed finally.
She joined him. “I’m trying to put my life back together. I’ve done rehab and am doing the twelve steps. I came to Mountain Cove to…ask everyone for forgiveness. I didn’t realize I’d crash Kenn’s wedding. But…”
For a long while, all he heard was breeze rustling the branches and tossing leaves to the ground. One landed on her fancy hat.
“But what?” Whatever she had to spout, he needed to hear. “Besides bad timing.”
With a loud sigh, she looked away. “I’m staying at the Ricochet Motel. Everybody’s talking about the wedding.” She gave him one of those looks that in the past had brought him to his knees, when he’d handed her his credit card without question, given her the keys to everything he owned including his heart. “And I realized I could see Ella.”
Uh-oh. Here it comes. His heart throbbed, and he grasped for God.
She read his thoughts. That was one thing she’d been good at. “Oh, no. Hoop. I don’t want custody. I’m in no shape to care for a child. I can barely tend to myself. But…if it’s OK, I’d like to see her from time to time.”
If that was all, he couldn’t very well refuse. But resentment couldn’t help churn in his gut.
“Well and good now. No diapers or colic. She’s a charming little human. But I’m the one who stayed up nights when she was sick. Did the potty training and two o’clock feedings. Put the bicycle together last Christmas Eve. Where were you?”
“I just told you. The big house.”
“You didn’t leave Hearts Crossing for jail, Lynn. Make some sense here.”
He remembered the note she’d left. I’ve got to get out. It’s not you. It’s me. Lynn. For the billionth time, he snorted. Whenever anybody said it’s not you, it’s me, they meant, it’s you, after all.
“It wasn’t you, Hoop.” She said the words out loud now, and his fists clenched in his lap. Damp switchgrass leached into the seat of his pants. Ah, well, high time to get back into jeans at home.
Home. He looked around to the log-sided bungalow, and his heart fired up. Had she ever belonged inside?
“I’ve learned since then I suffered from severe post-partum depression. One day when you were out on the range, it hit me. I wanted to…harm the baby. Myself. I had to get out of there. Right then”
“You didn’t think to ask me for help?”
She shook her head. “I never felt good enough for Hearts Crossing to begin with. I always missed the city, and you knew it.”
“Well, how about turning to God?”
She shook her head again. “In those days, the God of you Hearts Crossing folks wasn’t mine. I’ve learned since then, though, and He’s back in my life. I ended up in California for a while. To get warm.”
“Warm?” he scoffed. “You grew up in Denver.”
“Hence twenty-five years of snow. But I got into ‘snow’ anyway.”
Hoop didn’t know drug lingo, but he suspected that was a nickname for some illegal substance.
“Finally stumbled back to Colorado with some loser boyfriend…now ex, by the way, and you know the rest.”
Ex-boyfriend? Did that mean she wanted him back? Were they meant to be a family again? Confusion warred in his gut.
“I don’t want to get back together, Hoop. I came here simply to apologize and ask for forgiveness. And, well, to see Ella once in a while. If she wants it, that is. I’m not going to force myself on her.”
“Of course she’ll want to see you. You’re her mother. She’s been saying lately you didn’t want her, but that’s just how she feels. You know school kids and how mean they can be. Those words never came from me.”
Lynn’s face turned bright red, but she merely said, “Oh, school.”
“Yep. Kindergarten this year.”
Lynn’s eyes shut. “For years, I never even remembered her birthday. Can you ever forgive me?”
Tears dripped down her face, and he reckoned she wanted him to hold her, but that wasn’t going to happen. He’d do his duty by her, but that didn’t include love. Instead, he put a hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was an encouraging way.
“What will you do now?”
After wiping her eyes, she gave him a watery smile and bobbed her head. “I took a hat making course in the ‘big house’ and I’m learning to sew.” She smoothed her skirt.
He shrugged. “Looks like you’re better at hats.”
“Yep. You got that right. I really took to millinery.” Her laugh sounded pure, and he reckoned she truly hadn’t come back to make trouble. “I got a job making costumes for a Wild West reenactment group. When I’ve served my parole, I’ll be able to travel to historic places like Cody and Virginia City and Williams, Arizona.”
“I’m glad. I mean that.” And he did, but he wasn’t sure what else to say or what else to feel. The shock of seeing her had abated somewhat, and a sudden weariness clamped his shoulders. Let it be over and done, so he could go back to the wedding. Back to Ella.
Back to Mallie.
“Hoop, I’ve taken a room at the motel for the next few days. I won’t…I won’t be pestering your family today. I’ll make peace before I leave the area. And I, well, I’m not sure how to go about meeting…our daughter, but…”
“You don’t want to mess her up today.” He finished for her. “That is kind of you. Ella’s bound to be mixed up. We’ll work on a good time before you leave.”
His heart felt heavy, though. He didn’t want to deprive Ella of a relationship with whatever kind of mother Lynn might become, but he knew how charming his little girl was, how he ached to be with her. It wouldn’t take Lynn long to fall under Ella’s spell. And that meant visitation of some kind. And with Lynn eventually off to Cody and Virginia City and Arizona, where did that leave his happy home?
She claimed she didn’t want to get back together with him, but what if that was best for Ella’s sake?
She raised her face to the sun dappling through the branches. “You proposed to me right here.”
“Thanks for reminding me.” Hoop kept his voice clipped to keep emotion out of it. “Eight years ago next February.” He had to ask. The question had been bugging him for more than five years. “Did you ever love me?”
She turned to him like she was surprised, but her cheeks flushed. He wished he hadn’t asked. One thing he didn’t need more of was bad feelings about Lynn.
“Why, Hoop. Of course. And I loved this beautiful ranch. Your folks and all those brothers and sisters.” Her lips pursed like she wanted to say something else but weighed in on it first.
“Go on. I think the time of hurt feelings is long past, don’t you? I’ll start off by letting you know my feelings for you left when you did. I got some respect for your position as Ella’s mom, but God helped me latch onto that. And that’s it.”
She shrugged. “All right. It was just me and Mom in that little apartment in the Whittier district. I wanted somewhere nice to live. A family. I had student loans up to my ears, and I thought, looking at all this, that…”
Ah. He understood now. “That I was a rich rancher.” Heat of disillusion blasted him. Everybody at Hearts Crossing contributed. How could Lynn have missed that? Pa had made it clear long ago the ranch couldn’t sustain everybody. Everybody needed to make his or her mark. And after Pa’s death, the ranch prospered because of taking risks with new ventures such as the wagon train tours, the Woodside development, and Christy’s wedding site at Posy’s Grove.
Disgusted, he got to his feet and held a hand to help her up. She declined. “I’ll stay a bit longer. That’s my car up the bluff.” She pointed to a faraway smudge. “I’ll leave in a little while. But I’m serious, Hoop. I mean to make right.”
“I wish you well, then.” He did mean it. “You’re Ella’s mother, and for that reason, you’ll always be a part of Hearts Crossing. Part of me. The best thing I can say right now is, go with God.”
She nodded at him, eyes misting, and he gave her a little salute off an imaginary brim. Suddenly his head pumped cold. Maybe tonight after his prayers, he could dredge up the few happy memories they’d shared and forget the bitter ones once and for all.
As he trudged back to the wedding tent, he met up with Kenn and Christy wandering among the guests. The bride grabbed his hand right away. “We heard Lynn’s here. Don’t sweat her crashing the wedding.”
He chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry. She won’t be showing her face. But…” He sobered. His shock and anger had abated, and he recalled her much-more important words. “She’s here to ask everybody for forgiveness. She’s given her life over to the Lord.”
“Then there’s joy all around this day,” Kenn told him. “Now you better go get your girls.”
“My girls?”
Kenn pointed “Over there.”
And “over there” in a corner of the tent, he watched Mallie and Ella tossing butter mints into each other’s mouths, laughing like crazy, and his heart tumbled to the soles of his feet. And he felt it like stepping on a campfire even with the neuropathy.